Thanks so much for all of the support guys! I just finished the date, it was a learning experience. Looking at the big picture REALLY helped. It it was so helpful coming back and reading these comments. Like I wanted the girl really bad and felt like she was so great and then it ended, but then I come back and read the comments and it's like "oh yeah" there is a lot more to life. I've been reading you guys journals and getting support from you for weeks now... this girl I just met LITERALLY YESTERDAY!
It reminds me it's about the path, any one girl is not that important (until she becomes important! Like after years or something). Knowing a girl for a few days is no biggie.
So here's what happened from the beginning :
I set some dating goals for myself this month and I wanted to make that happen. I basically just talked to tons of girls yesterday, this one really liked me. Big for me, was letting it happen. We had the date planned for yesterday and it was moved.
I should mention: She is on vacation so a relationship was not in the cards no matter what....
She also texted me pre date. She could not stay long...
This girl obviously really liked me. We got to the bar, we talked. She was asking about getting a cocktail or something. I don't drink so she didn't order and we went to the beach. (I live in a waarrmmm city). (This may have been a mistake, next time just get club soda, the girl doesn't drink cause I don't then we had nothing to do.....). She was touching me a lot and initiating physical contact which is cool.
I took her to the beach. We went to these nice rocks but some dude had a headlamp on and was like searching for something lol. It creeped her out. I brought her to some other rocks I sat, eventually she came near me. We sort of kissed for two seconds and a giant wave hit us, we kept going, then another HUGE wave like went totally over us! We were like 15 feet from the water, it was some tidal wave shit lol.
So our kiss ended like literally as our lips had just touched lol.
My back is soaked, she is soaked. She starts saying she has to go soon. lol (I think she had said that earlier).
It was odd, she kept saying she had to go but was touching me. We kissed more. Then as we were walking she ordered an uber, said she'd see me soon and that she was leaving tomorrow (see me soon??)
I was a little lame, and was trying to convince her to come hang out where I lived. ( I didn't really know where else to take her). I am not even sure if I was ready for sex but really wanted the female company and to cuddle etc. Then her uber came super fast and that was that. She kept touching me a lot and saying she wanted to stay then suddenly she totally stopped was gone. (my brain is like: she just came to be a tease and get an ego boost!) Goddamn my fucking brain! I sort of believe that, she obviously DID like me, she may have just been conflicted or put off by my poor date management/ bringing her to headlamp creep and tidal waves lol.
Hmmmm.
You know, man life is a lot more complicated then pmo lol. I have had the tendency to get real down after knowing I won't see a girl again but.... I put things in perspective. I made out with a really pretty cool and that was fun! I got some rewiring in, so if sex does happen I am wayyy more prepared! AND I hadn't been on a real date in like forever. It takes time. Like movies have all this romance shit, you just meet the right girl etc, but at the end of the day, imo I gotta go on dates to get comfortable on dates. So, go on a few, do my best to meet girls and when I am running dates better (No waves, places to go; become MORE COMFORTABLE) I'll be dating girls!
Writing this I actually appreciate it a bit. The bad part is it happened so fast, it was like the blink of the eye and the girls gone. But man, thats some cool shit. I went on a date with a hot girl who was into me. We talked about ourselves, we started kissing on the beach and got hit with a damn tidal wave lol. The real world is not as controlled or instantgratification as online land but it's way better.
Now, the thing is... KEEP IT UP! Keep doing all the right things, be aware of a chaser effect that could happen from the sexuality and aim to keep meeting girls (though not as my number one priority) so that I can hopefully go on dates moderately consistently in order to know what the fuck I am doing lol (and then have all the good stuff real connection (That is built) real sex etc.
Gonna read a bit and use this as momentum and push myself tomorrow!