I don't know what to say.

R

Rockit

Active Member
I have been thinking about rebooting since the beginning of December, and after initially going 30+ days without masturbating (still watched porn and edged a crap-ton) I can't get any momentum going. My lack of willpower scares the crap out of me, and I'm afraid I'm going to do something to ruin my relationship because I can't control my urges, and might do something I regret.

I'm so stressed right now. I've been avoiding the forum because I've felt so guilty. I want to stop lusting, I want to stop fantasizing about other women when I'm with my lover, and I want to be in control. I've tried staying off the Internet during my "weak times", but now I realize I don't have any strong times. What would you do in my spot? Any advice would be helpful.
 
Berens

Berens

Active Member
Hi. I understand your position perfectly. I have relapsed too after 30 days and after that i was believing that i will never get out of addiction. It was very depressing.

It seems like you stress because you dont get what you think you must have. The " I must, but i cant" is frustrating you and causing stress. When you are under stress you relapse. And the repetitive circle closes itself.

The key is a replacement activities. Whwn you feel like fantasizing, you can replace your thoughts with other, more pleasurable ones, but asexual. For exemple you can think about your hobbies, holidays plans etc. Something that is not sexual and feels good.

cheers
 
R

Rockit

Active Member
I've tried the hobbies thing as well, but nothing is really sticking. I'm thinking I may have to institute some sort of workout/meditation routine, and just force myself to stick with it. I'm doing a cold shower challenge to try and build my willpower, but after my recent relapse, I'm questioning everything... It's one thing to watch porn, but it's another to fall back into my old exhibitionist ways. My girlfriend does not believe in this, and if I were to do it, it could be the end of our relationship. I almost did, and it scared the heck out of me... I feel like I've been working hard, and here I am almost doing something to end my relationship... does any of this make sense?
 
J

jkkk

Well-Known Member
Rockit said:
I have been thinking about rebooting since the beginning of December, and after initially going 30+ days without masturbating (still watched porn and edged a crap-ton) I can't get any momentum going. My lack of willpower scares the crap out of me, and I'm afraid I'm going to do something to ruin my relationship because I can't control my urges, and might do something I regret.

I'm so stressed right now. I've been avoiding the forum because I've felt so guilty. I want to stop lusting, I want to stop fantasizing about other women when I'm with my lover, and I want to be in control. I've tried staying off the Internet during my "weak times", but now I realize I don't have any strong times. What would you do in my spot? Any advice would be helpful.
Click to expand...

Read this from start to beginning, preferably printed, preferably make notes:

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

Well, you asked for advice, there it is :) anything else? ;)

You will be good man. Just keep coming here. Post. Read. Watch YBOP. Cut out pics. Cut out facebook. You will be fine.
 
woodkid

woodkid

Member
Hey man. I started my rebooting very recently, just like you did. It has been only one day but unlike you I feel quite well about my situation.

The things I did to shake off the stress and guilt are these:

- Just keep in mind that all that lust and craving you feel for other women will not go away absolutely, it only needs to be redirected to your current sexual partner or any potential sexual partner. See that lust as a positive thing; be thankful that you do not have any physical problems that would prevent you from a healthy sexual life.
- I know from experience that guilt prevented you from posting here, but believe me, doing so is a huge step. It is easy to break self-promises because no one would know except you. Your own consciousness can always make excuses for those broken promises, like "it wasn't a serious attempt" or "one exception won't make a difference" etc.. Now you declared that you will try to make a change in your life, you have expressed that to us and put that in writing. Whenever you feel the urge to invalidate that attempt, log in to this forum and write exactly how you feel. I've read a lot of experiences before even signing up; there are no judgements here.
- Read success stories and know that rebooting works. Hell, it looks like it is the only way that does work. Whenever you feel like masturbating to porn, just maintain the awareness that the small pleasuring discharge you are about to have is only an obstacle before your much bigger reward.

What I've read so far is that taking your brain off porn takes around a year (give or take). This time is short enough to regain a normal sexual life, but it is also long enough to take precious time away from you if you relapse before you reboot.

So no porn from this day on. Get that tatooed on your dick if you must. :) Good luck mate!
 
R

Rockit

Active Member
Thanks, guys.

I'm going to try doing some meditation stuff every day too, and try and get more sleep. I feel like forgiving myself is a good first step, and learning why I haven't had much success. Based on some research, I might have been putting too much reliance into willpower alone. I need to find my triggers and eliminate them.

I have some friends who always try and flirt and stuff, and get me to send stuff. I haven't in such a long time, and now that I am in a relationship, I can't fall into that trap. If I did, and my girl found out, game over. Not worth putting myself in a spot like that. No excuses. I don't need people in my life who only want me in that way...
 
R

Rockit

Active Member
Oh my goodness. I legitimately tried meditating for the first time ever, and I broke down in tears. As soon as I heard the music, and started breathing, I just lost it. This is the first time in six months that I've cried, and the last time was when my relationship almost ended. All I could think about was how little control I have in my life when it comes to temptation, and lust, and masturbating and porn, and fantasies, and I just wanted to be better. I want to have a family, get married, have kids, and I can't do any of that in my current state. I refuse to allow myself to be a husband and let my addictions ruin what I have. I just couldn't stop crying. I want to be better. I want to be happy. I want to be me.

It felt so good to cry. As much as I want to be the perfect man for my girlfriend and hopefully future wife, I need to do this for me. I've been reading so many posts, watching so many videos, and I think... scratch that, I know it's going to take a lot of work. I make excuses and I want to find a way to stop.

Hopefully you guys can help me with that. I'm embarrassed, I'm eager, I'm sad, I'm inspired, and a whole lot of other feelings. I've feel like I need to keep posting every day (multiple times if need be) and keep watching videos (TED Talks, YBOP), meditating, cold showers, reading more and really tackling this head-on.

Just feel like crying again.

...and this is only the end of day one. I have a long way to go, don't I?
 
Berens

Berens

Active Member
Hi Rockit. It seems like a big change in your life. Take that power of getting up from rock bottom and dont give up. Yes there is a hard work to be done, it is a path that is painful but we are here with you to dont let you doubt in yourself or fail. Day 2! Keep going.
 
R

Rockit

Active Member
Hey, thanks so much for the reply!

The objectification/pornosexual stuff really seems to be me to a tee. I'm walking around and I see all these women, and I'm unintentionally checking them out, and imagining them naked and in sexual situations, and it makes me sick. It's exhausting to do that all the time. I was out for maybe two hours tops. Ugh.

I'm looking forward to some meditation this afternoon to try and relax and just "do nothing". It's amazing how much this whole process is on my brain. Seems like 24/7 almost.

Although I did sleep a lot better last night than I have in a long time. I'll need to remember those benefits for when this gets harder later on.

I'm hoping I can get some accountability buddies on here too. I think I shall message some people who haven't been on the forum for a while and make sure they are okay. I know I disappeared from here because I felt embarrassed/hopeless. Maybe helping someone else will help me too. Win/win.
 
R

Rockit

Active Member
Approaching five days, and I'm scared at how little I've been tempted.  I'm afraid the urges will hit me like a ton of bricks when I least expect it...
 
C

caster

Active Member
good to see youve picked up meditating, helps me a lot too.  Why worry about whats next to come? 
 
Y

Yelashade

Member
Hey Rockit,

Once again, thanks for posting on my journal!

Now, I'm going to be straight with you. Do you really want this change? Because if you do, you're going to do less talking (or typing in this case) and more action. You might relapse, restart, relapse, restart etc, but eventually, you will snap. When you hit that moment, THAT'S when your true reboot will start. Whenever you feel that strong urge to PMO, just go outside and run. I don't care if there's rain, snow, hurricanes. Just go outside and run for 10 mins. When you come back inside, plan your day (or the next) and stick to that plan.

As for your gf, if she truly loves you and cares for your well being, she will 100% support you. Again, I can totally relate to you. You clearly are head over heals for this girl and you want it to work, but think about the bigger picture here. If your gf has explicitly called this reboot as bs, you have 2 choices: you're either gonna be single, miserable (but will recover and heal) and will have rebooted or or you'll be with this girl and still be fapping away struggling with your erections. What do you really want? I think that your gf just needs to understand the effects of P, maybe show her this place and the evidence and all that.

Now onto a more positive note, I'm glad that you're taking up meditation. It's a practice where you need to flush out everything, both positive and negative, and strike a true PME balance. This will come with time so just remember to stay patient!

Hey, this process is very difficult so please don't feel like I'm talking down to you. I'm just being straight up. Always remember that nothing comes for free and it will take time for you to see some real improvements. I hope this helps :)

Yela
 
R

Rockit

Active Member
Both of you are right. Why focus on the future when I need to be focused on today. I need to take the advice I've been giving.

As for the lady, she has been nothing but supportive. I cannot complain about her. I also don't want to let her down. But, I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it for me. It HAS to be for me. When I succeed, she benefits too. (Did that sound cocky/selfish? I didn't mean for it to.)

I have a plan. You're right. I need to stick to it REGARDLESS of how I feel that day. Five days in. I hope to have a ton of days left in this challenge.

I also don't take it as "talking down". You've been successful for much longer than me, and if I can learn something from you, I'd like to.

Thanks again, guys!
 
R

Rockit

Active Member
Urges started hitting me today. I'm also SUPER EXHAUSTED today. Coincidence? I'm thinking maybe not.

Decided to come on here and post before having a nap. Gotta be strong.
 
D

dumbdumb

Member
So I've just read your journal and I'm stricken by how similar our situations are.  I am so utterly thankful that this place exists.  Rockit, you can pm me anytime, anytime you feel weak, anytime you feel sad, anytime you feel shame, anytime.  It seems like we started this journey at about the same time, and I look forward to giving support and working together on this.  Today at work, everything feels like a trigger.  I'm really starting to understand how hard this is going to be.  Talk to you soon.
 
F

fightforlife

Guest
Yo, count me in, tbriana01.
We?re all in the same boat.


Stay strong, Rockit!
I understand you and I?m with you.
 
R

Rockit

Active Member
I totally am calling us "Team Forklift" for the rest of time.

Thanks for the messages, guys. Really means a lot. PM me as well if you need it. We ARE all in this together.
 
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