I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

[Blondie]

This is a good decision brother, I'm glad you told us what was on your heart. Looking around at that borderline material is the devil's work, and no good can come from it. Also, the 100 days of no MO sounds like a good plan to me. I'm excited to hear what happens on this journey.

Will also start approaching women more, rejection sucks but it's better to try and shoot one's shot rather than wait around for something that might never come.

This makes me smile. I want to hear a good story by the end of the week, even if it's a "bad story", because really, there are no bad stories, when you're being proactive and talking to woman, yes, even IF it doesn't turn out how you wished. And on that note I'd say this, when you talk to women, don't talk to them thinking what you want to get from them (a phone number, sex, companionship, etc.) but rather, what YOU can give them as a man. This is a simple paradigm change, but it can shatter your old worn out perspectives in a matter of seconds. I know you need sex and companionship, but still, just talk and give to women, all of them, even the ones you're not attracted to. Have an energy of giving and thankfulness, and NOT an energy of neediness and "wanting" something from them. Women pick up on that energy real quick.

Think of the sun, it gives freely to all, even if they're thankful or not. Be that to women. That's what masculinity is. Give. Give. Give. The sun needs nothing in return. And if they're not thankful for your light, than move your light somewhere else. No woman can reject you, in fact, they just did YOU a favor, why shine your rays where it's not wanted? Thank them, and move on.

Give
Give
Give

P.S. Obviously, the dating market has changed considerably over the last nine years (some good things, and some not so good), so be careful out there and be thoughtful. Not that you didn't know that or anything.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

This is a good decision brother, I'm glad you told us what was on your heart. Looking around at that borderline material is the devil's work, and no good can come from it. Also, the 100 days of no MO sounds like a good plan to me. I'm excited to hear what happens on this journey.

Will do man. I'm going in serious here, not going to look at pics or anything. Even when watching TV, just gonna look away when something sexual comes up (which I've been doing for past few days). This 100 days no MO is maybe not even necessary to heal but is something I've wanted to do BADLY for a long time. No excuses, it will happen this time

This makes me smile. I want to hear a good story by the end of the week, even if it's a "bad story", because really, there are no bad stories, when you're being proactive and talking to woman, yes, even IF it doesn't turn out how you wished. And on that note I'd say this, when you talk to women, don't talk to them thinking what you want to get from them (a phone number, sex, companionship, etc.) but rather, what YOU can give them as a man. This is a simple paradigm change, but it can shatter your old worn out perspectives in a matter of seconds. I know you need sex and companionship, but still, just talk and give to women, all of them, even the ones you're not attracted to. Have an energy of giving and thankfulness, and NOT an energy of neediness and "wanting" something from them. Women pick up on that energy real quick.

Think of the sun, it gives freely to all, even if they're thankful or not. Be that to women. That's what masculinity is. Give. Give. Give. The sun needs nothing in return. And if they're not thankful for your light, than move your light somewhere else. No woman can reject you, in fact, they just did YOU a favor, why shine your rays where it's not wanted? Thank them, and move on.

Give
Give
Give

That's a great point -- I think you definitely give a WAY more attractive energy when you approach / talk to a girl without thinking about having sex with her. The amount of times I did this (and didn't have much interest for some reason or other), I've had such a high success rate in getting the girl interested (though sometimes I wasn't haha). Just talking to a women is critical

P.S. Obviously, the dating market has changed considerably over the last nine years (some good things, and some not so good), so be careful out there and be thoughtful. Not that you didn't know that or anything.

Haha too true my friend. My friend who lives in Boston was telling me he went on 18 dates last year and spent $3k on these girls (almost all met via apps)...6 of these turned into second dates...none turned into anything more. It's kind of crazy, but important to get the reps in and learn what you want / don't want. Also gotta be careful when approaching women these days lol, but that's the world we need to adapt to haha. Love you man

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 610
Day 2 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

Day 100 no MO, here we come!

 

[Blondie]

My friend who lives in Boston was telling me he went on 18 dates last year and spent $3k on these girls (almost all met via apps)...6 of these turned into second dates...none turned into anything more.

That is insane. I always did coffee dates, and nothing sexy for the first few dates, and even for the 2nd or 3rd date, just a few slices of pizza etc. If they didn't like that, or had a problem with it, then they showed their true colors. NEXT!

What I meant though from my last point, was be careful at your job or wherever you decide to ask ladies out. These days, you can get into real trouble quickly, even if you did nothing wrong, which I don't think you would by the way. That's all I was saying. I know you know that, but it's always worth a mention, especially since I was the one encouraging you to "get out there".

Love you man!

 

[SmokenMirrors]

What I meant though from my last point, was be careful at your job or wherever you decide to ask ladies out. These days, you can get into real trouble quickly, even if you did nothing wrong, which I don't think you would by the way. That's all I was saying. I know you know that, but it's always worth a mention, especially since I was the one encouraging you to "get out there".

I second this, we have got to be very careful nowadays! 99% of the time you will be absolutely fine, women aren't as bad as they may appear online, just aim to have a fun, playful conversation and expect nothing and you'll be bulletproof! Like King Blondie said, you already know this but it's worth a mention!

Big love king, I'm proud of you

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

That is insane. I always did coffee dates, and nothing sexy for the first few dates, and even for the 2nd or 3rd date, just a few slices of pizza etc. If they didn't like that, or had a problem with it, then they showed their true colors. NEXT!

What I meant though from my last point, was be careful at your job or wherever you decide to ask ladies out. These days, you can get into real trouble quickly, even if you did nothing wrong, which I don't think you would by the way. That's all I was saying. I know you know that, but it's always worth a mention, especially since I was the one encouraging you to "get out there".

Love you man!

Yeah great point man -- I will never, ever ask anyone out from my job. I've heard way too many horror stories of that. Everywhere else though seems to be fair game, though girls seem just ticked off if you talk to them at the gym. It's funny, I was just asking this one girl when she'd be done using some equipment (literally 0 ulterior motive) and she just acted super dismissive. Like wut, I'm not trying to hit on you -- but I guess some of them must have been hit on a lot at the gym and that's their default assumption. I'm not trying to put blame on anyone, I think there are better settings to talk to girls though. Thanks for the sagely advice as usual my man, love you too!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

I second this, we have got to be very careful nowadays! 99% of the time you will be absolutely fine, women aren't as bad as they may appear online, just aim to have a fun, playful conversation and expect nothing and you'll be bulletproof! Like King Blondie said, you already know this but it's worth a mention!

Big love king, I'm proud of you

Thank you my man, yeah there are definitely a lot of exaggerations online. That said, I think we should 100% avoid asking out anyone from work -- that's your livelihood, and everyone seems to assume it's some kind of #metoo thing in that setting. I think everywhere else is pretty fair game, I guess you need better game at the gym than you do at the bar haha

Thanks man, right back at ya! Really proud of you, esp for making ig 300+ days no MO! I'm going to push to Day 100, you've inspired the hell out of me

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 612
Day 4 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

Talked to a couple girls yesterday at a work party, one of them started touching me after I made her laugh. I know it was platonic since she has a boyfriend, but damn it made me realize even casual touches from a real woman are better than the excessive self touching of MO and the shadow that its porn. Anyway, just gonna keep working on my social skills and getting out there.

Going to make it to Day 100 no MO, which is only a few weeks behind being 2yrs porn free as well. Excited to hit these milestones

 

[Blondie]

This is great news! Between my girl hugging me and the news of you getting touched, I think I feel a hard on.

but damn it made me realize even casual touches from a real woman are better than the excessive self touching of MO and the shadow that its porn. Anyway, just gonna keep working on my social skills and getting out there.

boy is this the truth.

Let's get out there and start approaching life, in all its forms.

Love you man.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

This is great news! Between my girl hugging me and the news of you getting touched, I think I feel a hard on.

boy is this the truth.

Let's get out there and start approaching life, in all its forms.

Love you man.

hahah platonic touch but yeah fair enough. Love you too man

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 622
Day 9 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

 

[Blondie]

Two words for you, fuck yeah!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 623
Day 10 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

 

[Blondie]

Flying high in the sky.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 623
Day 11 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

I've been thinking about my crutches into escapism recently. Now I don't use any drugs (other than alcohol I guess in very moderate amounts) and social media is at a minimum (Facebook and LinkedIn only). These are my historical crutches and the status:

1. Porn -- haven't used in 1.5yrs and will NEVER touch again

2. Video games -- I virtually only ever game socially (with friends) and even then it's not super often. Some weeks I'll game 3x for 2hrs and other weeks I won't game at all. So maybe averaging 2-3hrs a week which I don't think is problematic

3. Anime -- I watch a lot of anime, this is still a big source of enjoyment for me to forget about everything. Now I avoid any porn like stuff but still there's a lot of fantasy-esque anime.

4. Non-Anime TV -- not a ton to be honest, it's very controlled

5. Fiction -- I read a lot of fiction. Not as much as I used to even 2yrs ago (and none that gets overtly sexual such as to cross into porn-like territory) but still a lot

I guess in a perfect world at some point I want to minimize the anime and cut down on the fiction. I guess it's the wish fulfillment of wanting to escape into a world with no real problems and where everything is simple. I think engaging this stuff infrequently is ok but too much and it becomes a crutch. The hard part isn't just stopping these activities per se as much as it is with finding new stuff to replace them as otherwise I have no idea what to do with free time after work + exercise + calling friends/family.

I want to engage in the real world with real people, anything less is untenable at this point in my life. I'm trying to hang out with people as much as possible but frankly am also trying to move cities soon which is making it hard to really invest in new relationships (bit of a catch 22 that I hope gets resolved asap). Anyway, continuing the good fight and ruminating on all of this

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 624
Day 12 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

Felt great after meditating last night. Skipped the night before and I did not feel great, since starting last Aug or so I've meditated probably 95% of days since. Cold showers maybe only missed 3-4 days in that period. So overall the consistency is pretty good

Had a porn dream last night, guess some of it is still flushing out of my system after that period where I was looking at pics and other crap I shouldn't have. At least for past 12 days I've avoided all that crap, and I will continue to do so. It's the last big porn-related things that's holding me back, the rest is just getting out there. God bless all of you

 

[Blondie]

I like everything you're thinking here @First_step_thousand_miles.

I agree with you that too much "fake" or "fictional" stuff can be a hindrance to growth, but it some sense, as long as it's healthy and not a bad method to escape for a moment, it's okay in small doses. For example, I just found this block game on my phone that's been really fun over the last month, a healthy distraction once in a while, however, there's been some days when I'm like, "fuck man, stop playing and get back to studying!" It's funny, I've never played games before on my phone, and haven't played video games since I was in my early 20s, but here I am now, playing this stupid game. Of course, there's nothing inherently wrong with this game or any game for that matter, but only what you do with it. Sometimes it's been a healthy distraction for a moment, and then I got back to work, and other times, it's been the Beast of Procrastination that must be slayed.

Best man

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

I like everything you're thinking here @First_step_thousand_miles.

I agree with you that too much "fake" or "fictional" stuff can be a hindrance to growth, but it some sense, as long as it's healthy and not a bad method to escape for a moment, it's okay in small doses. For example, I just found this block game on my phone that's been really fun over the last month, a healthy distraction once in a while, however, there's been some days when I'm like, "fuck man, stop playing and get back to studying!" It's funny, I've never played games before on my phone, and haven't played video games since I was in my early 20s, but here I am now, playing this stupid game. Of course, there's nothing inherently wrong with this game or any game for that matter, but only what you do with it. Sometimes it's been a healthy distraction for a moment, and then I got back to work, and other times, it's been the Beast of Procrastination that must be slayed.

Best man

You are right my friend. It's easy to overboard and just take out all joy from our lives. I think we want to take out the stuff that is obviously bad (porn, drugs, etc) and then keep the stuff is good in moderation (everything is bad in excess).

To be honest, these random anime are a joy in my life that I look forward to. I have other things -- like seeing a very good friend, lifting, long peaceful walks, eating a great meal, traveling, great books, good music -- which keep me going. I don't want to cut out the anime though because unlike all the others, it's probably the deepest escape from the problems in my life. My job search feels stagnant af, I've yet to find a gf (though I'm slowly making the effort to meeting more girls -- which I need to pick the hell up on), and I wish I was making more (though I guess so does everyone!).

Most of all, I long for the carefree days of my youth as it feels like as soon as I solve one problem another pops up. And our minds are wired to compare ourselves to others which I certainly do...looking around with the guy with a great job making nice dough and is married or on the way in a city he loves;.

Sorry to problem dump man! In the grand scheme of things these are small problems vs. what many others go through, but I've realized -- esp. from that book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck -- that solving problems does bring joy, but there will always BE problems for everyone. No matter how rich or good looking or whatever you are, everyone's got it. If not, why do you see so many trust fund kids with hot girlfriends who are constantly on hookers / coke / alcohol binges in Ibiza or St. Tropez? Having no problems leads to stagnation as well, so it's a balance.

Anyway I'm going to read that book again. The other thing which is making me deeply unhappy is my lack of progress of losing fat which is entirely my fault given my diet...that is one problem I will get to solving right away. It's a rough but beautiful world my friend. Love you @Blondie

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 626 no porn
Day 14 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers

2 weeks no MO! Happy to be here, can't wait for 1 month and onwards. If I continue on this path I'll finish my 100 days no MO a few days before my 2yr mark. That would be incredible, I'm excited to get there

Edit: Not last night, but night before had another sex dream though this one was pretty gross. It's alright, I welcome flushing all this crap out to make way for the good. I'm done looking at anything even resembling porn / pics / etc

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 629 no porn
Day 17 no MO
Daily meditation
Daily cold showers