Yesterday turned out to be rougher than normal. I had bad urges and one of things I do when I have those bad urges is search my computer for leftover p because my addiction is so download related. Luckily, everything was deleted and only a folder was left that still had thankfully pretty tame thumbnails that I deleted immediately. It could have been worse. I managed to not look at any p thankfully even though having extreme urges throughout.
It seems if I get out of the small loop that begins after a relapse where it is three days then relapse, I start to get sever urges near the end of the month. I suspect month 2 is gonna be so much harder. This is considering I often relapse at that point. Still depressed and upset about the ex, but I don't know if I can't make a decision, she should really move on. This is probably gonna bother me for more than a year. It is what it is; I'd rather much have this than the p numbness that led me into making really bad decisions and generally just being a bad person.