Doing things differently this time

[Qwertyxyz]

Relapse again.
I’m trying to make it a minor one. Still trying to build support structure and reduce stress. I can do this, meeting some people tomorrow, made some calls today. It’s hard to let people in but I can do it.

I’m being more sensible with my planning to reduce my own stress, sometimes I push myself out of my comfort, this can be rewarding or traumatic. It’s hard for me trying to fit in, but if I look for the similarities not the differences I should be ok.

 

[Androg]

Relapse again.
I’m trying to make it a minor one. Still trying to build support structure and reduce stress. I can do this, meeting some people tomorrow, made some calls today. It’s hard to let people in but I can do it.

I’m being more sensible with my planning to reduce my own stress, sometimes I push myself out of my comfort, this can be rewarding or traumatic. It’s hard for me trying to fit in, but if I look for the similarities not the differences I should be ok.

A good social life helps a lot. All the best.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 1
Things have been challenging and I haven’t been able to get much clean time. I’m trying to reduce stress in my life and that is hard. Life feels exhausting at times and I worry about burn out.

I’m doing some things well and am trying hard to reduce stress. I’m making so many mini goals, like going for walk and meditation, that stuff really helps but it is hard for me to stay consistent with.

My ex does my head in too, we have a son together and she won’t let me see him, it’s really bad for him and it makes me upset. I would go to court about this but I know no-ones mental health would survive it.

Anyway, it’s good to post again and hopefully I can get some recovery traction.

 

[Androg]

Sounds like a tough situation. The good news is that eventually he will grow up and be able to make his own choices. You will be able to explain how limited your options were, and what your heart-felt desires were.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Sounds like a tough situation. The good news is that eventually he will grow up and be able to make his own choices. You will be able to explain how limited your options were, and what your heart-felt desires were.

Thanks Andog,
In time I think we’ll be close.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 2 PMO free

3 and a half years ago I was diagnosed with autism, it’s been really hard life really, I try hard not to get exhausted and tense but it takes such a toll sometimes. I want to recover and know it takes a lot of work but it is so hard to work out. If you’re push myself too hard I end up burnt out and distressed, and in that state it is very hard to keep up healthily discipline and routine.

I had 75 days of recovery in the past so I know I can do it. I need to make it a real priority to be tactical and not distress myself, there is a lot of advice out there that would be great if I wasn’t autistic so I have to really get the right support.

Thanks

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 3 PMO free

Have been listening to some recovery podcasts that are helpful. Sometimes I wonder why I am so stressed and struggle to stay on top of things or get things done. It’s porn, at least is the major factor.

Recently I’ve really felt the effects of a porn session, the brain feels fuzzy and the heart rate is up and I know I’m damaged myself. Porn makes my life so much harder and my life has been such a challenge.

If feel I’m a bit wiser and have learnt much so hopefully this time I hold onto recovery,

Thanks for reading.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 5 PMO free

I had a good day yesterday, even if forgot to write here.
I did some really good exercise which I helps me a lot, sometimes I find it really hard to get into exercise. I also did some really good meditation which is beneficial too.
I’m slowly coming out of the fog and know I need to stay focused and work on developing relationships. I have found so yoga and a meditation place that I think are really good for me to go to frequently.

Thanks for reading

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 6 PMO free

I’m feeling good today, while I have images and porn flashbacks coming up the compulsions aren’t that bad, I need to on my early progress.
I feel like I’m in better balance than before, I struggle to establish really close relationships but I have built some more support around me.

One day at a time.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 7 PMO free

I feel today, this morning there were come slightly stronger compulsions it they have passed. I’m accepting that my head will think of porn images but it up to me to just accept them and not engage with them.

The porn I was engaging with during my relapse was violent and extreme and I know it’s so damaging. I feel I understand myself better and am trying to avoid too much stress.

Life can get confusing sometimes, work is busy and I can get into adrenaline mode, this is not sustainable and I need to relax and come down. But I get insecure and struggle to slow down and let go, this is important for me as I work away for 3 weeks at at time, if I stay tense it’s bad for me.

Good luck.

 

[Androg]

One week is a great start.

 

[Percival]

The compulsions get strong sometimes when you haven't been away for long. They will fade quickly though, if you don't get give in (doesn't seem like they will, but they do). The next challenge will be your brain thinking that it's not really that bad and a little bit won't hurt. That's the one that usually gets me.

You're doing good, keep at it!

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 8 PMO free

Thanks everyone for the advice and likes. I’ve felt a bit off or tired the last few days and I’ve realised it’s part of going without PMO. It’s funny how much less compulsions I have when I feel like I’m ina good way, I know that my best chance for recovery is living a good life. I have some stress but there are some really good things in my life too.

I love living without porn, I have to keep doing the next right thing.

Thanks

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Still day 8

I think I’m feeling very detoxy today. I feel like I should be doing something more or different. Just this sense of there being a hole or something like that. I know is normal for recovery. I am trying to be comfortable in my own skin.

 

[Androg]

Still day 8

I think I’m feeling very detoxy today. I feel like I should be doing something more or different. Just this sense of there being a hole or something like that. I know is normal for recovery. I am trying to be comfortable in my own skin.

Try some exercise. And don’t overthink your feelings. They will pass.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 9 PMO free

This attempt of recovery feels different to the last. I feel less urgent I guess and I think it’s a good thing. I feel a bit more content in myself and a bit more in control of my life. I feel it gives me a better shot at recovery.

Still I have to be patient, I’m so often tired or feeling anxious and stressed and I know it’s because I’ve hammered my brain with really toxic PMO.

What I was looking at a week and a bit ago was dark and horrible, bdsm stuff that is just wrong. I know people can have kinks but this is stuff I hated when I first saw it. It is so damaging.

Good luck out there.

 

[Androg]

I've heard many men say their tastes become more vanilla as they keep away from porn. That suggests some tastes are plastic (a product of escalation)...rather than innate.

So maybe just treat them as you would cartoons you watched as a kid...rather than indications of who you are, or what your innate tastes are.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

I've heard many men say their tastes become more vanilla as they keep away from porn. That suggests some tastes are plastic (a product of escalation)...rather than innate.

So maybe just treat them as you would cartoons you watched as a kid...rather than indications of who you are, or what your innate tastes are.

Thanks for the advice,
I do have more vanilla thinking when I am off Pokémon and it is ultimately what I want.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Still Day 9

I go back to work tomorrow, it’s a big time of transition and soon I’ll be doing 3 weeks of 12 hours days. It’s challenging but I’ll doing ok. I have to stay vigilant and keep up my good habits and be present, I can do this.

I have a (sort of) friends guinea pigs at my place and I’m kind of sick of it. I like the pets but it’s not fair on me, I really need strong boundaries or to cut this person out of my life, I can’t afford the stress they cause me. I’m prepared an email to send tomorrow, they affect me too negatively and it’s not fair on me.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 10 PMO free

Having some compulsions but I’m really owning that they’re coming from my stress and will pass. My brain seriously feels a bit damaged from the last relapse and I want to get my focus and energy back.

I need to set a few boundaries today, I can do this!