Escape and never come back

Dungalef

Active Member
I think there's a clear action step in front of you right now: ask for help. You have circled around it a ton, but never done it. It's tough, but I think that's just the price of freedom for you! If you aren't willing to pay that price, then freedom will be very hard to achieve. If you want to but just can't....well, why not? Find those reasons and work through them, or better yet just take a deep breath and do it without even listening to the reasons.

Here's one idea: make a plan for what steps you would take if you were seeking help, very concrete and specific. Find the organization you would use, find the number or email you would contact them with, draft the email or conversation... Then sometime, just do it. Make the barriers to it as small as you can, to give your willpower a boost.Then just do it sometime.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I think there's a clear action step in front of you right now: ask for help. You have circled around it a ton, but never done it. It's tough, but I think that's just the price of freedom for you! If you aren't willing to pay that price, then freedom will be very hard to achieve. If you want to but just can't....well, why not? Find those reasons and work through them, or better yet just take a deep breath and do it without even listening to the reasons.

Here's one idea: make a plan for what steps you would take if you were seeking help, very concrete and specific. Find the organization you would use, find the number or email you would contact them with, draft the email or conversation... Then sometime, just do it. Make the barriers to it as small as you can, to give your willpower a boost.Then just do it sometime.
Yes, you're absolutely right.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 0

I got drunk yesterday which broke my alcohol streak. Lately, when I get drunk, I don't sleep well. I sleep some hours but wake up tired as if I didn't sleep at all. And I experienced hangover drinking a quantity that didn't use to give me a hangover, it's ridiculous. It's like my body had enough and is trying to tell me to stop with this drinking. The thing about addictions is that you are not the same addict forever, you are not the same addict 10 years from now, especially with substances.

Then why day 0? I had two porn watching sessions today. The first one was for comfort because I was feeling bad, tired and hangovered. I guess the second one came with the chase effect. I didn't PMO, I didn't touch my dick but I watched porn, I can't say I'm clean today. Fuckin shit.

I've lost control completely, this month has been a disaster, what happened? And it's true that porn makes you deal with stress worse. I'm having a really tough time with the stress. Plus crippling social anxiety at work. I guess this is the price I have to pay for comfort.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
My mental health is absolutely a joke. I have very high general anxiety and crippling social anxiety with physical manifestations (to be understood: getting sick and heart palpitations). This goes for anybody reading this who wants to keep binging. And for the idiot me who's been binging since the beginning of this month. Life is absolutely great binging porn, what can I say. I am barely holding everything together, I can barely focus to do my job at work. If this is not a wake up call for me I deserve my faith.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I really need to stay connected to my perspective. I've been ignoring the poor quality of my life for too long. I mean, wtf is this? I give up completely on the rest of the year? Why? Because September is the worst month this year recovery-wise? Fuck that, by spring next year I could be out of the shadow and finally do the things that I've wanted to do for too long. I need to gather myself again and repeat the same mentality and tactics that I've used during the longer streaks. I went through a more stressful period than usual and I just gave up completely and used porn for comfort but wtf is that? I can't use porn every time I'm stress! I really need to do this.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
All I see is the pleasure. "Where is my sexual life?" and all that. Nothing matters anymore when urges hit me. My mental health doesn't matter, my life doesn't matter, it's sad that this is what I've been reduced to. Of course they matter but I don't feel it. I don't feel that thing, however the fuck should I call it, the motivation, the fear whatever the fuck it is. I can't fuckin quit this porn shit, I'm so fuckin depressed, I'm tired of everything and living my life like this.
 
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