I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 593 no porn
Day 1 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

Temptations are pretty minimal. Can't say they never pop up -- they do as there are random triggers everywhere -- but they're generally pretty low in the scale. When I do entertain a fantasy though that goes beyond normal sex with a regular girl, I do react to it but much, much less that before.

The MOs are strong though, I think the last few MOs were some of the strongest I've ever had (incl when I would use porn). In the first 1-2yrs of using porn my erections would be very strong consistently but I remember by the last few years of it I'd maybe get that rock hard less than 20% of the time...kind of amazing to get back to regular function. I do miss the novelty of porn sometimes as when you just get bored or want some different stimulation, it's there. But the price it exacts is just not worth it, I don't want to wake up at 50 or 60 and realize I wasted my life and have no one that loves me. We press forth, doing the hard thing isn't always fun but it is worth it over the long haul

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 596 no porn
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 601
Day 2 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

Crossed 600 days. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't easy, and it's still not 'easy' but much, much easier than it once was. I can't wait to get to 2yrs no porn on May 15th. By that point it won't just be no porn, but I hope to have made BIG changes to my body as well with losing even more weight and gaining more muscle, and really be proud of myself holistically. I'm hoping to switch jobs this year too and meeting more girls, really trying to push forward on all fronts of my life. 2024 has had a volatile start, but this is my year. Love you all here for making this all possible @SmokenMirrors @Blondie @Androg

 

[Blondie]

Congrats @First_step_thousand_miles on passing 600 days. I'm very very proud of you.

Keep smashing those goals of yours.

Love you man
Blondie

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Congrats @First_step_thousand_miles on passing 600 days. I'm very very proud of you.

Keep smashing those goals of yours.

Love you man
Blondie

Thank you my friend, could not have done it without you. Staying away from porn is just the beginning in a life well lived, can't wait to get there and I know we are both gonna make it!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 602
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

MO's for past few weeks have been VERY strong and very consistent to regular girls I know. Had a great workout today as well. I'm slowly building myself up into the man I know I can be

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

To add -- I haven't found much on guidelines for healthy masturbation. It seems most guys 25-35 masturbate 1-3 times per week (even from pre-2010 surveys when porn addiction was much smaller as an issue). I guess I'll try to stick this guideline, ideally would love to not masturbate at all and only have sex with women but alas I need to find a steady partner for that. Until then, I think 1-3x a week doesn't seem excessive though honestly from my 'natural' sex drive I feel like 1-2x is probably enough. Either way, I think more than 3x a week is probably too much for me

 

[Blondie]

Nice job @First_step_thousand_miles. Yes, I think it's a personal thing, how much one should or not MO. That's an interesting statistic about how often between 25-35. In my head I thought it would have been higher, especially with today's porn, but who knows the truth. I know for myself, though I'm not MOing, anything more than 3x a week, especially in a row, is too much for me.

Best brother

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Nice job @First_step_thousand_miles. Yes, I think it's a personal thing, how much one should or not MO. That's an interesting statistic about how often between 25-35. In my head I thought it would have been higher, especially with today's porn, but who knows the truth. I know for myself, though I'm not MOing, anything more than 3x a week, especially in a row, is too much for me.

Best brother

Yeah I think all this survey data has some bias towards the direction that you'd expect. If you asked how many guys a girl has slept with, she's gonna lie towards lower numbers (vice versa for guys). Likewise, with porn I'm almost certain it's higher now. However, bear in mind that data I'm quoting is from late 2000s when internet porn was not ultra high quality with every possible niche as it has today -- more undeveloped back then and if you were already in your mid-20s to mid-30s you were probably much likelier to be seeing a partner.

Young male virginity in 2018 I think was like close to 30%! That all happened in less than a decade, now with where we are I wouldn't be surprised if it was like 35-40%. Basically things changed drastically very quickly in society. If I had to guess what the avg masturbation was these days for guys under 30 I'd say 5-7x a week (maybe 4x for under 35 because you have a lot of folks 30-35 with LT partners).

That makes total sense man on 3x a week, I think that's also a fair upper bound as well. Some people have stronger sex drives and some weaker but 1-3x seems to capture 60-70% of guys (in a world where one isn't using porn as that skews it all upwards in an abnormal fashion)

 

[Blondie]

Young male virginity in 2018 I think was like close to 30%! That all happened in less than a decade, now with where we are I wouldn't be surprised if it was like 35-40%.

So to clarify, you're saying there's more virgins now because of ease of access to porn and things of that nature? Aka, everyones hitting on their hands instead of real women? That would make sense with other trends I've read about, though I hadn't heard that exact figure before. Fucking crazy, but I believe it.

Young male virginity in 2018 I think was like close to 30%! That all happened in less than a decade, now with where we are I wouldn't be surprised if it was like 35-40%. Basically things changed drastically very quickly in society. If I had to guess what the avg masturbation was these days for guys under 30 I'd say 5-7x a week (maybe 4x for under 35 because you have a lot of folks 30-35 with LT partners).

I honestly think anyone below the age of 20 is probably wanking it all the time now, maybe multiple times a day. I'm sure there's exceptions, but how many? Who knows. I mean it's literally a cultural "thing" and has been accepted by the mainstream, a new norm as they say. For anyone in their 20s such as yourself, who were on the front end of this cultural change, it can't be much different, but probably a little less. Think of all the men who are doing it but don't even realize how hard it would be to stop, they have to be in the untold millions. For the guys in their 30s or early 40s such as myself, we were having sex, and or, our porn was "low quality", as you say, so the consequences are still slightly different for us, though there's definitely problems.

Such a sad thing, but at least we know now.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 603
Day 2 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

So to clarify, you're saying there's more virgins now because of ease of access to porn and things of that nature? Aka, everyones hitting on their hands instead of real women? That would make sense with other trends I've read about, though I hadn't heard that exact figure before. Fucking crazy, but I believe it.

See the chart below, porn is one of the causes for sure. There are others like declining upwards mobility and video games and other stuff but porn is a big cause

I honestly think anyone below the age of 20 is probably wanking it all the time now, maybe multiple times a day. I'm sure there's exceptions, but how many? Who knows. I mean it's literally a cultural "thing" and has been accepted by the mainstream, a new norm as they say. For anyone in their 20s such as yourself, who were on the front end of this cultural change, it can't be much different, but probably a little less. Think of all the men who are doing it but don't even realize how hard it would be to stop, they have to be in the untold millions. For the guys in their 30s or early 40s such as myself, we were having sex, and or, our porn was "low quality", as you say, so the consequences are still slightly different for us, though there's definitely problems.

Such a sad thing, but at least we know now.

Yeah over Covid this went haywire, I know guys who were would wank to porn 3x a day! I would not be much better, probably averaged 1.5x per day. Life by the day becomes harder to navigate given how fast technology is moving, the AI stuff is coming for many, many guys soon enough. Just like how dating services were for losers in the early-mid 2000s but 15yrs later are totally normalized, I think AI relationships / AI only fans / AI porn / AI friends / etc will be totally normalized in the next 10-15yrs. Not much to do here but this won't bring real contentment in life so we have to keep marching on the path we are on

 

[Blondie]

Damn, that chart is crazy, and enlightening. Obviously, there's nothing wrong with virginity or keeping it, I waited till I was 30 (at that time I was very religious), but still, it is astonishing how big of a change that is over a small amount of years. I agree too, it can't just be porn only, it's also societal changes in general, but it's heading in that direction.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Damn, that chart is crazy, and enlightening. Obviously, there's nothing wrong with virginity or keeping it, I waited till I was 30 (at that time I was very religious), but still, it is astonishing how big of a change that is over a small amount of years. I agree too, it can't just be porn only, it's also societal changes in general, but it's heading in that direction.

Yeah ofc, nothing wrong with it if it's your choice. If it's not though, then it points to troublesome trends in society

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 604
Day 3 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

Had a sex dream last night that veered into porn realm. I overdid it on MO past few weeks and also admittedly did look at some porn-like pics (no MO though) here and there which was admittedly a fuck-up. There is still that slight urge which I'm escaping from, which happens time to time due to the combination of boredom and not having a partner. I need to be extra strict, I know I can eliminate the last vestiges of this crap this year. The good news is that I've rebooted my brain most of the way, so it shouldn't take too long to get rid of these vestiges (kind of like those folks in early 2010s who rebooted within like 2 months)

Also pushing hard on working out to make sure I have good options in the dating pool and can really get out there & do well. It's a journey for sure, if I really lock it the fuck down I think I can go from ~22% BF today to ~15% by end of April. I will make this happen! Frankly I'm hoping to get to 13% BF if at all possible, but 15% first and then I can figure out what I want to do from there. Onwards

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 606
Day 5 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 608
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

Anyone else ever have that feeling where they have a weak MO and then freak out a bit into that negative cycle of 'will my penis work'? It's almost irrational since I looked just further up my thread and the previous page and I had some of the strongest MO's of my life thinking of just normal girls. And I've gotten it up last year with girls using only a small dosage of Viagra. But I guess when I do no MO for a while, I feel like I overthink it and try to test -- but testing it is always the wrong move because it places this weird pressure on you (vs. letting it occur naturally).

I really want to do one set of 100 days no MO. What I think will really help to avoid this testing BS is just having regular sex honestly, so looking for a partner is gonna be important. Anyway just wanted to get this all down here.

 

[Blondie]

Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, I definitely know what you're talking about. This goes back to what we've discussed before, that is, getting stuck in analysis paralysis and overthinking. I know I don't MO, but still, I can honestly say, I've stopped caring about all of this for the most part, and because of that, the "results" in bed have been better. I got to this point when I reached two years out and I saw on occasion that there would still be "problems", however, this was all very random and hardly ever, and thus, I came to the conclusion that this was my new "normal". Hence, even though I've had a handful of relapses over this last six months, but only PMOed twice, I haven't seen any real problems down there anymore, and whenever there might be signs of one approaching, I just don't think about it because I have the foreknowledge that it will be okay. I believe the further you get out, the better this mindset will be for you, and the easier it will be to achieve. Even though I've relapsed, I'm thankful this lesson has been learned, and I'm not stuck in my head thinking Will my dick work tonight? That shit was getting real old!

Of course, you're correct, getting some constant sex would help your mental game out, and I'm not denying that factor, however, the fact still remains, sitting around "thinking" about this will not help the matter. Like I wrote in yesterday's post, approach your life (and yes, women too!) with a mindset of action, especially with this MO thing in particular. Choose action vs. thinking and over analyzing about the past and how it "used to be". Because, the further you do get away, there will be nothing to worry about. You know this is true because you can alreadly see it becoming true right in front of you! As far as the women thing goes, I don't know what to tell you. But I will say this.

There is no "perfect" time to approach
There is no "perfect" muscle mass to reach before you can "safely" cross the street into the land of women
There is no "perfect" body fat number to guarantee your "success" with women
There is no "perfect" job to be at before you can finally ask her out
In fact, the only perfect time to ask is right now
And the only time you have nothing to lose is right now

I wish someone would have told me this nonsense years ago, because it really fucked me up mentally in regards to women and talking to them. Of course, improving yourself is a great thing, but it's so easy to fall into the trap that you have to reach "perfection" before you can talk to women. That's simply not true, and if you think that, you're going to miss all kinds of opportunities, plus, it's a great way to start making excuses. The fact is, we make this shit so hard for ourselves when it really doesn't have to be. It's really so simple. Man and woman. Woman and man. And porn don't got shit on that!

Best
Love you
Blondie

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, I definitely know what you're talking about. This goes back to what we've discussed before, that is, getting stuck in analysis paralysis and overthinking. I know I don't MO, but still, I can honestly say, I've stopped caring about all of this for the most part, and because of that, the "results" in bed have been better. I got to this point when I reached two years out and I saw on occasion that there would still be "problems", however, this was all very random and hardly ever, and thus, I came to the conclusion that this was my new "normal". Hence, even though I've had a handful of relapses over this last six months, but only PMOed twice, I haven't seen any real problems down there anymore, and whenever there might be signs of one approaching, I just don't think about it because I have the foreknowledge that it will be okay. I believe the further you get out, the better this mindset will be for you, and the easier it will be to achieve. Even though I've relapsed, I'm thankful this lesson has been learned, and I'm not stuck in my head thinking Will my dick work tonight? That shit was getting real old!

I fucking love you man. You make me realize I'm not alone, that you've shared my pain and that you've been pretty damn successful in moving past it. Your experience lines up exactly with other reboot stories where a guy might've relapsed once or twice after a solid long reboot but everything still works fine down there. You're right -- everything will be ok. It doesn't mean it will all work perfectly all of the time, but I think that's actually very normal. One guy I know who's probably been with 80+ girls mentioned to me that just in the past 6 months (this was like late 2021) he couldn't get it up like 5-10 times with girls just because he was in his head too much or whatever. This is a guy who as far as I know has never had PIED and has gotten it up way more often than not with many different women. He just didn't let it worry him, he let it go instead of over-analyzing

Of course, you're correct, getting some constant sex would help your mental game out, and I'm not denying that factor, however, the fact still remains, sitting around "thinking" about this will not help the matter. Like I wrote in yesterday's post, approach your life (and yes, women too!) with a mindset of action, especially with this MO thing in particular. Choose action vs. thinking and over analyzing about the past and how it "used to be". Because, the further you do get away, there will be nothing to worry about. You know this is true because you can alreadly see it becoming true right in front of you! As far as the women thing goes, I don't know what to tell you. But I will say this.

There is no "perfect" time to approach
There is no "perfect" muscle mass to reach before you can "safely" cross the street into the land of women
There is no "perfect" body fat number to guarantee your "success" with women
There is no "perfect" job to be at before you can finally ask her out
In fact, the only perfect time to ask is right now
And the only time you have nothing to lose is right now

You're right man, I do have these physical goals but I wonder if I'm letting them hold me back from approaching. I guess it's maybe a way to avoid pain of rejection? I was never that great with women. Don't get me wrong, there have been women who have express interest in me over the years but it was almost sporadic I guess. Maybe some of this is self esteem

I wish someone would have told me this nonsense years ago, because it really fucked me up mentally in regards to women and talking to them. Of course, improving yourself is a great thing, but it's so easy to fall into the trap that you have to reach "perfection" before you can talk to women. That's simply not true, and if you think that, you're going to miss all kinds of opportunities, plus, it's a great way to start making excuses. The fact is, we make this shit so hard for ourselves when it really doesn't have to be. It's really so simple. Man and woman. Woman and man. And porn don't got shit on that!

Best
Love you
Blondie

You're 100% right that it's stupid to wait before achieving perfection before talking to women. I used to think that way all the time before realizing it made no sense and it was just an excuse like you said...I've tried to change that to 'get to a reasonable baseline' but even then it can be an excuse to wait for no good reason. I love you man

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

That's it fellas -- no more excuses. I have been looking at pics and crap that I shouldn't have intermittently -- despite that, my MO's prior to yesterday were REALLY strong (as I have noted in earlier entries). However, for peace of mind I'm going to do 1 last 100 days no MO to really reset my mind as much as possible. After this, I think I'll regulate my MO's to 1-3x a week (I've never wanted to quit MO entirely, the point of this is to quit porn and then maintain healthy MO habits while finding real partners). Already MO'd today (was very meh) so starting tomorrow

Will also continue on cardio (as I've been doing though turning up the heat from light cardio to moderate intensity) to really super-charge my goals. I'll decide if I want to add in kegels at the end of all this and worst case, I've also got my 25mg of Viagra (which I've already cut down from 50mg before) that make sure I don't need to think about 'performing' and it can be as natural as possible.

Will also start approaching women more, rejection sucks but it's better to try and shoot one's shot rather than wait around for something that might never come.

EDIT: MO'd again tonight, was VERY strong. I keep reading online that erection quality can vary a lot even among dudes who never used porn, just gotta shrug it off and move on