For around twenty years now I have read and re-read one particular book that I continue to find inspiration from. It is a book which has brought me back again and again to what I believe is the quintessence of spirituality. Like most of the great gems of spirituality, it transcends all traditions and teachings. Of course, there are elements from different traditions contained in the teaching but no particular tradition can claim it as their own. I Am That by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj is a hefty book replete with pearls of wisdom. Here is a particular passage which I think addresses the heart of recovery:
Watch your thoughts as you watch the street traffic. People come and go; you register without response. It may not be easy in the beginning, but with some practice you will find that your mind can function on many levels at the same time and you can be aware of them all. It is only when you have a vested interest in any particular level, that your attention gets caught in it and you black out on other levels. Even then the work on the blacked out levels goes on, outside the field of consciousness.
Do not struggle with your memories and thoughts; try only to include in your field of attention the other, more important questions, like ‘Who am l?,’ ‘How did I happen to be born?,’ ‘Whence this universe around me?,’ ‘What is real and what is momentary?’ No memory will persist, if you lose interest in it, it is the emotional link that perpetuates the bondage.
You are always seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, always after happiness and peace. Don’t you see that it is your very search for happiness that makes you feel miserable? Try the other way: indifferent to pain and pleasure, neither asking, nor refusing, give all your attention to the level on which ‘I am?’ is timelessly present. Soon you will realize that peace and happiness are in your very nature and it is only seeking them through some particular channels, that disturbs. Avoid the disturbance, that is all.
To seek, there is no need; you would not seek what you already have. You yourself are God, the Supreme Reality. To begin with, trust me, trust the Teacher. It enables you to make the first step—and then your trust is justified by your own experience. In every walk of life initial trust is essential; without it little can be done. Every undertaking is an act of faith. Even your daily bread you eat on trust! By remembering what I told you you will achieve everything. I am telling you again: You are the all-pervading, all transcending reality. Behave accordingly: think, feel and act in harmony with the whole and the actual experience of what I say will dawn upon you in no time.
No effort is needed. Have faith and act on it. Please see that I want nothing from you. It is in your own interest that l speak, because above all you love yourself, you want yourself secure and happy. Don’t be ashamed of it, don’t deny it. It is natural and good to love oneself. Only you should know what exactly do you love. It is not the body that you love; it is Life—perceiving, feeling, thinking, doing, loving, striving, creating. It is that Life you love, which is you, which is all. Realize it in its totality, beyond all divisions and limitations, and all your desires will merge in it, for the greater contains the smaller. Therefore, find yourself, for in finding that you find all.
Watch your thoughts as you watch the street traffic. What is called for is detachment. People get so invested in their stories that they believe the conditioned thoughts which arise out of these stories. In my own case, I have been conditioned to believe that to be really happy, I need an attractive woman. But not only attractive, also one that is younger than me (by at least 10 to 20 years) and whose body turns me on. I also hold the belief that as I get older my chances of being with a woman who really turns me on continues to decrease! These beliefs give rise to thoughts that create suffering—whether or not they are true—so I'm trying to find more non-attachment around them and also to challenge the beliefs. Ultimately, any thought that I need something outside of myself to make me happy is going to make me suffer.
What is real and what is momentary? A good pointer on the path is to find that which doesn’t change. Like a good Zen Koan, it forces one to contemplate that which is beyond contemplation. Of course, one can’t find anything tangible that doesn’t change. And yet, as addicts, we cling to the belief that our momentary pleasures will bring us some kind of lasting satisfaction! The reality is, however, that one satisfied desire gives birth to another. As Nisargadatta has pointed out:
Only contentment can make you happy—desires fulfilled breed more desires. Keeping away from all desires, and contentment in what comes by itself, is a very fruitful state—a precondition to the state of fullness. Don’t distrust its apparent sterility and emptiness. Believe me, it is the satisfaction of desires that breeds misery. Freedom from desires is bliss.
As addicts, this is a difficult truth to swallow. What is the point of living without the satisfaction of desires? Is it even possible? This turns our usual M.O. completely on its head. The important thing to recognize here is that Nisargadatta is not advocating repression but—contentment in what comes. There is no problem in those pleasures that come our way unsought. It is the pleasures that we hanker and strive after that create all the problems!
Peace and happiness are in your very nature. This is the cosmic joke: that we spend our whole lives looking outside of ourselves for something which is closer than our own breath! This is a testament to the incredible power of ignorance and illusion which has us believe that we are limited and unhappy when, in fact, the opposite is true. While I can see this truth intellectually, I don’t know it to be true. And so what is called for is the realization of this truth. This begs the question—how? Besides a question, HOW is an acronym from the 12-Steps that I like: Honesty, Openness, Willingness. A teacher I like named Guy Finley puts it this way: You can only be as free as you are willing to be truthful about yourself.
Every undertaking is an act of faith. When we get on a plane, we’re putting our faith in technology. When we go to sleep, we put our faith in our unconscious—that we will wake up the next morning! When we push our bodies to the limit in athletic pursuits, we put our faith in our bodies. Whether we enter into a marriage or start a company, we are putting our faith in another person. This is not to say that our faith is always justified, but in order to move in a new direction, there needs to be faith. That doesn’t necessitate a blind faith. Discrimination is necessary, in fact, is a sine qua non. But when you are convinced, through intellectual and intuitive investigation of the source of advice, then it is time to act. Faith without works is dead.
To start flying again—after 20 years on the ground—and get current!
The reawakening of hope after despair