Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

Well-Known Member
I am in a writing mood.

Picking up on a @SimonM comment on @Beautiful1973 ’s recent post. You have to do this giving up porn thing for yourself. You may start by doing it because someone (like a partner) found you out, or you were given an ultimatum, or sim_ly there was some external pressure. That could be simply stumbling across this site or the NoFap guys. Then it seems like it’s a challenge. But it’s serious shit.

It has taken me 250 days to work out that it’s serious shit - we’ll I worked it out a month or two ago, but you get my point. It’s got to be about you. There are so many sages on here, I can’t compete with them. I used to read round this subject but I don’t anymore, I just read stuff on here.

My point is this: I have been wanking for 45 years. Let’s just leave porn out of it for a second. I can recall the utter astonishment when cum first came form from my penis. Then I learned how much fun it was. Then off you go. Stole a porn mag off Andrew Isles at school, then found one in a park. Now wanking every single day and multiple times. I think my record was 10 when I was 17. To call it just a habit would underplay it. Obsession is closer but still doesn’t seem to say it quite right. Loads of you are nodding, right? So…..fast forward several years and you wank less because now you have sex, and you have a job, and also although it’s less necessary to do it multiple times a day it’s still free and legal. So we keep doing it.

So wanking is a habit. Sometimes it’s porn mags, sometimes it’s remembering and fantasising, and sometimes it’s just good old knock one out because the rush is worth it. Fast forward more years. Still a habit but now daily uses up your cum which you’re saving for the weekend so we do it less….but we still love it. It;s still free. Unless we’re having once a week (or more) we’d, basically we keep doing it our whole lives. Then you have to stop. WHAT? You’re fucking kidding me. WWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTT? Fuck off. I love it. It’s been my pal since I can remember the first dribbles of white cum leaking gently from atop my penis. This is crazy stuff.

But you’ll feel different and your wife will be happier and your brain will be mended and….errr…..well, you probably should have worked this out before, but wanking is not actually what you’re meant to do. Occasionally maybe but not like it’s your favourite thing. Really….you’re telling me this now and I’m 60. Thanks inner soul, you could have given me a heads up 25 years ago. We’ll you should have noticed yourself, you total prick.

So…I feel like I am quite a twerp (that’s possibly an English word) that I have rebooted so lat in life. But now I know that I have done this for myself. I could cope with a lot if shit now and be able to carry on with my head held high. And that feeling, my friends, is the closest to delirium that there is. You can forget sex. You can forget ace-ing an exam, you can forget promotion at work. I love all those things, but they’re instant gratification. The best one is knowing I finally did something for myself. Thanks me.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
You, dear sir., are most decidedly an RN sage. Thanks for making my day with this piece!

And thanks for using twerp, what a great word, we all should use it more. However, you're not one, so keep that in mind ;)
 
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Jlied

Active Member
So…I feel like I am quite a twerp (that’s possibly an English word) that I have rebooted so lat in life. But now I know that I have done this for myself.
@GBS t you are most decidedly not a twerp. You are bummed out that it took you this long in life to reboot, I’d counter and say a lack of public awareness is why it was never on your radar. Back in your 20’s and 30’s you probably assumed it was normal because back then and even today many would argue sex and porn aren’t addictions though we know better. There is much more material these days (I assume) than there was before. You can’t learn what you don’t know exists. I think you are…..the opposite of twerpy…..🤔💡you’re a brute! You could have said I am who I am and too set in my ways and not even tried, but instead you challenged yourself and you are crushing it. You may be a lot of things but a twerp is not one of them! You are an inspiration to us all
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
251 days sober

Many thanks to @Jlied and @Blondie - ok, I’m not a twerp. And @Jlied you’re so spot on….lack of public awareness. I must have Googled “is masturbation bad for you?” several times. The answer you get back seems to be geared for younger men and dispels truths about whether it stunts growth and other crazy theories🤷, so there isn’t much wisdom. They don’t want young men getting worried about this thing they’re obsessing about. Wanking is obviously fine at one level. But it gets way out of control so easily. I shall bring porn back into the discussion now.

Young men all watch porn. Who’s going to tell them that they’ll not stunt their growth but they will end up with neural pathways like deep deep trenches? No one. Not a soul. I have told my twin (17 year old) boys, but I don’t know if they will heed the advice. I didn’t say never watch porn, but I said be extremely careful, it could rob you of some of life;s greatest pleasures. Indeed they deserve some wanking years, can’t spoil their fun. But the scientists say that the speed I will get my mojo back will be way faster than my boys’ generation - why? Because I started on magazines. Mayfair, Penthouse, Men Only. I remember them so well. I can remember some of the pics and the pages stuck together. I read all the erotic stories multiple times. Because of that wanking beginning I am allegedly easier or quicker to cure than the kids brought up on internet porn.

If you’re reading this and you’re in your 20s and you want to do the right thing, here’s what I say. Be so aware of your brain. Internet pornography is designed to eat you up. You don’t have to avoid it completely just be very careful. Very.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
@GBS
Thank you for bringing up the discussion about our children. I know the day will come when I too will need to have this chat. Frankly I don't know how to positively encourage young people not to PMO. it's like saying, don't go and secretly like pretty girls
Can they appreciate advice like this?

Every other vice has enough good publicity to warn of the consequences except porn.
And porn is free, fast, very accessible, very attractive and very pleasurable.

Some kids have been jacking off as early as 8. Even in nursery I knew I liked girls. Computer games and PMO were kinda inevitable for any kid by the time they're teenagers.

This needs some serious attention.

Thanks again for bringing this up. Please do share more if you can.
 

Jlied

Active Member
Agreed, it’s a sensitive subject, most everyone gets uncomfortable to talk about masturbation or porn in general, let alone to your children and I’m no different. I have a 15 year old son and 12 year old daughter. We’ve seen in appropriate images on their tablets. We’ve had to talk to them but I just don’t know how convincing any parent can truly be. I don’t want to shame them about sexuality at such at an age range where they are starting to discover themselves in all forms. But everywhere you look there are sexual distractions. And especially right now it’s even hard to have an opinion about said matters without catching backlash from someone else.

every generation has had its demons to battle and ours is no different……but this to me is a whole different animal. Not only does it affect your brain it affects how the youth think relationships should be. Women thinking they have to be porn stars or boys won’t like them. Boys thinking they have to have high body counts or they aren’t men. Everyone is so focused on the outward appearance that no one gets a fair chance to let others see who they are internally and honestly it’s no surprise to me why chat rooms can be so popular. There is no fear of rejection, you can speak openly and you can fuel whatever fantasy or kinks without fear of anyone rejecting you in person.

porn is terrible, it rots your character from the inside out, but let’s make no mistake, the societal standards of today make escaping into that reality almost more appealing than dealing with all the other bullshit that youth have to deal with these days. Teasing and bullying has always existed, but now it can be taken online and a whole new audience can be reached to further annihilate a person, everywhere they turn the issue is there, they can’t go home to escape, it’s waiting on social media, it sucks and I really think most if not all social apps should have age limits as well.

there have been so many good threads on here lately, but I almost get mental burn out thinking about all the things that people are going through or have been through. I’m so very thankful for this forum and all the great people that are a part of it, it’s given me people to follow, to learn from, to engage with, to have healthy discussions…..but sometimes I feel like I have to give myself a few days here and there to recharge.

Sorry for the rant….the topic is important, and the consequences are steep if kids, teenagers, and young adults don’t get better awareness of what awaits down the rabbit hole.
 

Sammyjo

Active Member
. Fast forward more years. Still a habit but now daily uses up your cum which you’re saving for the weekend so we do it less….but we still love it. It;s still free. Unless we’re having once a week (or more) we’d, basically we keep doing it our whole lives.
Through this process I've found out that while I was waiting for a "romantic" evening on the couch (and he knew I was waiting) he preferred to be up in his office "doing his expenses". Can someone explain to me how if your wife is willing to "have it" as many times a week as you want it you cave to the P, KNOWING she's waiting for you? WTF? (sorry, bit of a trigger)

I love that you mention "saving cum" for the weekend. I can't tell you how many cum-less nights we've had. I KNEW something was up. Since piecing this together I've told him "I'm the cum police", meaning no cum means you've been wanking.
 

Jlied

Active Member
Since piecing this together I've told him "I'm the cum police", meaning no cum means you've been wanking.
😂🤣😂 my wife was the same way, I never got a question when I had an average to above average size load that hits the headboard, but for the times it was below average or not as powerful she’d ask me if I had taken care of myself. I will say this though, just because it’s a below average size load doesn’t mean we’ve been stroking. Other factors go into the amount of volume we produce. I can only speak for myself when I say this but hydration, nutrition, stress, sleep play a role. Also is it a particularly exciting trist? How long did it last? How was the connection between the two of you? Those are some factors that play into it for me. For example this morning I was pleasantly awakened to a hand going down my pants, however we only had like 10 minutes before we had to get the kids up for school. Even though I handnt had a release in a week it wasn’t my best performance. This is because it was a quickie with no build up, it was more business like, we didn’t have a chance to get overly into it. But I can assure you I haven’t taken care of myself in many months.

so, it’s fine to be a forensic cumologist, just don’t put all your faith in the flawed mathematical formula of days of no release being proportional to the volume of liquid expelled, it’s not as simple as E=MC*2

also, I appreciate the ability of you all to be light hearted enough to interject a bit of humor here and there. I certainly hold back the sarcasm and humor to err on the side of maturity but I can certainly be immature as well.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
"I'm the cum police", meaning no cum means you've been wanking.
Lol :LOL: :LOL: Thank you for that!
Mr. Wanker.jpg
I really can't help you with this one @Sammyjo. I never really stopped sexing up my lady during all of this, porn was always a shity substitute compared to the real deal. Porn was always just an extra outlet in between those days when we would do it - you know, like every other day lol. Porn's was like an appetizer compared to the steak coming up next, and if the steak was willing and reading (as she always was), that Caesar salad was cast to the oblivion.

However, she could always tell if I had been wanking it, thus, I only did it between our sex days. I know, what an asshole gentleman I was right? :cool:

Never again!
 
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GBS

Well-Known Member
Don’t we all love the debate about masturbation? Thanks for your input guys and gals.

@TakeActionNow - thanks for the YouTube clip. Education has to come from within the family up to a point, but that won’t be enough. As I have said before, I have a really close friend who is a year younger than me (so he’s 59), and he freely admits to loving porn, and (quote) “would never even consider giving up”. Why? He doesn’t have a partner, he just fucks around. He cannot understand what’s in it for him to stop watching porn. If I said he’s got to go one step further, a giant step, and stop masturbating, he’d laugh at me. Why? He’d say. I would explain, and he’d say “nah”. So many would. Even married ones. Thanks very much for weighing in.

@Jlied - so bang on with your “rots your character” comment. I think that’s what I would headline with if I was warning kids. Keep educating as well you can. Yourself, your kids….errr….not sure if one should advise one’s friends unless one knows they’re doing it.

@Sammyjo - oops sorry for the trigger. I know you’re not blaming me. We need to laugh at this all a bit. It’s serious shit but we can get better. I sense your man is getting better but I’d love to buy him a drink and tell him what I am doing. No masturbating. Period.

@Blondie- you crack me up. Sometimes I read you at 6am and you put me in a good mood. That’s quite a talent.

252 days sober. No masturbating only about 8 days, but they thing is only about 7 wanks in 8 and a half months.

No more touching myself. That’s just for Mrs GBS.
 

Jlied

Active Member
@GBS so you bring up an interesting point, some people don’t struggle with porn. Some people can casually consume it and not have any problems. For me, I can’t casually consume it, it eventually consumes me. But I can have a drink or an occasional smoke and be just fine. I don’t have the tug or need to keep going back for more. The people who don’t struggle with porn, especially if they are single will most assuredly probably never really stop their casual use, and I’m sure being single and going through long stretches of time between boyfriends/girlfriends it meets some of their needs. My only issue to that is by still consuming it you’re still creating a demand and if there is demand they will still continue to exploit the men and women of that industry. All we can do it bare our testimony to others of our experiences and let them decide for themselves how they still feel afterwards.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I think most of us are here because we have experienced life issues severe enough to make us want to change and "return to normal".

The people who persist are either too self centered, oblivious to their circumstance, or "fortune enough" to be able to continue without consequences. Regardless, reality will catch up and their time will come.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Thanks @Jlied and @TakeActionNow - the friend I mentioned who would never consider giving up I am as sure as I can be that he's an almost everyday consumer. He's got deep trench neural pathways. He's probably got some serious erectile dysfunction issues. He's a selfish person he freely admits. Not married and able to live a life of sexualising probably seems to him like it's borderline heaven. He's wrong, but he can't imagine what it would be like a year later if he went cold turkey. And sadly if he knew, he still might say on balance I would rather be ill. Thanks but no thanks.

I think there can't be many out there who watch several times a week and aren't hooked and, in some way, affected by their watching. Let's not get into where the line is on addiction. For the record I was actually a reasonably infrequent watcher (at worst say 4 times a week, but I left it alone when I knew sex was offered in the following days - this is not a good quality folks, just the facts), but I knew I sexualised and I read erotica and I knew from my fantasy world I lived in that I had a problem. I think the brain is so easily harmed, and as @Jlied said before there is a rot of your character happening. It may not be much of a rot if you watch twice a week, say, but it is happening.

I accept there will be some who can seriously just dabble and they're not (probably) in too much danger, but I actually think that's way fewer than half the consumers possibly only 10%. Yes @TakeActionNow - too self-centred ...I reckon that's most of them. Would they actually stop if I showed them some of the many YouTube easily consumable science of this? Not a prayer.

It's an epidemic. Masturbation to fantasy (of an impure kind) is also epidemic. That one is trickier - but still I think masturbation when it is a substitute for not trying harder with one's partner is the slippery slope. I was there. I am not anymore.
 

Jlied

Active Member
Thanks @Jlied and @TakeActionNow - the friend I mentioned who would never consider giving up I am as sure as I can be that he's an almost everyday consumer. He's got deep trench neural pathways. He's probably got some serious erectile dysfunction issues. He's a selfish person he freely admits. Not married and able to live a life of sexualising probably seems to him like it's borderline heaven. He's wrong, but he can't imagine what it would be like a year later if he went cold turkey. And sadly if he knew, he still might say on balance I would rather be ill. Thanks but no thanks.

I think there can't be many out there who watch several times a week and aren't hooked and, in some way, affected by their watching. Let's not get into where the line is on addiction. For the record I was actually a reasonably infrequent watcher (at worst say 4 times a week, but I left it alone when I knew sex was offered in the following days - this is not a good quality folks, just the facts), but I knew I sexualised and I read erotica and I knew from my fantasy world I lived in that I had a problem. I think the brain is so easily harmed, and as @Jlied said before there is a rot of your character happening. It may not be much of a rot if you watch twice a week, say, but it is happening.

I accept there will be some who can seriously just dabble and they're not (probably) in too much danger, but I actually think that's way fewer than half the consumers possibly only 10%. Yes @TakeActionNow - too self-centred ...I reckon that's most of them. Would they actually stop if I showed them some of the many YouTube easily consumable science of this? Not a prayer.

It's an epidemic. Masturbation to fantasy (of an impure kind) is also epidemic. That one is trickier - but still I think masturbation when it is a substitute for not trying harder with one's partner is the slippery slope. I was there. I am not anymore.
Well put, I agree I think the amount that can freely dabble is few and far between. Once a seed is planted it quickly takes root and you know how that goes from there. I have cut masturbation from my life as well, now the only time I get off is when I’m with my wife. I enjoy it that way. And she gets piece of mind knowing she is also the only one giving me that joy. Not masturbating has made it so much easier to avoid porn all together her as I feel it was my gateway into porn viewing.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
253 days sober

I am not going to reopen the masturbation discussion except to say that I cannot emphasise strongly enough that my giving up porn was hard, but the really hard bit was almost giving up masturbation. If you’re on here and trying to give up porn but you still masturbate, be brutally honest with yourself, are you fantasising? You probably are. I sure did. In fact when I stopped masturbating for 90 days I was still fantasising and sort of half edging. I gripped on to something sexual in my brain. After a while, with no masturbation outlet, the fantasies left for me to dwell on just receded. I was devastated up to a point. But the new me knows he’s not going to watch porn and only masturbate if I get to a bursting point again, so if this leaves me with no fantasy, just the real thing…..then that’s what we all want, right?

It’s very hard to agree with that statement when you’ve had a love affair with porn for so long. But the sex on the other side will be connected sex, honest sex, obviously still dirty sex (if you like that), but we MUST accept it and not yearn for the past. Remember the past very nearly killed us and our partners so we never go back however scary the future is.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
254 days sober.

Did a million things today but that did not include pornography, masturbation or fantasy. That would have haunted me a month or two back and would have said I must be in flatline or something. Today it feels good.

Larger penis watch star date about 100: still impressive. Shrivelled happens seldom and general resting state is thicker. After morning glory dies down I walk around with this throbbing thing that I simply didn’t know I had 6 months ago. Sorry to go on about it but it obviously matters to me. Shallow and happy. There are worse things in life! Shrug emoji.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
255 days sober.

Big concert day today. Focus required. I will keep the anonymity but the genre is classical and I am a solo singer. One of the biggest venues I have ever performed at. What’s that got to do with porn, you ask? Well nothing and everything. Singing is obviously a physical exercise which is, from experience over the years, just a bit harder to do if you;ve released in the previous 48 hours. Pelvic floor, breathing support etc. So given that I am basically abstinent I think my pelvic floor is as strong as it’s ever been and my breathing support is as rigid as a stone pillar.

Had the slightest of rows yesterday. It was the oddest thing. Too dull to explain, but the discussion afterwards was healthy. Mrs GBS spotted some laziness of mine and feared a return to the old days but she chose to attack me by saying “are you watching porn again, or are you flirting with some woman?” I was obviously very defensive and annoyed she would immediately go straight for the throat as it were. She was annoyed disproportionately and went off the high diving board. She had the good grace to say later that she thought it was just all part of her facing her biggest leap of faith and she’s nervous and worried and tense. So it was actually all good in the end.

Her last session with her therapist ended with her being asked if she wanted to consider a step towards intimacy. She said not yet. I asked my own therapist what the next step might be and she said look up “Sensate Focus”. Have a look at this little baby… ..https://www.smsna.org/patients/did-you-know/what-is-sensate-focus-and-how-does-it-work

Loving it all. Expectations have just shot through the roof. It’s not happening yet, but it’s where we go when she’s ready.
 
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