I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

This my man - truth.

I sometimes use this thought pattern, not only for inspiration, but just for a kick in the nuts as well.

Let's face it, if you're starving to death or have no running water, you have no time to be a wanker. Period. Getting over porn and (OMG the withdrawals are so hard!) got nothing on that shit!

It's a good reminder when we're feeling tempted to get our heads out of our asses and see the big picture.

Keep killing it, I love your thinking here.

Best.
Hundo p man, hundo p. It's just so amazing that as human beings we somehow manage to find ourselves into problems despite how good we have it. We don't have problems with food / shelter / electricity. We live in a time where we can do stuff that isn't even economically productive like writing literature (not that there's anything wrong with that, the arts are cool)! And yet we still find a way to screw ourselves up, though of course in all of our cases we had no idea how damaging P could be. Even those who drink alcohol are aware that excess can be a problem (though moderation isn't a problem). With P, both excess and moderation are a problem and pretty much all of us never even knew.

You're right about the thought process. The longer we stick it out, the more clear it becomes that P is an evil & the more reasons we have to quit. Godspeed man!
 
Day 37 -- feel some mild urges when I think about women / girls / P but that's about it. Also when I think about girls with my hand on my schlong (kind of hard to break this habit), I'm getting hard though only 60% or so. Starting to become a habit to ignore P. There's still a pull when I think about it, hopefully it stays mild & ignorable. Regardless, urges have been super reasonable to deal with in this attempt vs. my first one. Not sure why
 
Day 40 -- Temptations aren't super strong but they come several times throughout the day. These days I can't even used social media like Snapchat as it's filled with what is essentially softcore P. Was never a huge social media user but guess that's not something I should ever return to

Anyway I'm just a little concerned about dating apps after all this. Kind of a must have and I know I'll be using it, I just wonder how to use them appropriately as there's lots of pics on there that could be problematic for folks like us
 
Great job getting to day 40 First Step!
Thanks my guy! Good to get here but right now I don't feel a feeling of accomplishment as these P urges seem to be popping up from nowhere all of a sudden after weeks of largely avoiding them. But regardless, it is an important step

Also unrelated -- watched a Noah Church video where he talked about having dreams about watching porn. Made me sign in relief because I think I've had 1-2 of those and that felt weird watching P in the 3rd person and feeling like I'd relapsed but waking up and having that sweet relief that I didn't. He mentioned that over time he had more actual 1st person sex dreams vs. dreams of watching P. Gradual process haha

He also mentions that when he started, he thought it would be impossible to M with sensation alone (no fantasy). 8 months in though when he tested, he found it worked no problem! This is something I worry about myself but good to hear it from Noah. Gabe Deem mentioned that PIED stopped for him something like 8 months in and that it took him like 1.5yrs of 15 months (I forget which) before he could M on sensation alone. So guess I just gotta be patient
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
If it makes you feel any better, a few days ago I had some pretty vivid porn memories and videos just pop in my head out of nowhere, and that's nine months out! Does this happen all the time? Hardly, but it does happen still. So don't feel bad or think that your progress is going too slow or anything.

Let's be honest, if you've been looking at this shit for years, 40 days or 9 months is only going to make a small dent in our progress. I'm not trying to be cynical here, just being rational.

We've been fucking our brains for a long time, and we should expect to take a long to time to completely unfuck them back to normal.

Lucky for us however, our brains have a marvelous compacity to heal themselves pretty quickly, and that is good news indeed! :cool:
 
If it makes you feel any better, a few days ago I had some pretty vivid porn memories and videos just pop in my head out of nowhere, and that's nine months out! Does this happen all the time? Hardly, but it does happen still. So don't feel bad or think that your progress is going too slow or anything.

Let's be honest, if you've been looking at this shit for years, 40 days or 9 months is only going to make a small dent in our progress. I'm not trying to be cynical here, just being rational.

We've been fucking our brains for a long time, and we should expect to take a long to time to completely unfuck them back to normal.

Lucky for us however, our brains have a marvelous compacity to heal themselves pretty quickly, and that is good news indeed! :cool:
For sure man, always appreciate your perspective. Guess if it happens once in a blue moon long-term then it's not an issue, especially if you have a partner! You're right, our brains are pretty miraculous -- looking forward to 100 days!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
The partner thing is interesting... because on one hand, if you don't have one, you wonder, "Man, would it even work if I even had a one-night stand?" However, if you do have one, then you have to worry about it not working on a daily or weekly basis, and when it doesn't work (and both you and your partner know why) it can be quite the mind fuck!

So as far as I see it, both can suck, but they have different positives and negatives.
 
The partner thing is interesting... because on one hand, if you don't have one, you wonder, "Man, would it even work if I even had a one-night stand?" However, if you do have one, then you have to worry about it not working on a daily or weekly basis, and when it doesn't work (and both you and your partner know why) it can be quite the mind fuck!

So as far as I see it, both can suck, but they have different positives and negatives.
Ah fair enough man
 
Day 41 -- mild urges but dealing with them. Definitely a trigger when I'm walking outside and see an attractive girl in a tank top, I hope this becomes easier to manage over time
 
On Day 43 -- some news & some thoughts. I MO'd yesterday as I got a little horny. This was fine for me because while I ideally would've liked to commit to no MO, it was never a LT goal of mine and I was ok with MOing during the reboot as long as it didn't involve P. P is the true enemy for me so as long as I can avoid that I'm good. Did not have chaser effect though I was also tired last night. Anyway, on the the positives and things that showed me there was room for improvement:

MO was to fantasy of of myself with a girl (not a P fantasy, was just vanilla fantasy - good ol' missionary, no 'genres' of stuff attached to it which would bring it to P fantasy as far as I'm aware). Was pretty hard quite quickly, not too much in the way of complaints. Not quite 100% (90-95% towards the end) and got a little soft during it at times when I didn't have the scene in my head (clear room to improve). I NEVER would've been able to do this before my reboot. I know because I've tried to do it before just wondering if I could but it never really worked well. Maybe 2x (ever) I was able to do it but only after like 30min of effort and getting soft many times & struggling to keep it going. This time it was pretty easy. Also before I'd always have to do really fast strokes which does not mimic actual intercourse at all (but would otherwise lose the erection), this time I was careful to only use slow strokes as I want to condition away from P.

Now on the room for improvement. First of all, eventually want to get to the point others do like Noah Church where there is no need to any fantasy at all, just sensation. That's long-term. Mid-term goals next. Girl in the fantasy was extremely attractive, I'd like to use fantasy with just an above-average or even average girl. Also noticed I ejaculated fairly quickly, clearly might need to add in some kegels / reverse kegels into the routine at some point so as to not have PE (though I'll take it over PIED any day) -- which is fine as I was going to at some point anyway.

Other thing is I think I'll avoid MO until the end of the first 100 days just because I don't want to accidentally tie it in to P fantasy. Feel somewhat horny today & I don't want to flood my brain with dopamine (or the anticipation of dopamine by saying 'oh I'll wait 2 weeks' or something). No more until I finish Day 100 though this is a soft promise (vs. my hard promise to quit P). Anyway, glad I did the MO as it showed proof of progress while also showing how far I had to go. Onwards my brothers
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
I like this.

Nice job on differentiating between porn and MO. I think it's a trap many of us fall into. Yes, it's good to try to refrain from it (if that's your goal) but it's definitely not the same thing as porn.

The importance of not seeing black and white in many of these instances can save us from many relapses. It took me way too long to learn this lesson.

Keep killing it man. (y)
 
I like this.

Nice job on differentiating between porn and MO. I think it's a trap many of us fall into. Yes, it's good to try to refrain from it (if that's your goal) but it's definitely not the same thing as porn.

The importance of not seeing black and white in many of these instances can save us from many relapses. It took me way too long to learn this lesson.

Keep killing it man. (y)
Absolutely dude, that's a conclusion I've sort of been coming to as well but awesome to see it validated by your experience. Yeah Noah Church even mentioned for instance that he doesn't believe in this idea of 'resetting the counter' after a certain point. If you've been clean from P for 6 months and then relapse once, does that set you back to square 1? Doesn't make sense that would. Yes,, if you spend the next 3 weeks on a P binge that probably does set you back to Square 1, but just 1-2 times that day and then you stop? It makes no logical sense that it totally wipes you out. I've also seen others say, 'hey I've been doing this for 8 months and used P maybe 5-6x but I'm back to normal in terms with no PIED'

I think you have to commit 100% going in and quitting entirely is the holy grail. That said though, it can be super demotivating I think if you get super far and reset the counter since if you think you're back to Day 1 it just encourages a binge to take advantage of it & you ignore the guilt / shame (even my relapse after 2.5 weeks felt so crappy and I binged for 2-3 days afterwards). I will 100000% keep going into this with intention of quitting entirely forever but I don't want to punish myself for shades of grey as you point out as at least for me it will be counter-productive.

That said, I'm not sure I want to MO through 100 days at least the more I think just because the danger of drifting into P fantasy. But I don't want to commit 100% to this. You can't keep every promise so you have to commit to the ones that matter most (otherwise it's demotivating when you can't keep it). My hard promise is to quit P like the rest of us here. Thanks for the encouragement and words of wisdom Blondie!!!
 
Ok I MO'd again after feeling horny, some chaser effect present. It's clear to me now that I'm not ready to M and control myself appropriately. I gotta commit to no MO until at least 100 days, perhaps even longer

Important to be mindful of where I'm at, where my impulse control is, etc. I don't want M to become an addictive substitute for P, I will master my desires, not let my desires master me. Ideally after all this, I don't want to MO more than 1x a week
 
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Day 48 today -- Oof I MO'd again yesterday. Altogether I'm not actually terribly upset about it because it marked another progress point, though on flip side -- can't be doing this for a while. So good stuff:

- It was a girl that I used to know who's definitely attractive (names Alli, won't say any more) but not a 10/10 like in my first MO session last week. Nice to know I'm able to get hard to a girl who doesn't look like a P-star
- It was also standing up (took a bit of time to get started & wasn't 100% hard no issues but standing is always harder than laying down)
- Fantasy was just in my room & after a date so pretty vanilla throughout, no P-scenes or P-acting at all

Why is this important? Because I NEVER before my reboot would've been able to MO to a regular non-P fantasy, especially standing up and especially with a girl who was 9/10<. One of my goals through this reboot was to get to the point where I find average looking girls very sexually exciting, this is clear proof that is getting closer. Other thing I noticed was "little First-step" was actually looking pretty big! So quite happy with that

All this said, I want to avoid MO for rest of reboot, I don't think 1x a week is bad steady-state but gotta give the brain a break from the dopamine rush & not get addicted to MO. The very fact that I can even MO without P actually gives me confidence in staying away from P / P-fantasy which is the true enemy. I now have the hope that I can always MO without P (which alone is much healthier) and am much close to fixing PIED than never before. Put another way, if I didn't experiment with the MO then I would've kept worrying if I was seeing progress and if my dong is going to work at all -- now I know it's on the path to recovery. Exciting days!

Also fellas leaving on a trip for weekend to visit a buddy out in Seattle -- will pause on posting till early next week. Just living life!
 
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Day 52 -- crossed the 50 day threshold with no P. Though I have MO'd again so I think this makes 4 MOs. 4th MO has been making my head fog up & makes me want to MO again. Realizing that the dopamine levels / addiction processes still have a way to normalize & O'ing is not a good idea for a while. This makes 4 MO's in 9 days, which is clearly too much for me. I think a healthy person can MO 1-2x a week long-term but even if my MO involves no P or P fantasy, but I'm a ways away from this. Guess I got a little too excited that I was finally able to MO without P and took it too far

Funny enough, I'm not really tempted to use P. Subconsciously it seems my brain has realized it doesn't need P to MO (which I always thought I needed). But while MO can be fine at some point, it's not fine for me right now. So I need to take a hard break from it. Goal is to avoid MO entirely until I cross Day 100 (almost 50 days). And after that I'll figure out what I want to do (definitely no more than 1-2x a week tops, ideally lower end of that range)

One question tho -- I guess being able to MO with sensation alone (no fantasy at all, even if it's a natural one with a girl you know) is the true goal & probably proves you've beaten PIED. But is this really necessary? Again, Gabe Deem couldn't MO with sensation alone maybe 12-15 months in while he was able to regularly have sex by month 8. My takeaway is that the pathways continue healing the longer you stay away from P (and also don't abuse MOing excessively) but that you are ready well before you can MO to sensation alone
 
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Wow today feels super crappy. Also jet lagged & need more sleep but I feel like my mental health has worsened since the series of MO. Feeling chase effect strongly & have the urge to keep MOing but this is clearly the addict brain speaking.

In all honesty setting aside the P-brain screaming at me, I do want to keep testing the MO with a range of girls just to build more confidence that I can get hard to a range of real life girls in a normal fantasy setting. But I need to satisfy myself knowing that I've already proven I can do it, just need to give it more time. At this point, that 'testing' will only do more harm than good. No more MO for a long, long time

I do kind of wish that I'd waited the full 90 days before MO on one hand to really give my brain a break from the dopamine, but on flip side I've seen encouraging progress due to MOing. Real catch 22, but from here on out I can only look forward. Finally back from all my trips, next 2-3 months is going to be eating healthy & losing a ton of weight. My goal is to lose 15lb of fat in next 2 months and 20lb of fat over next 3 months. Aggressive goals but I know I can make them. Going to replace the P-dopamine with more exercise dopamine
 
Woke up hard today after a good night's sleep which was pretty cool. No chaser / urges as well thankfully but my mood is definitely down, guessing from the multiple MOs in past 2 weeks. I felt pretty good after the first MO and even the 2nd which suggests to me that 1-2x a week (post reboot) is fair but going beyond that has negative consequences
 
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