Well- what happened last night. I did relapse. It was a conscious decision. I find it is difficult to build up a normal healthy sexual relationship. This is my wish but for some reason I have not succeeded in this part. I was not freaking out this morning, I was quite chilled - actually I was quite nice with my children - I made a great breakfast for them and then I went running. Even though I do need to admit that after relapsing, the consequences are always the same: feeling tired...etc.....anyways I do not think I will relapse again tonight because I have a lot of professional pressure and I want to be succesful.....the sex part in a relationship just seems not really working....I think being together for a long time is extinguishing the fire for some reason.....It would also be unfair to blame my partner but sometimes I just want to release and have some fun....my partner always wants it to be planned...but I do not like it if it is planned....I like it to be spontaneous.....anyways that is life. I want to learn to deal with imperfections and not always strive for perfections...anyone reading this do not worry her, I am totally fine this morning..
Successful reboot?
- Thread starter TiramiSu
- Start date
yes I was thinking about it too. Just my Partner has changed her Body weight a lot (not because of disease or so because of own choice) and so sometimes it is different compared to before. When physics Change, it is difficult to have sex I find. this is why I sometimes I Resort to porn. I know it is not good...but there are not so many choice considering I do want to stay with my Partner despite changed Body weight....I am a Little bit trapped because I also do not want to Change my Partner. Trying to Change a Partner does not work! and I accept everything. I just physically do not respond so well to that..just my friend downstaires doesnot work at the Moment....
yes maybe I should do it. Because I did not relapse twice. It was a totally calculated move two days ago. I do not have any cravings. Even though I must admit that yesterday morning I felt like shit and tired. So as I learn, the consequences of porn are always the same.....I want to live a self-determined life. I also feel that when I watch porn I always feel like a victim...when I am not watching porn I do not feel like a victim and I Control my thoughts better....porn seems to take out energy each time...it is weird...It is just for the time being I sometimes just want to relax and have some fun too.
I have been doing a lot of thinking over the Weekend and here is what I think about porn.
There is nothing wrong with porn and the occasional porn view is also ok. But if we want to be real men, we Need to be able to Switch it off when we want to. It becomes a Problem if we solely rely on it as a source of only happiness. We must have Goals in life and we Need to fight for them very hard. This should be our main occupation. It only becomes problematic if we cannot stop it. I think I am at a Point where I can stop it if I Need to. I do Need to admit that I myself have a lot of personal improvement Goals that I really do want to achieve. But I also find that if we sometimes watch porn we should not beat ourselves up about it. My Problem in the past was that I relied on porn as my only source of comfort and that does not work. There must be Moments in life where we know we must Stretch ourselves. And always watching porn is turning us into pussies and whimps. It actually takes our manhood away. But this Weekend I watched it and I felt quite released after it. Yesterday evening I knew it was time to stop and so I just did not continue watching it. Life is about being able to Control ourselves. If we cannot Control ourselves, we are fucked. But as Long as we can Control ourselves we should not worry. I am not saying that I am defending watching porn, porn is actually only healthy as Long as it does not preoccupy our Brains. As soon as we consume it regularly and we forgot the world around us, then it becomes a Problem. It is same with alcohol. I did a month without alcohol and I felt better about it. So I want to do the same with porn. I want to be periods without any porn to prove that I can Control myself, but should I ever watch it again, as Long as I do not fuss about it and my life continues normally I should be fine. Just the other issue is that we should rather worry why we even want to watch porn and we Need to think about that.
There is nothing wrong with porn and the occasional porn view is also ok. But if we want to be real men, we Need to be able to Switch it off when we want to. It becomes a Problem if we solely rely on it as a source of only happiness. We must have Goals in life and we Need to fight for them very hard. This should be our main occupation. It only becomes problematic if we cannot stop it. I think I am at a Point where I can stop it if I Need to. I do Need to admit that I myself have a lot of personal improvement Goals that I really do want to achieve. But I also find that if we sometimes watch porn we should not beat ourselves up about it. My Problem in the past was that I relied on porn as my only source of comfort and that does not work. There must be Moments in life where we know we must Stretch ourselves. And always watching porn is turning us into pussies and whimps. It actually takes our manhood away. But this Weekend I watched it and I felt quite released after it. Yesterday evening I knew it was time to stop and so I just did not continue watching it. Life is about being able to Control ourselves. If we cannot Control ourselves, we are fucked. But as Long as we can Control ourselves we should not worry. I am not saying that I am defending watching porn, porn is actually only healthy as Long as it does not preoccupy our Brains. As soon as we consume it regularly and we forgot the world around us, then it becomes a Problem. It is same with alcohol. I did a month without alcohol and I felt better about it. So I want to do the same with porn. I want to be periods without any porn to prove that I can Control myself, but should I ever watch it again, as Long as I do not fuss about it and my life continues normally I should be fine. Just the other issue is that we should rather worry why we even want to watch porn and we Need to think about that.
rebootrapp
Active Member
You're rationalizing your choice the other night dude. We all know what happens with porn. Regroup and re-center, then leave porn in the past dude.
Hey Tirimasu,
You're welcome to do and say whatever you want. I'll just say, you're keeping a journal on a website where people are trying to give up porn, focusing on the theory that porn is harmful and effects the brain (and our relationships), and by giving it up for a period, you can reboot the brain. there are plenty of other places to keep a journal. Once again, do whatever you want, we're all different, and this might be the path that works for you (but your advice - that's contrary to all the science Nation is talking about - might be harmful to newbies who are here looking for ways to overcome what some call 'porn addiction')
Gazz
You're welcome to do and say whatever you want. I'll just say, you're keeping a journal on a website where people are trying to give up porn, focusing on the theory that porn is harmful and effects the brain (and our relationships), and by giving it up for a period, you can reboot the brain. there are plenty of other places to keep a journal. Once again, do whatever you want, we're all different, and this might be the path that works for you (but your advice - that's contrary to all the science Nation is talking about - might be harmful to newbies who are here looking for ways to overcome what some call 'porn addiction')
Gazz
Hello Gaz, Mikel and Reboottrap.
I really appreciate your openfeedback. I think this is very helpful.
Before you continue to read: this might be a Little bit thought provocing!
I fully Support that relying on porn as a matter of happiness will not work in life. We will fail.
But sometimes I have to come ask myself - what Comes first: the symptom or the cause and is porn a symptom or a cause. I have identified some weaknesses in life that I really Need to work on. They do definitely Need improvement. When I was a heavy porn user, I did totally ignore them. and this sobriety has helped me to identify them.
I also agree that getting away from porn is a good choice because porn - and especially too much of it - has caused my brain to less think rationally.
I am also not in favor of porn. But I also think that it is not good either to say that porn is totally bad. Bad and good just like loving and hating is always Close together. Sometimes it can even help in a relationship should both Partners want it. So my Goal is to become completely indifferent towards porn. My personal Goal is that porn just does not Play an active role in my life anymore and that I Focus on my Family and on my Job what I love.
But I do not like this "black and White painting"
My personal Goal is that I develop a very healthy life style with a lot of self-discipline. Watching porn every day is not self-discipline! Watching porn on a regular Basis is in fact a huge Problem.
but it is Little bit the same with alcohol: I have reduced my consumption of alcohol to four bottle per months. This is 1.2 litres of beer. Not very much. I think that is very healthy!
Also maybe I can best explain it with the difference between staring and looking at a beautiful women. If I stare - in a pathetic way - at beautiful women, then it is not suitable, but if I look at a beautiful women and acknowledge she is hot, then it should be ok. I just should not fuss about it. Just move on.
So to cut a Long Story short: I am totally on your side, I only think that sometimes trying to see Grey colours instead of just black and White is ok too.
But I also Need to admit that instead of suggesting "there are other Forums" I think different opinions should be discussed openly with inviting somebody to think about other Forums. This goes into the direction of judging. And I thought we are all here to help each other and therefore in case of contradictory opinions, we should discuss them, but not judge them.
In an intellectual discourse, the different sides should always be allowed to be looked at, otherwise it is one-sided. And everything just looking from one angle is dangerous. Pro and cons should always be weighed up.
thank you everyone.
I really appreciate your openfeedback. I think this is very helpful.
Before you continue to read: this might be a Little bit thought provocing!
I fully Support that relying on porn as a matter of happiness will not work in life. We will fail.
But sometimes I have to come ask myself - what Comes first: the symptom or the cause and is porn a symptom or a cause. I have identified some weaknesses in life that I really Need to work on. They do definitely Need improvement. When I was a heavy porn user, I did totally ignore them. and this sobriety has helped me to identify them.
I also agree that getting away from porn is a good choice because porn - and especially too much of it - has caused my brain to less think rationally.
I am also not in favor of porn. But I also think that it is not good either to say that porn is totally bad. Bad and good just like loving and hating is always Close together. Sometimes it can even help in a relationship should both Partners want it. So my Goal is to become completely indifferent towards porn. My personal Goal is that porn just does not Play an active role in my life anymore and that I Focus on my Family and on my Job what I love.
But I do not like this "black and White painting"
My personal Goal is that I develop a very healthy life style with a lot of self-discipline. Watching porn every day is not self-discipline! Watching porn on a regular Basis is in fact a huge Problem.
but it is Little bit the same with alcohol: I have reduced my consumption of alcohol to four bottle per months. This is 1.2 litres of beer. Not very much. I think that is very healthy!
Also maybe I can best explain it with the difference between staring and looking at a beautiful women. If I stare - in a pathetic way - at beautiful women, then it is not suitable, but if I look at a beautiful women and acknowledge she is hot, then it should be ok. I just should not fuss about it. Just move on.
So to cut a Long Story short: I am totally on your side, I only think that sometimes trying to see Grey colours instead of just black and White is ok too.
But I also Need to admit that instead of suggesting "there are other Forums" I think different opinions should be discussed openly with inviting somebody to think about other Forums. This goes into the direction of judging. And I thought we are all here to help each other and therefore in case of contradictory opinions, we should discuss them, but not judge them.
In an intellectual discourse, the different sides should always be allowed to be looked at, otherwise it is one-sided. And everything just looking from one angle is dangerous. Pro and cons should always be weighed up.
thank you everyone.
I am attacking it from a new angle. I will take up some counselling talks. My Goal is to be "wild animal" and the "nice guy" when it Needs to go. I want to find a good mixture. but I do not seem to be able to solve that on my own. but I think that is my ultimate Goal. My Problem was in the past that I had this very wild side about me and sometimes the very friendly side. It is important to be able to use both at the same time.
@Gazz: thanks, I will read up about it!
I will seek some mental counselling because I am at a Point where I am always at the same Problem: enjoying sex in a partnership. If I was Young, I would Change the Partner, now I want to stick to what I have Chosen and deal with with it.
I actually thank reboottrap for his wake up call. Wake up calls are a good Thing.
It is really always the same: waking up without any porn makes me feel wake up very fresh. But I also find my latest introduction to also not drink alcohol anymore is also a good Thing.
I will seek some mental counselling because I am at a Point where I am always at the same Problem: enjoying sex in a partnership. If I was Young, I would Change the Partner, now I want to stick to what I have Chosen and deal with with it.
I actually thank reboottrap for his wake up call. Wake up calls are a good Thing.
It is really always the same: waking up without any porn makes me feel wake up very fresh. But I also find my latest introduction to also not drink alcohol anymore is also a good Thing.
I am here for permanent reboot. The benefits of a Stimulation free world outweight the benefits of porn. I have always noticed that after a month or two of no porn I had some Depression. Did that happen to other rebooters as well. This time I want to face the Depression and move over it.
Time has come to rewire my priorities. I want to Focus on serving my Job and the Family. That will be my responsibility for the time to come.
Watching porn and thinking too much about women is distracting for that responsilibity.
I did Meditation the first fiften minutes of my day and I also feel that after Meditation my day is somehow better. I cannot describe it why, but it seems that the day I do Meditation, that day is just better! It is always like that. So I want to stick to that.
With regards to relapses and porn binges: I do know that I have relapsed around 15 times last year, but this year I want to reduce that number to less than 9. The Goal is really to stop porn. Even though I am Little bit scared about the depressions that are coming after a month of no porn watching, but this time I really want to face it and move beyond, otherwise I will never Progress.
Watching porn and thinking too much about women is distracting for that responsilibity.
I did Meditation the first fiften minutes of my day and I also feel that after Meditation my day is somehow better. I cannot describe it why, but it seems that the day I do Meditation, that day is just better! It is always like that. So I want to stick to that.
With regards to relapses and porn binges: I do know that I have relapsed around 15 times last year, but this year I want to reduce that number to less than 9. The Goal is really to stop porn. Even though I am Little bit scared about the depressions that are coming after a month of no porn watching, but this time I really want to face it and move beyond, otherwise I will never Progress.
Mikel
Active Member
Is it actually depression or are you just feeling low? If it's actual depression I would go see a Doctor or someone medically trained who can help. If it's a low period due to withdrawals from binging to porn, you're just going to have to ride through it I'm afraid. I know you've done this before as per your journal, so just remember what it was like after you got through that tough period.