I had been watching a Trish Leigh video on porn every morning. I watched one yesterday about the stages of recovery. Commitment, 90-days, healing (can take 1-3 years)
I'd like to think I'm getting into the healing phase. No fap, no porn, no social media, no nada.
But like anything, porn served a purpose at the time, the samartians served a purpose at the time (they were great btw) but I dont feel the need to ring them anymore, and these videos, well they got me where I am today but I sooner play some tunes now instead.
If you look at my life, once I became a teen I self soothed. I have learned in the most difficult phase of my life to cope without porn, so what do I really need, another motivational video?
And the self soothing thing, well I also loved porn.
Maybe I played an ace. Maybe because I didn't use a porn blocker, because I didn't do the meetings, because I didn't listen when they said you can't do it alone, and because I did it on my own terms. Maybe that's the way it had to be. I took responsibility for myself for the first time in my life. Maybe it was the only way out.
I'll never forget that day 94 days ago, and that is all I need to stay sober.