It ends here.
- Thread starter downhillfromhere
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downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Happy new year to everyone!
I’m a little over a month in now, and feeling great about it! Have been away from the girl I’m seeing for almost two weeks, and noticing noticing small urges appear here and there. Like an easy way out, a quick gratification, a way to ease the longing. I’m saying no to it, because I know what I’m waiting for is infinitely better than anything I can see on a screen. In fact, succumbing to those urges will sabotage my happiness in the future. I’m entering a relationship that I’m getting more and more excited about every day. Will be aiming for a porn free 2023!
I’m a little over a month in now, and feeling great about it! Have been away from the girl I’m seeing for almost two weeks, and noticing noticing small urges appear here and there. Like an easy way out, a quick gratification, a way to ease the longing. I’m saying no to it, because I know what I’m waiting for is infinitely better than anything I can see on a screen. In fact, succumbing to those urges will sabotage my happiness in the future. I’m entering a relationship that I’m getting more and more excited about every day. Will be aiming for a porn free 2023!
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Passed 40 days, and still going! Back to regular contact with the girl I’m seeing, urges have disappeared again.
Beautiful1973
Active Member
Hey @downhillfromhere I was wondering how you were getting on after the Ketamine Therapy and if you'd had any follow up treatments? I saw on another journal a young guy who's just starting a course of it, and it made me think of you!!!
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Hey @Beautiful1973, thanks for checking in!
I’ve been doing good, the first couple of weeks after treatment my mood was incredibly good, and I was able to make some changes to my life, I could definitely notice the treatment having a positive effect. I’m considering going back for more treatments, but it’s so expensive I have to think about it.
The most pronounced changes to mood and energy kind of disappeared after a while, but it’s expected not to feel over the moon constantly. Things go up and down like everything else, the most import lesson for me was to accept the bad days for what they are and not blame myself for anything that might go wrong.
Just curious, is there a specific journal here you are referring to? Might be interested to read.
I’ve been doing good, the first couple of weeks after treatment my mood was incredibly good, and I was able to make some changes to my life, I could definitely notice the treatment having a positive effect. I’m considering going back for more treatments, but it’s so expensive I have to think about it.
The most pronounced changes to mood and energy kind of disappeared after a while, but it’s expected not to feel over the moon constantly. Things go up and down like everything else, the most import lesson for me was to accept the bad days for what they are and not blame myself for anything that might go wrong.
Just curious, is there a specific journal here you are referring to? Might be interested to read.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Oh, and I’m still going. About 50 days now!
Beautiful1973
Active Member
So pleased your doing well
Here’s the journal I saw:
forum.rebootnation.org
Here’s the journal I saw:
Psychedelic route for Reboot
Hello everyone, I been reading a lot about the benefits of psychedelics specially with addiction. I am considering using this as a tool and not recreational. I never thought of coming this point but it’s something I’m constantly considering. I have definitely looked a one specific psychedelic...
forum.rebootnation.org
Blondie
Respected Member
How you doing @downhillfromhere? It's been a while.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thanks man, for checking in! I've been doing okay, but it could be better. The last months I got involved with a girl I was dating and keeping busy with that, but at some point I realised it's not going to work out. Meanwhile I've been slipping up and looking at mostly substitutes for porn now and then, but it didn't become a problem until recently. At some point I lost control and started consciously doing things I didn't feel like doing, and that's not a good feeling at all.
One thing I'm unsure of is if I've been looking at substitutes because the relationship is not working out, or if the relationship is not working out because I have been looking. It's causing me a bit of stress, and I'm worried I will make a mistake. I talked to her about what I'm feeling, and we're still seeing each other now and then, for now while we figure things out.
In any case, I came to the conclusion I need to be better at writing out my thoughts here and start counting days again. I don't want to live my life like this, I know that there is so much to be gained from taking control of this part of my life.
So, it's day 0!
One thing I'm unsure of is if I've been looking at substitutes because the relationship is not working out, or if the relationship is not working out because I have been looking. It's causing me a bit of stress, and I'm worried I will make a mistake. I talked to her about what I'm feeling, and we're still seeing each other now and then, for now while we figure things out.
In any case, I came to the conclusion I need to be better at writing out my thoughts here and start counting days again. I don't want to live my life like this, I know that there is so much to be gained from taking control of this part of my life.
So, it's day 0!
Blondie
Respected Member
Sorry to hear that it's not going to work out. I know the feeling. Do you think you're just putting off the inevitable and those feelings and anxiety are causing you to slip? Or as you said, you're not real sure what's the cause. I know porn doesn't help these situations for obvious reasons, but what does your intuition say? I know for myself, I've always had an extremely hard time getting out of relationships, even when I knew it was over.
Either way, I'm glad to see you back.
You got this @downhillfromhere.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thanks for your words! I know I have difficulties admitting to myself and to the person I'm with that I'm not interested anymore. I think I tend to focus too much on what the other person is going through, and end up staying in a situation I don't want to be in just to not "cause trouble". And I guess I'm afraid of making a wrong decision and regretting it later. But it ends up with me holding back and becoming emotionally unavailable, basically just drawing out the process and making it more difficult for both of us.
We actually talked quite a bit about it and broke up last weekend, but I guess we both missed each other so we agreed to keep meeting - and just hang out with no strings attached. I don't know if it's a good idea, but I'm still grateful we're getting along after all that.
Honestly my gut feeling tells me that I'm looking for something else, and you might be right - maybe I'm looking for a way to distract myself or seek comfort, and it's ended up with using substitutes and even porn again. I've even consciously looked at that stuff before meeting her to get aroused, so that it would be "easier" to feel attraction and perform during sex. But it can't go on like that - I have to be able to trust what I'm feeling, and to do that I need to have control over this addiction.
Good to be back! Thanks.
We actually talked quite a bit about it and broke up last weekend, but I guess we both missed each other so we agreed to keep meeting - and just hang out with no strings attached. I don't know if it's a good idea, but I'm still grateful we're getting along after all that.
Honestly my gut feeling tells me that I'm looking for something else, and you might be right - maybe I'm looking for a way to distract myself or seek comfort, and it's ended up with using substitutes and even porn again. I've even consciously looked at that stuff before meeting her to get aroused, so that it would be "easier" to feel attraction and perform during sex. But it can't go on like that - I have to be able to trust what I'm feeling, and to do that I need to have control over this addiction.
Good to be back! Thanks.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Day 2
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Day 6
Blondie
Respected Member
Looking good @downhillfromhere.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thank you Blondie!
One week now! Feels good to be back on track.
One week now! Feels good to be back on track.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
I need to write a bit about things that have happened lately, this will just be like a personal diary in a way - but it helps just telling someone. I don't really have anyone I can speak to about these things.
I'm no longer seeing that girl I was talking about earlier. A couple of weeks ago we had a conversation about me not really feeling it anymore, but we kept seeing each other now and then until this weekend. We had a few great days hiking, cooking together, watching movies, talking and sleeping together. I didn't really feel any different, I felt indifferent to her in a way. So this weekend she brought it up, she was noticing that I wasn't engaged in a romantic way and I think she was annoyed that I was avoiding the subject. I tend to avoid confrontations and conflict, and I guess I was happy just to have her around and just being like friends.
After saying goodbye I feel different. I think I have been taking her for granted, because looking back now I see how happy I've been with her. I haven't been feeling down or overly anxious or depressed. She made me feel good about myself and I could just be myself with her. We talked effortlessly and we had a real connection. I was so happy to have someone to really talk to.
I don't know if I have problems with attachment or commitment. If I just need to learn to be grateful for what is here in the moment. Am I just remembering all the good things now, and forgetting about the things that might not have worked so well? I don't know. I just miss her so much, and I have a gnawing feeling in my stomach like I made a huge mistake. It's like all meaning and enjoyment just vanished with her. Food doesn't taste as good, and nothing really feels worth doing now.
We ended in a good tone, still with care for each other and an agreement that we maybe could see how things were in the future. That helps a bit, I think. So I guess all that's left for me to do is to keep going for here and try to take care of myself. Need to stay active and try to reach out to people. No binge eating junk food or candy to feel better. No watching porn to feel better.
I'm no longer seeing that girl I was talking about earlier. A couple of weeks ago we had a conversation about me not really feeling it anymore, but we kept seeing each other now and then until this weekend. We had a few great days hiking, cooking together, watching movies, talking and sleeping together. I didn't really feel any different, I felt indifferent to her in a way. So this weekend she brought it up, she was noticing that I wasn't engaged in a romantic way and I think she was annoyed that I was avoiding the subject. I tend to avoid confrontations and conflict, and I guess I was happy just to have her around and just being like friends.
After saying goodbye I feel different. I think I have been taking her for granted, because looking back now I see how happy I've been with her. I haven't been feeling down or overly anxious or depressed. She made me feel good about myself and I could just be myself with her. We talked effortlessly and we had a real connection. I was so happy to have someone to really talk to.
I don't know if I have problems with attachment or commitment. If I just need to learn to be grateful for what is here in the moment. Am I just remembering all the good things now, and forgetting about the things that might not have worked so well? I don't know. I just miss her so much, and I have a gnawing feeling in my stomach like I made a huge mistake. It's like all meaning and enjoyment just vanished with her. Food doesn't taste as good, and nothing really feels worth doing now.
We ended in a good tone, still with care for each other and an agreement that we maybe could see how things were in the future. That helps a bit, I think. So I guess all that's left for me to do is to keep going for here and try to take care of myself. Need to stay active and try to reach out to people. No binge eating junk food or candy to feel better. No watching porn to feel better.