Hey
@First_step_thousand_miles, I hope you had a great new years!
Double post but I felt like reflecting on some societal stuff that also pertains to action items for me & maybe for many others. The world has shifted in just the past 10-15yrs with the rise of social media to to the point where expectations of people have skyrocketed while reality hasn't necessarily changed. I'm sure you are familiar with the formula Happiness = Reality - Expectations. As Charlie Munger says, the secret to a happy life is low expectations.
I love this quote man. I feel like I'm generally a man who has low expectations (at least for people) and this does cause me to be happier in those moments, however, whenever I do start setting myself up with false expectations of this or that, that same happiness can sudden come crashing down to very low levels. I guess this always comes back to being content with what you have before you. I know for myself, I get so caught up in "improving" that I often lose the forest for the trees, and can never just breathe and be content. It's something I've been thinking about a lot recently.
Yet with the internet, we see everything that was hidden to us in the past....the fancy cars, the beautiful women, the amazing destinations, the private jets, etc. Before you used to just see people in your town and even then not be privy to most of what went on behind the scenes, now with social media we've turbo-charged this as we see EVERYTHING that we are missing and everything we think we deserve. Comparison truly is the thief of joy and now instead of comparing to your 100 people you see on there regular you are comparing against billions of people....and you are comparing against their highlight reel! It might not even be reel, who has the perfect relationship at all times?
This!
I sometimes wonder if we'll ever get use to this new world reality, if we were even "designed" or by evolution to be able to handle it. We used to live in small villages, and hardly would see anymore people in our entire lives than 150 or so. Obviously, we would could still fall into the trap of comparing, but it would be on such a small scale compared to today, that it's hardly worth mentioning. But you're right, with social media, much less the technology changes over the last 100 years or so, we see with "global eyes" now and have a hard time being content in this new global village. Plus, with AI and everything else coming, it is hard to see where we're going with all of this in the coming future.
That's why I quit most social media. All I have is Facebook and LinkedIn. Linkedin isn't an issue really because it doesn't have that much to compare against, Facebook I noticed getting deeper into reels recently and am working to cut myself off. Sometimes I also Reddit, but both of these actions I notice make me unhappier and discontent after using them. So I need to stop both.
I too have Facebook but hardly use it. I found myself getting lost in everyone's post (real or not!) and often found myself comparing their lives to mine. Of course, it's not all bad, it's nice to catch up with family etc. but in general, I don't hang at that waterhole very much.
The other thing is I do read a lot of fiction. Before I used to compare my life guys with women in porn or social media and that was not a great feeling...I suppose I was living vicariously through them which is no way to actually live. Now I've stopped that, I still do read a bunch of fiction & watch anime...I feel like taking it to excess it's maybe raised my expectations to unhealthy levels. In anime esp., there's always some super attractive hot girl who's virgin and absolutely adores the MC with virtually no flaws. Real women aren't like that...this is an idealized version of things. I feel like anime is to guys what Disney is to younger girls / women where there's a perfect Prince Charming out there.
I don't think the fiction reading is a problem as long as I'm careful about the material and also don't take it to excess, which means spending more time around REAL people and real women vs. sitting around all day. My social skills definitely atrophy when I'm not regularly hanging out with people, and that's no way to really live or get good with actual women. So while it's not a devastating behavior like heavy porn use or some other big addiction, it's incrementally something I'd be better off without or at least consuming in much lower quantities.
I can see how his could be a problem, but obviously, still better than porn. I know what you mean by living vicariously through someone though, and that is something to watch out for. You could always read
Pride and Prejudice again, that's always a classic!
All in all, this year I'm going to really cut down on anime, cut down on spending time alone (watching TV, reading) and instead find more ways to be around people socially.
This has really been what has hit me the most on my trip during the holidays, that is, my need and desire for true friendships. It's something I've struggled with for a long time now, but something I want to remedy. This semester I'll will be working more on trying to build relationships.
Best man, keep killing it.
