Yes I Can!

bob

Respected Member
Thank you Workin,

Your thoughts make me feel like I am not alone in this struggle. I appreciate it.



Free-Man,

I just need to stay vigilant and fight against the procrastination. Its tough.

We'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope it isn't an oncoming train.  ;)

 

idunno

Member
I like the addiction/recovery time balance question. I hadn't thought of it in those terms. For me, I'd say that family, friends, and community need to take precedence, until the point where my ability to engage in those things becomes hampered by addiction/recovery issues. Then it's time to go back and give those issues some attention, but only as much as necessary to re-engage in life. It's probably different for everyone, depending on how outgoing they are, how community-oriented, and how much they find the addiction/recovery model helpful. I like that we go about it in different ways, and it helps me to hear different perspectives.
 

bob

Respected Member
I have been moving in and out of middle circle behaviors. Things that typically aren't that "bad" but that tend to lead to a full blown relapse.

It doesn't start out as any big deal. Looking at those picture, click bait here and there. mo without fantasy, then with, then... Well you get the picture. I am back working towards those activities that take me into a life that is healthy, productive, and without compulsive sexual behavior.

 
M

matisse

Guest
Bob, I read your first journal entry. Yes, we are alike in many ways. It is bizarre how guys (and I'm mainly referring to myself), fight self-worth. depression, loneliness, and the list goes on, are all such painful elements of this process. I hope today is a great day for you. Focus on your strengths....by the way, what are your strengths? What are the things about you that make you uniquely you? Sometimes, I believe wallow in the mire of the crappy things we do rather than all of the good things we do. Let me know.

matisse
 

bob

Respected Member
Currently on a trip to the Chicago area and being on the road is always a big concern. It provides more that its share of opportunities to act out and get myself in trouble. Even the level of p-subs and similar situations are dangerous. They take me close to the edge and dare me to look over.

'There ain't nothing to see stupid. You seen it before and it didn't satisfy the itch.

Persistence is the key.
 

bob

Respected Member
Back from my trip to Chicago and I was able to pass by the spots that in the past, I have acted out. Still working on the little stuff as that is what seems to take one down the slope. Continuing with a crazy schedule and trying to stay sane. Guess that is all that i can ask for.

Peace
 

bob

Respected Member
Thank you.

I continue to struggle with the day to day life. It seems it is the little things that have the potential to tip you over the edge. It is that type of action that i need to be aware of and acknowledge. I have to say, hey, it is there and I plan to bypass it for today.

Tomorrow, I need to repeat the same process.

 

J01

Active Member
Your persistence and determination and hard efforts are paying off.  It is indeed a daily battle but it is worth it.  Keep going friend. 
 

bob

Respected Member
Morning world.

Just a note to say that I continue on with my quest. Things have not gotten easier but I am still here. Hope all are doing well and that your recovery continues forward.

Will post again soon.

Peace
 

bob

Respected Member
Just started the The Great Courses, Practicing Mindfulness: An Introduction to Meditation. I am excited about its potential and what I will be able to learn about the process. Just started so I will let folks know when i am further into the course.
 

bob

Respected Member
It is challenging to set aside time to work with the mindfulness. Time I have spend is beneficial. I just need to continued. Still actively working on eliminating outside thoughts and slippery behavior. pmo is behind me and that's where it needs to stay. Can't be sure it will never return but I am taking the attitude that it can't. Its just not worth the problems it causes. Just want to be careful about the "never" statements.

Good vibes to all that are struggling with this. It truly is a demon that seems to want to control ones life. The mind can be such a control freak.

Peace
 

bob

Respected Member
I feel tentative when I say I am doing well and moving forward. I would like to say that I am months, even years away from my last encounter with pmo but its really 20 days out of my last pmo and 6 days from mo. Masturbation isn't a deal breaker for me; it just introduces behavior that may lead me down the road to other things so I am trying to distance myself.

I have been working at this a good long time and I want to be free of this thing. Currently working a 12 step program. Bit difficult as I don't see a God as my Higher Power. But, there has been enough time working on this so I am writing, researching, thinking and going to meetings.

Hope all is well with others that are here and that we all get to the point where this is in our past.

Peace
 

bob

Respected Member
Continuing on my quest for a pmo free life.

I am still clean and have been attending SAA meetings. Never thought I would say this but it helps to have a face to face group where you are totally accepted and that the things you have done in the past don't really mater.  That is to say that they are not held against you as a person. Whether your issues were with porn, prostitutes, strip clubs or adult book stores, you are accepted and loved as person.

Peace to all and keep up your work to rid your life of this stuff. It's really not worth the hassle.

Peace

 

bob

Respected Member
I have been here on RN since 2015 and it is time for me to move on.

I haven't posted in a while and many of the the people whom I have come to know are already gone. Now it is my time.

I haven't gotten years of sobriety but I know I will because sobriety has become a new part of my life. My new life exist with other things than compulsive sexual behavior. I have had to reinvent myself to fill the void that pmo once held. It's power is slowly diminishing. I continue to grow as I  fill my life with other activities. Things that fulfill me and support me in my life without pmo.

The new me continues to move forward. Not always in a straight line but forward I will go. The behaviors of the past have been put in a trunk and placed in the attic. They remain. They always will. But when they are out of sight, they loose their power to control my life. It isn't easy but it is where I need to be.

Peace to all brothers and sisters in this struggle. You can do this! Keep trying different things and continue to learn as much as you can about yourself.

I have grown to love this place, the people, and what we have been through together. I will miss it but it is time.

I plan to stop back in about 6 months to confirm I am on my way.
 

Jbow

Active Member
I wish you the best of luck Bob.  You and I have been here battling for a while now. We have the tools to beat this crap, we just need to use them when the time is right. Porn is no longer an option.
 

imaquitter

Active Member
Bob! I hope you have peace!

You were one of those encouraging me when i started.

I fell back into bad habits but I'm on track now.
I suddenly remembered you when reading this thread:
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0
and saw your name there!

Peace Bob! ;)
 
Top