Rebooting trough self-parenting

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
I hope my comments weren't seen as a dismissing of this need for human connection and touch
Not at all. I understood what you meant to say.

I felt very lonely yesterday. But I allowed for the feeling to arise and to be integrated. While it might be a "negative" emotions. It is "pure" and "valid" emotion that is there for a reason. I am grateful for this.

I am very grateful that I get to play this reboot game as long as it takes until I get it.

I ended up sending SMS to 2 people I know. Both replied practically immediately as I asked to go for a walk. I went for a walk today with a friend. It felt very good.

So there is this dichotomy between being alone and being in company. But I feel like. We need to do both. Like being happy on my own + appreciate the company. So I was not running away from loneliness by going for a walk with a friend. As there is a real need to be in company.

So loneliness can be a great teacher. I never valued human connections. But now I am starting to.

What is changing for me is that my whole System of Beliefs - Values and Attitudes is shifting. What I used to value I don't anymore. And existing values are being changed.

I don't need to be around people all the time. But I do need to be around people some of the time.

What is changing is also my attitude. In my view this Reboot is not about staying away from P. It is about Rebooting/Resetting/Re-evaluating Values, Beliefs and Attitudes together with the re-evaluations of Needs and Desires.

As in my study of psychology. To change my life the biggest cost/benefit is for me to change my belief system and my system of perceptions. How do I see myself? How do I see the world? What do I believe to be true? Just working on changing this...I can change my entire life.

Wish everyone well

EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Just came across this YT video...thought I share it. This is what I realized a few weeks ago on my 12th April "relapse". I cannot deny my feelings. They are all valid. There are no wrong feelings. There is nothing wrong with them. They are all serving me in a positive way. Especially the negative feelings.

There is nothing wrong with feeling loneliness, etc. What doesn't work is trying to suppress, deny etc. of feeling of loneliness.

This is where I believe we need a better explanation on how mindfulness works. By allowing the feelings to arise. To meet them, to greet them, to feel them....we allow for transformation/integration to happen. By feeling the feelings they go away?! How counter-intuitive is that?

Also me being an engineer. Just observing and feeling...feels like half of the coin. There is also perfectly valid to have preferences. Instead of loneliness I'd prefer to feel connection. So I can sit with loneliness and make it clear that I'd prefer to feel connection....at the same time not denying loneliness anything.

Like being a sailboat. I am not denying the wind, I am both acknowledging the wind and adjusting the sails but at the same time I affirm the direction I want to sail to. So it is a compromise in away or a dichtotomy. Feeling the feelings yet charting a new course. This is all happening simultaneously.

So I am being neutral in feeling the feelings, but I am not neutral overall as I have a preferred outcome in mind. But I am allowing for the outcome and preference to manifest on its own time. So I am not forcing any outcomes. But I do have preferences.

For our Actions to happen. We need both the emotional system and the cognitive system to cooperate.

PMO is a good example of this. Even feeling very aroused, horny....until the cognitive system (thoughts, beliefs, etc) give the Go ahead the behavior doesn't happen.

I don't want to diminish the emotions by writing this but emotions are easy from the perspective that the single greatest "thing" we can do about them is to accept them, love them, feel them. This is it. No need to control anything. No need to rationalize. Just feel. Feel the feelings. So simple.

What gets a little complicated is our cognitive system. Our thoughts, beliefs, values, needs, desires, drives, passions, motivations, perceptions, world view, etc. I feel like our belief system is where we can make the biggest change in our lives. Change our beliefs change our lives.


Much love to everyone
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
This mindfulness stuff works. Now even for medium urges.

Allow the urges, thoughts and specially the feelings to arise. Don't try to control. Don't judge. Don't suppress. This P memories are part of me. For better or for worse. They are part of me. Denying them is denying myself. It is a non-truth.

First is the acceptance. Second is dealing with expectations. If I project my own views on P addiction recovery. Like I want this done in 3 months. I am again making an illusion. I am trying to fit something I don't fully understand to some mould that I think I fully understand. So this is about freedom. Allowing life to unfold on it's own terms. Not on my Egos terms. Ironically allowing life to unfold on it's own is the fastest way of healing.

With this in mind. I can observe my P thoughts and the feelings of arousal. At the same time. This is the passive component. I can also include an active component. At the same time I can also include my own intentions. I intend to align my sexual energy with my highest expression of myself. P is not it. Lust is not it.

I intent for my sexual energy to flow trough my heart to my brain and form a loop. I just visualize energy flowing from my 1st chakra to 4th chakra to the 7th chakra. Focus on the 4th. This is what I want.

I am OK not feeling lust and orgasm. I'd like to. But not like this. There is a way to experience orgasm that is aligned with my true authentic expression and there is a way to experience orgasm that is not-aligned with my true authentic expression. Innately I know this P thing and self-stimulation is not it.

Maybe I will someday experience heart centered orgasm. But again, accept + allowing to happen this on it's own time and not what I would want it.

Much love everyone
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Wet dream yesterday. Other-wize find it smooth sailing. This active mindfulness works.

This is what got me with mindfulness....like you are not suppose to take it personally. You can. You can let thoughts and emotions have space etc but at the same time have a preference for the outcome.

Like if some P thoughts show up. I give them space and attention but I also expect them to move out...eventually on their own time...which is 100% of the time a lot sooner than if I were trying to force them out or deny the thoughts.

Also got a little anxiety attack. I gave it space. I observed it. But I also "expected" it to pass....on its own time. So basically it is like having a preferred outcome in mind and waiting until it is completed.

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
MOed. Close to zero P thoughts except for a vanilla PIV with a girl I know IRL. Can say the fetish P doesn't really turn me on anymore. Should by any chance I watch P. I'd probably go with PIV this time around. Obviously I have no intention to watch P.

Could the MO be avoided? Maybe. What does it has to teach me?

I feel like we really weren't made to live alone. The body needs touch. So with the MO ... I visualized a girl I know IRL...a girl I low-key asked to hang out. A girl I see myself living with. I'd say this is a pretty big improvement compared to getting off to some fetish P.

Now this is all about meeting needs. So maybe next time when the horniness comes I will be able to observe and dissipate this energy, channel this inside myself to my heart, without having to MO to PIV fantasy to a girl I'd like to have a relationship with.

As I believe it is possible to have an OK quality of life with unmet needs. So this is quite a level of self-mastery to live like this.

I can live with un-met needs while PMOing, MOing, or I can also live with un-met needs while not throwing my sexual energy around.

I guess I accepted this challenge unknowingly. Now the unseen is starting to be seen. How to live with my need for intimacy unmet. As I am not going to fulfil this need overnight.

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
your_plan_reality.jpg
Looking back. This reboot is a process. I am not a big guy on willpower. So hardmode sounds a bit too difficult for me. I like to make things easier if possible.

With the psychology and also spiritual/multi-dimensional work I am doing. It is getting progressively easier to stay away from P. It is smooth sailing for the most part. Just now have to learn what is a good way for me to deal with horniness and living with un-met needs.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
This "mindfulness" is starting to work for me. But the way I do it is observe + have a preferred outcome in mind.

Some P thoughts came up. I accepted them, held space for them, no judgement, at the same time (simultaneously) I re-affirmed my commitment to healthy sexuality and P is not it, I briefly imagined how damaging P is to my life and my body, then imagined myself free of P.

So I held space for P thoughts but at the same time imagined how my concept of healthy sexuality looks like (my preferred outcome). This created a contrast between the reality that P wants to create and the reality I want to create. Seeing the contrast made is very easy to not give into P fantasy. The P thoughts left quite soon.

Fakery cannot exist in the same room as authenticity. It can try...but not for long.

Wishing everyone good growth journey. Let's find our true selves. Our authentic selves.

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Some urges and P thoughts came. But it looks like this mindfulness + preferred outcome "technique" works.

I am accepting and acknowledging the P thoughts at the same time I am also intending for my sexuality to be aligned with my true authentic higher self. And also being in stillness for the process to happen and asking for help from my higher self.

Like we are now familiar with the concept of multi-core computers. As we see in marketing materials how many cores does a phone have. They are processing data simultaniously. One core is fetching weather updates, the other core is processing RN website. All happening side by side at the same time.

This is also what I find started to work with this mindfulness++.

One of my "cores" is acknowledging and holding space for the P thoughts. This is a part of me. I cannot deny this. As denying this is denying parts of myself.

Another "core" is simultaniiously running the "How does healthy sexuality aligned with my higher self look like".

Another "core" this is the observer + setting the intention to aligned with the healthy sexuality. This is where I can observe the "P thoughts and feelings" core and contrast it with the "core" that is running the "Intention to align with my true sexuality".

While a bit hard to do. I am getting better at this. The contrast created between the existing P thoughts and the intended outcome is creating like a "pressure" like in a vacuum cleaner. This vacuum is strong enough for the P thoughts to dissipate. But it is at times not such a walk in part as the horniness is starting to pick up again.

Will continue to explore this.

Wish everyone a good start of the week.

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Started with micro-breathing exercise. I just made this up. Basically when I catch myself mentally looping or obsessively in the thoughts. I just take a pause and take 3 breaths.

While breathing exercises are very helpful. Such as the very popular Wim Hof. I just find it very boring to spend 20-30 minutes doing breathing exercises. So I just started adding this micro-breathing exercises here and there. Feeling bored...let's breathe,.... obsessed with the mental .... lets breathe a little, etc.

Other-wize...smooth sailing now. A few days ago...got pretty strong urges...but I applied this mindfulness++ technique (allow, intend, observe, ask for help) ... to my surprise it works. Basically after a while I am in totally different mind space like thinking about something totally unrelated to P...then I am like...Hey...didn't I just had this strong P thoughts? Oh...here they are...

Anyway... I feel like we are starting to figure this stuff out... It brings me much joy to see more of us getting better about this. More people are having longer "streaks". This is good. Improvement.

Be kind to your inner world and the outer.

Much love
EW
 

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
Started with micro-breathing exercise. I just made this up. Basically when I catch myself mentally looping or obsessively in the thoughts. I just take a pause and take 3 breaths.

While breathing exercises are very helpful. Such as the very popular Wim Hof. I just find it very boring to spend 20-30 minutes doing breathing exercises. So I just started adding this micro-breathing exercises here and there. Feeling bored...let's breathe,.... obsessed with the mental .... lets breathe a little, etc.

Other-wize...smooth sailing now. A few days ago...got pretty strong urges...but I applied this mindfulness++ technique (allow, intend, observe, ask for help) ... to my surprise it works. Basically after a while I am in totally different mind space like thinking about something totally unrelated to P...then I am like...Hey...didn't I just had this strong P thoughts? Oh...here they are...

Anyway... I feel like we are starting to figure this stuff out... It brings me much joy to see more of us getting better about this. More people are having longer "streaks". This is good. Improvement.

Be kind to your inner world and the outer.

Much love
EW

Sounds like your mindful approach is yielding significant results. Great going!
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
The horniness is picking up. Yesterday was 12th day of hardmode. Got some P thoughts. But I doubled down on my mindfulness++ approach. It works.

Looks like I've found the key. Or one of many I am suppose to find on this journey.

Ultimately we are all free beings. We cannot be in-prisoned forever.

What never resonated with me is how the "mindfulness" people explain (or how I perceive the "teachings"). Is like you are just suppose to observe, non-judgementally, etc...and not take it personally. And this is all.

This doesn't resonate. This P thing messed my life up...How am I not suppose to take it personally? Is there anyone else in the room but me?

But what does work is to take this non-judgement, not-projecting expectations observation as 1 piece of the puzzle. This being the stillness part in a sense. The female aspect (while this can be debated ad nauseam).

The other missing piece is the movement - the male aspect. The intention. I can both observe + intent a preferred outcome. This is what is unlocking my mindfulness++ powers.

Like yesterday. I was a little horny + P thoughts.

If I'd just observed ... I'd cave in for sure.

But what I did is I observed (without judgement, without expectations, with acceptance, with love etc). + at the same time I also intended for my sexuality to be aligned with my higher self (the innate knowing of how healthy sexuality looks like for me, so I held this image of me with healthy sexuality) + at the same time I imagine the synthesis of observation + intention + I asked for help from my multidimensional aspects.

So what looks to be working for me is the synthesis of stillness (observation) + movement (Intention). Or maybe this is what the "mindfulness" teachings have in mind...but for sure they are not explained in this way. Maybe I just explained same idea in a different way? I don't know. What I do know. Is this works much better that just trying to be a neutral observer. Maybe in the future I can be this neutral observer as probably the intention is implied. So maybe I am making explicit (the intention) that might be seen as something implicit with just observing.

Like we used to have computer with just 1 CPU core. Nowadays most all of CPUs are multi-core. They can run programs simultanious to each other. The same with this observation thing. I am using 3 "cores" at the same time. Observe + Intend + Synthesise. This Synthesis is again a sort of observation. I am observing the contrast created between the observation of P patterns and the Intended innate sexuality patterns.

Wishing everyone well

Much love
EW
 

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
Hi EarthWalker,

I find the simultaneous split process analogy with the multi-core a fascinating one. Our brains in our day to day lives can often run multiple 'processes' and, in terms of addiction, contradictory ones. Also the idea of mindfulness as a tool being an incomplete half of a process until channeled into action. Very rich food for thought.

Keep up the great work!
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
1st of June. A new month.

Looking back for May.

1x PMO on 3rd May.
2x MO last one 17th May
1x Wet dream
1x Almost wet dream

Overall. I am happy with the progress. Staying away from P and also MO is getting easier.

Day 15 hard mode. So far the Mindfulness++ method works. At times it gets a bit hard when horniness is involved other wize it is smooth sailing.

This Mindfulness++ method. More like Polarity Synthesis method. As I feel if I'd just observe I'd cave in already for sure. But looking at both what I don't want and what I want at the same time from a place of non-judgement, and acceptance, love even... looks to be getting the job done. So I will be doubling down on this Polarity Synthesis method. I'll probably come up with a different name as Mindfulness looks to be just 1 piece of the puzzle.

Wish everyone good progress on your respected journeys in June!

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Self-responsibility.

Briefly came across two "hot" girls today. Who is responsible for my thoughts and emotions about this? Me.

Taking complete ownership and responsibility for my thoughts and emotions. This is making it much easier to make changes when I see that I am making myself think and feel the way I do. I am choosing this as a response to what I see in the outside world.

Also if P thoughts come into my mind. They are mine. I am the owner of this. It is my responsibility.

I am also seeing this as a test. Like a test at a University. Student of Life EW. What do you want to do with P thoughts? The choice is yours to make. They are your thoughts.

Have a nice week everyone.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Pretty heavy day in terms of urges. Tempted to search for P. But so far this Polarity Synthesis method is holding it's ground.

But everything starts with this belief:

Do I believe I can do this?

Yes!
I've been preparing for this moment for 7 years. Wow. Took me a while to figure it out. Getting good at Psychology is gold. I am also seeing help 1x per week for 6 months now. It is helping. But not as much as I am also very tenacious about understanding and becoming good at psychology myself. The solution of this is inside me.

Key 1: Self-responsibility and Ownership -> I am the owner of my thoughts and emotions. It is not the hot girls that are making me lustful. It is my own Perceptions, Beliefs and Values that are making me do this. I am doing this to myself. This are just "bio-computer" programs running in my body. I am the owner of this programs. This is my responsibility. As being the owner and taking full responsibility for this. I have every right to ask for the termination of P programs.

Key 2: Acceptance. I tried to deny P thoughts. Like you shouldn't exist. Trying to deny Lustful emotions. I got no where with this attitude. Just made me explode. Accepting P thoughts doesn't mean I consent to this thoughts. But if I don't acknowledge them I cannot give the process space to clear this. You cannot clear what you don't acknowledge.

Key 3: Detachment. I am still working on this. Detachment from Outcome. Detachment from Result. I am starting to understand that Hope, Faith and Trust are key that make Detachment possible. Having trust that this reboot will unfold on it's own terms. What I can give is Direction and Space. Like in a sailboat. I can just give it direction...then have trust, faith and hope that it will unfold in beautiful ways.

Back to Polarity Synthesis.

I am accepting Lust. It is a valid part of me. There is nothing wrong with it. In essence everything is part of God and everything is in essence "pure". Everything is serving a purpose. Without the Dark, Light could not exist. At least not in this form. Holding Space for Lust. Without Judgement, with Love, this is a valid and also important piece of me. But I don't engage with this. This is "passive" component.

At the same time I am Intending and imagining myself with what I consider Innate Healthy Sexuality. This is the "active" component. I am actively intending for my sexuality to be aligned with my true form. I am asking my higher self for help.

Where is "me"? I am the observer behind both the holding space for P, and the intending to align.

Like a Sailboat. I own the sailboat. Whatever is happing with it is my responsibility.

I am responsible for the sails and the rudder. I tried to pretend the Wind and the Waves don't exist. It doesn't work. I accept the Storm, the Wind the Waves. They are part of this.

But I have Trust and Faith that I can change the configuration and direction of my sails and rudder and this will sail me into calmer waters.

This is a test. With the urges. To see how far I have progressed with my Psychology work. I view it like that.

Wishing everyone well. Sail true. Let's keep on doing this until we become master sailors.

Calm sea never made for a good sailor. For some reason we signed up to become top class sailors.

Stilness. Not engaging with Lust but giving it space. Inviting in Purity. This is something to master.

I remember getting totally upset that this is too hard. But I changed my attitude around this. Maybe instead of viewing this as too hard. I need to become smarter. I can change.

Anyway.

Let's master this weekend.

Do you believe you can do it?

Much love everyone
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
34 days no PMO and 20 days hardmode.

Lust and horniness is getting easier to manage. This mindfulness++ is working out.

I hold space for lust and horniness. Observe. But at the same time I also intend for my sexual energies to be aligned with my authentic innate sexuality. I intend for my sexual energies to be mixing with the heart center. I intend for my sexual energies to be contained inside me.

So looks like this is it. Now just have to wait for the broken bone to mend.

Much love
EW
 
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