446 days.
Been a whirlwind - on Sunday I tried the spoon. Got told to stop. No big shouting match, just respectful discussion. ”I’m sure we’ll get there “ she said. Just not yet.
Then, almost at that moment, the phone rang and I received news that my mother has been taken to hospital. So I leave in a rush. 90mminute drive. She’s fine (now). I won’t bore you with the deats but I got to bed at 4.45am on Monday morning. So yesterday, even though it was my birthday, was a slow moving exhausted one.
So home life hasn’t moved on. The discussion we had post non-spoon was still focussed on how she still lives with memories of the past. Little things can snap her back to how life was. It’s tough to hear. It’s easy to say things like “you’re stuck in a fear cycle” or “why focus on the way I was, why not on the way I am”, but those things just wind her up. It’s not a battle to try and win with words. She may be stuck of course. Indeed she probably is. Or if not stuck, at a safe place where the plateau feels nice. Some days I am calm about it and some days I am screaming bloody murder.
It’s coming up to 15 months. I am peaceful today possibly because I am shattered. I have therapy on Thursday so I look forward to that. I will discuss the situation. Thanks
@Androg @joepanic and
@Beautiful1973 - it ain’t your fault that the experiment didn’t work. I decided I wouldn’t be a petulant teenager and sulk about it afterwards and then almost instantly I was on mother in hospital duty. So there’s been no further discussion. It’s all ok. The card she wrote me for my birthday said she looked forward to many years ahead. It may be pathetic of me but those words meant a great deal. Thanks for reading.