Rebooting trough self-parenting

EarthWalker

Active Member
Thank you Escape and Phineas.

I felt aroused the whole day yesterday. But managed the thoughts. Wet dream today.

The chaser isn't bad. The previous wet dreams were ~5 days ago. The chaser there was worse. something like low-to-medium chaser.

So far 4 wet dreams in January I think.

And now 2 wet dreams in February.

Wish everyone a good day
EW
 

imsorrynotsorry

Active Member
Hey EarthWalker,

so nice to see you trucking that good. You never gave up, you always came back and posted with honesty what was ob your mind. I'm always thankful for that being yourself. The endless effort brings fruit. Even though your reboot comes with troubles (every reboot does) you are managing it good.

The MO part:
You are right. Guys in relationships can relieve the pressure more easily. I never wanted to MO, cause i have the GF. But if i would be alone, i would try not to do it, but to release pressure it can be ok sometimes. Keep it as rare you can, because the harder the hard mode, the faster the symptoms weaken.

Maybe some of this fetish stuff will just dissolve after something like 150 days? As the chaser with P scenes are mostly fetish. I lost the link of some YT video where I think it is mentioned that fetishes generally loose their grip at 150 days.

My old fetishes lost grip on me. I can see a picture of it and forget about it in a second. But i'm sure, if i would start watching P, the fetishes would arouse me immediately. They never go away completely i guess.

How are you with your panic attack? Do you think it's related to your reboot?

Keep it up, very proud of you!
Imsor
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Hi, Imsor.

Thank you man. Appreciate it. Also I appreciate the patience you have with the process. It is inspiring. Thank you for staying around the forums.

Almost had a wet dream today. I snapped out of it when I thought "Oh, crap, now I will have to write about a relapse on the forums". ~14 days since my last MO.

Panic attack. I think it is definitely related. My brain panicking...about no more P. Also this is a pretty major change. I think normal to be anxious about it. Also the brain rebooting/rebalancing. The dopamine system is rebooting.

Everything is interconnected. I am also improving on other parts of my life. Such as the relationship with my mother. Relationship with self. With the past. So I think panic attack might be just the brain freaking out on the changes? Also some blisters are coming off. Like P is this giant blister we put on our life. When the blister comes off....there is a whole lot of shit that is under the blister that needs to be cleared. Also a reason for panic attack.

I'd say panic attack is a sign of recovery in this case. I haven't had much problems with the panic attacks lately. There was one pretty major one. Then maybe one minor one. Now I am all good. How are you dealing with panic attacks?

I love how you said the harder the hard mode the faster the symptoms weaken. I think spot on.

Wish you well. Let's keep truckin.

edit: Do you have any tutorials on power posing? I typed power posing on YT and a whole truckload of videos show up. Which ones do you find effective?

EW
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Panic attack. I think it is definitely related. My brain panicking...about no more P. Also this is a pretty major change. I think normal to be anxious about it. Also the brain rebooting/rebalancing. The dopamine system is rebooting.

...So I think panic attack might be just the brain freaking out on the changes? Also some blisters are coming off. Like P is this giant blister we put on our life. When the blister comes off....there is a whole lot of shit that is under the blister that needs to be cleared. Also a reason for panic attack.

I'd say panic attack is a sign of recovery in this case. I haven't had much problems with the panic attacks lately. There was one pretty major one. Then maybe one minor one. Now I am all good. How are you dealing with panic attacks?

EW, I think I can relate somewhat to relate to this. My anxiety at leaving porn behind was in the form of nostalgia, I think. It almost felt like I was leaving behind a familiar friend, one who had always been there for me, one I can always turn to when I'm hungry-angry-lonely-tired, as they say.

If the wife fought with me, if I was stressed, felt rejected, or lonely, I could always seek out self-medication through P/MO and find some temporary comfort- before compacting my woes through these behaviors.

There was a moment about 3 weeks or so ago where I felt a little panicky, that I'm actually 'doing this', and leaving this stuff behind. It was like having my 'security blanket' taken away...

How did I deal with this? I had to recast it in my mind, the reasons this had to be done. I also had to see these feelings as 'trickery' from the lower part of the brain, simply trying to reengage in the former flow of dopamine. I also had to see the 'new me' after porn, after these addictions were overcome.

It may not be much, but I hope this is helpful. 
 

imsorrynotsorry

Active Member
Hey EW,

sure, we're here to guide ourselfs through this. And may it be for all time!

PowerPoses%20high%20und%20low.jpg


It's out if a german site. But nonetheless useful.

There is not as much deeper feeling behind it like a deep meditation or self reflection. For me power posing is something in where you practice situations of body awareness.

Do the left column each pose for 30s once a day. Some people do it just before they have a difficult task, where they have to 'stand their ground'. I did it after i got up in the morning in my morning routine. I'd say, stick with it for 20-30 days and see if it does something.

My panic/anxiety got worse. Had a close episode on sunday and immediately turned to PMR (progressive muscle relaxation) to cool down the peak of it. Will write about it in my journal. Don't want to mess up your nice journal :)

See you
Imsor
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Ended up MOing with trying to be in my body as much as possible. PE. ED was a little less than before.

As the sexual energy built up and started to rot. In the long run will find a better way. It has been 18 days since previous MO. So far 2x MO in February and now 1x MO in March. I hope to also keep it at 2x for March.

Wish everyone a good day
EW
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Day 71. No PMO.

Today is day 2 after the MO. Yesterday not much of a chaser at all. Today some chaser and feelings of wanting to MO again. Also a little temptation to watch P but very manageable.

What I find a difference is that I feel more drawn to MO (without P) than to PMO. So the temptation is there for both. But the preference is now for MO without P. But it is a slippery slope with MO. So will do my best to keep it a last resort. Borrowing from the female physiology:

The length of the menstrual cycle varies from woman to woman, but the average is to have periods every 28 days. Regular cycles that are longer or shorter than this, from 21 to 40 days, are normal.

I am comparing apples to oranges. But I find that 1x MO after 21-40 days of abstinence might be fine as well. I am talking as a single guy who doesn't have sex. So if in a relationship this does not apply.

Wish everyone a good day.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
P thoughts came in the morning together with the sexual energy charge. This is a mix that proved to be irresistible time and time again. When that emotional body sensation charge is underpinning the P thoughts. Thoughts + Emotions together = powerful magic

I managed to stay in observer mode without adding fuel to this. But then the feel good feelings started to become a bit to tempting not to engage. So I did the following.

1. Firmly stated my intent.

My intent with the sexual energy (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with being in touch with our sexual energy) is to stay present in my body and engage with energies that are organic to my body. My intent is to be present with my own sexual energy in the body as aligned with my higher self. The intent is to feel the energy in the body and not be in the thoughts.

2. Firmly stated my consent.

I consent only to sexual energy exchanges that are in alignment with my higher self and organic to my body. I do not consent to any 3rd party interference with my sexual energy.

This 2 things broke the spell. The arousal dissipated. So now being just an observer is not a big issue.

Wish everyone a good day
EW
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Came across this https://www.heartmath.com/experience/ It is free and simple meditations. I like it. Maybe someone will find it useful.

EW
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Wet dream. This is 1st WD/NE in March.

Woke up in the middle of the night. Got a bit aroused and tempted with the fantasy. Started to M. But then again. I reaffirmed my commitment to feel the real organic sexual energy that is authentic to my body. This again broke the spell.

I'll probably MO to sensation only later today. Getting very aroused.

I made the intention to really feel the feelings. Feel the sensations in my body. Not in my thoughts/brain. I wish to get in touch with my authentic body. What feels authentic to the body. How does the body feel it. Be inside the body.

With P fantasy the energy is outside....somewhere out there. I don't want to be out there with my sexual energy. I want to be right here in my body.

Also want to mention:

You can feel you feelings, you can feel your thoughts, you can think your feelings, you can think your thoughts.

I intend to feel my feelings regarding sexual energy, not just think my feelings (P fantasy).

To be continued....

Wish everyone a good day
EW
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Day 90 no PMO.

Brain fog...lol. It was day 80. Just rolling my eyes.

I am not seeing much benefits in the physical and stuff like increased motivation. The superpowers are not happening. What is changing is that the temptation to watch P is diminishing. Even if some P scene comes up in my minds eye. That autopilot to just go and PMO is much much easier to handle.

Yesterday was a pretty hard day but manageable. Got triggered in the middle of a walk in a forest. The triggers subsided somewhat coming back to the apartment. Peeking isn't an issue.

So this is where relapse happens when the results are not really showing up. But I expected this. Since I consider myself a long time P addict. I find it more realistic to expect some benefits to show up at day 150.

I find this video relevant:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c92z2jxahNA

I also need to start cutting down on general internet usage. Like browsing cat memes websites, general aimless YouTube viewing. But one step at the time. Can't just go all over the place.

So the next step is for me to get a bit more strategic and tactical about my computer usage. Cut down on novelty factor as well. Like the cat meme sites are endless novelty as is the YouTube.

Wish everyone a good day.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Came across this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qoq75-DQm4

there are many more videos like this

good keyword to search Ho'oponopono.

Also:

Seeing each of you/each of us as free from P addiction.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Ho'oponopono:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiDJ3GBebMU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL972JihAmg&list=PL1F7786D6F2687B17&t=0s

Seeing each of us as free of porn addiction
EW

 

imsorrynotsorry

Active Member
Hey EarthWalker,

Day 90 no PMO.

Brain fog...lol. It was day 80. Just rolling my eyes.

greath laugh :)

I also need to start cutting down on general internet usage. Like browsing cat memes websites, general aimless YouTube viewing. But one step at the time. Can't just go all over the place.

So the next step is for me to get a bit more strategic and tactical about my computer usage. Cut down on novelty factor as well. Like the cat meme sites are endless novelty as is the YouTube.

Being strategic over how to sustain your mood and your shield is the exact right thing to do right now. Being PMO free = changing your life. But like you said, one thing at a time. Try stuff out, if it feels good then hold on to it. It's a bit like our 90 days we know from PMO. If you can hold on to it for 90 days, it can become a habit that is helping you long term.

The improvements you are talking about will come. For every of us there will be improvements. The most important thing is time. Give your brain the time it needs to desensitize from the supernormal stimuli. This is like learning to walk again, when you get out of a wheel chair after years of being paralized.

One point in the future it might be an option going hard mode for some time. Really, just take note of that. I don't want to advice anything, it's just an option.

Keep on trucking

Imsor
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Hi, Imsor.

Thank you for stopping by. Appreciate it. Respect on your patience. I feel like this male biology needs this movement of energy. This release. Like in your case with the MO. When this energy builds up and without proper release. It gets misused or used in less than authentic ways. In any case. Wish you all the best. It is easy to get overwhelmed with everything.

I have no ideas about the anxiety. The best I can do is to just imagine you as living an authentic life free of P and anxiety etc. I am not big on prayer. But this just imagining people I came across as healthy, happy, wize and authentic. This resonates. Seeing you as being free from this mind control and living a happy and authentic life.

This words come to mind.

"Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened for you."

About the stuff. You are so right to suggest hard mode.

First I want to put some distance between the artificial brain washing. So far 85 days between me and the artificial computer stimulation. Peeking isn't an issue.

Pretty intense day yesterday. Must be the March equinox thing. I ended up MOingo to P fantasy. So it is a FMO. Still not as bad as PMO with the artificial computer stimulation. The chaser isn't much of a problem.

I kept repeating the phrase: Return to rightful owner: sexual ecstasy and bliss.

Also what I want to do is to remove the emotional charge behind the P images. I can never delete the P images. But what I can do is change the emotional charge behind them. So this is what I am very slowly noticing. Also what you mentioned with the fetish images...they don't effect you the way they did.

The desire to watch the screen is becoming easier to control. Albeit yesterday was probably the worst in a while. Similar to stuff like Valentines day. There is something with the global brain that makes it a lot harder to abstain from P.

Also I kept getting "See past the illusions".

Seeing all of us free from P
EW
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Feeling super tired and tempted. But it is getting better.

That emotional charge behind the P images is loosing its grip. The past few days were the most tempting in a while.

Day 87. Feeling very weird and tired.
 
E

escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Don't stop, man. It's through pain and discomfort that we grow. Visualize where you want to get. Who you want to be. Porn won't make you get there.
 
I hear you man. Hang in there a little longer, the urge will pass by. You have come a long way in 87 days, and the urge is just a sign that the addiction is starving.

Let it starve, let it agonize, let it die.
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Thank you escape and recovery.

Seeing you guys as free of P.

Came across this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO6XEQIsCoM

The secret to happiness is low expectations.

Feeling a little less tired. Had a vanilla sex dream, didn't had NE.

EW
 

EarthWalker

Active Member
Day 89. Feeling a bit less tired but still pretty bad and also lack of concentration etc. Brain fog.

On Monday I got absolutely nothing done for work. Just couldn't concentrate. I don't mind it. It is what it is. The situation is slightly improved.

On the positive note. The past few days I am starting to see some regular morning wood.

In the YT video I post a lot about reboot timeline. This video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1l9hQtcjgE  The guy says at Day 60 some nofappers are starting to see a return of morning wood.

So far it looks like for me this is around day 90.

Tonight got fetish P dreams. Ejaculated in dream time but did not translate into the physical. So this is I guess an improvement in "wet" dreams. So I guess this can be called dry dreams? Past 3 sexual dreams were all dry. Maybe sometimes there is just a little of precum. Sure better than a total mess.

Some P thoughts came in the morning. But the emotional charge behind P thoughts is starting to become less intense and more manageable.

So this is the main change I am seeing. The lessening of the emotional charge behind P images. Overall still pretty tired, brain fog etc.

Wish everyone a good day and seeing each of us free of P

EW
 
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