Escape and never come back
- Thread starter Escapeandnevercomeback
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
"Reddish leaves swirl in the wind like lost souls in search of rest. Like an open sketchbook focused on my dreams, this land is forever pictured as a comforting Autumn dusk. Replete with a golden sky, with crackling river water and bubbling marshes that dot the land, it feels like a Romantic artist's canvas.
Upon further investigation I have sensed horrendous visions of a gnarled doom, decorated as a picturesque facade in this endless autumn dusk. Spiny trees root deep into the foul earth, licking the ground dry of all that is good.
Carcasses populate the brush, their putrid remains swallowed whole by the land. And corners of this malevolent area are teeming with vicious ungodly prey, all whilst the grass stretches over this land twisting together like veins of pulsating sinew, as if the ground were alive, keen of the inhabitants that parade on its back.
Beady, black, soulless eyes flash across the air. Tiny, quick winged bats streak through the bright sky, flying razors waiting for the perfect moment to descend. As they swoop by I see sharp, bloodied teeth, a wicked demonic smile. From the darting blurs I hear an ominous whistling that chills my soul. They own the skies here.
Wraithlike, hooded minions, overseers without heart or soul, patrol this land. Slash-and-stitch techniques permeate their faces and arms, patched together like cheap quilts, using the skin from the bodies of rank corpses. They gather and live like packs of rabid wolves, instigating fights for supremacy. These abominations thirst for my destruction. They are mostly clustered around footpaths that seem to traverse upward along a Cliffside, but alternate groupings are planted among watering holes and the hollowed trees.
Further down the path it is as if the shadows are swallowing the surroundings whole, without a penchant of logic or drop of meaning. It is as if the only reason for this actually lies in darkness itself. Like royalty that rules the black void, entombed in the night infinite.
It is she, the Eternal Mistress of Shadows."
Upon further investigation I have sensed horrendous visions of a gnarled doom, decorated as a picturesque facade in this endless autumn dusk. Spiny trees root deep into the foul earth, licking the ground dry of all that is good.
Carcasses populate the brush, their putrid remains swallowed whole by the land. And corners of this malevolent area are teeming with vicious ungodly prey, all whilst the grass stretches over this land twisting together like veins of pulsating sinew, as if the ground were alive, keen of the inhabitants that parade on its back.
Beady, black, soulless eyes flash across the air. Tiny, quick winged bats streak through the bright sky, flying razors waiting for the perfect moment to descend. As they swoop by I see sharp, bloodied teeth, a wicked demonic smile. From the darting blurs I hear an ominous whistling that chills my soul. They own the skies here.
Wraithlike, hooded minions, overseers without heart or soul, patrol this land. Slash-and-stitch techniques permeate their faces and arms, patched together like cheap quilts, using the skin from the bodies of rank corpses. They gather and live like packs of rabid wolves, instigating fights for supremacy. These abominations thirst for my destruction. They are mostly clustered around footpaths that seem to traverse upward along a Cliffside, but alternate groupings are planted among watering holes and the hollowed trees.
Further down the path it is as if the shadows are swallowing the surroundings whole, without a penchant of logic or drop of meaning. It is as if the only reason for this actually lies in darkness itself. Like royalty that rules the black void, entombed in the night infinite.
It is she, the Eternal Mistress of Shadows."
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
"I believe that most human beings are only living at about 40% of their capability. The mind has a governor like a car. If you're driving a car and the car has a governor on it, the car might say 130 miles an hour but the governor is set for 91. Once that governor sets in, you get to 91, the car wants to go but that factory says, 'Nah, we're not going past 91.'
We have a factory, a nice governor in our brain, and it's the survival mechanism, it protects us from pain and suffering. The second we feel that shit, our mind says, 'Oh no, this isn't fun! We should back off. We should sit down and find something more comfortable.' And there is something about the mind: The mind has the tactical advantage over you, at all times. Why is that? It knows what you're afraid of. It knows your insecurities, it knows your deep dark lies. And it starts to push you away from that shit. It pushes you in a direction that it's comfortable. The mind controls everything. So what I realized was that, when I was growing up and I was 300 pounds and insecure, I realized that my mind kept taking me in this direction that when things got uncomfortable for me, when I was facing my insecurities, I was facing my fears, my mind said, 'Oh no, we have a tactical advantage. We'll get you and separate you from this feeling.' It's all about feelings. We want the happy feeling. We don't want that feeling of 'This sucks'.'Why am I here?'
You get to 40%, you brain says, 'We're done. Let's roll, man! This is starting to get painful. This is uncomfortable.' We all have these things about 5 steps to this and 4 steps to this, it's a lot more than that, that's all bullshit. So if you know that at 40% I'm feeling pain, that's where the 40% rule kicks in, now it starts. 'Okay, I'm feeling pain, my mind is saying all this shit to me. Get out of here! Run! We're done! We're not good enough.' You start to believe it! Cause the mind controls all. This is the time when you have to gain the control back from you mind. 'It's okay, let me see if I can get to 45%.' Once you start giving yourself more and more hope, the mind starts to be like, 'What are you doing? We're supposed to be going right and you're going left.' You start then controlling your mind. You start finding more in yourself and go from 40% to a lot further than that. Get to the spot where your mind is saying, 'Stop!' Whatever that is. You gotta get there first. And that's where that shit starts working for you. You gotta control yourself in that moment."
- David Goggins
We have a factory, a nice governor in our brain, and it's the survival mechanism, it protects us from pain and suffering. The second we feel that shit, our mind says, 'Oh no, this isn't fun! We should back off. We should sit down and find something more comfortable.' And there is something about the mind: The mind has the tactical advantage over you, at all times. Why is that? It knows what you're afraid of. It knows your insecurities, it knows your deep dark lies. And it starts to push you away from that shit. It pushes you in a direction that it's comfortable. The mind controls everything. So what I realized was that, when I was growing up and I was 300 pounds and insecure, I realized that my mind kept taking me in this direction that when things got uncomfortable for me, when I was facing my insecurities, I was facing my fears, my mind said, 'Oh no, we have a tactical advantage. We'll get you and separate you from this feeling.' It's all about feelings. We want the happy feeling. We don't want that feeling of 'This sucks'.'Why am I here?'
You get to 40%, you brain says, 'We're done. Let's roll, man! This is starting to get painful. This is uncomfortable.' We all have these things about 5 steps to this and 4 steps to this, it's a lot more than that, that's all bullshit. So if you know that at 40% I'm feeling pain, that's where the 40% rule kicks in, now it starts. 'Okay, I'm feeling pain, my mind is saying all this shit to me. Get out of here! Run! We're done! We're not good enough.' You start to believe it! Cause the mind controls all. This is the time when you have to gain the control back from you mind. 'It's okay, let me see if I can get to 45%.' Once you start giving yourself more and more hope, the mind starts to be like, 'What are you doing? We're supposed to be going right and you're going left.' You start then controlling your mind. You start finding more in yourself and go from 40% to a lot further than that. Get to the spot where your mind is saying, 'Stop!' Whatever that is. You gotta get there first. And that's where that shit starts working for you. You gotta control yourself in that moment."
- David Goggins
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”
- Edgar Allen Poe
- Edgar Allen Poe
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searching4good
Active Member
Keep up the amazing work @Escapeandnevercomeback - 15 days is an awesome start. Keep vigilant, keep disciplined and keep the bigger picture in mind. You've got this buddy!
Blondie
Respected Member
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
So glad to see you get to 15 days man. Keep it up, this is great stuff!
Pazienza
Active Member
I know exactly what you mean. Last weekend was extremely stressful for me, so my brain was begging for the distraction and fake comfort of porn.
Big props to you for not caving to the stress. It will get easier with time I think
Great progress @Escapeandnevercomeback
Love the way you are taking command !
Love the way you are taking command !
Love it !
Go on indulge yourself in nature bro .
nature heals all tiredness and depression when you seek it out
Go walk / bicycle/ run / just drive out in nature bro
forceisstrong2
Active Member
Pazienza
Active Member
You just said that you are nearing the point where you have failed in the past. This is a good thing, because it means you are able to identify a problem on the horizon. Now you just need to decide what you are going to do to avoid it this time.
My advice would be to get away from where you would normally drink, and stay away from computers/devices until it passes. Get out of the house, go hang out with friends, go camping. Anything, do whatever gets the results you need
I know this is easier said than done. But I'm in your corner, rooting for you
My advice would be to get away from where you would normally drink, and stay away from computers/devices until it passes. Get out of the house, go hang out with friends, go camping. Anything, do whatever gets the results you need
I know this is easier said than done. But I'm in your corner, rooting for you
Simon2
Well-Known Member
I think 16 days without P is not nothing. It means 16 clean days! If you could look at P every 16 days and then lead a happy life without P for another 16 days - well things would be good.
The problem is that because we're addicts we can't lead a happy life on those clean days. We think about P, are in pain, have urges, have to very actively fight the addiction. That's why unfortunately for us we just can't go halfway. We have to quit P altogether.
So - the key is to get to the point where you're not constantly in this internal fight with yourself anymore. Will 90 days do it? Only one way to find out!
... ok this is a bit of a random post but that's what came to mind lol...
The problem is that because we're addicts we can't lead a happy life on those clean days. We think about P, are in pain, have urges, have to very actively fight the addiction. That's why unfortunately for us we just can't go halfway. We have to quit P altogether.
So - the key is to get to the point where you're not constantly in this internal fight with yourself anymore. Will 90 days do it? Only one way to find out!
... ok this is a bit of a random post but that's what came to mind lol...
searching4good
Active Member
Keep at it @Escapeandnevercomeback - I believe it's getting through periods like these where the real growth comes from. The lethargy will pass soon enough and you'll look back on it recognising that you are so much stronger for not succumbing to the temptations, instead realising the strength you have within to increasingly ride out these waves that afflict us all.
I'm so inspired by your posts and I just wanted to let you know I'm here rooting for you. Keep fighting the good fight.
I'm so inspired by your posts and I just wanted to let you know I'm here rooting for you. Keep fighting the good fight.