Finally, I'm doing this…
- Thread starter Ezel
- Start date
Ezel
Respected Member
Day 1 (no po, no mo), monk mode.
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
When I was 13, I was a very popular guy. A lot of girls liked me and I had nice
friends, almost no problems with schoolwork, and high grades. I never had much
depression, regret, fear or sorrows. Girls seemed to me nice, beautiful, and
attractive, but not to be feared.
The following year I began to masturbate a lot. Now, girls seemed arrogant; I was
fearful of them. Schoolwork became hard, and I barely passed over to the next
grade. I liked less to hang out with friends. What could I do with them? I preferred
girls, but now they were so hard to get... I experienced many problems and
sorrows as well. One girl began bullying me. For the first time I suicide came up
as a passing thought. How weird, considering life was so blissful the previous
year.
I decided to do a lot of sports to get my confidence back. It helped a little,
because if you work yourself ―to death‖ in sports, you can relax somewhat
afterwards. I began looking on the Internet how to pick up a girl. Some "girl pick
up" site said you needed to restrain yourself sexually to make some hormones,
which could help your quest. I did it. It helped, a lot. I fell madly in love with a girl
and I remember lying in the grass in the sun (after 3 weeks of sexual abstention),
kissing in the sun and being MADLY in love, etcetera.
However, afterwards I began masturbating because I had boring homework and
didn‘t want to think about my girlfriend all the time. My ‗love‘ disappeared. The
next time I met with her it was boring. Kissing was boring as well. No bliss, no
love. Only a little lust. No deep conversations. No warmth. I could not ‗feel‘ into
her.
I wanted to have her eagerly sex me, because I became such an unfeeling, yet
needy, person. In fact, when she had a car accident, I couldn‘t even feel sorry for
her or provide a deep connection.
I began experimenting. It seemed that some sexual restraint was necessary to
feel love for a girl. I tried to explain it to her to save my relationship, but it was too
late. LOVE is what everyone wants and a degree of restraint is what gives you
access to LOVE. However, it is hard for people to hear this. They look on the
web and read that sex doesn‘t hurt you at all, and is actually good for you. (The
more the better.) This is what confused me as well until I made my own
experiments.
Can‘t experts do some kind of experiment with couples and see if their love life
improves when they exercise restraint? Or measure memory or sport
performance of people who abstain for a bit? Or IQ? Or attraction for the
opposite sex?
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
When I was 13, I was a very popular guy. A lot of girls liked me and I had nice
friends, almost no problems with schoolwork, and high grades. I never had much
depression, regret, fear or sorrows. Girls seemed to me nice, beautiful, and
attractive, but not to be feared.
The following year I began to masturbate a lot. Now, girls seemed arrogant; I was
fearful of them. Schoolwork became hard, and I barely passed over to the next
grade. I liked less to hang out with friends. What could I do with them? I preferred
girls, but now they were so hard to get... I experienced many problems and
sorrows as well. One girl began bullying me. For the first time I suicide came up
as a passing thought. How weird, considering life was so blissful the previous
year.
I decided to do a lot of sports to get my confidence back. It helped a little,
because if you work yourself ―to death‖ in sports, you can relax somewhat
afterwards. I began looking on the Internet how to pick up a girl. Some "girl pick
up" site said you needed to restrain yourself sexually to make some hormones,
which could help your quest. I did it. It helped, a lot. I fell madly in love with a girl
and I remember lying in the grass in the sun (after 3 weeks of sexual abstention),
kissing in the sun and being MADLY in love, etcetera.
However, afterwards I began masturbating because I had boring homework and
didn‘t want to think about my girlfriend all the time. My ‗love‘ disappeared. The
next time I met with her it was boring. Kissing was boring as well. No bliss, no
love. Only a little lust. No deep conversations. No warmth. I could not ‗feel‘ into
her.
I wanted to have her eagerly sex me, because I became such an unfeeling, yet
needy, person. In fact, when she had a car accident, I couldn‘t even feel sorry for
her or provide a deep connection.
I began experimenting. It seemed that some sexual restraint was necessary to
feel love for a girl. I tried to explain it to her to save my relationship, but it was too
late. LOVE is what everyone wants and a degree of restraint is what gives you
access to LOVE. However, it is hard for people to hear this. They look on the
web and read that sex doesn‘t hurt you at all, and is actually good for you. (The
more the better.) This is what confused me as well until I made my own
experiments.
Can‘t experts do some kind of experiment with couples and see if their love life
improves when they exercise restraint? Or measure memory or sport
performance of people who abstain for a bit? Or IQ? Or attraction for the
opposite sex?
As mammals, I think we evolved to try to "exhaust" our sexual desire as a way to manage it.
Satiety, that feeling of "I'm done and not interested in more just now" (unless, of course, a novel partner shows up) is fine if you're a promiscuous species. A cow doesn't mind if the bull moves on to mate with her neighbor.
But in pair bonders like humans, these feelings of satiety make us feel indifferent/annoyed/bored and our partners feel unloved...at least while our libido is recovering. Doubts about whether we're still in love enter into our minds, which can increase neediness in the other partner, who senses something is "off." Intimacy and trust erode.
Alas, intimacy and trust (and physical affection) are the most valuable elements of relationships. So, we're doomed to unhappy stagnation or serial unions...unless we can find a way to "hack" our biology by avoiding satiety to the extent we can, while still engaging in regular affectionate, preferably skin-to-skin contact.
Satiety, that feeling of "I'm done and not interested in more just now" (unless, of course, a novel partner shows up) is fine if you're a promiscuous species. A cow doesn't mind if the bull moves on to mate with her neighbor.
But in pair bonders like humans, these feelings of satiety make us feel indifferent/annoyed/bored and our partners feel unloved...at least while our libido is recovering. Doubts about whether we're still in love enter into our minds, which can increase neediness in the other partner, who senses something is "off." Intimacy and trust erode.
Alas, intimacy and trust (and physical affection) are the most valuable elements of relationships. So, we're doomed to unhappy stagnation or serial unions...unless we can find a way to "hack" our biology by avoiding satiety to the extent we can, while still engaging in regular affectionate, preferably skin-to-skin contact.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
How's it going today, man?
Ezel
Respected Member
I keep on relapsing man, my brain is going places and telling me things that would never cross My mind before, Like getting an OF subscription.
I Would come home from work stressed out. And go on a session to sleep.
i feel so stupid falling for the oldest trick in the book. It's like I never learned anything from this journey.
I Would come home from work stressed out. And go on a session to sleep.
i feel so stupid falling for the oldest trick in the book. It's like I never learned anything from this journey.
Blondie
Respected Member
Sorry to hear this @Ezel. That's the danger of getting back into it again, your brain will need "more" to feel good, and what you use to do, will not be enough. And as far as getting an OF subscription, just remember that it's probably some guy in some far off country you'll be texting to and messaging with, those ladies don't have time for their fans, it's all an illusion, even the so called intimate part. Nothing but a road of emptiness.
Don't feel stupid, it is what it is. Is there any extreme measures you can take at the moment until you get back on track? Like joining a porn anonymous group online or in person?
Best brother
Don't feel stupid, it is what it is. Is there any extreme measures you can take at the moment until you get back on track? Like joining a porn anonymous group online or in person?
Best brother
Last edited:
Ezel
Respected Member
Thanks Blondie for the kind words. Well I'm thinking about taking a two weeks vacation with the family to go to the country side.
Without taking any electronics with me (no phone, no laptop) aka a digital detox and also on top of that since there are no distractions I'm going to take care of my fitness (I love running a lot especially there because there are a lot of valleys and mountains..).
But this plan probably will come true late this month or the next one. Until then I have to see what I can do...
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Keep your head up, man. You're not stupid at all. You've had tremendous success in this journey in the past and you can do that again. One day at a time. You've got this, man.
Ezel
Respected Member
Thanks freedom I appreciate you so much man. Stay blessed.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
You too, man.
If you want to try an online 12-step group, these have both been recommended by other recovering addicts:
http://spaa-recovery.org/
www.pornaddictsanonymous.org.
Might be worth a try. No point in putting off till tomorrow what you can begin today. Withdrawal can be rough and you may enjoy your time away more if you are already through the worst of it.
Also check out the easypeasy option, just in case it works for you.
Good luck! We have faith in you.
http://spaa-recovery.org/
www.pornaddictsanonymous.org.
Might be worth a try. No point in putting off till tomorrow what you can begin today. Withdrawal can be rough and you may enjoy your time away more if you are already through the worst of it.
Also check out the easypeasy option, just in case it works for you.
Good luck! We have faith in you.
Skittelz
Active Member
Good to see you back my dude. I was starting to worry a lil bit!
Ezel
Respected Member
thanks skittelz. i appreciate it man.
Ezel
Respected Member
day 2.
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
This addiction, all of it, the withdrawals, the weird emotional stuff, is losing
its power. I feel like I‘m unclogging a drain. I‘m pulling out one hair, but it‘s
pulling everything connected with it out as well. I wish I had known this one
hair was the culprit to all my mental maladies years ago! I am feeling myself
get better too.
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
This addiction, all of it, the withdrawals, the weird emotional stuff, is losing
its power. I feel like I‘m unclogging a drain. I‘m pulling out one hair, but it‘s
pulling everything connected with it out as well. I wish I had known this one
hair was the culprit to all my mental maladies years ago! I am feeling myself
get better too.
Ezel
Respected Member
day 3.
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
I have been spending way more time with real women, introducing myself to
women, having conversations, and some romantic encounters that required
being very close, and lots of physical touch. The better I am at interacting with
women, the more I want to do it. The next day I get these nice feelings of inner
calm. Which is so different from porn. At one point I could watch porn for hours.
Now, my body and mind have adapted to being around real girls. I‘m not aroused
by a 2-D substitute anymore. It's just not interesting - all body parts and
anonymous people. Even when I wanted to be aroused by it!
Looking into someone's eyes, hearing their voice say your name, feeling their
hands on you, seeing the curves of their body in real life, that is amazingly
different than porn. It just FEELS better to be around real girls. I would suggest to
guys who are watching lots of porn and who don't have partners, to just get out
and at least BE around women. Being around people in general, and women
especially, will take care of some of these addictive tendencies. We're supposed
to be with others. That's why it feels so good and the more you do it, the more
you want to do it.
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
I have been spending way more time with real women, introducing myself to
women, having conversations, and some romantic encounters that required
being very close, and lots of physical touch. The better I am at interacting with
women, the more I want to do it. The next day I get these nice feelings of inner
calm. Which is so different from porn. At one point I could watch porn for hours.
Now, my body and mind have adapted to being around real girls. I‘m not aroused
by a 2-D substitute anymore. It's just not interesting - all body parts and
anonymous people. Even when I wanted to be aroused by it!
Looking into someone's eyes, hearing their voice say your name, feeling their
hands on you, seeing the curves of their body in real life, that is amazingly
different than porn. It just FEELS better to be around real girls. I would suggest to
guys who are watching lots of porn and who don't have partners, to just get out
and at least BE around women. Being around people in general, and women
especially, will take care of some of these addictive tendencies. We're supposed
to be with others. That's why it feels so good and the more you do it, the more
you want to do it.
Ezel
Respected Member
day 4.
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
The first 18 days starting approaching horrible at about day 6. I realized I
hadn‘t gone past 3 days without masturbating in 7 years. Physical
discomfort, a little bit of sweating in bed, killer insomnia. I started feeling
like I was strung out all over again! It was that powerful. By the start of the
third week it became tolerable.
Sometime in the second week I noticed perception changes. I discovered
Internet porn at 16 or so. At first anything got me off, but over time my
tastes starting getting more specific to the point of forming fetishes. I
assumed that this was somehow a natural effect of getting older, not linking
it to the porn. Without my noticing, it obviously seeped over into my views
of flesh and blood women and what turned me on. I couldn‘t have believed it
until this recent experiment. In the second week I began to notice women‘s
faces and voices more. A LOT MORE.
After even more time (4th week?) I began to that "feeling" back in my
throat. You know that feeling? It‘s that feeling I used to get as a 14-year old
when I'd think of the girl I loved, or when Id get close to a woman I desired.
That feeling when you touch a woman‘s skin for the first time? Touch it
with intent? That feeling was so powerful as a teen it almost made me throw
up once LOL. That feeling almost made living worthwhile. And the funny
thing is.... (something I still don‘t understand) is that that feeling in itself
isn‘t always a purely erotic sensation. I didn‘t have to have skin contact to
get it. Just the thought of the person you love in a non-sexual way produced
a similar sensation. It‘s the same feeling that follows the one in your chest.
I thought that was gone... Dead and gone. In fact I haven‘t experienced a
glimmer like that for 3 years, since I turned 17. And that was just a glimmer.
It sickens me to think that my addictive behaviour has interfered with one of
the few things I've held dear: My ability to love.
I also noticed a wee jump in my energy and ability to focus. I questioned it
at first expecting it to go away, but it didn‘t. It‘s easier to sleep when I don‘t
view porn.
Another thing I noticed was a small emotional "freeing". Being able to feel
that throat and chest sensation (even though it‘s not as strong as I remember)
put some of my emotions in line. I very much regret, and mourn, a past
romance and I‘ve been confused for years as to why I haven‘t been able to
"feel" it right. Im still lost for the most part, but this was a very relevant
piece of the puzzle. The link between the emotion and sensation is
fascinating... a gift to experience again, even in a weak dose.
Unsurprisingly, my horniness level is through the ceiling. After 40 days or
so though, it came under a bit more control, and it only happens if there‘s an
environmental trigger, or I initiate it. It no longer takes my past fetishes to
get me excited. (Less then 2 months... wow!) A certain glance, a giggle is all
I need.
My empathy seems to slowly climb. In the last month, I'm a little disturbed
or ashamed of my rape-porn fetish. The dehumanizing aspects of this... and
the taking of pleasure at someone else‘s (simulated) pain, humiliation,
vulnerability/exposure have been getting to me a bit. And frankly that hasn‘t
happened at all until now. Not once, even for a moment, in 7 years.
I was told empathy was my strong suit as a teen (before fetish porn, before
drugs)... It can be difficult to look in the mirror and see someone worthy of
love at times (edit: all the time). Like I said earlier, I‘m getting that "I want
to make you happy" feeling, and it‘s not mixing well with these "tastes" I‘ve
built up. It‘s shining a light on them it would seem
When I was younger the pleasure I got from my relationships was greatly
centered around the pleasure I gave. Making her feel special/fulfilled made
me happy. That faded, and I assumed it was age or bitterness (not saying it
partially isn‘t). It‘s like rediscovering the potential to love... you remember
when you loved somebody so much that you would do something to make
them happy even if you didn‘t get rewarded? Not even a smile or two
minutes in their presence...yah that feeling...
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
The first 18 days starting approaching horrible at about day 6. I realized I
hadn‘t gone past 3 days without masturbating in 7 years. Physical
discomfort, a little bit of sweating in bed, killer insomnia. I started feeling
like I was strung out all over again! It was that powerful. By the start of the
third week it became tolerable.
Sometime in the second week I noticed perception changes. I discovered
Internet porn at 16 or so. At first anything got me off, but over time my
tastes starting getting more specific to the point of forming fetishes. I
assumed that this was somehow a natural effect of getting older, not linking
it to the porn. Without my noticing, it obviously seeped over into my views
of flesh and blood women and what turned me on. I couldn‘t have believed it
until this recent experiment. In the second week I began to notice women‘s
faces and voices more. A LOT MORE.
After even more time (4th week?) I began to that "feeling" back in my
throat. You know that feeling? It‘s that feeling I used to get as a 14-year old
when I'd think of the girl I loved, or when Id get close to a woman I desired.
That feeling when you touch a woman‘s skin for the first time? Touch it
with intent? That feeling was so powerful as a teen it almost made me throw
up once LOL. That feeling almost made living worthwhile. And the funny
thing is.... (something I still don‘t understand) is that that feeling in itself
isn‘t always a purely erotic sensation. I didn‘t have to have skin contact to
get it. Just the thought of the person you love in a non-sexual way produced
a similar sensation. It‘s the same feeling that follows the one in your chest.
I thought that was gone... Dead and gone. In fact I haven‘t experienced a
glimmer like that for 3 years, since I turned 17. And that was just a glimmer.
It sickens me to think that my addictive behaviour has interfered with one of
the few things I've held dear: My ability to love.
I also noticed a wee jump in my energy and ability to focus. I questioned it
at first expecting it to go away, but it didn‘t. It‘s easier to sleep when I don‘t
view porn.
Another thing I noticed was a small emotional "freeing". Being able to feel
that throat and chest sensation (even though it‘s not as strong as I remember)
put some of my emotions in line. I very much regret, and mourn, a past
romance and I‘ve been confused for years as to why I haven‘t been able to
"feel" it right. Im still lost for the most part, but this was a very relevant
piece of the puzzle. The link between the emotion and sensation is
fascinating... a gift to experience again, even in a weak dose.
Unsurprisingly, my horniness level is through the ceiling. After 40 days or
so though, it came under a bit more control, and it only happens if there‘s an
environmental trigger, or I initiate it. It no longer takes my past fetishes to
get me excited. (Less then 2 months... wow!) A certain glance, a giggle is all
I need.
My empathy seems to slowly climb. In the last month, I'm a little disturbed
or ashamed of my rape-porn fetish. The dehumanizing aspects of this... and
the taking of pleasure at someone else‘s (simulated) pain, humiliation,
vulnerability/exposure have been getting to me a bit. And frankly that hasn‘t
happened at all until now. Not once, even for a moment, in 7 years.
I was told empathy was my strong suit as a teen (before fetish porn, before
drugs)... It can be difficult to look in the mirror and see someone worthy of
love at times (edit: all the time). Like I said earlier, I‘m getting that "I want
to make you happy" feeling, and it‘s not mixing well with these "tastes" I‘ve
built up. It‘s shining a light on them it would seem
When I was younger the pleasure I got from my relationships was greatly
centered around the pleasure I gave. Making her feel special/fulfilled made
me happy. That faded, and I assumed it was age or bitterness (not saying it
partially isn‘t). It‘s like rediscovering the potential to love... you remember
when you loved somebody so much that you would do something to make
them happy even if you didn‘t get rewarded? Not even a smile or two
minutes in their presence...yah that feeling...
Ezel
Respected Member
day 1.
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
I was masturbating too much to relieve stress rather than from actual sex drive. I
am trying to work on stress relief that has longer lasting impact (better eating,
exercise, better relationship). It is too easy for me to rely on masturbation as a
coping habit rather than more healthy methods. I was using masturbation to
sleep and my wife misinterpreted this as a passive aggressive attempt to guilt her
into sex. I also noticed that although I would fall asleep easily, my sleep was
disordered and I woke up frequently. I have a lot of stress in my life, which is
getting better with better habits.
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
I was masturbating too much to relieve stress rather than from actual sex drive. I
am trying to work on stress relief that has longer lasting impact (better eating,
exercise, better relationship). It is too easy for me to rely on masturbation as a
coping habit rather than more healthy methods. I was using masturbation to
sleep and my wife misinterpreted this as a passive aggressive attempt to guilt her
into sex. I also noticed that although I would fall asleep easily, my sleep was
disordered and I woke up frequently. I have a lot of stress in my life, which is
getting better with better habits.
Ezel
Respected Member
day 2.
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
When I was growing up Playboy was porn, but the ―new thinking‖ about
masturbation was very much in vogue. It made my escalating
porn/masturbation addiction seem ―normal‖ to me for years. I can‘t imagine
the long-term effects on society brewing in the generations behind me. What
if Internet porn had been available to me when I was fourteen? I shudder to
think of the consequences of being exposed to such things when your
sexuality is developing. Ugh. I, at least, formed healthy crushes during my
teen years and experienced romance. I don‘t think I would have had those
experiences if I had had easy access to Internet porn. It‘s a few months since
I quit masturbating, and I am just getting back in touch with those romantic
feelings I had as a young man. But what if I had never had them to begin
with? That is what makes me feel bad for younger people facing this
problem.
Here’s a sampling of the comments of heavy porn users about life without
Internet porn. Some have been sharing their progress for months.
When I was growing up Playboy was porn, but the ―new thinking‖ about
masturbation was very much in vogue. It made my escalating
porn/masturbation addiction seem ―normal‖ to me for years. I can‘t imagine
the long-term effects on society brewing in the generations behind me. What
if Internet porn had been available to me when I was fourteen? I shudder to
think of the consequences of being exposed to such things when your
sexuality is developing. Ugh. I, at least, formed healthy crushes during my
teen years and experienced romance. I don‘t think I would have had those
experiences if I had had easy access to Internet porn. It‘s a few months since
I quit masturbating, and I am just getting back in touch with those romantic
feelings I had as a young man. But what if I had never had them to begin
with? That is what makes me feel bad for younger people facing this
problem.