Hey
@First_step_thousand_miles, 96 days of no MO is quite the achievement and no small feat. I have fallen myself into this trap of over analyzing this stuff and making it all the worse for it. It's so hard not to want to test it out and take it for a drive, and I think it's a normal response. Whatever you do, don't be hard on yourself, you did a great thing that definitely improved your situation. That's a whole lot of days.
I've have without doubt experienced this many times, and my whole thought process has been slowing changing concerning it, and it's still changing to be honest. If you read some of my earlier stuff, you'll see that I was greatly concerned with everything going on down there, which is understandable where I was at. Now to be sure, I haven't changed my opinion about any of that, but I have cooled off on it some. My strong opinion is that no man, either single or married (even if he's hidden his porn habit for years, or even cheated) should ever feel ashamed or shamed for worrying about his junk. Let's be honest, it's one of the main things that defines us as men, and it's not a trifling matter if it's not working properly. However, as I've come further and further along this journey, I'm realizing that some of my "great concern" about it all was my addiction to porn and all the sexual baggage that brings. My obsession about it "working" all the fucking time, was because it "works" all the fucking time in porn videos, and we all know those dicks are about as real as the model's tits! It's all a fucking illusion: outtakes, camera angles, pills, drugs, and often unmentioned pain that the female models have to endure, which just pisses me off to be honest. But I digress and back to my point. Life isn't just about sex. Now don't get me wrong, sex is a gigantic factor of a good life, but it's not the only thing that matters. However, as I've come further along on this journey, I'm still getting use to the fact, that it's okay to not have sex constantly on your mind.
Emotionally, I've been a mess these last two weeks, and for about seven days, I didn't feel horny at all. I still noticed my lady and other attractive women, but sex just wasn't on my mind. It's insane to write that but it's actually true. Was I in a flatline or is this just normal Blondie in tune with his emotional state? Who knows, maybe this is what a real human feels like? But I honestly didn't care and didn't give it much thought, there were more important matters at hand. Anyway, on Saturday I woke up with a massive boner lifting the sheets, thus, I rolled over and it was game on with the missus, and the same happened on Sunday. My point is, my mind was elsewhere, and thus, my body responded accordingly, but when I woke up on Saturday, my body and mind were in alignment and it was game on, and I had no
what ifs or fears about it, and was completely out of my head.
Needless to say, you're on the right track, just keep on pushing and knowing that you're getting better with each and every day. Everything you're doing will help in this regard, so keep on doing it and get out there and keep on meeting new women. Also, redefine for yourself what a "Rockstar" in bed actually is, with the foreknowledge that probably everything you think is "right" might be wrong, if not utterly fucked up and not helpful at all. Maybe a Rockstar in bed is a guy a who doesn't look at porn anymore, and whatever the fuck happens is 20x times better than anything in front of a computer screen. Maybe a Rockstar in bed is a man confident in himself and his recovery, and if a new woman doesn't like his current porn-free state, he politely kicks her ass out the door to find someone who does.
Love you man
Blondie
