I do think it's behind me yes. I'm sure as hell giving it my all. However, I did relapse once after 500 something days a few years back, so I know all too well what it feels like to get complacent on this journey. It's a mind blow to return to something you hate.
When I said you can relax a bit the further you go along, what I meant was, a lot of that sexual noise that's going on in our heads, starts to dissipate after a while. Thank God for that! Thus, at least for me, I don't have to be quite so vigilant concerning certain things. The thing for me is, what is okay one day, depending on my mental state, may not be on another day. If I'm really feeling down, like say before I relapsed a few years ago, then I really need to be on my guard, because my mind is screaming to take a look to forget my problems momentarily. Three weeks before I relapsed when I was feeling really down about life, I saw a picture by chance on the internet that just blew me away. I stopped to look at it in ways I hadn't looked at a picture for almost a year and half; however, I told myself it wasn't porn (it wasn't) so it was okay. Unfortunately, I kept coming back to it, and three weeks later, I finally succumbed to porn. My point is, during that 500 something day span, I had actually come upon porn at least twice by accident, and it didn't affect me whatsoever. However, since I was in a bad mental state, just seeing a random innocent picture slowly got to me, and I eventually gave in. But to be clear, it wasn't seeing the picture itself that got me, what got me was NOT recognizing my mental state and being honest enough with myself to admit I was treading in dangerous territory. So yes, being vigilant about what we see is very important, and obviously we shouldn't be looking around for dumb shit (we are grown up men now), however, as you go on in this journey, it's okay to not be so strict on some things. However, the real important thing is just to know yourself, and be honest with how you're feeling at the moment. At least for me that helps.
in the past I would get triggered by a movie scene, or a scandalous photo or ad on social media or whatever... do those things not really bother you anymore?
Sure, but I just look away, or just laugh and try not to care. But yes, they don't bother me as much anymore. Eventually, we want to get to a place where we don't have to hide from the world, and all of its nonsense, i.e. triggers. Yes I see those billboards or movies (though I'm still pretty careful about those) but I just look away or remind myself that it's not real, and I want real, and a real girl is sitting right beside me.
Sometimes the fear of triggers is worse than the triggers themselves.
Do you feel like being part of this community is necessary for you now, or do you do it to help others?
This community is definitely helped me this last time for sure. This place is a great asset in everyway. I do it both for myself and to help others. It's good for me to keep posting my numbers and thoughts, though I will be slowly doing less and less as time goes on. The big day for me will be when I pass my longest streak of 500 something days (The same one I mentioned) and then I'll move on to two years. I imagine I'll be mostly healed for the most part when I arrive there.
sorry for all the questions
No apologies needed.
Best brother
Blondie