I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

Nice job on that test First step!

Good luck on losing those pounds. I've been losing weight too over this last year and it feels great to be in the healthy BMI index again! Now I'm trying to get down to 15% body fat, which seems to be a harder endeavor :)

But whatever our body fat percentages or body weight is, let us remember one thing, fuck porn!

Best brother.
Absolutely man! Man it's not easy cracking the sub-15% BF. I'm trying to get to 11-12% ideally just to get some breathing room. No need for a six pack but I really do want to be in much better shape. Best of luck with your weight loss as well, food is the biggest piece of all this followed by excercise. Gotta want it haha
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Absolutely man! Man it's not easy cracking the sub-15% BF. I'm trying to get to 11-12% ideally just to get some breathing room.
lol damn I hear you!

I've been on a journey this last year. I've lost over 45 pounds and by my previous BF percentage, I was considered obese. So now sitting at 19/20 percent, I feel pretty happy and look better than I've ever looked, especially for a guy about to hit 40. However, it would be great to get down to 15% or so, just to go that extra distance. But now it's tricky because I don't want to lose weight or "muscle" but only fat.

As you said, it's all about pushing away from the table, or more importantly, certain foods!
 
lol damn I hear you!

I've been on a journey this last year. I've lost over 45 pounds and by my previous BF percentage, I was considered obese. So now sitting at 19/20 percent, I feel pretty happy and look better than I've ever looked, especially for a guy about to hit 40. However, it would be great to get down to 15% or so, just to go that extra distance. But now it's tricky because I don't want to lose weight or "muscle" but only fat.

As you said, it's all about pushing away from the table, or more importantly, certain foods!
Holy crap, congrats man! 45lb is awesome, sounds like another 10-15lb or so would get you to where you want to be. You can do it man, might be worth trying some HIIT or some moderate weights 2-3 days a week in order to lose just the fat and not the muscle (otherwise ending up with the dreaded skinny fat look)
 
Day 113 - Felt kinda horny and MO'd. Not easy to not MO honestly but I won't punish myself for it. Didn't use porn of course as that's the true evil & MO'ing without it as definitely far better. That said, I'm just going to dust myself off and try again for the hard 90 again with no MO. Would be awesome to make it but even if I don't I think abstaining as much as possible will be a very good thing for at least the next couple months

Much love to Blondie & SmokenMirrors again for their patient, unwavering support -- really helps put into perspective how to mentally handle these little stumbling blocks along the path. I'm going to steal from Blondie for a hot sec (don't worry man, just this once!) but hope everyone's having an awesome porn-free Labor Day weekend!
 
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Man I'm getting some strange porn cravings more recently and I don't know why. It's mostly all for the anime stuff too even though I rarely watch anime anymore. I'm not sure if it's my brain's last-ditch attempts to get me back into this crap or what

I'm resisting hard but it feels kinda crappy just because it feels regressive. Which is strange because I don't feel like I've done anything really to regress (MOd a couple times in past few weeks to normal fantasy but don't think there's anything wrong with that). Just wish the cravings would become much smaller like they were 1-2 months into my reboot.

I know I need to trust the process but this is some weird stuff. Anyone have resources of rebooting accounts, videos or just pages on YBOP that talks about this part of the reboot more?
 
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Just your mind playing tricks on you, don't listen to it. I remember feeling that way too after a while, but then it passes and you'll be good to go!

Hold your course.

Keep killing it.
Thanks my dude, it's just really weird. Not that I expect the cravings to never ever come back (I think a little bit every now and then, while a bit annoying, is fine) but just surprised by the strength of them this late into the reboot. Just gotta stay strong. Guess you went through the same thing post-100 days as well? Good to know, thanks brother
 
Yeah man, sometimes it just happens out of nowhere! At this point for me, it's mostly just flashbacks etc., but of course, getting fewer and far between.

Best!
Gotcha thanks my dude. Will definitely stay on the path, I haven't read reboot accounts / watched videos since like day 20 or 30 but might be time to just go get refreshed & educated again. Much love brother!
 
LONG POST AHEAD

Well another small step, I cancelled my crunchyroll subscription (if you don't know what it is it's basically Netflix but for anime). I actually have barely watched anything since my reboot except for DBZ -- great show. But I was browsing recently to look for new shows and realized there were quite a few triggers. To be honest there isn't really anything I was dying to watch on there either so it was an easy decision all said. I realized that since at least Covid began when I started watching a lot more anime my tastes shifted towards some risqué (and frankly weeby) material where I'd watch and show and immediately find some kind of anime porn behind it. Smh how unhealthy was that....

Cravings are minimal today though I did MO last night when I couldn't get to sleep. The great thing is that even when the cravings were stronger it was much easier to resist vs. easier this year. I remember when I was testing the waters with the reboot I couldn't even last a week or more at a time back then! Inevitably some porn video / scene would get stuck in my mind and even while I was at work I'd go the bathroom & rub one out while watching the video. Truly addiction in action

The other thing I guess I've noticed was that one of the things on YBOP that recovering porn users see is a peeling back of the onion with their porn -- that is, they remember earlier & earlier scenes in their porn journey. When I was a porn user, I had saved a lot of earlier videos that I really liked. Yet after a while I remember trying to go back to those videos but they didn't excite me anymore! I didn't realize why back then but my porn has morphed my tastes into more and more extreme material to the point where while I could get hard to the earlier stuff, it was both more challenging and less satisfying to my brain.

Reason I bring up the above is because I'm finally starting to see that. Last night had a video stuck in my head that was actually the first porn video I ever watched & I found it way more appealing (vs. right before the reboot that wouldn't have interested me at all). Sadly, that video was an anime porn video which I realize kind of doomed me from the start with regards to avoiding PIED. That said, while I can't change the past I sure as hell can (and am!) changing my future even as we speak by committing to no porn for the rest of my days. Regardless, exciting to see this evolution happening which many other successful rebooters have experienced as it means I'm really making progress

Some other stuff to add -- even beyond anime I remember my porn tastes had morphed into some genres that I now cringe while thinking about. Back in the day I remember I wouldn't even have to see penetration but I'd already have blown my load before that scene! That's how sensitive it was. Body type / shape / etc didn't even matter much, just using vanilla videos at random from the main pages would get my dong going totally fine. I remember going back to those videos in the past few years and I no longer found them interesting, even though it had been years since I had even seen them last.

Remember talking to a buddy about porn back in college (he was very open to talking about it) and I asked him if when he fapped he could use any video or whether he would need to find a specific video in a specific genre. He said it was the former which puzzled me even back then because I always tried to find something that fit my mood at the time depending on what triggered me (saw a hot girl outside, watched anime, etc). Only now I realize, it was because I had conditioned myself to novelty in unearthly ways. That guy has been beating it for 12-13yrs (vs. my 8) by this point & still often goes 2x a day to porn, yet interestingly he's never seemed to have issues with PIED. Obviously our brains are all different so I'm not trying to force a comparison; that said, even if his frequency was higher or even equal, I had a lot of bad habits / material that made my issue worse (using anime porn, spending 30min to sometimes hours searching for the right video, using multiple tabs, etc).

All just rambles & musings here. All to say I just wanted to journal & document this stuff because they're important observations. I really, really crave those feelings of when I had just started using P (but of course this time, only with people and NEVER with porn) where my brain felt fresh & innocent & the regular things would get me excited. I don't know how long exactly that will take & I'm certainly seeing progress so just gotta keep chugging after it
 
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I'm in a writing kind of mood today! I want to be a new man in so many ways. Just to reiterate my goals again:

1. Stay clean from porn & heal my brain

2. Spend more time with friends

3. Build more hobbies

4. Lose weight

Ultimately I'd like to give dating a real shot again as it's something I honestly haven't pursued for years. But first I know I need to work on myself. Excited for what this journey holds!
 
Day 120 -- Wow, it's been 4 months porn free! Last MO was Day 115, we'll see how long I can keep up that streak. Next big milestone will be Day 150 and then Day 180 (6 months!)

Good to have come this far & I've definitely seen enough progress to know I've healed in a big way. Looking forward to getting the rest of the way!
 
My man! 4 months is an amazing accomplishment, well done.

Day 150 is right around the corner.


You will get there to be sure.

Best brother!
Thank you my dude, feels like a lifetime ago that I started that 2nd reboot having felt shitty about the first relapse & praying to god I'd make it. So glad that's coming true, I never want to go back to that hell. We're moving on to living our best lives, incredibly exciting stuff!!!
 
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Day 121 - another sex dream last night (and 1 about a week ago or so). Still nothing in my boxers but the sheer amount of them is kind of crazy, again I only had like 2 of these a year while PMOing. Subconscious clearly speaking out here

Otherwise, nothing much -- just doing regular stuff
 
Keeping it up man!

I guess I don't have to say that, because it seems it's doing that naturally. :cool:

Best brother!
Haha Blondie coming in hot with another pun. Thanks my guy, nice to see that the brain does indeed heal itself

I'm noticing more girls that I would've dismissed in my porn days as 'not attractive enough.' Now, even out in public just seeing a girl who's maybe a bit more attractive than average gets me thinking 'wow.' I remember reading one guy in a reboot account say that the range of girls he found attractive had increased & hoped to god that was true (as I was only attracted to girls that looked like porn stars / IG models in those porn filled days). Nice to know that a typical cute girl out in the world is becoming more attractive. Things are looking up haha
 
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