Thanks Blondie! Made it through mostly unscathed. Feeling in a bit of a weird headspace, and I think it's a combination of stuff. Being early in a streak with a near-relapse, haven't had sex in a bit and haven't been talking with my wife as much about this stuff lately, low on sleep... Just feeling kinda funky. Pressing on though, and telling myself that porn doesn't have anything to offer me.
One random thing is that I haven't actually O'ed to porn in quite a long time. It's a boundary I've held even when I've been struggling, a line I haven't crossed much lately. Which is great, but also has some odd side effects too. Because my porn use is always just edging, there's a feeling of "missing out" even when I know in my head that I'm not missing anything worth having. I think it's part of the weird headspace I've gotten into sometimes lately though, and I need to keep working that through.
There's so many layers to a problem like this, and they're always so individual. Takes a lot of unpacking, but you come out on the other side with an emotional wholeness and stability.
Hey, double digits! Feeling urges right now as I'm home alone, and haven't had sex in a while. It would probably help take the edge off a bit if my wife and I had sex sometime soon, but in the meantime this is a great chance to practice mastering the physical impulses. Showing myself that I am in charge of those animal instincts, and that while I feel them, they do not control me.
Been a while since I posted, but I'm doing well. Had some sketchy near-relapse behavior on Sunday and I probably should have posted about it. Felt like it affected my a bit psychologically, cus I found it hard to shake off the feeling of "bleh." Things have been fine since then, though!
I feel like I've started to get a good groove going of a few days in a row that are totally clean. The kind where I just feel like I'm not thinking sexually about stuff all the time. Not a flatline, just back into a zone where I'm not hypersexualizingeverything in life lol. Feels like momentum again!
Cravings. I think it might be the chaser effect, since the wife and I had sex last night. Felt a pretty strong urge to just say what the heck and open up an incognito window a few minutes ago, but I opened this up instead and caught up on how ppl are doing. Hanging in there, feeling good about this win!
Thanks for the support everyone! Made it through, and interacting with ya'll on here was a big part of that. Did dishes, listened to some music, played with the kids when they woke up, then went on a family walk.