Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

F

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 6. Up early again. Tired but my mind is clear and calm. Had a thought earlier and the addicted part of my brain tried to trick me and entice into dwelling on it which would have eventually led to a pmo relapse. However, now that I know these tricks and thought patterns I was able to let it go and focus on something else and the anxiety about it left quickly. That's a win in my book. Still in the flatline but I am enjoying the freedom it gives me and my mind. Hope all of you have a good day and weekend.
 
F

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 8. Super pumped to have MW this morning. Not sure of the strength of it, but I'd say over 50%. I look at last night as a test. My brain saying "okay you've had these flashbacks before and you let the anxiety take you down so many times. What are you going to do? Do you really want this?" Proud of myself for sticking with the process and the journey, even though I hit a rough patch. My mind is clear again, and the anxiety is gone. The MW this morning is a reminder that I'm on the right track. I feel really even so far. Just really chill and calm. Finally slept well for the first time in a week. The flashbacks and urges will probably happen many more times. Last night showed me, that they won't kill me. They may make me anxious and some of them may be strong or intense, but I don't have to fall off the track if i don't want to. Lessons are being learned this time around that I wish I would have known years ago. Grateful for these lessons. Have a great day!!
 
swimmer97

swimmer97

Active Member
first of all GJ on staying strong throug the urges. your right, they will come again BUT, they will be less frequent with time. At some point you maybe have an urge every month or so. Its worth staying strong in these really tough situations. They will pass and you will be glad to have overcome them. Already having MW is really good. Shows your actually healthy. You are on the right track my man. keep going
 
F

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
swimmer97 said:
first of all GJ on staying strong throug the urges. your right, they will come again BUT, they will be less frequent with time. At some point you maybe have an urge every month or so. Its worth staying strong in these really tough situations. They will pass and you will be glad to have overcome them. Already having MW is really good. Shows your actually healthy. You are on the right track my man. keep going
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for the support.
 
F

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 9. Beat the urge to pmo last night. I just stayed on task and kept my mind on what I was doing. I didn't give the urge special treatment or extra room in my mind to grow and get worse. Eventually it left me after a few minutes. That makes me really proud. Have a slight headache, but other than that the morning is good and calm. Still clean and free. My mind is clearing up more each day. Thankful.
 
F

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 10. Yesterday was tough. I was really irritable around people and by myself, I could also sense some irritability. I just felt bad yesterday. Had a headache for a lot of the morning/early afternoon. Felt like the withdrawal symptoms had started to hit. As the day ended, I began to feel better. So far today I feel fairly good. One benefit of the last 10 days is my anxiety is becoming less of a problem. I'm able to let go of thoughts easier and I no longer ruminate on stuff I don't want to think about. Moving my mind to something else is easier.

Day 10 stats so far:
1 big pmo urge
1 morning wood
1 bad fantasy situation that caused bad anxiety but the next day it was gone.

Mind is more clear most of the time.

Waking up is still a struggle.

No libido or urge for anything pmo or sexual other than the urge I randomly had the other night. Flatline seems to be continuing.

Going to stick to it. Slowly beginning to crawl out of the wreckage.
 
F

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 15. For the third night in a row I didn't need melatonin to help me fall asleep. I was able to fall asleep much quicker than I could before. And even though I'm awake earlier than I want to be, I'm not overly tired. My mind is really clear and I don't have any anxiety currently or any intrusive thoughts. Yesterday I noticed that as well. I was about a 7 out of 10 yesterday, but I felt better and could sense small progress at the 2 week mark. This is about when I saw slow progress in July/August when I went almost 2 months clean. Glad to see the timeline remain similar.

Day 15 stats:
- Better mental health
- Calmer
- Not shrunken or dead downstairs anymore
- Better quality of sleep

At this point, I just want better mental health. The other benefits and healing will happen regardless, but I've hurt my mental health so much over the years by blasting my brain with that useless garbage. I'm just grateful for the difference I feel mentally. Everything else is just a bonus for me now.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top