Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I can't stop relapsing man. I haven't felt well in a long time. I feel lethargic, depressed and very high anxiety.
Escape and never come back
- Thread starter Escapeandnevercomeback
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Relapse again today
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Relapse is essentially an outcome after a long sequence of events.
If you can list the activities that eventually lead to relapse, it might give you more clues and clarity to manage better.
If you can list the activities that eventually lead to relapse, it might give you more clues and clarity to manage better.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I don't know what else to say. All this PMO bullshit fucked me up. I don't feel anything anymore besides lethargy, a feeling of terror all day and very high social anxiety. In rest I'm completely numb. I can't feel any joy, any excitement. I don't know if I'm going to quit this. I've been trying for years.
3 PMOs today. 2 yesterday. And then the question is why do I feel like shit?
3 PMOs today. 2 yesterday. And then the question is why do I feel like shit?
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Repeated PMO leads to tolerance.. like drugs, you'd need more hits just to feel the same.
But since too much dopamine has been released unnaturally, the body also adjusts homeostasis by lowering the rest state dopmine levels in order to compensate for the high floods.
Moreover, overuse leads to neurotransmitter burnout and death. It's harder to feel better with less transmitters all operating on low.
so it's a triple whammy.
You feel shitty cos low dopamine is demotivating. Nothing in the world feels good.
the only way to feel better is no more hits. Hits only makes it worse. stop immediately and let your brain recover.
its like you ate too much chili for too long and now your guts ulcerated and you're loosing weight because it can't absorb nutrients anymore. You have to stay off chili, let the gut heal and eat yucky antiacid or just drink water only for a while.
hang in there. Post recovery is good and worth it!
But since too much dopamine has been released unnaturally, the body also adjusts homeostasis by lowering the rest state dopmine levels in order to compensate for the high floods.
Moreover, overuse leads to neurotransmitter burnout and death. It's harder to feel better with less transmitters all operating on low.
so it's a triple whammy.
You feel shitty cos low dopamine is demotivating. Nothing in the world feels good.
the only way to feel better is no more hits. Hits only makes it worse. stop immediately and let your brain recover.
its like you ate too much chili for too long and now your guts ulcerated and you're loosing weight because it can't absorb nutrients anymore. You have to stay off chili, let the gut heal and eat yucky antiacid or just drink water only for a while.
hang in there. Post recovery is good and worth it!
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You will, Escape. You weren't born doing this, and you won't die doing this, it's not your natural state. Even now, you're just simply trying to get back to your natural state of peace and equanimity. What you're doing to help yourself back there is unnecessary, because if we do nothing (no PMO, no drinking) we will get back there naturally. We know this to be true, even if we're binging, we eventually come back to ourselves.
I know you've tried many approaches, but the best one is self-acceptance. This isn't meant to be cliche, but it truly is the only way to find true healing and freedom. Fighting against yourself only makes things worse.
Take some deep breaths, and realize that you'll be fine without all the 'extras' (pmo, etc).
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I appreciate the advice Phineas and TakeActionNow. I'll see what I can do. I will try to keep searching for solutions. But I'll be honest with you all, I am not too motivated. It's one of those moments when I can't see the end.
Day 1. Back to misery doesn't feel good at all.
Day 1. Back to misery doesn't feel good at all.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
It's very demoralizing to start with strong motivation, fail a bunch of times and then wonder if you actually really know how to do it or even can. I'm looking at my life slipping away from me, I'm not completely fucked yet but if I keep going with the way I live, especially mentally, I will. Especially with alcohol. Sending messages to people, attacking people when drunk. I need to rearrange my whole interior life.
The thing is, somewhere in my childhood, I don't remember exactly when or how but it must've been something with my parents that made me stop saying when something was wrong with me. I've developed this big resistance (shout out to the book The war of art) to asking for help, saying what was bothering me. I told myself I could fix myself on my own.
Then I got to late 20s and the embarrassment phase started. Shame is a big thing. And the things you tell yourself, aka your own mind. Your own mind can be the stone dragging you to the bottom of the ocean. I started telling myself that I'm almost 30, I can't say how fucked up I am because I will embarrass myself, at this age I should have my life together. At least that's how I saw it, that at that age, I should've been alright, not fucked up but seeing other people, older than me, even celebrities (because they can be found more easily) who are struggling with themselves too, has shown me that I was not alone. But yes, maybe at 30, if you do the right things, you should be alright. I wasn't. I was in my late 20s then 30 then 32 (now) and the more time passed by, the more embarrassed I became about the fact that I was not able to change on my own and my life was still laughable, still empty, loneliness, addiction, inferiority complex, attention seeking, disgusting behavior under the influence, paranoid, playing the victim, unresolved PTSD from bullying in childhood, feeling weak, feeling scared, feeling that everybody thinks I'm a loser etc. As Russell Brand said, if you can't fix yourself on your own, maybe you don't know how. I'm thinking how much time I've wasted refusing to get help.
The thing is, somewhere in my childhood, I don't remember exactly when or how but it must've been something with my parents that made me stop saying when something was wrong with me. I've developed this big resistance (shout out to the book The war of art) to asking for help, saying what was bothering me. I told myself I could fix myself on my own.
Then I got to late 20s and the embarrassment phase started. Shame is a big thing. And the things you tell yourself, aka your own mind. Your own mind can be the stone dragging you to the bottom of the ocean. I started telling myself that I'm almost 30, I can't say how fucked up I am because I will embarrass myself, at this age I should have my life together. At least that's how I saw it, that at that age, I should've been alright, not fucked up but seeing other people, older than me, even celebrities (because they can be found more easily) who are struggling with themselves too, has shown me that I was not alone. But yes, maybe at 30, if you do the right things, you should be alright. I wasn't. I was in my late 20s then 30 then 32 (now) and the more time passed by, the more embarrassed I became about the fact that I was not able to change on my own and my life was still laughable, still empty, loneliness, addiction, inferiority complex, attention seeking, disgusting behavior under the influence, paranoid, playing the victim, unresolved PTSD from bullying in childhood, feeling weak, feeling scared, feeling that everybody thinks I'm a loser etc. As Russell Brand said, if you can't fix yourself on your own, maybe you don't know how. I'm thinking how much time I've wasted refusing to get help.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I watched a ton of porn in the morning, without jerking off...
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
You'd need to stop P.
P is motivational and will build strong desires to fulfill O through M. The less P, the less M, the less O.
I find that calmness is the antithesis to agitation for P.
When the cravings hit, give yourself 15 to 30 mins of calming activities without giving in. Generally the emotional wave will pass and you're safe again.
Listen to soft music
Go for a slow walk
Meditate on breath focus
V cold shower (it's scientifically dopaminergic)
Drink cold water
Come to RN and blog long and with great detail
P is motivational and will build strong desires to fulfill O through M. The less P, the less M, the less O.
I find that calmness is the antithesis to agitation for P.
When the cravings hit, give yourself 15 to 30 mins of calming activities without giving in. Generally the emotional wave will pass and you're safe again.
Listen to soft music
Go for a slow walk
Meditate on breath focus
V cold shower (it's scientifically dopaminergic)
Drink cold water
Come to RN and blog long and with great detail
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Thanks. I appreciate the help.Unfortunately it's not going too well. I've been on a 3 days porn binge.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
^ very real for the situation I'm in.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
The situation is like this: This year, 2022, January 1st (of course), I said this year was going to be a year of change for me. I wanted to quit porn, alcohol, get my driver's license, advance a little bit on the loser scale and be seeing as more competent at work. None happened. At the end of the year I am exactly where I was in 2021 at the end of the year. Listen, I think I've heard this in the movie Shawshank Redemption (great movie, recommend): You either get busy living or get busy dying. What do I actually want? As one of the men I've been following, David Goggins, used to say: You either get better or you get worse. Do I really want the next year to be as shit as this one? I don't have time for this shit anymore. I'm fuckin 32. I've realized one of the things I really need to do is to get out of my comfort zone. It's going to suck big time and be literally suffering for a guy who has lived in the comfort zone all his life but I can't continue like this.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
The main purpose of dopamine is to motivate. Pleasure is really just a side effect.
If you burn through your limited motivation resource, you'll be unable and unwilling to do anything else.
Without motivation you'll be down. You'll be negative. You'll be depressed.
It's more important than energy. It's the very essence of looking forward to tomorrow. Without it the future is bleak. With it, the future is rosy. It's more important than gold.
You gotta save your dopamine for doing the right things that would help you.
Get a hold of yourself
You can do this
You want good
You just need to want good more than you want PMO
You can do this.
If you burn through your limited motivation resource, you'll be unable and unwilling to do anything else.
Without motivation you'll be down. You'll be negative. You'll be depressed.
It's more important than energy. It's the very essence of looking forward to tomorrow. Without it the future is bleak. With it, the future is rosy. It's more important than gold.
You gotta save your dopamine for doing the right things that would help you.
Get a hold of yourself
You can do this
You want good
You just need to want good more than you want PMO
You can do this.
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Yes, it's true.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 7
I feel alright.
I feel alright.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Fuckin massive urges, man. I've been tempted like crazy for the last 2 days.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
8 days hard mode but tempted like crazy.