My future is awesome!


Respected Member
Here’s how I handle it: I make a promise that I will not seek out porn for that day. I keep my word. I am in control of my actions.

That said, there is no magic bullet. Whatever path you choose has to start with you. Putting your plan in another’s hands seems like a recipe for blaming others before you fail.

You know what you need to do. So do it.

This is one of the best short and sweet advice. Thanks for the reminder.


Respected Member

porn addicts are very attached people.
We're attached to our
Favorite performers
Private and alone time
These attachments help perpetuate our addiction.

As a new father going through recovery, I'm very grateful that family life has given me many advantages:
New responsibilities
Love and attention
Less/no private time
No lonely time

I went from being a private citizen to a public one.

But the real key to success is about letting go of all my old attachments when I was a private citizen and become firmly attached to my family as a public unit.

The loss of privacy and the abandonment of old attachments are the roots of addiction liberation.
Last edited:


Respected Member

This is one of the best explanation about how porn masterbation messes us up totally.

1. It's not about sex. It's about self soothing. However it habituates the wrong way to deal with life's challenges

2. Changes the brain to see no joy in the world other than through masterbation.

3. It Neurologically links the brain sexually to ourself for love, happiness, connection and pleasure. It's a self defeating loop.

4. Dopamine deluge floods the frontal lobe that handles working memory, concentration, focus, socialization, judgement, impulse control and reward center.
Consequently, frequent masterbation weakens and slows the frontal lobe, impairing thinking and memory.

5. Frontal lobe reward center desensitized by supernormal visual, mental and physical stimulus, leads to decreased arousal by normal intimacy.

6. Porn is a performance, unlike partner sex which is an experience. We end up associating partner sex as performance, resulting in performance anxiety, leading to ED and stress, making sex unenjoyable.

7. Partner sex has comparably lower mental and physical stimulation. Arousal and ejaculation becomes more difficult. So mental fantasy is needed. We're thus not really having sex with our partner.

8. The partner knows something is wrong, even if they don't know what is wrong. (We're not present)

9. Testosterone spikes up on day 7 after abstinence.

How to stop?
1. Stop watching
2. Pivot plan to decrease stress levels and not to be bored.
3. More mood regulation activities across the day.
Last edited:


Respected Member
The meaning of living is the completion of purpose.

Joy happens when purpose has been achieved.

Purpose gives direction
Purpose takes us away from ourselves
Pleasure happens when we are deep in the mist of our purpose.

Seeking pleasure is hollow.

Have many levels of purpose.
Life goals
Annual goals
Monthly goals
Weekly goals
Daily goals
Event goals.
Do them to experience pleasure
Complete them and gain joy
  • Like
Reactions: GBS


Respected Member
The life of the constant pleasure seeker is dark and painful because there is little or nothing for that person to be proud or joyful of.

The pleasure seeker may not be a porn or mo addict like many here.
They may simply be a person who desires a carefee life, without worries or responsibilities.

Unfortunately what that means is that they also live without purpose, goals or meaning. And that life can hardly give joy, because that life hardly provides opportunity for outcomes or achievements.

There is good to devote ourselves to something, regardless how big or small. In its completion we will experience joy.
Last edited:


Respected Member
I don't want to be indebted.
To take is to owe.
And with debt comes guilt, shame and weakness.

I will give more than I take.
There is joy in doing, giving, providing.

With independence come freedom.
I will be honest with myself.
I will provide all that I need to myself and others.
I will not be greedy, hoard, or insatiable.
All the attention I need will come from me. I will give myself the proper attention that I need.
I will give more than I take.
Last edited:


Respected Member
A great flood of exuberance will normally be followed by a great flush as the body works itself back toward equilibrium.

That's why consistent incremental is better than a sudden all at once flooding.

Consistent incremental happens when we recognize ourselves frequently over the many small things we did and complete.

I've finished my giving and duties for the moment.
I'm at peace with myself.


Respected Member
PMO is a consistent outward seeking of pleasurable and perfection.
This invariably leads to an inward reflection of imperfection and dissatisfaction.
Even if there's nothing to connect or relate outward and inward elements, the comparison continues and worsen.
In time we'll dislike ourselves.
Not good at all.

Learning to like ourselves is most crucial to a good recovery.


Respected Member
A life less ordinary does not mean a life of excesses.
A life of planning, preparing and execution has more extraordinary outcomes than one of over indulgence.
A little bit goes a long way.
Excesses are never sustainable.
I am sufficient as I am.


Respected Member
A life of extremes and excesses is bad because it immediately makes the normal world of mundane and bland incredibly unbearable.

To make daily living more enjoyable is to refuse stimulus overload. Then suddenly every little bit of bonus becomes special and enjoyable.

Otherwise, it'll take an awful whole lot more to make us just a tiny little bit happier.

Less is more.


Respected Member
True happiness lies only within one self.
Nothing and no one outside of self can make one happy.
So how do one do it?
1. Complete what we want and planned to do.
2. Incrementally improve over our past records.
3. Take excellent personal care.
4. Do not rush. Let time allow things to happen

Be our own no. 1 hero, coach, cheer leader, protector etc.
We will soon find greatest joy in personal satisfaction.


Respected Member
PMO is about withholding/ignoring all the joys for the day into 1 mega PMO binge session.

So while abstinence is an important first step, greater is the recovery and return of gathering joy in all forms across the day.

Why did we turn to PMO for joy?
Because the fast pace of modern life leaves little opportunity to appreciate the tiny goods at every moment.

School is about passing the exam
Sports is about winning the championship
Work is about scoring the big sale
Little emphasis is given the moment to moment growth and development we've garnered.

Now that we're done the first step of abstinence, let's continue by slowing down our pace and really smell the roses, be it the fragrance of the morning coffee, the warmth of the morning sun, or even the empty seat on the bus or train.

Simple pleasures collected across the day amounts to more than the hollow binge at night.


Respected Member
Remember that addiction is subsequent to dissatisfaction in life.

To solve addiction is to solve it's precursors. Life does not necessarily have to change. But how we look and interact with it, can do with some.

Last edited:


Respected Member
Intimacy disorder.
That's the root of our addiction to porn.
This podcast has good discussion on repairing the intimacy issue.



Respected Member
A woman is happiest when she is beautiful. She is beautiful because she took the time, effort and attention to take care of herself. Thus others pay attention to her too. She has the attention of herself and others.

A man is happiest when he is strong and successful. He is so because he took the time and effort and attention to take care of himself. Thus others pay attention to him too. He has the attention of himself and others.

Addiction of any kind is taking attention away from ourselves. We are left rotting because we have no time effort or attention towards ourselves.

To come out of addiction is to route all attention towards ourselves.
Quality food, rest and social exchanges.
Self grooming, exercise and study.
Plan, prepare and execute.

The more we take care of ourselves, the stronger we will be, the happier we become, the less dependent, attached and addicted we are.

Most importantly:
I don't need others or other things to make me feel better.
Learning how to be happy with myself is most important.
I am good by myself.
Last edited:


Respected Member
A wondering mind is an unhappy mind

A mind wonders when it is not attentive and engaged.
It is not attentive because it is uninterested. It wants to escape.

Only an attentive mind is an engaged mind. And an engaged mind is focused.

Notice how focused we are when we are on the addiction route?
We're happy because of we are engaging our abusive substance.
We're happy because we're focused and in the zone.

So happiness can be engineered:
1. Know and do only things we appreciate or have purpose
2. Fewer is better than more
3. Always focus deeply in whatever we are doing. Do to completion.
4. Be present and mindful.

Meditation every day for 15 mins helps to train the mind to better focus.

Having less distractions helps focus

Having a purpose or goal helps focus

Good rest, reduced stimulants help focus.
Last edited:


Respected Member
Having choice or options is good.
But once made up, choice must be removed to improve happiness.
Essentially, commitment is key for greater happiness.

Be committed to our goals, and be rewarded.