First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Awesome stuff! Peace and love Blondie
Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
- Start date
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey Ezel, thanks man.
Firstly, and most importantly, I still feel I'm rebooting just like you and everyone else here, thus, I need to stop or decrease my orgasms as much as possible. And yes, even though my dick is mostly working, he's not at a hundred percent, especially to the sensations of touch, thus, I want to hurry up this process. I should have done this way back when I first started this reboot eight months ago, but whatever, it is what it is and it's kind of fun to experiment with it now! To clarify, there's definitely nothing wrong with getting off with my partner, and if I happened to accidentally , I would just laugh. However, I do want to try this for the challenge of it, and it is challenging!
Secondly, there is some benefit to not getting off all the time when you have sex, at least for me. There is a certain high I get from the experience of having sex with no orgasm that is hard to explain, but in some ways, it is even better than an orgasm, almost spiritual! As I'm writing this now I still feel some of its effects and it has been hours ago. For example, I feel slight shivers running down my arms and a lot "energy" around my dick and I feel it going up my back. What exactly this is I have no idea. I'm sure a doctor would give me some "scientific" reason, and a spiritual guru would say its my spiritual qi or something, but it matters not to me - It's just a great sensation and I like it. After I have an orgasm, I often feel tired and lethargic afterwards, but not after doing this.
Don't get my wrong, I love orgasms as much as the next dude, however, since I'm trying to reboot like everyone else here, it's nice to be in control of it for a while. Let's be honest, having the discipline to take control of this, especially when you're having sex, makes you feel like a king! (as you would say ). Further, if you can control this, well, you can control about anything else in your life. Personally, I can't think of anything harder to say no to!!
I hope that explains your question.
Stay strong man!
I absolutely agree with this, but the reason I'm doing this is twofold.
Firstly, and most importantly, I still feel I'm rebooting just like you and everyone else here, thus, I need to stop or decrease my orgasms as much as possible. And yes, even though my dick is mostly working, he's not at a hundred percent, especially to the sensations of touch, thus, I want to hurry up this process. I should have done this way back when I first started this reboot eight months ago, but whatever, it is what it is and it's kind of fun to experiment with it now! To clarify, there's definitely nothing wrong with getting off with my partner, and if I happened to accidentally , I would just laugh. However, I do want to try this for the challenge of it, and it is challenging!
Secondly, there is some benefit to not getting off all the time when you have sex, at least for me. There is a certain high I get from the experience of having sex with no orgasm that is hard to explain, but in some ways, it is even better than an orgasm, almost spiritual! As I'm writing this now I still feel some of its effects and it has been hours ago. For example, I feel slight shivers running down my arms and a lot "energy" around my dick and I feel it going up my back. What exactly this is I have no idea. I'm sure a doctor would give me some "scientific" reason, and a spiritual guru would say its my spiritual qi or something, but it matters not to me - It's just a great sensation and I like it. After I have an orgasm, I often feel tired and lethargic afterwards, but not after doing this.
Don't get my wrong, I love orgasms as much as the next dude, however, since I'm trying to reboot like everyone else here, it's nice to be in control of it for a while. Let's be honest, having the discipline to take control of this, especially when you're having sex, makes you feel like a king! (as you would say
). Further, if you can control this, well, you can control about anything else in your life. Personally, I can't think of anything harder to say no to!!I hope that explains your question.
Stay strong man!
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downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Great to see it going so well with the no-O! Almost two weeks now? Can imagine it’s challenging! How do you deal with blue balls, or is this not an issue?
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 250
Day 13 of no O
Thanks @Ezel and @downhillfromhere.
I don't think I've ever had that issue before, blue balls that is. I definitely can't "perform" like I would if I was planning on having an orgasm, but that's okay. It's more of a slow intimate style of sex. I believe it's called tantra sex, but I won't double check at this point in my reboot if you get my meaning, and I'd suggest you don't either.
It's actually really nice because it's the complete opposite of the shit you see in porn, which is mostly unrealistic if not outright misogynistic. But that's why it's nice because it's another way to get away from all the bullshit I've seen in porn over these years. Don't get me wrong, I like to go to town like the next fella, but doing this is a nice and healthy change of pace for a while. I believe Gabe Deem mentioned doing this as well in his reboot, though I might be wrong.
Have a great porn-free weekend everyone!
Day 13 of no O
Thanks @Ezel and @downhillfromhere.
I don't think I've ever had that issue before, blue balls that is. I definitely can't "perform" like I would if I was planning on having an orgasm, but that's okay. It's more of a slow intimate style of sex. I believe it's called tantra sex, but I won't double check at this point in my reboot if you get my meaning, and I'd suggest you don't either.
It's actually really nice because it's the complete opposite of the shit you see in porn, which is mostly unrealistic if not outright misogynistic. But that's why it's nice because it's another way to get away from all the bullshit I've seen in porn over these years. Don't get me wrong, I like to go to town like the next fella, but doing this is a nice and healthy change of pace for a while. I believe Gabe Deem mentioned doing this as well in his reboot, though I might be wrong.
Have a great porn-free weekend everyone!
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Hey, 250 days - nice, round number thereDay 250
Day 13 of no O
Thanks @Ezel and @downhillfromhere.
I don't think I've ever had that issue before, blue balls that is. I definitely can't "perform" like I would if I was planning on having an orgasm, but that's okay. It's more of a slow intimate style of sex. I believe it's called tantra sex, but I won't double check at this point in my reboot if you get my meaning, and I'd suggest you don't either.
It's actually really nice because it's the complete opposite of the shit you see in porn, which is mostly unrealistic if not outright misogynistic. But that's why it's nice because it's another way to get away from all the bullshit I've seen in porn over these years. Don't get me wrong, I like to go to town like the next fella, but doing this is a nice and healthy change of pace for a while. I believe Gabe Deem mentioned doing this as well in his reboot, though I might be wrong.
Have a great porn-free weekend everyone!
Sounds like a healthy thing to engage in, and it’s great that you’re not having any painful side effects. It must be additionally helpful for recovery, since it’s such a step away from porn like you say.
Keep at it!
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 251
Day 14 of no O
Thanks for that @downhillfromhere!
Nobody can save you but yourself and you’re worth saving. it’s a war not easily won but if anything is worth winning then this is it. - Charles Bukowski
Day 14 of no O
Thanks for that @downhillfromhere!
Nobody can save you but yourself and you’re worth saving. it’s a war not easily won but if anything is worth winning then this is it. - Charles Bukowski
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Great, man! You're done with porn.
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Give it 1+yr and it's probably ok to call it escape, but always be wary. It's kind of like heroin, you might have done it and escaped or never done it but that doesn't mean you never will. Like that you're keeping your guard up!I sure hope so Escape, but now's not the time to get cocky.
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Yeah, I also wonder at what point can I truly consider myself clean? 6 months? A year? Or are you "once an addict, (potentially) always an addict"?
Blondie
Respected Member
Yeah, that's a good question. I think once I get past by last streak of a year and half and then on to 2 years, I will say porn is past me. However, I think I will always have to be careful in certain situations, which is just fine by me.
I don't think of myself as an addict, I know it's just a word but it always seems to me to give the impression of helplessness and having no sense of agency in one's own life. Whereas I act to choose and have decided to put this shit behind me permanently and move on for the rest of my life.
I think of porn as just a bad habit, that a lot of us (most of us?) had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
I don't think of myself as an addict, I know it's just a word but it always seems to me to give the impression of helplessness and having no sense of agency in one's own life. Whereas I act to choose and have decided to put this shit behind me permanently and move on for the rest of my life.
I think of porn as just a bad habit, that a lot of us (most of us?) had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Love that. I never liked the word 'addict' either because of that connotation of helplessness and inescapability. Also it's a strange word to apply to many of us who didn't necessarily use P in that way -- ex. using P to masturbate 5 times a day. I myself was probably doing it 8-10x a week. This is not 'just a little' by any means but I think it means something different -- guys who only used P 4x a week for a decade are facing PIED for instance. Who have largely functional lives. Would you call that an addict? Maybe some do, maybe it's semantics but like Blondie, mentally the word 'addict' seems off and counter-productive.
Not disagreeing though that it can be characterized as an addiction (as it is something we crave, no doubt). Most / nearly all of us had 0 idea something like PIED was even a possibility -- only thing I thought sometimes was that I was really into certain fantasies and I'd need to find a girl that was into such fantasies at least part of the time (though now I know better in recognizing this as a problem). But never made the link to PIED or otherwise would have stayed away, or at least quit far, far sooner.
Perhaps for others the word 'addict' helps to recognize the root of the problem and then go from there. Different strokes I suppose
Blondie
Respected Member
Yeah I like that.
I think another thing that bothers me about the word "addict" too is that it allows us to put the blame onto it and not on ourselves. So if I screw up and look at porn again, I can say "Well.. I'm an addict" or "well, I have an addiction". I think we even do this with the science of dopamine and the rush it gives us. Now I'm not denying the power of dopamine and the strong effects it can have on our recovery, but still it's too easy to say "Well, my brain was thirsting for a dopamine hit so I just had to look man!" Therefore, giving up all agency in the matter and putting all the blame on some abstract scientific "monster" that can attack you at any moment of the night. As far as I'm concerned, the only monster there is is ourselves and our constant propensity to put our personal problems onto some external force that we have no control over.
Once again, I'm not making light of the shit storm we all go through with withdrawal symptoms, but I am pointing out the simple truth that we still have control and that is empowering to know.
Take it or leave it.
And @TryingHarder, just to be clear, I wasn't saying you were using the word "addict" like that. However, just seeing that word compelled me to write out all the thoughts flooding into my mind! Everyone here has their own approach and that's totally legit. I count my days, many people don't, no big deal.
I think another thing that bothers me about the word "addict" too is that it allows us to put the blame onto it and not on ourselves. So if I screw up and look at porn again, I can say "Well.. I'm an addict" or "well, I have an addiction". I think we even do this with the science of dopamine and the rush it gives us. Now I'm not denying the power of dopamine and the strong effects it can have on our recovery, but still it's too easy to say "Well, my brain was thirsting for a dopamine hit so I just had to look man!" Therefore, giving up all agency in the matter and putting all the blame on some abstract scientific "monster" that can attack you at any moment of the night. As far as I'm concerned, the only monster there is is ourselves and our constant propensity to put our personal problems onto some external force that we have no control over.
Once again, I'm not making light of the shit storm we all go through with withdrawal symptoms, but I am pointing out the simple truth that we still have control and that is empowering to know.
Take it or leave it.
And @TryingHarder, just to be clear, I wasn't saying you were using the word "addict" like that. However, just seeing that word compelled me to write out all the thoughts flooding into my mind!
Everyone here has their own approach and that's totally legit. I count my days, many people don't, no big deal.
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TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Thanks for your comments. I agree that use of the word "addict" or "addiction" will hit people in different ways. For instance, I grew up with an alcoholic father. Nobody but me in the family uses that word; I need to call 'em like I see 'em. Likewise, if I tell myself I had a "problem" with porn or it was a "habit" I feel that those words aren't strong enough to describe the terrible, life-sucking experience I had.
I guess I also don't see myself as an addict (agree that the word implies someone who is helpless) but certainly I had (and maybe still have) an addiction, so that is my personal bucket of cold water in the face.
I guess I also don't see myself as an addict (agree that the word implies someone who is helpless) but certainly I had (and maybe still have) an addiction, so that is my personal bucket of cold water in the face.
particularly_respecting
Active Member
Amazing progress hitting the big 250 days and beyond Blondie and continuing to inspire the community! 
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 253
Day 16 of no O
Thanks guys, I appreciate it!
I'm feeling down today, and I didn't get much sleep last night either. It's been this way for a week now, I do sleep, but it's not great, and it's starting to catch up with me. I don't know if it has anything to do with withdrawals from porn, but I can't think of anything else it would be.
Who knows, maybe I'm not sleeping because I haven't had any caffeine?
Probably not... all I know is...
Stay away from porn everyone, stay far far away. Go talk to your spouse, have fun with your partner, or make yourself talk to that pretty girl across the way, but whatever you do, choose reality over fantasy.
#Fuckporn
Day 16 of no O
Thanks guys, I appreciate it!
I'm feeling down today, and I didn't get much sleep last night either. It's been this way for a week now, I do sleep, but it's not great, and it's starting to catch up with me. I don't know if it has anything to do with withdrawals from porn, but I can't think of anything else it would be.
Who knows, maybe I'm not sleeping because I haven't had any caffeine?
Probably not... all I know is...
Stay away from porn everyone, stay far far away. Go talk to your spouse, have fun with your partner, or make yourself talk to that pretty girl across the way, but whatever you do, choose reality over fantasy.
#Fuckporn