Road to freedom

[cookiemonster]

Day 110 clean.

Yesterday was a great day, I got a lot done and felt good. I didn't stay off social media all day and I even played games on my phone but it was after the work day, it wasn't for very long, and I stopped when I felt like I'd had enough. If my use was like that all of the time, well then there'd be no reason to even get rid of them.

Urges to masturbate are still strong. This morning was poorly executed because I went on my phone and wasted time.

I guess today we try to do the same things as usual. No porn. No p-subs, which means no dating apps. No games on phone. Minimal social media.

No masturbation too. Today I could easily mess that up.

See you tonight or tomorrow to keep myself accountable.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 111 clean.

Going to bed now. Had a change of routine and didn't post.

Urges to masturbate were there and I had some pornographic thoughts, mostly in the morning.

The day is done. We will fight again tomorrow.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 112 clean.

Solid day.

Just now at the end of the day I have had the urge to masturbate and found myself on social media looking for a trigger. Foolish! What the fuck.

I'm going to go to bed and read.

Tomorrow morning I'll make a point of coming here in the morning and setting up some clear thinking for the day. Can't afford to slip up at this point. Too much to lose.

Also played games on my phone a lot this evening. Urges to masturbate are not unusual as a result.

See you tomorrow morning.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 113 clean.

But very shaky last 24h. I had a dream I relapsed last night and this morning went on social media looking for triggers.

I'm going to have a shower, eat breakfast and then have a journal about where I've been going wrong the past few days and how I can get back on track.

I'll post here when I'm done.

No touching dick, fantasy or looking for triggers in the meantime. I need a circuit breaker.


OKAY. I'M BACK.

I haven't been journalling every morning committing to my goals and that has been a big factor in going off track. Every morning I need to come here and commit to a pornfree and porn substitute free day. I also need to stop playing games on my phone again, they erode my willpower and give me "monkey brain".

I need to make the right decision every time there's a fork in the road and I could do either A or B.

Today I commit to a porn free day and a porn substitute free day and no games on my phone. From here on I won't touch my dick unless using the bathroom. If I do this well today then it will be the circuit breaker I need.

See you tonight to keep me accountable. I'll come here as many times as I need throughout the day.

 

[Androg]

Day 113 clean.

But very shaky last 24h. I had a dream I relapsed last night and this morning went on social media looking for triggers.

I'm going to have a shower, eat breakfast and then have a journal about where I've been going wrong the past few days and how I can get back on track.

I'll post here when I'm done.

No touching dick, fantasy or looking for triggers in the meantime. I need a circuit breaker.


OKAY. I'M BACK.

I haven't been journalling every morning committing to my goals and that has been a big factor in going off track. Every morning I need to come here and commit to a pornfree and porn substitute free day. I also need to stop playing games on my phone again, they erode my willpower and give me "monkey brain".

I need to make the right decision every time there's a fork in the road and I could do either A or B.

Today I commit to a porn free day and a porn substitute free day and no games on my phone. From here on I won't touch my dick unless using the bathroom. If I do this well today then it will be the circuit breaker I need.

See you tonight to keep me accountable. I'll come here as many times as I need throughout the day.

 

[Ezel]

Day 113 clean.

But very shaky last 24h. I had a dream I relapsed last night and this morning went on social media looking for triggers.

I'm going to have a shower, eat breakfast and then have a journal about where I've been going wrong the past few days and how I can get back on track.

I'll post here when I'm done.

No touching dick, fantasy or looking for triggers in the meantime. I need a circuit breaker.


OKAY. I'M BACK.

I haven't been journalling every morning committing to my goals and that has been a big factor in going off track. Every morning I need to come here and commit to a pornfree and porn substitute free day. I also need to stop playing games on my phone again, they erode my willpower and give me "monkey brain".

I need to make the right decision every time there's a fork in the road and I could do either A or B.

Today I commit to a porn free day and a porn substitute free day and no games on my phone. From here on I won't touch my dick unless using the bathroom. If I do this well today then it will be the circuit breaker I need.

See you tonight to keep me accountable. I'll come here as many times as I need throughout the day.

Champion.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 114 clean.

A better day yesterday but still not where I want to be.

I did well all day but then played games on my phone in the evening.

I've just done the maths. This past week I've been distracted on my phone for probably an average of 2.5 hours a day, with one day being entirely spent on the phone. This week has been particularly bad, but it's representative of what can happen if I don't overcome the luring of these insidious social media platforms and games. This has taken its toll and take me closer to relapse... for no good reason.

2.5 hours a day, over the course of a year is almost 1000 hours. That's the equivalent of almost USD20,000 in opportunity cost. If I worked instead of being on my phone, I'd have that much extra money in my pocket at a minimum.

The only logical conclusion is that I have to decide how much time I'm willing to spend on these things, if any, and keep a hard limit.

Today needs to be a porn-free, porn substitute free day. And I really need to not play videos games on my phone. Just for today and then hopefully I'll build up a streak.

I need a strategy for beating social media and games.

 

[cookiemonster]

Here's the plan for social media and video games.

I have an app blocker on my phone. Every morning I will generate a pin code and set it to strict mode which literally means I can't change the settings. I'll take a screenshot of the pin, for if there's ever an "emergency" (there'll never be one). I have to do a few steps like this because I refuse to pay for a premium version.

I'll start a streak for the number of days without playing video games on my phone.

I'll start a streak for not surpassing my social media limit. I think 20 minutes is a healthy starting point and we can see how that goes.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

If you would like, we could team up in the social media streak - like accountability partners. For me it would be youtube and movies - 20 min is also a good buffer, because I totally go on youtube just on autopilot. Are you down?

 

[Androg]

Day 114 clean.

A better day yesterday but still not where I want to be.

I did well all day but then played games on my phone in the evening.

I've just done the maths. This past week I've been distracted on my phone for probably an average of 2.5 hours a day, with one day being entirely spent on the phone. This week has been particularly bad, but it's representative of what can happen if I don't overcome the luring of these insidious social media platforms and games. This has taken its toll and take me closer to relapse... for no good reason.

2.5 hours a day, over the course of a year is almost 1000 hours. That's the equivalent of almost USD20,000 in opportunity cost. If I worked instead of being on my phone, I'd have that much extra money in my pocket at a minimum.

The only logical conclusion is that I have to decide how much time I'm willing to spend on these things, if any, and keep a hard limit.

Today needs to be a porn-free, porn substitute free day. And I really need to not play videos games on my phone. Just for today and then hopefully I'll build up a streak.

I need a strategy for beating social media and games.

What about trying to read an old-fashioned book instead it’s more relaxing.

 

[cookiemonster]

If you would like, we could team up in the social media streak - like accountability partners. For me it would be youtube and movies - 20 min is also a good buffer, because I totally go on youtube just on autopilot. Are you down?

Yeah sure, how would it work? Just checking each day to see whether we hit our goals?

 

[cookiemonster]

What about trying to read an old-fashioned book instead it’s more relaxing.

That's the plan. I already read every day believe it or not but it would be good to convert the screen time into more slowpaced and intentional reading.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 115 clean.

The goal for today is a porn free day and a porn substitute free day. I won't touch my dick unless using the bathroom.

The second goal for today is to launch a counter-assault in the battle for my attention. Social media and videos games are my target.

Today I won't exceed my limit on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube and I won't play videos games at all. That's the goal. A good way to do this is to not access social media on my phone at all, when I check in I can do it on my laptop in a shared space of the house for example.

Day 0 no video games.
Day 0 controlled social media use.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Yes, for the start just posting our streaks in our threads and ckecking in on each other. I will start not using YT and Videos today as well (max 20 min to compensate for the autopilot).

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 116 clean.
Day 1 no videos games.
Day 1 controlled social media use.

I didn't even use social media for one minute yesterday.

Last night and this morning I was with a girl and I orgasmed twice from a handjob and blowjob.

So I made it 115 days with no orgasm.

I guess I'll unpack my progress later when I have more time.

 

[cookiemonster]

Yes, for the start just posting our streaks in our threads and ckecking in on each other. I will start not using YT and Videos today as well (max 20 min to compensate for the autopilot).

I'm in!

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Yeah! Congratulations to your special time with the girl! Awesome to hear.
And I like that you are in on the social media thing - and woah you are setting up a good pace! I watched 10 min YT in the evening, controlled with a time, because I didn't want to go cold turkey.
What do you mean with social media? I only have and use Whatsapp - and I dont use this until lunch time - but you know what:

Today no YT and WA only after my workout in the evening.
Instead: I will focus on studying durring the workday. In the breaks go for walk & napping. Feels good to build up the concentration.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 117 clean.
Day 2 no video games.
Day 2 controlled social media use.

The goal for today is a porn-free day and a porn substitute free day. I won't touch my dick unless in the shower and peeing. This strategy has taken me so far.

The goal for today is also to not play videos games on my phone AT ALL.

Today I set the social media limit on my phone to 10 minutes. So that means I've got 10 minutes to spend on apps like YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and then I'm locked out. If I go over this limit then I'm not achieving my goal.

Now, regarding my progress in this reboot. It was great to spend time with the girl the other night.

To my surprise it wasn't as easy as I would have expected to get erect and to stay erect. It also took ages for me to reach orgasm, or at least ages in terms of what I used to do when watching porn.

I went 115 days no PMO no MO, with morning wood most mornings and spontaneous erections at any sign of sexual thought, I figured I'd basically explode the moment someone touched my dick haha.

I also didn't feel "turned on" at all in the way watching porn would turn me on and get me horny. I'm more sensitised to visual stimulation than someone actually stimulating me physically I guess.

So I suspect I'm mostly rebooted and I have healed a lot but I'm not yet really rewired and I can still improve.

In terms of pure pleasure, masturbating to porn on my own used to feel "better". I guess it's not really surprising because I was death-gripping my dick while flooding my brain with supernormal stimuli. Also, I suspect real life sexual experiences will feel better and better because I still need to rewire. I've probably got thousands of MO/PMO sessions which have condition me to my own hand and way of doing things haha.

Having said that, my dick worked and my brain worked in the sense that it got me to the point where I could enjoy a moment of intimacy.

I'm relearning what healthy sexuality and sex is about. I'm focused on my dick and how things felt for me because they're tangible markers of my progress but really the evening was a complete success. I felt comfortable with the girl, we were constantly communicating what felt good and trying to figure out what we should be doing.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 118 clean.
Day 3 no video games.
Day 0 controlled social media use.
Day 0 no MO.

I had a shocking sleep last night. Woking up from some disturbing dreams and couldn't go back to sleep so I ended up watching some YouTube and I also MO'd. The MO was clean with no pornographic content or fantasy.

That's okay but I'll make a point of not letting the MO become compulsive and I'll commit to at least one week of no MO. So a 7-day goal, definitely achievable. I commit to that now. The MO didn't even feel that good, it's like after going for almost 4 months without orgasm my body just doesn't care hahah.

Regarding social media use. I found out this morning that my app blocker isn't even working hahah. I got distracted by my phone.

I'll figure it out how get the social media and phone use under control. For now, I'll just say I won't check into social media at all until after 5pm. That's nice and clear.

The reboot goals are to not look at porn, to not look at porn substitutes and to not MO again after last night. The easiest way to do that is to simply not touch my dick unless using the bathroom.

I'll check in tomorrow morning to make sure I stay accountable.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Damn cookie! Thats a very dangerous thing - think about what alternatives you could have done, when you couldn't sleep.
Maybe reading a nice book, nothing hard to understand but a great story, or listening to an nice album or an podcast... Sth without much light involved. Especially screen light will wake you up even more and all the actions that happen in an YT video will also make you more alert...

What will you do next time, when you cannot sleep and find yourself in an situation like this?

(Sorry if this message sound too harsh, I am a bit short on time and therefore I just threw it out. All the best! I am sure you got this! And dude, I need your company on the no social media and phone use )