Blondie
Respected Member
You got this @Qwertyxyz!
Doing things differently this time
- Thread starter Qwertyxyz
- Start date
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 10 still
I feel more aware of what’s going on when I crave and that’s great. It will get better the long I’m clean. I have to watch my fatigue, that’s when I’m prone to get into bad habits and bad thinking.
I’m very tired today but feel like it’s been a good restful day. I need day like this to reset and focus.
I feel more aware of what’s going on when I crave and that’s great. It will get better the long I’m clean. I have to watch my fatigue, that’s when I’m prone to get into bad habits and bad thinking.
I’m very tired today but feel like it’s been a good restful day. I need day like this to reset and focus.
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 12 PMO free
Yesterday was hectic, all transit and work. Glad to be getting more settled now. I’m doing more effective meditation than before and that helps a lot, sitting on the couch with and thinking about stuff is not proper meditation, I need to relax and stress less.
I’m also journaling differently in the morning, I ask myself why I want to use porn and what happens if I do. I also found a guided meditation on youtube to help quit porn, i listen to it every day and think it’s helping.
I’m at work now, and I need to stop my brain from getting uno adrenaline mode, that is where I’m most vulnerable.
Thanks
Yesterday was hectic, all transit and work. Glad to be getting more settled now. I’m doing more effective meditation than before and that helps a lot, sitting on the couch with and thinking about stuff is not proper meditation, I need to relax and stress less.
I’m also journaling differently in the morning, I ask myself why I want to use porn and what happens if I do. I also found a guided meditation on youtube to help quit porn, i listen to it every day and think it’s helping.
I’m at work now, and I need to stop my brain from getting uno adrenaline mode, that is where I’m most vulnerable.
Thanks
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 13 PMO free
I feel like my mood regulation is getting better. I feel much more aware of what is going on internally and that is great, I avoid the distress build up that would lead to acting out.
I’m dealing with much less compulsion this time around and that’s very nice, but I know I have to keep working.
I feel like my mood regulation is getting better. I feel much more aware of what is going on internally and that is great, I avoid the distress build up that would lead to acting out.
I’m dealing with much less compulsion this time around and that’s very nice, but I know I have to keep working.
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 14 PMO free 
It feels great to get two weeks up. And I’m in a pretty good way too which is nice. I feel last recovery attempt was very tense and urgent, and while it’s very important for me to get off PMO I really lacked a sense of being present and in touch with myself.
This time I am considering peace of mind as so important, in the past I have run really well when I’m in a calm state but it’s like I forgot what I’m like when I’m not tense. I still have a lot going on in my head but it feels much less severe and dark.
I’ve had some healthy thoughts of intimacy but I know I need so much longer before I engage with any of that.
It feels great to get two weeks up. And I’m in a pretty good way too which is nice. I feel last recovery attempt was very tense and urgent, and while it’s very important for me to get off PMO I really lacked a sense of being present and in touch with myself.
This time I am considering peace of mind as so important, in the past I have run really well when I’m in a calm state but it’s like I forgot what I’m like when I’m not tense. I still have a lot going on in my head but it feels much less severe and dark.
I’ve had some healthy thoughts of intimacy but I know I need so much longer before I engage with any of that.
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 14 PMO free
I celebrated my two weeks a little early yesterday, I got confused about timeline. I had a lot of things coming up on my to do list and it was get to do a bit of a brain dump, and get some clarity and prioritise. I’m no good with a compact mind and need to keep things simple as much as possible.
I think with feeling mentally stretched a bit yesterday I had some cravings but they were healthier than my porn use and they did pass. I try to look at why I crave more and journal about it.
There is a new lady at work who is being friendly towards me, it’s a nice experience but I have to be careful.
Good luck out there.
I celebrated my two weeks a little early yesterday, I got confused about timeline. I had a lot of things coming up on my to do list and it was get to do a bit of a brain dump, and get some clarity and prioritise. I’m no good with a compact mind and need to keep things simple as much as possible.
I think with feeling mentally stretched a bit yesterday I had some cravings but they were healthier than my porn use and they did pass. I try to look at why I crave more and journal about it.
There is a new lady at work who is being friendly towards me, it’s a nice experience but I have to be careful.
Good luck out there.
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 15 PMO free
I feel pretty good today, I feel a bit more like I did years ago before I got really heavy into porn. It cost me so much and really damaged me. I lost so much self awareness and ability to regulate my mood. I’m benefiting from really trying to be grounded and present, not loose and hectic.
I feel much better and know I have to stay disciplined if I want recovery and happiness.
I feel pretty good today, I feel a bit more like I did years ago before I got really heavy into porn. It cost me so much and really damaged me. I lost so much self awareness and ability to regulate my mood. I’m benefiting from really trying to be grounded and present, not loose and hectic.
I feel much better and know I have to stay disciplined if I want recovery and happiness.
Percival
Active Member
Well done, and yes, absolutely this. Staying disciplined does get easier over time, as the compulsions fade, but the temptation is always there and we have to always be disciplined. Or, as Prof. Moody would say, "constant vigilance!"
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Thanks,
I like the term “constant vigilance”, I’ll look up prof. Moody.
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 16 PMO free
Another sunny day.
I’m trying stay present and am benefited from it. Work takes energy and I am being much more realistic about my limits. Most of my life has been urgent and manic so slowing down isn’t as natural as I’d like. But I love the stillness.
I’ve been having some sexual thoughts but nothing that is too worrying. One day at a time.
Another sunny day.
I’m trying stay present and am benefited from it. Work takes energy and I am being much more realistic about my limits. Most of my life has been urgent and manic so slowing down isn’t as natural as I’d like. But I love the stillness.
I’ve been having some sexual thoughts but nothing that is too worrying. One day at a time.
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 16 still
I did a bit of a google search on porn lowering testosterone, a few different options out there but I definitely feel better about myself when I’m off porn. I’m sure but I definitely think porn lowered my T as one of its many negative effects. I’m really enjoying being clean this time around.
Thanks
I did a bit of a google search on porn lowering testosterone, a few different options out there but I definitely feel better about myself when I’m off porn. I’m sure but I definitely think porn lowered my T as one of its many negative effects. I’m really enjoying being clean this time around.
Thanks
Personally, I think the changes in mood have more to do with neurochemical fluctuations than testosterone, but at the end of the day, I guess it doesn’t matter
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
True, at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter hey I’m better, but that I’m better.Personally, I think the changes in mood have more to do with neurochemical fluctuations than testosterone, but at the end of the day, I guess it doesn’t matter
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 17 PMO free
Probably had the worst cravings in a week this morning, this time around I’m asking myself why I’m craving instead of purely trying to distract.
My work is going pretty well but I’m autistic and it takes so much energy and I’m generally in some mild level of stress trying to keep up. I need to honour this, I spent the first 40 years of my life just forcing myself through trying not to break down. It hasn’t been a happy life, but at least now I know what’s happening and can get tools to deal with it.
Think my craving now is a little bit of fatigue and strain (which is manageable my work are pretty good with my autism), the trauma from the past, and locked in habit. It’s good to own this and reduces the thoughts.
I’m like the mental space I have gotten back from being clean and really want recovery. Autism is brutally hard at times but there are benefits too. Sometimes something will occur to me and it’s really obvious and if I had of been less tense and more socially connected I would have seen it decades ago.
Thanks
Probably had the worst cravings in a week this morning, this time around I’m asking myself why I’m craving instead of purely trying to distract.
My work is going pretty well but I’m autistic and it takes so much energy and I’m generally in some mild level of stress trying to keep up. I need to honour this, I spent the first 40 years of my life just forcing myself through trying not to break down. It hasn’t been a happy life, but at least now I know what’s happening and can get tools to deal with it.
Think my craving now is a little bit of fatigue and strain (which is manageable my work are pretty good with my autism), the trauma from the past, and locked in habit. It’s good to own this and reduces the thoughts.
I’m like the mental space I have gotten back from being clean and really want recovery. Autism is brutally hard at times but there are benefits too. Sometimes something will occur to me and it’s really obvious and if I had of been less tense and more socially connected I would have seen it decades ago.
Thanks
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 18 PMO free
Feeling better than I did yesterday. I’m really trying to have better mood regulation than I have had in the past, that is very important for me and my self awareness skills are getting better.
I love how much more productive, ambitious and alive I am when I’m off porn, I really do hate what it does to me. I have been exercising in a regular and disciplined way, I know if I make it too hard I’ll just end up hating it and not doing it. I feel the benefits.
Good luck out there.
Feeling better than I did yesterday. I’m really trying to have better mood regulation than I have had in the past, that is very important for me and my self awareness skills are getting better.
I love how much more productive, ambitious and alive I am when I’m off porn, I really do hate what it does to me. I have been exercising in a regular and disciplined way, I know if I make it too hard I’ll just end up hating it and not doing it. I feel the benefits.
Good luck out there.
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 19 PMO free
I’m travelling pretty well right now, work is exhausting and there is a lot to process, but I’m owning that much better than before. Being realistic is really good for myself, I’ve had so much adrenaline and denial in my life and it’s not good.
I’m seeing how much porn affected how I see women and I don’t like it, I’m feeling more natural around women now and it’s better.
As much as it’s good to listen to advice I think recovery is personal, things that work for one won’t work for another and I’m listening to myself and respecting my limits, still focused, just trying to not overload myself.
I’m travelling pretty well right now, work is exhausting and there is a lot to process, but I’m owning that much better than before. Being realistic is really good for myself, I’ve had so much adrenaline and denial in my life and it’s not good.
I’m seeing how much porn affected how I see women and I don’t like it, I’m feeling more natural around women now and it’s better.
As much as it’s good to listen to advice I think recovery is personal, things that work for one won’t work for another and I’m listening to myself and respecting my limits, still focused, just trying to not overload myself.
GBS
Respected Member
Good number @Qwertyxyz
I totally agree recovery is personal and no two identical. What is necessary in everyone though is the doggedness spirit that is natural within us but we have ignored it when we were giving in to temptation. I think you have found your doggedness/bloodymindedness/backbone, and for that you are to be congratulated.
Good luck. Keep going.
I totally agree recovery is personal and no two identical. What is necessary in everyone though is the doggedness spirit that is natural within us but we have ignored it when we were giving in to temptation. I think you have found your doggedness/bloodymindedness/backbone, and for that you are to be congratulated.
Good luck. Keep going.
Qwertyxyz
Active Member
Day 20 PMO free
Yesterday was full on, we have a special buffet thing at work (I’m in hospitality) and while it’s pretty rewarding it’s also for me socially intense, a lot of discussion, energy, and communication. Being autistic this can really take it out of me and towards the end of the day I’m fried and don’t know where to put myself, it’s an uncomfortable experience and can lead to some comfort thinking.
I am getting better at owning and understand this, it’s when I’m vulnerable and know why I feel the way I do is crucial to my recovery.
I am 20 years clean and sober and have to say porn feels harder to quit. If I was loose with alcohol I was drunk and everyone would be able to see and tell I was messy. I could use porn and no-one would know, maybe an experienced eye could tell.
My life is much more hopeful and manageable without porn, I can’t handle the stress and fog that comes with porn use, I love being in recovery.
Yesterday was full on, we have a special buffet thing at work (I’m in hospitality) and while it’s pretty rewarding it’s also for me socially intense, a lot of discussion, energy, and communication. Being autistic this can really take it out of me and towards the end of the day I’m fried and don’t know where to put myself, it’s an uncomfortable experience and can lead to some comfort thinking.
I am getting better at owning and understand this, it’s when I’m vulnerable and know why I feel the way I do is crucial to my recovery.
I am 20 years clean and sober and have to say porn feels harder to quit. If I was loose with alcohol I was drunk and everyone would be able to see and tell I was messy. I could use porn and no-one would know, maybe an experienced eye could tell.
My life is much more hopeful and manageable without porn, I can’t handle the stress and fog that comes with porn use, I love being in recovery.