Escape and never come back

E

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Look, I know this won't happen overnight. I know I haven't done nothing for my spiritual growth. My life is not that kind of life that allows me to stay away from self-medication. I'm lying to myself that I could expect long abstinence. Maybe it is possible but highly unlikely though, that's what I feel. Not right now. I haven't done the things that could get me even close to that. That's why I'm still binging, I know why I'm doing it. I don't think I really have a tool right now to get a long streak. It would only come by chance if I managed to white-knuckle the fuck out of this and push myself to the limit of suffering with urges. If this through some miracle happened, I would get a longer streak but this is highly unlikely as well. I don't fuckin know when I will have a long streak away from this fuckin shit. It's all I can say for now.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
@Escapeandnevercomeback, what do you want to do in your life? I don't what you to even mention porn or "I can't get over porn" in your answer, because that's not the question. Keep it positive, thus, don't give me, I can't, I'm a loser, I don't have this or that, etc. I'm only asking what life do you want for yourself? It's a simple question.

Do you want to have a wife/partner?
Do you want to get married or not?
Do you want an education, a certain degree that would help you out in life?
Or is there a certain job you want that you don't need an education for? What is that job?
Do you have a passion in life? Or do you see yourself being more happy just having kids, a wife, and that being your passion? (there's no wrong answer).
Do you want kids? No kids? How many kids?
Do you want a lot of money? Or do you not terribly care as long as you can pay the bills?
Do you want you're own place? Do you want an apartment? (Do not mention your parents!)
Do you want to be a spiritual man and walk your faith? What faith is that? What would that look like?
What is your best self? (again, do not mention porn or alcohol!) Are you a compassionate person? Do you want to help people? Are you driven? Are you more laid back? Are you a hands on type of guy (could you build something?) Or are you more intuitive and bookish? You say you're an introvert, okay, what could you do with that gift? It is a gift.
If you're NOT broken (which you're not) then what are you?

These are all legitimate questions. There's nothing here that is fucking weird or strange. You seem to be utterly stuck in a "porn worldview", and I don't mean, relapsing, PMOing, binging, or sexualized thoughts etc. What I mean is, your life's only goal seems to be to only quit porn and drinking and nothing more. That's not a healthy way of seeing life, because there's nothing to fight for. The question is, WHY do you want to quit? Because if there's no why, why even care? Why not just go about doing what you're doing? I'm not suggesting you do that, but what I'm saying is, why not? If you have nothing to fight for, why the fuck even quit?

These questions should get you OUT of your current situation and into a healthy and positive mental state. Furthermore, these are not some bullshit mumbo jumbo questions, denying "reality" and some new age nonsense, no these are all legitimate things to think about. You seem to be utterly frustrated with your life, okay, fair enough, obviously you're not where you want to be. Well, I'm asking you, what do you want to be then? What would make you "reasonably" happy, besides not drinking or looking at porn? I would suggest spend the next few days thinking about these questions and what you want, and don't worry about binging or not, whatever happens happens, but only focus on this and what you want for your future.

It's very hard to quit when you don't have something or a dream to quit for. And don't tell me you don't have one! It's very obvious you're frustrated with your life, aka, you're not where you want to be. Thus, tell me what that destination looks like, without being negative or referring to your present circumstances.

Best
Blondie

A mother bear is practically a harmless creature, unless you come upon her with her cubs.
 
Last edited:
E

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Blondie said:
@Escapeandnevercomeback, what do you want to do in your life? I don't what you to even mention porn or "I can't get over porn" in your answer, because that's not the question. Keep it positive, thus, don't give me, I can't, I'm a loser, I don't have this or that, etc. I'm only asking what life do you want for yourself? It's a simple question.

Do you want to have a wife/partner?
Do you want to get married or not?
Do you want an education, a certain degree that would help you out in life?
Or is there a certain job you want that you don't need an education for? What is that job?
Do you have a passion in life? Or do you see yourself being more happy just having kids, a wife, and that being your passion? (there's no wrong answer).
Do you want kids? No kids? How many kids?
Do you want a lot of money? Or do you not terribly care as long as you can pay the bills?
Do you want you're own place? Do you want an apartment? (Do not mention your parents!)
Do you want to be a spiritual man and walk your faith? What faith is that? What would that look like?
What is your best self? (again, do not mention porn or alcohol!) Are you a compassionate person? Do you want to help people? Are you driven? Are you more laid back? Are you a hands on type of guy (could you build something?) Or are you more intuitive and bookish? You say you're an introvert, okay, what could you do with that gift? It is a gift.
If you're NOT broken (which you're not) then what are you?

These are all legitimate questions. There's nothing here that is fucking weird or strange. You seem to be utterly stuck in a "porn worldview", and I don't mean, relapsing, PMOing, binging, or sexualized thoughts etc. What I mean is, your life's only goal seems to be to only quit porn and drinking and nothing more. That's not a healthy way of seeing life, because there's nothing to fight for. The question is, WHY do you want to quit? Because if there's no why, why even care? Why not just go about doing what you're doing? I'm not suggesting you do that, but what I'm saying is, why not? If you have nothing to fight for, why the fuck even quit?

These questions should get you OUT of your current situation and into a healthy and positive mental state. Furthermore, these are not some bullshit mumbo jumbo questions, denying "reality" and some new age nonsense, no these are all legitimate things to think about. You seem to be utterly frustrated with your life, okay, fair enough, obviously you're not where you want to be. Well, I'm asking you, what do you want to be then? What would make you "reasonably" happy, besides not drinking or looking at porn? I would suggest spend the next few days thinking about these questions and what you want, and don't worry about binging or not, whatever happens happens, but only focus on this and what you want for your future.

It's very hard to quit when you don't have something or a dream to quit for. And don't tell me you don't have one! It's very obvious you're frustrated with your life, aka, you're not where you want to be. Thus, tell me what that destination looks like, without being negative or referring to your present circumstances.

Best
Blondie

A mother bear is practically a harmless creature, unless you come upon her with her cubs.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry, man, I really have no energy or mental clarity to answer this right now. I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you or something like that.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
I'm sorry, man, I really have no energy or mental clarity to answer this right now. I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you or something like that.
Click to expand...
You're all good man. I didn't mean you have to do it now, or ever! It was just a suggestion you could think about sometime down the road.

Best
Blondie
 
E

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Blondie said:
You're all good man. I didn't mean you have to do it now, or ever! It was just a suggestion you could think about sometime down the road.

Best
Blondie
Click to expand...
So yes, you were right and I kind of felt it was going to happen that way after declaring that I was going to start strong in January but lost myself almost midway. You were right that I had started with the same tools. Once I reached the 11th day I had no tools to keep going. Since then I lost control, I have been PMOing daily, more than once.

Yes, what you are sayin is true. Steve-o said this the best way: With a normal disease all we want is to return to the level of health we had before we got sick. Alcoholism is that disease that when we heal, we become better versions of ourselves. Not exactly the same words but something like that. As a part of 12 steps model of recovery, he calls addiction a disease, I'm not debating whether that is an accurate naming or not but I liked the quote. And this is related to what you said, you asked me to think about my life. Before that, I had said that it was very unlikely for me to achieve long term sobriety with the life I have these days. It would only be possible by mistake but not naturally because what kind of life I have is not the kind of life that helps the achievement of long streaks, it's like you said all I'm trying to do is quit drinking and jerking off, nothing else.

I don't know, I have to do some thinking about everything. I don't know what else to say. Anyway, thanks for support.

Best bro.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top