Hey, that's sounds great!
I think you have very good insights about rewiring and rebooting.
Keep up the progress, from now on is only improvement!
Road to freedom
- Thread starter cookiemonster
- Start date
I think you have very good insights about rewiring and rebooting.
Keep up the progress, from now on is only improvement!
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 119 clean. 17 weeks clean.
Day 4 no video games.
Day 1 controlled social media use.
Day 1 no MO.
That's too many counters.
I'm starting to feel more like a free man but I mustn't celebrate early.
The goal for today is to have a productive and free day. No porn, no porn substitutes, no touching my dick unless using the bathroom. No video games at all, they don't add any value to my life. No social media scrolling, so no Facebook, Instagram or YouTube content consumption. But once during the day I can log on and reply to messages. That's healthy.
See you soon.
Day 4 no video games.
Day 1 controlled social media use.
Day 1 no MO.
That's too many counters.
I'm starting to feel more like a free man but I mustn't celebrate early.
The goal for today is to have a productive and free day. No porn, no porn substitutes, no touching my dick unless using the bathroom. No video games at all, they don't add any value to my life. No social media scrolling, so no Facebook, Instagram or YouTube content consumption. But once during the day I can log on and reply to messages. That's healthy.
See you soon.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 120 clean. That's got to be around 4 months.
Day 5 no games on phone.
Day 2 controlled phone use.
Day 2 no MO.
I had a top-tier productive day yesterday, up there with some of my best.
Today the goals are to have a porn-free and psub-free day, FUCK PORN, to not touch my dick other than when in the shower and using the bathroom, to not masturbate, to not play games on my phone AT ALL. To not scroll on social media at all and keep checking in to a minimum. I'll go and set the appblocker up for the day right now. I've set a 5 minute limit for social media.
I'm also going to take a 5 minute break every 30 minutes to preserve my tired eyes.
Life is feeling exciting and full of potential and I feel more and more free each day. I won't grow complacent though.
See you tomorrow. I'll come back here if I accidentally veer off track.
Day 5 no games on phone.
Day 2 controlled phone use.
Day 2 no MO.
I had a top-tier productive day yesterday, up there with some of my best.
Today the goals are to have a porn-free and psub-free day, FUCK PORN, to not touch my dick other than when in the shower and using the bathroom, to not masturbate, to not play games on my phone AT ALL. To not scroll on social media at all and keep checking in to a minimum. I'll go and set the appblocker up for the day right now. I've set a 5 minute limit for social media.
I'm also going to take a 5 minute break every 30 minutes to preserve my tired eyes.
Life is feeling exciting and full of potential and I feel more and more free each day. I won't grow complacent though.
See you tomorrow. I'll come back here if I accidentally veer off track.
ADFECTATIO
Member
Yeah cookiemonster! I love that spirit - and it's not that we are missing out on anything when we don't engage in socialmedia or any games. We regain our lifes and instead of leveling up in a game, you level up in your life!
Congrats to your 120 day streak on no p!
Congrats to your 120 day streak on no p!
Blondie
Respected Member
Congrats @cookiemonster, that's a hell of an achievement!
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 122 clean.
Day 7 no games on phone.
Day 4 controlled phone use.
Day 4 no MO.
We're on a bit of a winning streak at the moment.
The goals for today are to be porn-free, psub-free and to not masturbate. The easiest way to do that is to not touch my dick unless I'm using the bathroom.
I have morning wood pretty much every morning, I'm used to it now. Before my reboots I'd never had morning wood in my life.
I'm having such productive days it's almost unheard of for me in these past few years.
Secondary goals today include beating the social media and phone vampires. That means, no phone games AT ALL. No instagram, facebook, youtube news feed scrolling... I already hit my 5 minute limit when taking a dump this morning.
Tonight when I want to chill out I can read one of my books or watch some videos from the online courses and educational content I'm enjoying.
I will take a 5 minute break every 30 minutes. It might seem like a lot but it actually means I get MORE done and don't get fatigued.
See you tomorrow to make sure I stay accountable. Thanks for the encouragement everyone. How do I "@" people?
Day 7 no games on phone.
Day 4 controlled phone use.
Day 4 no MO.
We're on a bit of a winning streak at the moment.
The goals for today are to be porn-free, psub-free and to not masturbate. The easiest way to do that is to not touch my dick unless I'm using the bathroom.
I have morning wood pretty much every morning, I'm used to it now. Before my reboots I'd never had morning wood in my life.
I'm having such productive days it's almost unheard of for me in these past few years.
Secondary goals today include beating the social media and phone vampires. That means, no phone games AT ALL. No instagram, facebook, youtube news feed scrolling... I already hit my 5 minute limit when taking a dump this morning.
Tonight when I want to chill out I can read one of my books or watch some videos from the online courses and educational content I'm enjoying.
I will take a 5 minute break every 30 minutes. It might seem like a lot but it actually means I get MORE done and don't get fatigued.
See you tomorrow to make sure I stay accountable. Thanks for the encouragement everyone. How do I "@" people?
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Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @cookiemonster, fantastic job brother! You can "@" someone by just typing @+their screenname. Their screenname should pop up and then you can just click it.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 123 clean.
Day 8 no games on phone.
Day 5 controlled phone use.
Day 5 no MO.
I'm going to give myself the liberty of not enumerating all of the goals I have for today. Most of them are turning into habits. Although obviously porn and psubs are not an option and I'm working on intentional phone use essentially.
Tonight I'm hanging out with that girl again.
Today I'm shifting gears and not going to be hyper focussed on productivity. I'll still try to get things done but I'm okay with taking things a little easier and resting. Mostly it's because I destroyed myself in the gym this morning!
See you tomorrow. I'll come back here and post as many times as I need if my nonchalant attitude to today sends me off down the wrong path.
I think I forgot to post one day this week? So I'm fixing my counter haha
Test @Blondie
Day 8 no games on phone.
Day 5 controlled phone use.
Day 5 no MO.
I'm going to give myself the liberty of not enumerating all of the goals I have for today. Most of them are turning into habits. Although obviously porn and psubs are not an option and I'm working on intentional phone use essentially.
Tonight I'm hanging out with that girl again.
Today I'm shifting gears and not going to be hyper focussed on productivity. I'll still try to get things done but I'm okay with taking things a little easier and resting. Mostly it's because I destroyed myself in the gym this morning!
See you tomorrow. I'll come back here and post as many times as I need if my nonchalant attitude to today sends me off down the wrong path.
I think I forgot to post one day this week? So I'm fixing my counter haha
Test @Blondie
GBS
Respected Member
Yo @cookiemonster - found you. Just coming on to say congratulations. Those numbers are phenomenal. Haven’t read your whole string, so here’s a question: roughly 4 months clean from masturbation to porn, but in those months how many times did you ejaculate and did that involve either another person or fantasy or was it “mindful”. By mindful I mean just enjoying the sensation not bringing up thoughts to get you over the line.
PS you’re another of my heroes on here.
PS you’re another of my heroes on here.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 124 clean.
Day 9 no games on phone.
Day 6 controlled phone use.
Day 6 no MO (but I just O'd twice with a girl)
Orgasmed twice from handjobs in the last 24h with the girl I've been seeing. To be honest I'm still a little surprised at it being difficult to stay erect, taking a long time to reach climax and also generally not feeling that turned on. But at the same time, I don't really mind. My machinery works well enough to enjoy a nice intimate moment and that's good enough for me. Plus, without going too into details, we're really half-assing it and need to get some proper lube etc. Part of me thinks it's not even PIED and it's just normal given the way we're doing it. In any case, it will improve I'm sure.
Not going to list goals or anything today because the day is almost done. Just don't look at porn or psubs and don't play with my dick. Stay off the "life-force sinks" on the phone.
My strategy was to set the rule at not being able to touch my dick unless literally holding it to pee or washing in the shower.
I draw inspiration from your thread and stoic approach to your experiences.
Day 9 no games on phone.
Day 6 controlled phone use.
Day 6 no MO (but I just O'd twice with a girl)
Orgasmed twice from handjobs in the last 24h with the girl I've been seeing. To be honest I'm still a little surprised at it being difficult to stay erect, taking a long time to reach climax and also generally not feeling that turned on. But at the same time, I don't really mind. My machinery works well enough to enjoy a nice intimate moment and that's good enough for me. Plus, without going too into details, we're really half-assing it and need to get some proper lube etc. Part of me thinks it's not even PIED and it's just normal given the way we're doing it. In any case, it will improve I'm sure.
Not going to list goals or anything today because the day is almost done. Just don't look at porn or psubs and don't play with my dick. Stay off the "life-force sinks" on the phone.
I went 115 days with no orgasm, no porn, no masturbation and then orgasmed twice with a girl that night. Day 118 I MO'd by myself for the first time. Then I orgasmed twice again day 123 (yesterday and this morning) with the same girl. The 115 days I went with no orgasm were without masturbation, sometimes I might have played with my dick for 20 seconds when waking up, that's all.
My strategy was to set the rule at not being able to touch my dick unless literally holding it to pee or washing in the shower.
I draw inspiration from your thread and stoic approach to your experiences.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 125 clean.
Day 10 no games on phone.
Day 7 controlled phone use.
Day 7 no MO
A bit of a "bad" start to the day because I didn't start the day with a structured plan but instead just did a few things I felt like doing. Not wasted time but still "undirected" time.
The goal for today is to settle back into my routine of good habits. No porn, no psubs, no touching of my dick unless using the bathroom is the key. Then in addition to that I will NOT play games on my phone AT ALL because they add nothing to my life as I've discovered. Social media I won't touch until after 5pm. I'll take a 5 minute break every 30 minutes because it helps my eyes rest and gives me a sense of calm throughout the day.
I don't feel great right now, I feel a bit of brain-fog, so I'll go for a short walk and then come back.
Today can be an exciting day, I can make it meaningful.
See you soon. I'll come back here as many times as I need today if I feel I am struggling to stay on track.
Day 10 no games on phone.
Day 7 controlled phone use.
Day 7 no MO
A bit of a "bad" start to the day because I didn't start the day with a structured plan but instead just did a few things I felt like doing. Not wasted time but still "undirected" time.
The goal for today is to settle back into my routine of good habits. No porn, no psubs, no touching of my dick unless using the bathroom is the key. Then in addition to that I will NOT play games on my phone AT ALL because they add nothing to my life as I've discovered. Social media I won't touch until after 5pm. I'll take a 5 minute break every 30 minutes because it helps my eyes rest and gives me a sense of calm throughout the day.
I don't feel great right now, I feel a bit of brain-fog, so I'll go for a short walk and then come back.
Today can be an exciting day, I can make it meaningful.
See you soon. I'll come back here as many times as I need today if I feel I am struggling to stay on track.
GBS
Respected Member
Just want to comment that this seemingly “throw away” paragraph is the stuff of legend. 115 days without ejaculation and you’re 22 years old. You changed your brain doing that. Did you find it difficult? What was your go to strategy when you got, how shall I say it, tense?
You inspire.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 126 clean. 18 weeks clean.
Day 0 no games on phone.
Day 8 controlled social media use.
Day 0 no MO.
I woke up this morning, smacked the wall in tiredness and then MO'd. Pretty poor start to the day.
But then I went to the gym, had a really good workout, have done my morning routine and now I feel good.
Yesterday I fulfilled all of my responsibilities and goals but felt in a really low mood. In the evening I played games on my phone for an hour. I enjoyed it a lot but it did mean I got a little less sleep and lost a little time with family. Honestly, if the games on my phone were like this once every couple of weeks it would be fine. It's not as bad as my porn addiction used to be or anything like that.
That being said, I had my evening of fun. Now it's time to excommunicate games and social media and MO again and build up a healthy amount of time away from them.
Today could easily be a relapse day if I let things get out of hand, I acknowledge that.
So today it's very important that I recommit to my drive to not look at porn nor psubs which activate my addiction pathways. MO can be a slippery slope so today I also need to raise the necessity around not touching my dick and not giving in to urges. Just for one day, one day at a time.
Secondary goals but which now also really matter today are: limited social media use, NO GAMES ON PHONE.
Let's have a good day. The goals are clear: no porn, no psubs, no touching dick, no masturbation, no games on phone, limited social media use.
There's no reason or excuse to deviate from these goals today because the stakes are high.
Day 0 no games on phone.
Day 8 controlled social media use.
Day 0 no MO.
I woke up this morning, smacked the wall in tiredness and then MO'd. Pretty poor start to the day.
But then I went to the gym, had a really good workout, have done my morning routine and now I feel good.
Yesterday I fulfilled all of my responsibilities and goals but felt in a really low mood. In the evening I played games on my phone for an hour. I enjoyed it a lot but it did mean I got a little less sleep and lost a little time with family. Honestly, if the games on my phone were like this once every couple of weeks it would be fine. It's not as bad as my porn addiction used to be or anything like that.
That being said, I had my evening of fun. Now it's time to excommunicate games and social media and MO again and build up a healthy amount of time away from them.
Today could easily be a relapse day if I let things get out of hand, I acknowledge that.
So today it's very important that I recommit to my drive to not look at porn nor psubs which activate my addiction pathways. MO can be a slippery slope so today I also need to raise the necessity around not touching my dick and not giving in to urges. Just for one day, one day at a time.
Secondary goals but which now also really matter today are: limited social media use, NO GAMES ON PHONE.
Let's have a good day. The goals are clear: no porn, no psubs, no touching dick, no masturbation, no games on phone, limited social media use.
There's no reason or excuse to deviate from these goals today because the stakes are high.
I'm sure it did me a lot of good, I agree. Generally I've felt like I'm getting my mojo back. It was difficult at times. My strategy was to handle urges "upstream" before they snowballed. That means that I didn't even allow myself to touch my dick. I rarely had to save myself from strong urges because I rarely even let myself stimulate my dick in the first place. That being said, when urges were quite high, I genuinely just committed to making it through the rest of the day and not masturbating when I woke up the next morning (a weak/high-risk moment for me). If urges were so overwhelming, then I could masturbate "tomorrow", but never "today". I found that most of the time the urges passed, and if they didn't pass, it wasn't that hard to only commit to one day of abstinence (again). Funnily enough, if you commit to one day over and over, it can add up to many days hahaha. I never committed to hundreds of days. I genuinely only committed to one day, over and over.
ADFECTATIO
Member
Man those are some wise words!
I see you have made up a good mind for the rest of the day. But I also see your evening with the phone games a bit critically. You said you enjoyed it and that you had control over it. But this morning you woke up super tired and MOed... That does not sound very controlled and good.
I can only talk about me, but for me watching some videos in the evening is fun, after I stayed away from YT for a while - but it is a hell of a slippery slope - and it makes the next day just harder... It is actually easier for me to stay away completely.
If you like games so much, maybe you could give cardgames / boardgames a try? A game evening with your family or friends?
You got this - just today! Maybe you should take care of you this evening, do s.th. relaxing, maybe go for a walk in the woods and then early to bed.
Wish you all the best!
cookiemonster
Active Member
Thanks, ultimately I agree with you. Also I love boardgames. Today I made some food for my grandparents and I'm going to have dinner with them.
The only thing I might say is that it's not necessarily the games which led to the MO and being tired. I think I'm doing some emotional processing at the moment and that's the thing which led to all 3: games, MO and feeling tired. Not just games → MO. But there's definitely a connection, I'm just saying it's not the only culprit and I shouldn't scapegoat it for everything.
But thanks for the much needed reality check. Social media and games are definitely a negative influence and their role in my life needs to be minimised.
I haven't been feeling so great the past few hours and was tempted to go and trigger myself. High risk day. I came here to remind myself what I'm here for.
It's not just about making my dick work. It's about not being a slave exploited by an industry damaging my physical and mental wellbeing while making a profit off me.
That's not the man I am. I'm an ambitious, healthy and caring man who looks after myself so I can be strong for the people I care about. That's what I'm fighting for today.
No porn. No psubs. No MO. No peeking at shit on social media nor on the internet. No playing with my dick.
Just for tonight and tomorrow morning.
FUUUUUUUUUCCKKKKK PORN. Fuck.
ADFECTATIO
Member
You got it. Just today!
Maybe journaling in a dialog between your emotional and rational self can help to deal with the emotions.
Will write more on another occasion - but be sure: I will keep you accountable
Easy peasy - you have finished so many days - you will also get this one more done!
Maybe journaling in a dialog between your emotional and rational self can help to deal with the emotions.
Will write more on another occasion - but be sure: I will keep you accountable
Easy peasy - you have finished so many days - you will also get this one more done!
ADFECTATIO
Member
How is it going?
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 128 clean.
Day 0 no games on phone.
Day 10 controlled social media use.
Day 2 no MO.
Busy day today so I'll try to keep it short and get back to business.
I say the same stuff all the time but that doesn't make it any less authentic or meaningful.
Today it matters a lot to me that I don't look at porn nor psubs. They were such a negative influence on my life and I am happy to keep them out of it.
I won't play with my dick or masturbate. That means no touching dick at all unless peeing.
I won't play games on my phone at all. They're fun but I have important projects in my life for which I need to be on my A-game. So games today are banned, no excuses.
I won't check in on my phone until 1pm at the earliest. Then maybe every few hours because I've got a thing I'm organising. Other than that, 0 scrolling allowed.
Fuck porn. Fuck masturbation. Fuck my phone. I am so sick of things stealing my agenda. I have a world to conquer. Let's fucking go.
Day 0 no games on phone.
Day 10 controlled social media use.
Day 2 no MO.
Doing well.
Busy day today so I'll try to keep it short and get back to business.
I say the same stuff all the time but that doesn't make it any less authentic or meaningful.
Today it matters a lot to me that I don't look at porn nor psubs. They were such a negative influence on my life and I am happy to keep them out of it.
I won't play with my dick or masturbate. That means no touching dick at all unless peeing.
I won't play games on my phone at all. They're fun but I have important projects in my life for which I need to be on my A-game. So games today are banned, no excuses.
I won't check in on my phone until 1pm at the earliest. Then maybe every few hours because I've got a thing I'm organising. Other than that, 0 scrolling allowed.
Fuck porn. Fuck masturbation. Fuck my phone. I am so sick of things stealing my agenda. I have a world to conquer. Let's fucking go.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Day 129 clean? But really not so clean.
Day 0 no MO.
I had a dream last night that I relapsed. But a legitimate nightmare, one of those ones when you wake up scared like when you were a little kid and your limbic system is hyperactivated.
I woke up tired and triggered, sexual thoughts on the mind, MO'd and then later this morning went online... knowing I'd get triggered... got triggered, and then MO'd again.
Given the nature of going online and the seeking behaviour, this is a grey area but certainly on the road to a relapse. It's not like I went and looked at pornography but I certainly let myself get triggered.
Whatever you want to call it, this morning was a shitshow. It's a big slap in the face reminding me of how easily I can slip up even this far out from the start line.
I have two choices now. Feel ashamed, potentially become a bit less active on this forum, if there's an uptick in urges after this then slowly and progressively give in to them, drift away into months of undoing all my progress... you get the picture. OR, I can view this as a reminder of why I need to stay on top of things, steel my resolve, continue this reboot with fervour and use this as a scare which course-corrects me.
I think we all know what the responsible thing to do is.
So I'm here this morning recognising that I'm slipping up and there's a real potential to regress all the way back into the cesspit.
Let's be a responsible adult and not do that.
Tomorrow morning I hope to be back here saying that the rest of the day was squeaky clean. Let's keep going.
Day 0 no MO.
I had a dream last night that I relapsed. But a legitimate nightmare, one of those ones when you wake up scared like when you were a little kid and your limbic system is hyperactivated.
I woke up tired and triggered, sexual thoughts on the mind, MO'd and then later this morning went online... knowing I'd get triggered... got triggered, and then MO'd again.
Given the nature of going online and the seeking behaviour, this is a grey area but certainly on the road to a relapse. It's not like I went and looked at pornography but I certainly let myself get triggered.
Whatever you want to call it, this morning was a shitshow. It's a big slap in the face reminding me of how easily I can slip up even this far out from the start line.
I have two choices now. Feel ashamed, potentially become a bit less active on this forum, if there's an uptick in urges after this then slowly and progressively give in to them, drift away into months of undoing all my progress... you get the picture. OR, I can view this as a reminder of why I need to stay on top of things, steel my resolve, continue this reboot with fervour and use this as a scare which course-corrects me.
I think we all know what the responsible thing to do is.
So I'm here this morning recognising that I'm slipping up and there's a real potential to regress all the way back into the cesspit.
Let's be a responsible adult and not do that.
I can take inspiration from my past self. Fuck porn. I need to go back to no porn, no psubs, no triggering photos or content, no fantisizing, totally excommunicating anything which activates the porn pathways. In addition to that, I need to recognise the importance of not MO'ing. I'm not allowed to MO anymore. I'm not sure for how long, but it's just got to stop because it's becoming compulsive.
Tomorrow morning I hope to be back here saying that the rest of the day was squeaky clean. Let's keep going.
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