Well... I still have reason to be optimistic in the face of this relapse.
For starters, it wasn't any of the usual suspects that sank me. I didn't look at any P, I didn't do the shower thing, this wasn't even at bed time. This was just intense middle-of-the-day libido activity. Granted, I don't intend to whitewash what I did, I still chose poorly and stumbled.
But on the bright side, it was another one-and-done slip-up. I still felt tempted throughout the day, but I found ways to keep busy. Reminded myself that, after however-many-thousand MO's, number ten-thousand-and-one is a little unlikely to be the last. Better to stop now.
And on top of that, I managed to keep myself from relapsing twice even after a pretty embarrassing kitchen failure. Long story short, I wasted money and time trying to make red beans and rice and screwing it all up. But I learned what to do and not to do in the future! And, in spite of having every urge to drown my disappointment in another PMO session, I just... didn't.
I'm still messing up, but not as badly as I could be. I realized today that a good picture of what I'm going through is like trying to patch up holes in a leaky pipe. You tape up one hole, and the water pressure inside makes the other holes leak a bit harder. The more I block off my access points to PMO, the more my carnal nature will pressure every possible chink in my armor.
Which leaves the last question... what will I do the next time something like this comes up? Honestly, one thing I haven't done in a while is look at the other threads on the forum
. Seeing other guys talk about their horror stories with this demon gives me good motivation to stay motivated, if that makes any sense. Sometimes I forget how many good reasons there are to fight against this thing to the last; that's when I'm in trouble.
Anyway, if you've read this far, hope you're having a good day, amigo. Stay strong. Vaya con Dios.