Yes I Can!

[Harry Molaski]

Thank you bob. This is an important point for all of us!
I've seen many alcoholics make the mistake of thinking 'it's been such a long time, one drink won't hurt'. A recovering alcoholic can never, ever drink a drop again. For life. Since the scientists seem to be saying fundamentally there's only one addiction, whatever type of substance or behavior is causing us to mess up our brain function doesn't matter. Addiction is addiction. I've come to the conclusion that this means no more P for the rest of my life. Now this can be a frightening idea: forever...
That's why AA takes things one day at a time. A lesser known recovery method, Rational Recovery, states that you can also do this trick: promise yourself all the drink you like in 100 years from now. That is based on the theory that the addiction (the 'Addictive Voice') is based in the part of the brain we share with animals, so it has no concept of time. I like the RR method since it's based on brain studies and science. Unfortunately they are fanatically opposed to the 12 step program of AA. Rational Recovery's method to deal with the addict's inner tug of war is very useful however and deserves a wider audience.
Harry

 

[bob]

Thanks for the thought of 100 years from now I can PMO all I want. Its an interesting comment that I have been mulling around in my mind. I could even shorten it to 50 years and I think I would be safe.

Continue to follow your progress. You are in my thoughts.

 

[harry]

Hey Bob,

Look at you, look at that counter! 99 days awesome. Who's better than you? Triple digits are just around the corner.

I really like this new tactic from Harry. Hell, not only can I masturbate, like, forever in 50 years, but I can drink, smoke, and do drugs. All at the same time. Hallelujah!

I'm going to have to do a little research into this.

 

[Chile]

Bob, your journal is amazing and you are a great help to anyone who crosses your path here. If you can get to 100 days after going 45 years without getting past 24 hours, then anyone can take that and be inspired. Congratulations on reaching the century mark. You are greatly loved.

 

[bob]

Hey Chile, Thanks! I actually forgot that I was getting that close to 100 days. Kind of feels good.

Had something crazy happen to me over the weekend. I was working on cleaning the house and I thought it might be helpful to listen to a Porn Addition Pod Cast. Well, not thinking, i went to the apps store and started the search for Trigger Alert an appropriate pod cast. I started type in P, O, R, N, and the following popped up, Porno Free. Well, I want to be free of porn so I clicked on it. I never really got into looking at porn on my phone (guess I liked the big monitor) so when it popped up with so many different porn options and triggers, my addict inside started to scan the screen as fast as he could. I on the other hand, I chuckled and clicked off to exit. I got out of there as quick as I could, much to my addicts frustration, . Felt kind of stupid when I realized that I was in the wrong place. I needed to be looking for porn addition pod casts Trigger Alert Over  Could have been a big mistake but it ended up being a joke on me. As I said, it felt kind of stupid but i am glad I reacted like I did.

Keep going guys. Your thoughts and comments in your own journals have a great deal of power. They speak to many of us as we work on this crazy additive behavior.

Peace

 

[Harry Molaski]

Hi bob,

Congratulations on reaching this milestone! Among other things, that is 100 days of helping so many others overcome their addiction.

Your podcast story shows how much you've achieved. You

chuckled and clicked off to exit

That is great, no reason to feel stupid at all. You should feel proud. I am still light years away from that level of stability.

Harry

 

[bob]

Had another insistence that I could only call a Click Trigger. This is something that comes up fast, completely out of nowhere. Something that you would want to stay away from if you knew you would be anywhere close.

When I dialed into a conference call this morning at work I automatically type in 800 when it was actually suppose to be 855. My conference call started out with a sultry voice that said, "Hey there Hotstuff. mmm, I've been waiting... Click, just like that I was triggered. I hung up immediately but it affected me more that I care to admit.

Crazy.

 

[freshstart@40]

Belated congratulations on 100 days bob
You're an inspiration
Be strong

 

[Feetfirst]

Hey Bob, great to read your thread. 100+ under the belt. Fantastic. Well done. You are an inspiration to me as I venture in this direction day at a time. I know for me when things get a bit hairy it is usually because I have drifted out of being in the moment. The mind then becomes agitated building its favourite monsters. Regularly taking the time to calm the mind and return it to 'neutral' has been so useful to me. The light comes in and the datkness has no choice but to slip away.
Thank you Bob for your support over this difficult period for me. Your presence has been invaluable. FF

 

[bob]

Thanks all for the congratulations on my 100+ day run. I appreciate your support.

 

[bob]

Greetings all,

I have been wondering if I am spending too much time here. I know I need support in the process. I understand that I gain a lot from others. I am just wondering if the time I spend here makes me dwell on the addiction instead of moving me away from it.

Just wondering out loud.

I do appreciate the support I have received from everyone here.

Peace

 

[hans32]

I hear you about dwelling here as a way to stay in the addiction rather than risk venturing forth.  I worry the same thing sometimes.  I know that I dont have the 'answer' but I do mirror the experience.  For me its reflective of how I want to be free from my addiction and dependency.  There is fear in depending on this site s much as I depended on porn.  But beyond these venues, what does my life look like?  I work, I study, I have cats, I go to 12 step meetings, I have clients and Im in therapy.  And i still have fears anyway, I guess id rather have them without porn than with...
I hope your gleaning understanding of what you need here.
I certainly appreciate your posts!

 

[Chile]

I think that becomes a legitimate question at some point, but there is no doubt your posts help others.

 

[Bango Skank]

I think that becomes a legitimate question at some point, but there is no doubt your posts help others.

If I were a religious man I would insert an "amen brother" under this post.

 

[bob]

Bango and Chile,

Your thoughts and comments mean a great deal to me.

It seems that I have gotten to a point in my sobriety where ignorantly think, "What was the big deal with this abstinence thing?" I  assumed that I was getting to a point where I feel comfortable and together, that the pull of porn would be reduced. Not the case for me now. I'm currently struggling with the thoughts and fantasies of the past. I am constantly being triggered and tested

I work in an environment where I am constantly around young people. This means that a good deal of them are women. I work to advert my eyes but its difficult.

Its funny. In the past when I would hear that someone was trying to advert their eyes, I thought, man that is stupid. If a beautiful women is there and the are front and center, you might as well look. Now I know shouldn't. I use the half a heart gesture and try and think of my wife. It helps but its hard to do consistently.

I don't know...

 

[now-man]

Hey Bob,

Just want to thank you for your support. I've been following your thread and really appreciate your honesty and kindness. You are a thoughtful and humble man.

I too sometimes wonder if I come to this forum a little addictively. I think there's an aspect of that going on for me. All I can say is that what I get when I come here is helpful and positive, supporting my reboot. I sense the same is true for you.

And I like having your presence here!

Wishing you well brother.

 

[1qqq1]

Hey Bob
I know just what your saying about attractive women at work. (also at gym, church, driving, grocery store etc.) I have had complete conversations where all I could do was focus on not looking down. I all I could think was please stop talking to me. As my attitude about porn changed I realized how much I looked at women objectively. And how it wasn't just an inner thought because I was communicating that objectivity to them weather I wanted to or not, non-verbally. When you change the things you look at, the things you look at change.

 

[camus]

Hi Bob, you are an inspiration to me on this forum and it would certainly be a loss if you decided not to visit so often. Your posts help me a great deal.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling and as I only have a week's clean time under my belt, I'm not sure what advice I can offer. What has helped me this week has been trying to control what thoughts dominate my mind. I have failed so many times at rebooting it has become a joke! But each time I relapse I am more or less doing the same thing - trying to NOT use. Avoidance and supression, for me, make the obsession with porn stronger.

So I have been experimenting this week, sitting down quietly for 20 mins each morning and envisioning that I am already fully recovered from this addiction. Actually feeling that I have finally conqured it. I am basically trying to trick my brain into thinking I have finally gotten over porn.

I am doing this because I have read from many reputable sources that what you anticipate in your mind, you create in reality. Anticipate negative, you create negative. Anticipate positive, you create positive.

Anyways, as I say, I only have a few days off porn so I can't really say how I'm going to be in 100 days time! But thought I'd share with you what I've read during my quest to find a solution to this insidious condition called porn addiction.

Stay strong bud

 

[Feetfirst]

Hey Bob, thank you for your honesty. One thing I really appreciate about your posts is your willingness to lay out how it is for you. I really get where you are coming from as everyone will. I love iqqq comment "When you change the things you look at, the things you look at change.^ so true.
I would like to share something with you. I have recently come through with something like this. Being triggered in a work environment and feeling very uncomfortable with myself for it. But why am I being upset? Its not the seeing that is the problem. Ir is the intention of the gaze. I am gazing with lustful intention, innappropriate attention, or intention to have and possess what is not mine. Where does all this come from?.. an agitated mind. So for me attending to agitated mind through meditation and prayer changed everything. Then last week I had a curious experience where the same stimulus arose and it was only after the event I realized I hadnt even seen it. My mind wasnt triggered because the agitation in my mind wasnt there for the stimulus to trigger anything! It was a lightbulb moment for me. 'Attend to the condition of the mind and the external object will look after itself' that was the lesson I learnt from my experience. I hope it is helpful to you Bob. Cheers. FF

 

[notgivinup]

Hey Bob....I just want to add that I am really glad you are here. Your posts are helpful to me.

When I first came here...I was here every day....sometimes multiple times a day.

Now, I go a few days in between being here...but I have found that it is really, really helpful to me to be here and to read what others are posting. I usually can identify with 90% of what other guys write here.

I also receive the most encouragement here. I know you have to do what is best for you...but I am very glad that you have been here and thankful for all you have written.

Thanks.
NGU