Another story - probably the same as everyone else

Beautiful1973

Active Member
I asked my own therapist what the next step might be and she said look up “Sensate Focus”. Have a look at this little baby… ..https://www.smsna.org/patients/did-you-know/what-is-sensate-focus-and-how-does-it-work
Awwwh.......I'll have what Mrs @GBS is having please🤪 you are going to blow that Woman's mind!!!!!
I love Masters & Johnson, they came up with some cool stuff around sex & intimacy.

Good luck with the Concert, I hope you really enjoy the experience.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Ha ha @Beautiful1973 - I presume you read that Sensate focus stuff. Bit that made me laugh: “if one or more partners should find themselves aroused by step one……” Like….errr…..why the fuck did the put the word “if” in that sentence? I cannot wait, but I have to. I have read the Sensate stuff about 20 times now. It turns me on so much.

I haven’t however looked at any pornography in 256 days which is roughly 8 and a half months. In those months I have not seen a naked woman. And I have not wanked for roughly 2 weeks now. That’s the really interesting one. Getting into the habit of not masturbating. It’s one thing to push yourself for monk mode and do a reboot within my broader reboot, but a life long switch to no masturbation has to involve habitual behaviour. And that means coping with the mind fuck and frustration.

I think Mrs GBS thinks I will go back to porn and alcohol and gambling if she leaves me. She thinks I am only doing it for her. It’s true it was the impetus, but now it’s for me. If it gets her back then obviously that’s the best result, but there’s a fall back result that isn’t so bad.

Concert was great thanks for asking, gal.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
Sensate focus stuff. Bit that made me laugh: “if one or more partners should find themselves aroused by step one……” Like….errr…..why the fuck did the put the word “if” in that sentence? I cannot wait, but I have to. I have read the Sensate stuff about 20 times now. It turns me on so much.
This is the stuff that we should be turned on by, I was too when I read it…… I was like hellooooo I’d have me some of that🤣

Are you going to mention it to Mrs GBS, what’s the plan, is there a plan or is it just a waiting game?
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Mrs GBS has declined from her therapist the offer of something to start intimacy , which is tough to take but I sort of knew there was longer to wait. I just asked my therapist what she was likely to be asked to do and she said look at Sensate focus. So no conversation has or will be had yet.

we wait. And we show discipline.

Mind fucks come in all shapes and sizes.
 

Jlied

Active Member
Mrs GBS has declined from her therapist the offer of something to start intimacy , which is tough to take but I sort of knew there was longer to wait. I just asked my therapist what she was likely to be asked to do and she said look at Sensate focus. So no conversation has or will be had yet.

we wait. And we show discipline.

Mind fucks come in all shapes and sizes.
Yes they do, stay strong my friend, I know you will but I’m just saying it for encouragement. I know it can’t be easy to work so hard for so long and realize that something you are working towards still doesn’t have any prospects of ending soon. I’m sure you’ll be better for it in the end but I can see how in someways it feels like a set back. Reach out if you ever need to vent.
 

Jlied

Active Member
1668434830986.gif
all joking aside, i would say you’ve helped far more than I will thanks to your almost daily postings. The community here is a better place with your updates, encouragement, and insights, and overall even keeled approach to handling your struggles.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
257 days sober.

So many nice comments @Jlied . I was going to vent my spleen in a DM but I don’t really need to. The strength I currently garner comes not from a place where I fear i.e. I’m not being sober so I don’t get found out. I am sober because I want to be.

It’s really difficult coping with no masturbation and no sex. It’s also slightly depressing when the spousal feedback is zero. She talks a good game though, with thoughts about what we’ll do this time next year. I grip pathetically onto comments like that.

But I am not pathetic any more. If she tries the intimacy thing but can’t do it I will be standing at a crossroads. I think that’s the thing that scares me most. Not knowing whether I should turn right or left.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
268 days sober.

Some discussion tonight at SAA meeting of the difference between sobriety and recovery. This sort of semantic argument I either don’t understand or it makes no difference to me. Can’t I say “sober”? Do I have to say forevermore that I am a recovering sex addict. I will if I have to, but I am using too much of my energy right now avoiding the temptation to splash my jizz over the bathroom with thoughts of my wife’s ample bosom on my mind. Right, got that off my chest.

Otherwise been a good day. When libido up (mine is right up) I know I am still functioning, but then there’s the utter torture to cope with. Fuck my actual life is a phrase I heard the other day. So I think I will say that.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
259 days no porn
About 2 weeks no masturbation- I said I wouldn’t count and yet I am counting. It’s nit to show off, I think it’s to see where my brain is at relative to the streak number.

I said a few months ago that no masturbation is the goal. I want that time with my wife where we’re having the ultimate connected conversation and I say “my love, I will never masturbate again, I will think of your beautiful body, but I will never cum on my own ever again. Only with you.” Just gave myself an erection writing that.

You see the simple bottom line for me was that I adored masturbation from the age of about 15. I presume most if us addicts on here adored it. I find it hard to believe that isn’t what all men feel….but let’s not go there.

I said once before that there’s an adage said about us. It goes like this: “Men [shrug, sigh]….they’re just after one thing!” By which they mean insertion of penis in vagina (homosexual people please excuse my generalisation). Now, this may be splitting hairs but I reckon men do want sex but they actually quite like the most simple feeling of ejaculation. After all it is utterly magical and indescribable. I won;t be pedantic. Here’s the thing though. I am absolutely certain that if men knew they could have something better than just ejaculation they would agree with me that the adage is total bollocks.

Actually it is total bollocks. We’re not just after sex. We’re after connected magical, it takes two to tango sex. The ultimate oxytocin released. Not one night stands, not quick hook ups. That just releases cum. At a base level that’s what men will settle for….but it isn’t what we want, and when said as that’s all men are after really….well you get my point.
 

Jlied

Active Member
259 days no porn
About 2 weeks no masturbation- I said I wouldn’t count and yet I am counting. It’s nit to show off, I think it’s to see where my brain is at relative to the streak number.

I said a few months ago that no masturbation is the goal. I want that time with my wife where we’re having the ultimate connected conversation and I say “my love, I will never masturbate again, I will think of your beautiful body, but I will never cum on my own ever again. Only with you.” Just gave myself an erection writing that.

You see the simple bottom line for me was that I adored masturbation from the age of about 15. I presume most if us addicts on here adored it. I find it hard to believe that isn’t what all men feel….but let’s not go there.

I said once before that there’s an adage said about us. It goes like this: “Men [shrug, sigh]….they’re just after one thing!” By which they mean insertion of penis in vagina (homosexual people please excuse my generalisation). Now, this may be splitting hairs but I reckon men do want sex but they actually quite like the most simple feeling of ejaculation. After all it is utterly magical and indescribable. I won;t be pedantic. Here’s the thing though. I am absolutely certain that if men knew they could have something better than just ejaculation they would agree with me that the adage is total bollocks.

Actually it is total bollocks. We’re not just after sex. We’re after connected magical, it takes two to tango sex. The ultimate oxytocin released. Not one night stands, not quick hook ups. That just releases cum. At a base level that’s what men will settle for….but it isn’t what we want, and when said as that’s all men are after really….well you get my point.
I feel you on the well connected it takes 2 to tango sex. I just want intimate connection where we aren’t being controlled by insecurities, I just want to be in the moment thinking about the person I love and how we are making each other feel.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
260 days no porn.

Feeling good. Feeling frustrated but it’s frustration I am used to. Sometimes it is that feeling one gets when one knows one is having sex in the next hour or so. An anticipatory feeling that is stra both frustration and ecstasy. I used to take an afternoon off work and that would always mean coming home to a wife wearing something alluring and sex would ensue. I would sit on the train with a feeling of utter joy. That’s actually how I feel right now. Problem is it won’t end as I hope.

I can live with it as it’s still a nice feeling.

Penis watch: really good thanks for asking. My amateur scientific analysis is that years of death grip masturbation made blood flow to penis more restricted. So don’t masturbate and watch it swell up. Hard mode has so many benefits that go hand in hand with the mind fucks. No masturbation - that’s the GBS mantra. Try it if you can gents. It is the pathway. It’s very difficult, but the light awaits.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
Penis watch: really good thanks for asking. My amateur scientific analysis is that years of death grip masturbation made blood flow to penis more restricted. So don’t masturbate and watch it swell up. Hard mode has so many benefits that go hand in hand with the mind fucks. No masturbation - that’s the GBS mantra. Try it if you can gents. It is the pathway. It’s very difficult, but the light awaits.
@ GBS I love your penis updates, they are the highlight of my day:p LOL
 

Jlied

Active Member
Penis watch: really good thanks for asking.
You know, you should create a section in each of your posts so your penis can give its own feed back on the recovery process…..i for one would enjoy hearing about how much it enjoys not being constantly beaten or shaken so violently that it throws up 🤣🤣🤣 maybe it’s started to appreciate the finer things in life that it has always been distracted from as well 1668705851881.gif
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
ok, ok….so I have issues.

Here’s how good and bad those issues are: good = just feel more manly. Always thought my dick was normal or fractionally shorter than normal, and now I don’t. I read a study that said 83% of men think their penis is average or smaller than average in length and girth. Why do we do that? If it’s because we compare to the huge cocks in porn films, then we’re being stupid. I just think we have issues most of us. I could be alone on this [shrug] and revealing my own insecurities Anyway back to my cock. I will not give dimensions suffice it to say that it very slightly gets in the way these days.

bad = errr…..not sure if there is a bad. No idea if my wife and I do the Sensate focus intimacy program (look it up) , she may say WTF have you done there….wow I’ll have me some salami please. Or she may not say a word. If my cock is bigger will it hurt my wife? All interesting first world problems to have.

Talk soon

much love from the desk of UK’s fast growing knob. I think I shall magically make it thicker by thinking about Mrs Geebs’ huge tits - done it. Took 20 secs.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
261 days no porn.

Hugged wife yesterday and was more a clinch. Rubbing backs etc. I felt a huge wave of sexual tension. Maybe it’s just me. Sexual tension has to be between two people, right? It is entirely possible I am making this up. I haven’t asked her, but I wonder if Mrs GBS is fighting the urge to rip my clothes off but she stops herself by saying - don’t be a fool, he walked all over me, he’ll do it again, why take the risk? When is the risk/reward analysis tilted in favour of clothes being ripped off?

All very frustrating and completely normal (for me). My balls have a great deal of cum in them having been emptied about twice in 5 months. Actually I think one doesn’t empty them when they’re this full. If I keep talking about my cock and balls I will just get myself all wound up….better stop.
 
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