Escape and never come back
- Thread starter Escapeandnevercomeback
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
This year is gon be my best year. I'm gonna do some things. Happy New Year y'all! Let's kick some ass! Don't fuck around!
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 1
Typical junkie. Typical "New Year's resolution" mentality. The guy declares to himself that he is going to get his shit together next year, in January 2024 and decides to "take advantage" of December and let himself go. As a result, he binges PMO the fuck out with no consideration and then January 1st comes and with it comes the most fuckin violent shock. Because you don't binge all December (and actually months before it) and then decide to suddenly quit without nothing happening. So obviously, I feel drained and depressed. My dopamine is virtually non-existent right now. But I have to do it. Given the fact that I wanted to do the same thing in December 2022 and then proceeded to absolutely fuck up the whole 2023, this time I can't repeat that because otherwise I could be dead as far as I'm concerned, there is no point in living for repeating the same fuckin loser life every year. It's going to be brutal, for a guy who has never done the things he has to do from now on, but it's a must. This is tightrope.
Typical junkie. Typical "New Year's resolution" mentality. The guy declares to himself that he is going to get his shit together next year, in January 2024 and decides to "take advantage" of December and let himself go. As a result, he binges PMO the fuck out with no consideration and then January 1st comes and with it comes the most fuckin violent shock. Because you don't binge all December (and actually months before it) and then decide to suddenly quit without nothing happening. So obviously, I feel drained and depressed. My dopamine is virtually non-existent right now. But I have to do it. Given the fact that I wanted to do the same thing in December 2022 and then proceeded to absolutely fuck up the whole 2023, this time I can't repeat that because otherwise I could be dead as far as I'm concerned, there is no point in living for repeating the same fuckin loser life every year. It's going to be brutal, for a guy who has never done the things he has to do from now on, but it's a must. This is tightrope.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 2
I fucked myself up with all the fuckin PMO-ing done last year. I feel like shit, like I don't have any neurotransmitters working in my brain, I feel really low and drained. Let's hope I am going to feel better in a few days.
I fucked myself up with all the fuckin PMO-ing done last year. I feel like shit, like I don't have any neurotransmitters working in my brain, I feel really low and drained. Let's hope I am going to feel better in a few days.
Pdub
Member
I've had plenty of new year's resolutions that didn't pan out.
I'll go vegan for a month.
I'll stop drinking for a month.
I'll go to the gym everyday for a month.
Sometimes I'm more successful with smaller resolutions, you know? From what I learned about other addictions, it's just trying to get through the day. If you tell yourself in the morning, "I won't do it today," you're more likely to succeed long term. I wish you the best of luck and willpower to get through the day.
I'll go vegan for a month.
I'll stop drinking for a month.
I'll go to the gym everyday for a month.
Sometimes I'm more successful with smaller resolutions, you know? From what I learned about other addictions, it's just trying to get through the day. If you tell yourself in the morning, "I won't do it today," you're more likely to succeed long term. I wish you the best of luck and willpower to get through the day.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Hey man.
It's so true. I'm an "expert" in saying that I was going to start strong on January 1st only to crash hard pretty soon. We can stay clean 1 day at a time.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 3
I don't feel well. I haven't slept well in 2 days. 3 days no PMO and no alcohol.
I don't feel well. I haven't slept well in 2 days. 3 days no PMO and no alcohol.
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Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 4
I slept maybe 10% better than the night before but still shit, I'm tired as fuck. I felt maybe one level better than yesterday but I'm not there yet. Urges have started by the way. It's gon be very interesting from now on. I've had instances today when I wanted to just say fuck it but if I start this year in the same way like the years before, I will never leave the losers land.
I slept maybe 10% better than the night before but still shit, I'm tired as fuck. I felt maybe one level better than yesterday but I'm not there yet. Urges have started by the way. It's gon be very interesting from now on. I've had instances today when I wanted to just say fuck it but if I start this year in the same way like the years before, I will never leave the losers land.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 5
I've been struggling with urges and temptation for the last 2 days.
I've been struggling with urges and temptation for the last 2 days.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 6
Woke up at the exact same hour, like the train. Been dealing with urges since day 3, the same pattern, I wake up in the morning and experience massive urges.
Also 6 days no drink.
Woke up at the exact same hour, like the train. Been dealing with urges since day 3, the same pattern, I wake up in the morning and experience massive urges.
Also 6 days no drink.
OrangeSpider
Active Member
Congrats on your new year streak. I already ruined mine, so I wish you the best! How have you been able to fight off the urges?
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Hey Spider!
Thanks, man. I appreciate it. You know, here is the thing: I am a loser in my early 30s. What I'm trying to do is to save myself. In December 2022 I told myself I was going to start strong on January 1st, I told myself I was going to do so much and work so much on myself in the year 2023. I binged PMO and alcohol after ~15 days and since then, the whole fuckin 2023 I binged PMO and alcohol the fuck out and didn't work even 1 percent on myself. In December 2023 I found myself saying the same thing: "Bro, you will start strong on January 1st 2024 and grind." So here I am. 6 days are gone. I've been dealing with urges since day 3 but any time I am tempted to PMO, any time I experience urges, I remind myself that I cannot start this year in the same way and do the same fuckin thing again. I just can't. I have this feeling that if I repeat the same fuckin thing like last year I will lose the motivation again. This is tightrope for me, I can't play anymore.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
I can't do the same things like last year if I don't want to repeat the last year.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
It will probably fluctuate, as recovery is not linear but today was the first day in a long time when I actually felt pretty good. Energy level was pretty good. I had better dopamine response for other things. But also, I struggled at some point with big time urges, that's to be kept in mind by me because this is the danger. You focus on how well you're actually feeling today and then BAM! The fuckin urges get you. I can't be defeated like that.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Really, I can't say this enough. It's driving me crazy to see myself only achieving short streaks over and over the fuck again. And to see myself every fuckin year the same loser. I really need to move.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 7
A week no PMO no drink. Massive urges. The struggle is real.
A week no PMO no drink. Massive urges. The struggle is real.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
8 days no PMO no drink but for the last 2 days I've been dealing with some really hard rounds of urges, those that can make the difference between abstinence and binge in a blink of an eye. It's definitely not easy.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Day 9
The urges have been hard for 6 days, man. I've been tempted since day 3, every single day. And I don't know how many days like this are going to be. I just have to keep finding a way to stay clean every day. It's supposed to happen. You don't quit a hard addiction without having to deal with some very annoying things. Any time I am tempted, I remind myself what is like if I don't abstain, what my life is like when I am invested in PMO, what the year can become like when I jerk off every fuckin week. I can't change how a year looks like if I repeat the same things every month. Yes, it's the beginning of the year, I know. A relapse now doesn't mean the whole year is fucked. But knowing me and my "autopilot", the year can slip right through my fingers if I start dealing with PMO again. It's easier to keep going when you don't start than to stop once you start. It's easier to make your streak longer if you abstain than it is to restart after relapses. All we have to do is keep grinding, this shit is not easy and it's not pleasant.
The urges have been hard for 6 days, man. I've been tempted since day 3, every single day. And I don't know how many days like this are going to be. I just have to keep finding a way to stay clean every day. It's supposed to happen. You don't quit a hard addiction without having to deal with some very annoying things. Any time I am tempted, I remind myself what is like if I don't abstain, what my life is like when I am invested in PMO, what the year can become like when I jerk off every fuckin week. I can't change how a year looks like if I repeat the same things every month. Yes, it's the beginning of the year, I know. A relapse now doesn't mean the whole year is fucked. But knowing me and my "autopilot", the year can slip right through my fingers if I start dealing with PMO again. It's easier to keep going when you don't start than to stop once you start. It's easier to make your streak longer if you abstain than it is to restart after relapses. All we have to do is keep grinding, this shit is not easy and it's not pleasant.