Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

GBS

Respected Member
642 days sober from porn
66 days no MO

For those unaware, I have not seen any porn or indeed a naked female for 21 months. My wife’s recovery has been very slow. But we’re in couples therapy and the whole subject of getting back to intimacy has been discussed abd she’s agreed the first step. This will involve about 30 mins of touching when naked. No going near genitalia just being totally present and having nothing preconceived. I am guessing we’re going to do something today or her agreement is going to look stupid. Having said that she wasn’t well yesterday and today has a few snags.

Meanwhile, and keeping my excitement in check, the no MO streak is going well. Had a sort of porn related dream last night. First one I’ve had in ages. It felt like I was cheating and I wasn’t going to admit it. Don’t know why my brain was doing that to me. It feels like I got a free pass actually although I did wake up both horny and relieved which is an odd combo.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
643 days sober
6& days no MO

Sorry to disappoint but nothing happened yesterday. It certainly could have, there was time, she wasn’t unwell. She just decided to do a house project which tired her out. Rather obviously it was a cracking excuse. I know she’s worried. But the pressure is mounting. The thing is that we’re only going to have Saturday morning together then it will be very difficult until next Wednesday. Ah well.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
644 days sober
68 days no MO

Nothing happened yesterday on the intimacy front but it was always going to be a difficult one because of stuff we had going on. And today will be impossible too. It’s ok. This is so hard for her. We wait (patiently).

And yes, 68 days is getting tricky. There is this almost constant full up throbbing feeling not just in my nuts but the tip of my knob as well. When I see her naked I could possibly ejaculate without touching!
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
648 days sober
2 days no MO

And absolutely zero on the intimacy following the recommendation of our therapist 8 days ago. So actually a bit depressed but calm enough to cope. I have been away two days and she was away two days before that and the week was mental yadda yadda yadda. All great excuses, but she never says a word about it unless I bring it up. Not one word. It’s another test.
 
the_badger

the_badger

Member
Congrats to your 69 days without MO! That's really an impressive streak! In general, what you do is what I'd like to accomplish: just one single MO every couple of weeks. To relieve the pressure. But it seems I can't get there. Is there any secret you can share about how you do this? 😀Particularly how you overcome the chaser effect on the next day(s).
Also, if you do MO finally, do you aim to keep it as short as possible, or do you allow yourself the indulgence once in a while? (I feel like I got the best results, when I kept the MO as short as possible and without any fantasy. Just a little mechanical stimulation and off we go... But it's SO damn hard to stick to this, with the build up of two week or more under the belt..)

And sorry about the continuing lack of intimacy in your marriage. :(
The good thing is, it's already been discussed at the therapy session. And she agreed. So it will be brought up again soon. And something to happen rather sooner then later.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
the_badger said:
Congrats to your 69 days without MO! That's really an impressive streak! In general, what you do is what I'd like to accomplish: just one single MO every couple of weeks. To relieve the pressure. But it seems I can't get there. Is there any secret you can share about how you do this? 😀Particularly how you overcome the chaser effect on the next day(s).
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Thanks @the_badger - this does feed my ego, so I am cautious in response. I think there’s no secret actually, or certainly no trick method. You have to stay busy both in physical and mental activity. I had a 4 hour drive yesterday afternoon with just the radio for company and my mind was whirring so much. If I would give one tip: my mantra is that I don’t want to return to who I was with compulsive masturbation and flirting, and infrequent MO is critical to keeping that mantra going.

the_badger said:
Also, if you do MO finally, do you aim to keep it as short as possible, or do you allow yourself the indulgence once in a while? (I feel like I got the best results, when I kept the MO as short as possible and without any fantasy. Just a little mechanical stimulation and off we go... But it's SO damn hard to stick to this, with the build up of two week or more under the belt..)
Click to expand...
Absolutely short and sweet. I even scheduled a time to do it. Lasted a minute. 2 tops.
the_badger said:
And sorry about the continuing lack of intimacy in your marriage. :(
The good thing is, it's already been discussed at the therapy session. And she agreed. So it will be brought up again soon. And something to happen rather sooner then later.
Click to expand...
This is kind and supportive and very slightly what I needed so thanks pal.
 
the_badger

the_badger

Member
Thanks GBS, very good points! I guess "keeping it as short as possible" is the crucial point for me. Also the hardest one. But I'll work on it. (Unfortunately staying busy, neither physical nor mental, is an option for me in the near future. Thank, longCov. :cautious:)
 
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GBS

GBS

Respected Member
650 days sober
4 days no MO

the_badger said:
I guess "keeping it as short as possible" is the crucial point for me. Also the hardest one. But I'll work on it.
Click to expand...
Thing is dear Badge, we all know what’s best and what is wrong. Indulgence in something on the wrong side of the line is very obviously asking for trouble. We addicts understand that dilemma in the brain and we empathise like anything, but the bottom line is if we know it’s wrong, don’t do it. So much easier said than done. On the other hand, when you do something that’s difficult you get rewarded. Stay sober pal.
 
the_badger

the_badger

Member
You are right, I knew perfectly well, that indulgence in MO does no good. But I guess I needed some one else to say it to make sure. :D
In times, when I am in a better place and more positiv about my life and my future, it's easier to focus on the reward and accept the struggle. Right now, I thing I am afraid of the suffering, just because I've had enough of it already in the past 2 years and I don't feel like I can take any more. But as soon as I feel ready, I'll go for it again, for sure.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
It’s not suffering. It’s painful but it isn’t suffering. Subtle difference. This pain is so utterly different because it has a reward directly as a result. Be positive, look for the good in what you do, not avoid the bad.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
655 days sober
9 days no MO

Something I read yesterday: we all know watching pornography does each of us harm. if you have a nut allergy, you avoid eating nuts of course. To eat nuts would be insane. So now we know porn is so harmful to our brains and stops us being human, we would be similarly insane if we watched porn.

I know it’s not quite as simple as that, but it is a fair point.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
656 days sober
10 days no MO

I have flu virus. Fucking awful. Shivering one minute, sweating the next. I am not a good patient for what it’s worth. Nurse Mrs GBS is being wonderful.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
657 days sober
11 days no MO

So easy to write those numbers? No. Not easy. Perhaps the first one is getting a lot easier. Thing is I get sexual urges and the needs are not met so very blinking obviously the continual avoiding of looking at anything even slightly titillating is a form of self torture. Our programme of returning to intimacy hasn’t started despite recommendations from therapist 2 and a half weeks ago. Wife has all the excuses and with house now full of grown up kids there’s little or no chance of privacy . But she promised me it was on her mind and when we go to Chicago on 28th the hotel will bring some privacy so it can start then…..well that’s what she said!

We await very patiently.
 
Jlied

Jlied

Active Member
Chicago eh? I was just in that area last week. One day sir great paths will cross, we’ll have a pint, eat some chips, and discuss life ad nauseam!
 
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