Thank you all for the support! It is much needed. So far, so good since my Tuesday post. Of course, it's only Thursday. But I'm hanging in there. I'm back here and I'm feeling good about things. The weekend is almost here and that is usually a good time for me. I'm not at my computer all day and I try to keep busy with other things. I just need to get a multi-week streak going and hopefully let some of the nerves settle down.
Here's what keeps happening...
I get finished with a project, a phone call, a zoom meeting, etc. and my instinct is to open my private browser to take a porn break. These haven't always led to masturbation, but it's like a reward for getting something done. In the past few weeks when I've resisted the urge to not look I seem to have almost a physical reaction to it. A nervousness in my arms and chest, a jittery feeling in my body, maybe even a little depression. I've never been a drug addict or alcoholic. I've done them both, enjoyed them, but never felt the need for them. I could go weeks without a beer and never think twice about it. But I imagine what I'm feeling is a bit what a drug addict or alcoholic would feel. Last year during my long streak that went away. I didn't feel that draw every moment of the day. That's what I'm seeking. A calmness in my mind and body. I just had a terrible case of it and decided to come here instead.
Here's what my plan is to try and beat this back a bit.
1. Pick up the guitar instead of opening a browser. It helped a lot last year.
2. Meditate. Even just for 5 minutes. Try to calm the body.
3. Stretch or do some short yoga moves. I could use that anyway. I tend to workout in the evenings after eating. Just doing a little bit mid-day would probably be great.
That's the plan for the moment. Let's see if I can come back to you all on Monday and say I had a good weekend. The wife and daughter will be out both on Friday and Saturday night, but again, I can usually control on the weekends much better.
Keep strong one and all and again, thank you all for you kind words.