Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Hello mate….didn’t know all I had to do was mention some place in the US of cotton pickin’ A to get you to write! What an honour. Yes, over in Chicago from 28th to New Year’s Day then home. Mother in law’s big send off/memorial service aka least well organised church service ever imho. Her extended family will descend. I will be as English as I need to be, and be ridiculously polite and decent. There’s a fair chance I shall need to be deeply insincere at some point. Rely on me.
Jlied said:
One day sir great paths will cross, we’ll have a pint, eat some chips, and discuss life ad nauseam!
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You got it. “Chips” for you are what we call “crisps”. Very nice but I prefer (what we call) chips. Look it up. Salt and vinegar, wrapped in newspaper. Taste the ink. Mmmmmmmmmm…….salivating as I write.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
658 days sober
12 days no MO

I tell you what, having had really nasty virus (that I am now 90% recovered from)….it does decrease libido in a worrying way. Well not that worrying, just have a heightened sense of what normal libido should be and when my reasonably controlled one suddenly dips alarmingly the bells start ringing. I know it’s normal just part of the whole education thing.

Merry Christmas to you all from across the pond.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
666 days sober
20 days no MO

Happy new year all.

Back from Chicago after 5 day trip for mother in law’s memorial service. All fine. Tension between wife’s siblings was palpable but in the end no hitches and safely back in UK.

It was going to be a good time to start our reintroduction to intimacy program but sadly nothing happened at all. I can cope. She talked about it once but just for a minute. Just too much going on in her head she said. So we wait patiently. I can do that now.

Stay sober kings.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
667 days sober
21 days no MO

I must have this count not quite right because it will be two years on 1st March and yet it’s fully 63 days away (until I get to 730 = 365 x 2). Ah well.

The 21 days no MO is starting to bother me. Stay calm.
 
Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
You're doing great man! Miscounting your days sort of feels like a little gift when you get it sorted out and realize you're further ahead than you thought.

I thought I could sense a disturbance in the force about a week ago, but then I remembered you were coming to the states. Glad everything went well, despite the family tension.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
671 days sober
1 day no MO

The MO little streak was broken and when it was I had a huge feeling of guilt and emptiness. Strongest for a while. I am this fervent believer that MO doesn’t help as you probably all know. My therapist is way more relaxed and thinks I need not be so against. I can only say that not masturbating has been the cornerstone of not slipping back into the dopamine indulgence which was my very obvious cue for compulsive porn watching. So I am going to keep the no MO flag flying for now.

Wife has been exhausted both physically and mentally for a good 2 weeks and my respect of that has been acknowledged so we’re good….just sailing along as companions right now. The spectre of the intimacy program is obviously taking up prominence but as I am not pushing it, we carry on as if there’s nothing wrong. And truthfully there is nothing wrong when I know it’s still too soon for her. That said, she has said we will do it when the kids go back which is in about a week’s time. We shall see.
Galatians51 said:
You're doing great man! Miscounting your days sort of feels like a little gift when you get it sorted out and realize you're further ahead than you thought.

I thought I could sense a disturbance in the force about a week ago, but then I remembered you were coming to the states. Glad everything went well, despite the family tension.
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Thanks @Galatians51 - I think I miscounted the wrong way though….because it’s meant to be a 1st March anniversary but seems like the number of days is going to make it a few days later! It doesn’t matter in the slightest. I am not complacent but very confident that porn will not feature in the next 60 days. Maybe it will never feature again. I sometimes want to see titillating things but don’t do any searching. So I torture myself but that’s what this is all about. Understand the torture and know that you’re getting better as a direct result.
 
F

Freerider

Active Member
GBS said:
671 days sober
1 day no MO

The MO little streak was broken and when it was I had a huge feeling of guilt and emptiness. Strongest for a while. I am this fervent believer that MO doesn’t help as you probably all know. My therapist is way more relaxed and thinks I need not be so against. I can only say that not masturbating has been the cornerstone of not slipping back into the dopamine indulgence which was my very obvious cue for compulsive porn watching. So I am going to keep the no MO flag flying for now.

Wife has been exhausted both physically and mentally for a good 2 weeks and my respect of that has been acknowledged so we’re good….just sailing along as companions right now. The spectre of the intimacy program is obviously taking up prominence but as I am not pushing it, we carry on as if there’s nothing wrong. And truthfully there is nothing wrong when I know it’s still too soon for her. That said, she has said we will do it when the kids go back which is in about a week’s time. We shall see.

Thanks @Galatians51 - I think I miscounted the wrong way though….because it’s meant to be a 1st March anniversary but seems like the number of days is going to make it a few days later! It doesn’t matter in the slightest. I am not complacent but very confident that porn will not feature in the next 60 days. Maybe it will never feature again. I sometimes want to see titillating things but don’t do any searching. So I torture myself but that’s what this is all about. Understand the torture and know that you’re getting better as a direct result.
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Keep going! I dont know how to say it but somehow that i understand that i am not only one who fight again porn and masturbation helped me. What a fight.. who knew that this is the result of everything what internet shows.. tomorrow will be better, be strong!
 
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Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
GBS said:
671 days sober
1 day no MO

The MO little streak was broken and when it was I had a huge feeling of guilt and emptiness. Strongest for a while. I am this fervent believer that MO doesn’t help as you probably all know. My therapist is way more relaxed and thinks I need not be so against. I can only say that not masturbating has been the cornerstone of not slipping back into the dopamine indulgence which was my very obvious cue for compulsive porn watching. So I am going to keep the no MO flag flying for now.

Wife has been exhausted both physically and mentally for a good 2 weeks and my respect of that has been acknowledged so we’re good….just sailing along as companions right now. The spectre of the intimacy program is obviously taking up prominence but as I am not pushing it, we carry on as if there’s nothing wrong. And truthfully there is nothing wrong when I know it’s still too soon for her. That said, she has said we will do it when the kids go back which is in about a week’s time. We shall see.

Thanks @Galatians51 - I think I miscounted the wrong way though….because it’s meant to be a 1st March anniversary but seems like the number of days is going to make it a few days later! It doesn’t matter in the slightest. I am not complacent but very confident that porn will not feature in the next 60 days. Maybe it will never feature again. I sometimes want to see titillating things but don’t do any searching. So I torture myself but that’s what this is all about. Understand the torture and know that you’re getting better as a direct result.
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Ahh, my mistake!

I totally agree about the no MO preventing PMO... I have been slowly getting worse over the last month or two with MO, so I am also going to reinstate my no MO policy.
 
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joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
"I sometimes want to see titillating things but don’t do any searching. So I torture myself but that’s what this is all about. Understand the torture and know that you’re getting better as a direct result."

At the moment I am not feeling this. From time to time I think it would be nice to see something "titillating" but I than think "its just not a good idea and ask myself what other pleasures in life to I want. I do it right away and usually wind up sitting back to some Neil Young or Moody Blues, I think the fact that I have rediscovered certain things has allowed me to easily move on
 
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GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Freerider said:
I dont know how to say it but somehow that i understand that i am not only one who fight again porn and masturbation helped me. What a fight.. who knew that this is the result of everything what internet shows.. tomorrow will be better, be strong!
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You said it @Freerider - it helps to know you are not alone. Actually there a literally millions of men out there who are masturbating obsessively either to porn or fantasy. They have no idea the harm they are causing themselves. It’s very difficult giving it up but we know we have no choice. Keep going mate.
Galatians51 said:
totally agree about the no MO preventing PMO... I have been slowly getting worse over the last month or two with MO, so I am also going to reinstate my no MO policy.
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You got it……to me it’s so painfully obvious that the slippery slope starts with giving in to fantasy and then ejaculation because it’s fun. It’s a momentary ecstasy feeling and one has no idea that what one is doing is becoming a desensitised robot that doesn’t value real women. Once you’ve not trapped though, the freedom ecstasy is way nicer.

joepanic said:
"I sometimes want to see titillating things but don’t do any searching. So I torture myself but that’s what this is all about. Understand the torture and know that you’re getting better as a direct result."

At the moment I am not feeling this. From time to time I think it would be nice to see something "titillating" but I than think "its just not a good idea and ask myself what other pleasures in life to I want. I do it right away and usually wind up sitting back to some Neil Young or Moody Blues, I think the fact that I have rediscovered certain things has allowed me to easily move on
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Hi Joe.. I totally share your ideal where we know it’s not a good idea to look at anything, it’s just that I know my brain wants me to do it. It’s a fight, hopefully one that will be easier to win when I have some home titillation.

672 days sober
2 days no MO
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
674 days sober
4 days no MO

Blondie said:
Impressive, very impressive.

Keep killing it sir.
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Very kind @Blondie . Thanks for your support. Knowing you have my back is very reassuring. For the avoidance of doubt I have yours too.

Little bit of news. The first steps back to intimacy were taken this morning. This is using the Sensate Focus program where step one is just touching but no genitalia. This was hard for Mrs GBS. It’s a big step when you’re naked in front of your spouse for the first time in nearly two years. It went very well. I controlled myself well and we both were the receiver and the giver. Lasted 30 minutes or so. Progress. Afterwards she declared it was difficult for her but she got through it. A few triggers for her but she combatted them. We will do it again soon she said. No ticker tape parade gents, just a tiny whoop I reckon.

We persevere.
 
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