A Good Path for Me!
- Thread starter fcjl8
- Start date
fcjl8
Active Member
I have been considering healthy sexuality a lot today. Of course it sure is not what I spent decades immersed in... such as fantasy, pornography and lots of masturbation. Those activities were fed by lies and my own discomfort with the tough parts of all lives. Facing a tough spot, feeling a bit anxious?? Hmmm... why not have a wank to a nice video??? Hmmm? That was a perpetual lie.
Now healthy sexuality involves two, as I see it. I am fortunate to share my life with a beautiful woman. We both enjoy our time together and now head up to bed at the same time, many years I would remain downstairs on some lame pretense. We have discussed and explored karezza... non orgasm focused intimacy. Although we both enjoy it we are still just playing with it. I think playing is a big part of healthy sexuality! We often have fun and laugh either during intimacy or after, that I see as healthy. love is laughter shared.
When I was a habitual porn viewer i never saw the performers laughing or having fun. That would often carry over into our bedroom activity. That was not healthy.
I think a deep mutual respect for each others needs is a big part of healthy sexuality. Often we both agree that the time is now! Sometimes one of us is obviously needing it more than the other. I am not suggesting that one of us perform sexually for the other if not feeling well or good about it. But, sometimes it is actually quite healthy for one of us to appreciate the other and help in their needs, almost magically this often turns into mutual pleasure.
Patience is a key to healthy sexuality. I used to think that one of my attractions to P and M was that I could pretty much have it when I wanted. Another lie. My addicted side would just seduce me and convince me now was the right time. It never really was. healthy sexuality comes when two lovers find a place , a day , a month in which their love brings them full passion and the good desire to play and explore. Patience adds to the anticipatory pleasure. healthy sexuality does not resent or begrudge waiting for intimacy. Love is patient, Love is kind.
And of course healthy sexuality often does not involve actual sexual connection. Compassion and deep communication are often a bigger part of sexual health in a couple then any coupling will ever be. Another part of truly great sexuality is the day to day fully dressed pleasure we get from hand holding and hugging. This is a very important but subtle form of communication that builds strength in a couple far beyond words. True lovers are lovers always not just when in the bedroom with the "candles" lit.
Some rambling thoughts on healthy sexuality.
Now healthy sexuality involves two, as I see it. I am fortunate to share my life with a beautiful woman. We both enjoy our time together and now head up to bed at the same time, many years I would remain downstairs on some lame pretense. We have discussed and explored karezza... non orgasm focused intimacy. Although we both enjoy it we are still just playing with it. I think playing is a big part of healthy sexuality! We often have fun and laugh either during intimacy or after, that I see as healthy. love is laughter shared.
When I was a habitual porn viewer i never saw the performers laughing or having fun. That would often carry over into our bedroom activity. That was not healthy.
I think a deep mutual respect for each others needs is a big part of healthy sexuality. Often we both agree that the time is now! Sometimes one of us is obviously needing it more than the other. I am not suggesting that one of us perform sexually for the other if not feeling well or good about it. But, sometimes it is actually quite healthy for one of us to appreciate the other and help in their needs, almost magically this often turns into mutual pleasure.
Patience is a key to healthy sexuality. I used to think that one of my attractions to P and M was that I could pretty much have it when I wanted. Another lie. My addicted side would just seduce me and convince me now was the right time. It never really was. healthy sexuality comes when two lovers find a place , a day , a month in which their love brings them full passion and the good desire to play and explore. Patience adds to the anticipatory pleasure. healthy sexuality does not resent or begrudge waiting for intimacy. Love is patient, Love is kind.
And of course healthy sexuality often does not involve actual sexual connection. Compassion and deep communication are often a bigger part of sexual health in a couple then any coupling will ever be. Another part of truly great sexuality is the day to day fully dressed pleasure we get from hand holding and hugging. This is a very important but subtle form of communication that builds strength in a couple far beyond words. True lovers are lovers always not just when in the bedroom with the "candles" lit.
Some rambling thoughts on healthy sexuality.
Jverhoye
Active Member
I appreciate the thoughts a lot! I think that because the word "sex" is in "sexuality," and our society has such a focus on intercourse, we end up equating the two in such a way that intercourse becomes the beginning and the end of "sexuality." It has taken me a long time, and distance from P, to think differently and incorporate so much of what you wrote about, Paul. There is so much more to healthy sexuality than what P leads us to think. We only need distance from it to give us the room to breath and have a much fuller, much healthier understanding.
fcjl8
Active Member
Talked over the idea of "healthy sexuality" with my wife yesterday. We now share pretty much the same picture of what this means.
This is huge progress for me as porn had lead me to some very unhealthy ideas on my sexuality.
I now share with my wife , that sexuality is a mutually trusting expression of our love. Our love. At it's greatest, a loving couple grows a closer bond, we reinforce and complement each other through selfless giving.
Pornography and masturbation build selfishness, quite the opposite.
This is huge progress for me as porn had lead me to some very unhealthy ideas on my sexuality.
I now share with my wife , that sexuality is a mutually trusting expression of our love. Our love. At it's greatest, a loving couple grows a closer bond, we reinforce and complement each other through selfless giving.
Pornography and masturbation build selfishness, quite the opposite.
SlaveToRighteousness
Active Member
fcjl8 said:
Yeah, porn really messes with our expectations of what sex is supposed to be like, what women are supposed to look like, and what women are supposed to let us to do them in the bedroom. I'm very happy to be at a place now where my expectations are grounded in reality rather than fantasy.
fcjl8
Active Member
Yes, we will work on his driving soon. He has been driving very fast racing karts since he was about 9 so he has some great skills and healthy respect for what can go wrong. I watched him crash several times last year at about 70 mph. He just shrugged it off! It never phases me if I crash but watching him can be a bit nerve wracking. I think he will be a cautious road driver since he has so much racetrack time.
a short guy
Member
I'm liking reading this discussion on sexuality. You're doing great Paul. Your wife and you are developing your own personal sexuality dance with each other, not based on outside false societal influences, but on what you both know to be true inside. Knowing with your hearts. Good to hear you talked about this with her.
What you all are saying here about porn being not love-based, hurtful, harmful, unreal and false? is true. Our hearts know what is true, and our hearts are re-teaching our brains to understand the truth.
What you all are saying here about porn being not love-based, hurtful, harmful, unreal and false? is true. Our hearts know what is true, and our hearts are re-teaching our brains to understand the truth.
a short guy
Member
WiP said:
Welcome
somethingelse
Member
fcjl8 said:
I hope your son has a brilliant year and may his dreams and wishes come true. Sixteen is a golden age, I'm sure with you around he'll be feeling nostalgic by the time he's 18/19 and departs from home. What's wonderful is you're not on that dopamine 'high' any more, so the quality moments will be all the more real and cherished.
Enjoy the weekend FCJ