There is much wisdom here. Thanks.I see again how you can look as hard as you want but that doesn't give you the thing you desire. All it gives you is a fantasy that you can't capture. And then of course the thought creeps in that I could capture it by looking at P. Also a lie.
You're doing well @SimonM, try not to be too hard on yourself. Yes you haven't relapsed, and yes you haven't had "perfect" thoughts or "eyes", but this black and white thinking can really get you into trouble. Be aware of your thoughts, be cognoscent of them, however, don't judge them so harshly, there's much grey area here.
Stay the course brother.