Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Nice to have you back @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 - I think it’s not unhelpful that you realise that a return to PMO means getting right back to your lowest point and aiming lower. This is similar for alcoholics and gamblers. I was never an alcoholic but I knew a few. If you have one drink after a year off, you have to down the whole bottle and more (or wherever you’d got to when you stopped). I was a gambler. I gave up. Started again - and when I did it was immediately at the colossal level I’d left at.

It’s dopamine and the brain. Simple really. Fucking annoying too. But the more you realise it’s a straight fight between you and your brain, the better chance you have of winning the fight.

Keep going pal.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
GBS said:
Nice to have you back @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 - I think it’s not unhelpful that you realise that a return to PMO means getting right back to your lowest point and aiming lower. This is similar for alcoholics and gamblers. I was never an alcoholic but I knew a few. If you have one drink after a year off, you have to down the whole bottle and more (or wherever you’d got to when you stopped). I was a gambler. I gave up. Started again - and when I did it was immediately at the colossal level I’d left at.

It’s dopamine and the brain. Simple really. Fucking annoying too. But the more you realise it’s a straight fight between you and your brain, the better chance you have of winning the fight.

Keep going pal.
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Thank you, pal.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 5. Yesterday was filled with so much anxiety. My brain wanted it's feeding, and it threw a tantrum like a child. It got my attention, but not today. I'm tougher than that. No MW. Friend down below is shrunken and lifeless. Feeling good overall though.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 6. Insomnia was bad last night but I eventually fell asleep. Woke up with a clear mind which is a gift in all honesty. No MW and I have a small headache. Anxiety is not bad yet. Friend down below is still lifeless. The line is still flat and the tire has no air in it. Patience is key. Persistence and Patience.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Today was good. Still in flatline, although I didn't have any anxiety today or bad withdrawal symptoms. I have realized that in the afternoon/evening I get tired sooner than usual and I do feel a bit of withdrawal symptoms, but they aren't severe. Also I'm feeling a tad bit on the emotional side, which feels good because I'm so used to feeling terrible and unhappy because of pmo so any feeling at all is welcome. Looking forward to the 7 day mark tomorrow. Still lifeless down below, but I'm thankful for that because on the right track. S drive is unplugged and I got no complaints about it.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 7. Flatline is so odd because you're so used to that drive and all of a sudden, it's gone. I can't even bring myself to think about PMO in any way at all. It's like a foreign object to me now. I have so much more energy after just 1 week clean. My mind is more clear and I wake up better. No MW. Lifeless down below. Looking forward to a good day. Also very little anxiety.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 8. Beginning week 2. Feeling good today. I have a bunch of energy and my mind is clear. No MW. I actually feel happy today. PMO blunts your emotions so much and creates so many unhappy feelings for you. It's amazing how it feels when you're free of it for just a short time. Makes you wonder why you'd ever go back to it and give up these feelings. Gonna remember this day once the road gets tougher.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Zero. That's the amount of times I've been or have felt satisfied after a PMO session. I always felt worse afterwards, then the urge to do it made me feel. I always felt bad, like I got hit in the head or something. I guess that's what pounding your reward center with garbage will do for you. Tomorrow marks my 10th day of hard mode. Flatline is currently happening, but I'm thankful for it because I'm healing and on the right track. I know one morning, I'm gonna wake up with MW and libido and it'll all be worth it. I look so forward to that day. I've never regretted abstaining. I've always regretted relapsing.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Today hasn't been my favorite. I've had a lot of anxiety pretty much all day, because this morning I saw a YouTube thumbnail that triggered me. I know it's just my brain trying to trick me into going back, but it sucks. This is the 2nd time in 10 days I've had really bad anxiety and the first time, I overcame it. I know I just gotta stick with it. It's interesting all the stuff our brains will throw at us in an attempt to get what it wants. I continue to be dead downstairs but this morning, as I was waking up I thought I had maybe 20-30% MW honestly though, I can't remember because I wasn't fully awake yet. Just gonna keep on trucking no matter how bad it gets today, tonight or next week. So far, I've felt a lot better than before I began this journey and that makes it worth it for me.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 11. Woke up with a headache and no motivation for anything. This is just apart of the journey and the healing process. Had 20% MW again this morning and for the 2nd night in a row, I had a dream about a girl. Not a pmo related dream, just a random dream about a girl. Idk what it means, or if it has anything to do with my reboot. The MW quickly left and now I'm back to being deflated 😂🤪
Gonna try and make this a good day.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Reminding myself today that recovery is not a constant rise. It's an up and down process with pleasure, pain, success and growth. Today, I do confess that I had a flashback of a love scene from a movie I've seen once or twice and I did dwell on it for a bit longer than I should. It didn't do anything or cause anything to happen. Someone brought up an actor in the movie and the scene came up in my mind. I guess that's normal in the beginning stages of recovery. Triggers are easy to come by. I've had a nagging headache all day and no motivation. I swear my friend down there is so numb, you could hit me with a baseball bat and I wouldn't feel it. Please don't try that though. Lol. Days like this, is going to make being fully recovered one day a truly great feeling. Just gotta keep going. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
 
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