I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

[Blondie]

I think at this point so much of it was mental, being able to have sex and maintain reasonable hardness really unleashed this block in me. I barely cared about the erection quality when I MO'd (who cares when you know you can get it up for actual sex?) though they were fine

Word @First_step_thousand_miles. Yes, as long as it works during the real deal, that's all that really mattes in the end.

Glad to hear everything is going well for you!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Word @First_step_thousand_miles. Yes, as long as it works during the real deal, that's all that really mattes in the end.

Glad to hear everything is going well for you!

Thanks my man! Glad to see you've gotten the ball rolling again as well, life is looking up haha. Love you man

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 523 no porn
Day 6 no MO
Day 103 cold showers
Day 57 meditation

 

[Blondie]

Looking good brother. I'm still doing my cold showers myself, although I'm not reporting it, but doing it all the same. I really do think they help!

Keep kicking ass.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Looking good brother. I'm still doing my cold showers myself, although I'm not reporting it, but doing it all the same. I really do think they help!

Keep kicking ass.

That's awesome man. Glad to see you pushing forth and doing the hard thing! I've found 100+ days of cold showers to be fantastic for mental resiliency. Regular exercise and meditation alongside it are massively helping my mental state and my attitude towards the world (in a positive way!)

I love that The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck really helps solidify these behaviors. Seek productive pain...or as David Goggins says "I sought out pain and fell in love with suffering." The more I deliberately suffer for self-improvement the better I feel as a man...could not recommend this more. There are other ways too I bet to introduce hardship into your own life (deliberately) and move forward which I'd love to incorporate. Let me know if you think of any haha

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 526 no porn
Day 106 cold showers
Day 60 meditation

21-22 more days until 1.5yrs. Also proud of sticking to cold showers & meditation without missing a day...sometimes they have been shorter (because there wasn't enough cold water or not enough time for meditation) but I've still done them regardless, and I strive for the top. Exercise has been solid -- strength gains have been consistent though not so much on size lol. Hopefully that improves over the next few months

I still have occasional temptations on the porn side but they are truly just tiny gnats vs. when I first started. A lot it happens when I'm bored and I crave a bigger 'high'....but these days it's really easy for me to recognize as my lizard brain and shut that shit down pretty quickly. I don't get triggered by pics much anymore either (i.e. googling a celebrity) so this is very welcome. I think I'll be able to start using dating apps again pretty soon

How's everyone doing?

Edit: Forgot to mention, had a strong MO 2 days ago. I really think I'm >80% healed if not 85+%. Either way, if an MO isn't great there's no need to care since I got it up for actual sex before. Best things are ahead

 

[Blondie]

Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, I'm glad you're doing well. I can't wait till you get to 1.5 years, that will be a hell of day for you.

I don't get triggered by pics much anymore either (i.e. googling a celebrity) so this is very welcome. I think I'll be able to start using dating apps again pretty soon

Glad to hear this brother. Yeah, the further you get away from all this, the better your mind will be able to handle things of that nature.

A lot it happens when I'm bored and I crave a bigger 'high'....but these days it's really easy for me to recognize as my lizard brain and shut that shit down pretty quickly.

Nice!

How's everyone doing?

Doing well brother. Just climbing out of the hole.

Keep killing it!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, I'm glad you're doing well. I can't wait till you get to 1.5 years, that will be a hell of day for you.

Glad to hear this brother. Yeah, the further you get away from all this, the better your mind will be able to handle things of that nature.

Nice!

Doing well brother. Just climbing out of the hole.

Keep killing it!

Thank you my friend. It's certainly not easy, even today almost 1.5yrs clean, but I suspect in 10yrs I'll be damn glad I did it. Much like Gabe and so many of the other folks who have rebooted. Couldn't have gotten this far without you my man!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 532 no porn
Day 112 cold showers
Day 65 meditation

Continuing the good fight. Hope you gents are well

 

[Blondie]

My man!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 536 no porn
Day 116 cold showers
Day 69 meditation

Continuing onwards. These days the temptation for porn / porn substitutes is really from boredom...sometimes I just feel bored and want to chase a high. I guess we never realize this in the moment but that's where it's not just about frequency of use but the categories getting stranger and stranger to the point where it's untethered from reality. Even now there are temptations to look at that stuff and get that high, BUT importantly it's very subdued vs. before. That is, it's easier to overcome. That said, sure would be nice to have a regular partner. I'm MO'ing for now just given it would drive me nuts to not have any release and maybe drive me back into porn. Might do another 3 months no MO period but not sure.

Continuing on with the regular gym sessions. I'm making good strength gains that I'm happy with but the muscle gains are MUCH slower. Wish that sped up honestly, it's already improved my confidence a fair bit but I really do want to see tangible physical results. That said, I guess who was ever happy with the rate at which they built mass? Same with losing fat but just gotta keep up the fight. The best things in life are worth fighting for and they don't come easy.

Later this year I'll do a Goals post reflecting on my goals for 2023 that I posted here some time back, and see how I stacked up. And of course, setting the goals for 2023. Hope all is well with you guys

 

[Androg]

What about a goal of meeting more potential partners?

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

What about a goal of meeting more potential partners?

Keeping my accountable! Yeah this is critical. I've been going on a few dates with this one girl but I'm not sure how interested I am longer term, esp as she is in grad school and not around very much in my area

Otherwise, I'm still wary on downloading the dating apps for a few more months. I guess meeting girls in real life would be best and in that sense I need to get out to more activities where that's possible. To be honest, my game is pretty weak. In a more intimate setting (party of 20-30 people where I have at least 1-2 friends) I do much better but in a bar setting with total strangers it's much harder for me to work up the nerve to just walk up to a stranger. I need to do better here frankly

I'm planning to attend some Meetup events in the next few weeks so hopefully that leads to getting to know some more girls. It's the next real step, thanks for helping me stay on top of it

 

[Blondie]

I guess meeting girls in real life would be best and in that sense I need to get out to more activities where that's possible. To be honest, my game is pretty weak. In a more intimate setting (party of 20-30 people where I have at least 1-2 friends) I do much better but in a bar setting with total strangers it's much harder for me to work up the nerve to just walk up to a stranger. I need to do better here frankly

I think whatever you do brother, don't be too hard on yourself. Before I met my lady I did the bar scene for a year or so with the boys, however, my "success" was very very limited. Needless to say, I was very hard on myself because of this, and that sure as hell didn't help my situation. I wasn't like many of the other guys, that is, extremely extraverted bros, thus, I was trying to be something that I wasn't, which is never a good idea, besides, women can see right through that. Bars are loud, the music is loud, and many people there are very annoying etc., and to be honest, bars are a place I would never hang out in by myself except for one reason, to get women, thus, that was my first mistake. Eventually I learned that it's totally okay that I'm not that way and I should do something different, something more in line with my personality etc. Then I started "looking for girls" in places I alreadly hung out in: bookstores, coffee shops etc. and I had considerably more success because of this. Those places are quiet, and I didn't have to compete with some "alpha male" at the bar for a girl's attention, and I could be my normal charming cowboy self, while still being manly enough to approach and strike up a conversation etc. And most importantly, I wasn't pretending to be something I wasn't.​

Otherwise, I'm still wary on downloading the dating apps for a few more months.

I think you're very wise to stay away from this shit for a while longer. These days it's practically light porn, if not worse, and one bad night or a couple of girls "ghosting" you could lead you down a road you don't want yourself to be going down.

Whatever you do, just be yourself, and I don't mean that like your mother or best female friend might mean when saying shit like that. I mean, be your best damn self, whatever that is to you, and self actualize to the best of your strengths. If the bar scene is not for you, know deep inside that that's not a problem with you, that's just you being real with yourself and nothing more. I actually did find I liked bars when I brought a girl TO A BAR, but certainly NOT when trying to attract a girl, big difference.

Good luck, and congrats on day 537. Fucking awesome man.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 537 no porn
Day 117 cold showers
Day 70 meditation

Forgot to mention -- had 3 strong MO's over past 3 days. Yesterday might've been the best MO I've ever had and it was to a regular girl (Kar). Was about 15min and I was much around 95% during that entire time (and 100% for periods). Just cataloging to look back to

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

I think whatever you do brother, don't be too hard on yourself. Before I met my lady I did the bar scene for a year or so with the boys, however, my "success" was very very limited. Needless to say, I was very hard on myself because of this, and that sure as hell didn't help my situation. I wasn't like many of the other guys, that is, extremely extraverted bros, thus, I was trying to be something that I wasn't, which is never a good idea, besides, women can see right through that. Bars are loud, the music is loud, and many people there are very annoying etc., and to be honest, bars are a place I would never hang out in by myself except for one reason, to get women, thus, that was my first mistake. Eventually I learned that it's totally okay that I'm not that way and I should do something different, something more in line with my personality etc. Then I started "looking for girls" in places I alreadly hung out in: bookstores, coffee shops etc. and I had considerably more success because of this. Those places are quiet, and I didn't have to compete with some "alpha male" at the bar for a girl's attention, and I could be my normal charming cowboy self, while still being manly enough to approach and strike up a conversation etc. And most importantly, I wasn't pretending to be something I wasn't.​

10000% makes sense. About 1/3 of us are introverts and the world is basically built by extroverts so we're expected to conform, but it's really, really hard to do when you're innate nature doesn't lend itself to that. I'm absolutely the same way

I love how you're advocating leaning in to one's strengths, in places where you are free to be comfortable with yourself because it's absolutely true women can sense that

I think you're very wise to stay away from this shit for a while longer. These days it's practically light porn, if not worse, and one bad night or a couple of girls "ghosting" you could lead you down a road you don't want yourself to be going down.

Whatever you do, just be yourself, and I don't mean that like your mother or best female friend might mean when saying shit like that. I mean, be your best damn self, whatever that is to you, and self actualize to the best of your strengths. If the bar scene is not for you, know deep inside that that's not a problem with you, that's just you being real with yourself and nothing more. I actually did find I liked bars when I brought a girl TO A BAR, but certainly NOT when trying to attract a girl, big difference.

Good luck, and congrats on day 537. Fucking awesome man.

This is A-tier advice man! I heard about this book called Models (by same guy who wrote Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck) and I've read snippets of stuff on reddit on what it discusses -- this is a HUGE component of it. You can't just mimic someone else because their strengths are not yours...everyone has their own strengths and settings where they are attractive and you have to maximize that. I'm going to read that book sometime in next few months but truly grade A-advice you're dropping here brother

Great point of bringing a girl to a bar for a date vs. trying to meet a girl at a bar. I think a 1st date at a bar of coffeeshop (or ice cream) are all pretty cool. Thanks again brother! It's not easy but it's been worth it so far

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 538 no porn
Day 118 cold showers
Day 71 meditation

Strange, had a weak MO today after not MO'ing yesterday. That said, I did have a porn dream last night so I wonder if that contributed (i.e. making the threshold for arousal higher). As I'm typing this out, I'm almost certain it did actually since I had to go beyond the basic stuff (sexually speaking) to stay hard and MO.

Either way not going to overthink it. For a couple days after I had sex a few weeks ago I had great MO's and then they got worse and then got better for past few days and then now worse again today. Just like that reboot account I tagged some weeks back mentioned, erection quality while MO'ing can vary a lot and what really matters is during sex. Also I think I might have MO'd a bit too much past few weeks (really anything more than 2-3x a week feels like too much) which probably both played a role in my brain chemistry and also sensitivity down there too. The good thing is every MO has been to a normal girl, no crazy bodies or anything -- and I aim to keep it that way.

It's a weird cycle but honestly nothing to really care too much about. I'm cataloguing it for future reference. That said, I have been thinking about doing a 90 days full hard mode reboot for some time now. I really think it would be beneficial to do another one just to further clear out the neural pathways more. Either way can't hurt. I'm also doing more cardio, the goal is to keep it up more rigorously and do it 3x a week on top of lifting which I'm doing 2-3x weekly. Should help overall and penis health as a bunch of studies show.

I'm still likely going to start kegels but maybe next month at the earliest or potentially January. Again just starting very lightly and building to a moderate amount, I don't really need to go crazy here but again can't hurt. The goal will be to help maintain stronger / steadier erections and of course ejaculation control (I don't want to finish in under 2min like last time lol -- which I guess happens when you haven't fapped in 3+ weeks). Anyway hope all is well gents

Edit: MO'd again to same girl (cute Hispanic? girl I saw at the gym) and it was MUCH stronger. Really weird how this works lol

 

[Blondie]

My man, doing his thing.

I think you're good brother. I know we both struggle with this, but it's easy to over think a lot of this stuff, which never helps. Your man worked like a charm with a real woman just recently, and quite frankly, that's ALL that matters. Obviously, I understand the concern, I still fall into that trap myself here and there, but I think in the end, it's best just to look forward, with positive experiences from your past, and keep on going. There's no place better than forward, I can tell you that.

Love you man.

Blondie

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

My man, doing his thing.

I think you're good brother. I know we both struggle with this, but it's easy to over think a lot of this stuff, which never helps. Your man worked like a charm with a real woman just recently, and quite frankly, that's ALL that matters. Obviously, I understand the concern, I still fall into that trap myself here and there, but I think in the end, it's best just to look forward, with positive experiences from your past, and keep on going. There's no place better than forward, I can tell you that.

Love you man.

Blondie

Hell yeah! Yeah I think we relate to each other so well because we both overthink stuff haha. All of the experiences I've had in the reboot and other reboots I've read basically indicate exactly what you've said -- MO's don't really matter, what matters is sex. It's always great to get validation and support from you man, I fucking love you! Very proud of you for continuing the fight, winning is rarely linear. Let's move forward together my brother!

 

[Blondie]

I was trying to find a happy tearful emoji but fuck it!

Love you too!