I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 492 no porn
Day 3 no MO
Day 72 cold showers
Day 26 meditation

Wow I'm not sure if it's chaser or just wiping out porn fantasies but I feel maybe a bit too horny walking outside. Saw this girl just walking who was very well endowed and it was really hard to get her out of my head for a while. Even thinking of her now makes me a little horny. Not totally sure if this is natural or not. Also got horny seeing another girl just driving to work a few days back as well (this girl had a normal body type) which I take as a more positive sign. Either way, I hope to normalize a bit in a few days

Regardless of the horniness, I'm committed to 180 days no MO. It will be really hard as I can already tell but it's necessary to flush out those last few fetishes. Onwards
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 495 no porn
Day 6 no MO
Day 75 cold showers
Day 29 meditation

Woke up with some morning wood today, was fairly weak but nice to see it there. I have to say the no MO thing feels pretty hard, for a moment I thought it had been 2+ weeks but realized it hadn't even been a week! Libido feels pretty weak to be honest but part of the journey. Either way this is a step I must take for healing so I'm carrying on

Doing well in the gym and making gains consistently for the past 3-4 workouts. Excited for where this journey can take me over the next 3-6 months. Daily meditation is also very nice, I'm thinking about pushing up from 15min daily to 20min daily in a bit as well
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 501 no porn
Day 12 no MO
Day 81 cold showers
Day 35 meditation

Crossed 500 days, nice to make this milestone. This no MO is really hard in some ways but I haven't peeked at anything in this entire period. Need to keep this up to 180 days

My natural libido feels like it's really coming back, just thinking about certain girls is getting me kind of hard. That said, some porn fetishes are also doing the same so it's clear there's healing to be done

My real moments of celebration will come at day 180 no MO and then at 2yrs porn free (next May 15). Hope everyone is well
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Congrats @First_step_thousand_miles on 500 days! That is amazing brother. I'm glad to hear you natural libido is coming back but yet more to look forward to. Nice job on the no MO. I can't wait to see what 180 days will do for you.

Bless you man and keep on rocking!

Love
Thank you brother. It feels maybe 50% as hard as quitting porn (which was pretty darn hard!) so still a challenge. I'm committed to making it happen, can't wait for my natural libido to come back. I'm noticing that a lot of girls are cute / attractive that I wouldn't have given a second look to before so that's awesome, but just waiting for the connection to my penis to happen (brain to penis?). It's a journey indeed
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 502 no porn
Day 13 no MO
Day 82 cold showers
Day 36 meditation

Soldiering on to almost 2 weeks no MO. Wow is it hard but I think a really necessary step in my recovery. Despite my 500+ days of no PMO, I did peek a fair bit during. Nothing anime at all, nothing hardcore at all, but still pictures of semi-clothed women a little too often.

That said, staying away from PMO and anything hardcore at all definitely did help my recovery in getting me here -- but to get the rest of the way I just need to stay away from all of it. Otherwise it will always have a hold on me and will likely derail my recovery. That's what this 180 day purge is for -- after that point if I've stayed true to this it's just all about rewiring. The journey is long at times but this is where I am and I can only look towards the future from here. Onwards
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 509 no porn
Day 20 no MO
Day 89 cold showers
Day 43 meditation

Nearly 3 weeks no MO, pushing forward. Had some bloodwork done recently with the doctor, my thyroid looks well within range (which means medically speaking there shouldn't be any issues I think). I pretty much knew there was no issue here (in my porn days I never really had a hard time getting hard when I found a video I liked or whatever) and I've had a bunch of really strong MO's through my reboot (though intermittent in quality but now I know that's not a big deal). Either way, good to know everything is fine medically

Otherwise continuing to live life. I'm almost down 1 more belt buckle, around 155lb right now. I'm hoping to get there by end of week or so. Ideally would love to lose ~15lb of fat from here and recoup with 10-15lb of muscle over the next 6 months. It's aggressive so we'll see. Maybe just losing 10lb of fat from here and gaining 15lb of muscle would be fine as it's body composition that counts more so than weight.

Continuing the cardio as well to keep my circulatory health going well and lifting to gain mass. Just want to maximize my physique while also making sure everything in my body is working well to maintain strong erections as well (though I understand it's an arousal issue with PIED rather than a physical one). Might as well take this opportunity to improve holistically. Moving forward, hope everyone is well
 
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First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 510 no porn
Day 21 no MO
Day 90 cold showers
Day 44 meditation

Made it 3 weeks no MO. I'm definitely healing, was just lying in bed and thinking about this cute girl I used to work with (name starts with Chr). She had a very average body type and B cups but I got hard just thinking about making out with her half clothed. I'm actually pretty amazed because I didn't know I could get hard to a girl with sub average breasts anymore....which sounds crazy to say! Glad to see that is still very possible and I'm trending in the right direction

17 months porn free. Wow, what a journey -- excited to get to 180 days no MO and 2yrs porn free. These days when I see some scene in an anime I watch (a normal one lol) I just roll my eyes, skip the scene and move on. Temptations are minimal. When I see some images on the internet (anyone see those Temu ads online where it's just marketing stuff like clothes but has IG models wearing them? - those piss me off and I look away ASAP) it's much easier to tear myself away. Given I'm not MO'ing it's a bit harder than if I was but still certainly doable (FAR easier than when I first started). I guess even relative to 90 or 180 days in the reboot, my dopamine felt just off like it wasn't fully reset. I'd at some points even rush home thinking about MO. Now I feel much more closer to equilibrium, though there are flashes here and there.

Also kind of random but everyone usually asks if you're a breast or butt guy.,.I remember prior to all the porn stuff I used to very much be a breast guy. Somewhere along the way with all this crap, I obsessed way too much over butt. Even for a long time during my reboot whenever I'd see a girl with a crazy body type in yoga pants my brain would get all kinds of messed up, I've mentioned it here as well. Now I do notice it but it's easier to look away and not mentally be panting. I'm realizing as I rediscover my natural sexual tastes a bit more I'm very much a breast guy, though even there I fetishize it less than I used to. Just some thoughts
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 513 no porn
Day 93 cold showers
Day 47 meditation

Well the MO streak has been broken but in a good way! Was lucky last night and ended up having sex successfully! So to be honest I did end up taking 50mg Viagra but I'm not sure it even did much given they say it starts working from 30min in (I took it like 15min before we starting getting into it). I like the psychological benefit though since I was confident I was going to be hard -- next time I'm only going to take 25mg. This is a HUGE milestone since 2yrs ago even with 50mg I couldn't even get remotely hard! Let me just say this girl was certainly cute but a normal body type (B-cups and avg behind). I remember @Blondie saying a while 'I think all cups are great' and thinking 'man, I really hope I can say that one day!' And it seems today I can!

I was about ~80% hard on average just during foreplay and probably got to about 85% during penetration. It was pretty amazing because I didn't need to fetishize anything, I was just so turned out by the whole experience in general. Only shortcoming really was that I ended up finishing in 2 min lololol. Hey I'll take PE over PIED any day of the week. And this is why I think I'll probably still due kegels / reverse kegels both to 1) increase hardness to 95-100% (though frankly continued cardio plus more rewiring might be all that's needed) and 2) to gain more control over ejaculation. Even standing up I was maintaining my erection though it might've fallen to like 70% which is still pretty good

I also masturbated afterwards twice (standing up of all things which I had trouble with before) after she left but only because after taking Viagra you are just ready to keep going and going (couldn't get to sleep otherwise lol). Thought about another cute girl I knew and I was pretty much rock hard (like 95-100%). Not sure if I'm fully 'cured' per se but I'm very glad to have gotten this far. I'm excited for the next steps since I think more and more rewiring is what's needed. I understand what that poster was saying in the link I had some posts earlier that masturbating and having sex are two COMPLETELY different things. Obviously sex is way, way, way better even with just a normal girl vs. a hundred ridiculous body type girls in your digital porn harem. I've wondered sometimes if this will all be worth it in giving up access to infinite women (virtually) for sex with a normal girl, and I can say it honestly was last night and I think that will continue to be the case as I reboot. God bless @Blondie @Androg @SmokenMirrors for their support this far, and Gabe Deem for making this all possible
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Happy to hear your good news. Sounds like the chaser caught you in a major way. Be extra alert for the next few days.
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Happy to hear your good news. Sounds like the chaser caught you in a major way. Be extra alert for the next few days.
Thanks man. Yeah I actually went to my parents place this morning for the weekend and will just be hanging with friends at our respective houses so that should minimize triggers. Appreciate the warning, I'll be extra vigilant for any unnatural thoughts

Though I'm not sure if it was chaser or just the Viagra -- most of the guys I know who tried it (who don't have or have never had PIED as far as I know) said they went like 3 round when they tried it (vs. 1 without). It wasn't my mind per se as much as it was my penis which just stayed like half hard. Either way, maybe it was the chaser...but I'll stay vigilant man
 
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Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Supposedly Viagra just sustains erections...not arousal. But the two are so closely associated, that our minds convince us we're horny even when we're only hard. :cool:
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 518 no porn
Day 1 no MO
Day 98 cold showers
Day 52 meditation

Had some solid MO's past few days. I think at this point so much of it was mental, being able to have sex and maintain reasonable hardness really unleashed this block in me. I barely cared about the erection quality when I MO'd (who cares when you know you can get it up for actual sex?) though they were fine

Regardless, I think I should take a break from MO. Maybe starting today, maybe in 1-2 weeks -- still thinking about it. Don't want to overdo it, I think more than 2x per week would be overdoing it honestly. Gotta be careful
 
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