To always start again

SimonM

Active Member
Lately I've been thinking a lot that to beat P, we have to truly eliminate it as an option in our lives. We cannot toy with even the idea of looking at it. It's just not an option. I don't know... I've been trying to beat this for 15 years without success, so maybe I don't know much... But as long as we let ourselves entertain the idea of looking at P, it will win for sure.

Stay strong, put your whole body into the wind and let it whip around you, but don't give in. A Viking in the prow of his ship...
 

viking1234

Member
Hey everyone,
I should start posting here daily. Things have been busy last week - first week of work after the summer. After a nice 8 day streak, I watched some P and edged a bit for about one hour today. No finish though, at some point I managed to get out of my tunnel vision and just stop.
So I'm resetting my streak, day 0 again. But hopeful. I realized these last few days how much I'm desensitized to basically everything. Even a nice evening with the mountains and drinking coffee at home makes me cry.
Getting very stressed with a competition I'm preparing later during the year, so I feel the pressure coming in from every aspect in my life right now...
Anyhow.
A Viking in the prow of his ship, I like that. I'll try to post more often here :)
Cheers,
Viking
 

viking1234

Member
Unfortunately not good news today. Relapsed a few hours ago.
Good thing is, for the first time yesterday I managed to hold off even if I was super duper craving. That's new! All on all, it's one and a half relapses on almost ten days, which means I'm getting bigger streaks.
Starting again. I also started training, so I hope that will help the motivation :)
Cheers
Viking
 

viking1234

Member
Day 1 today.
Everything OK so far. Quite bummed because of yesterday. Plus super stressed with work...
I have the feeling I can never find myself somehow, and I'm quite sure P has something to do with that. Every tiny little thing stresses me out, even answering an email. I just want to somehow wake up and be in day 50 already and feel normal.
Quite sad, but reading through success stories yesterday made me realize what you guys have been saying all along. It's either you are 100% in or you're out. There's no middle point. It has to stop being an option, simple as that.
So I guess this is the time where I have to be a man, suck it up and power through...

Viking
 

viking1234

Member
Day 4 today.
The last few days the stress has happily been going down, so much that I got a few headaches here and there. I think PMO is emotionally much more tough than what I thought, and the repeated relapses make me feel more and more like shTT...
Still going strong, meditating every day and trying to sort out my freelancing work. Now I have an office for me so hopefully that'll help separating personal life from work. Lot of nice things happening and more or less happy with my life right now, I just need to have PMO out.

P is not an option!
Cheers

Viking
 

viking1234

Member
Day 15 today.
Lots of things happened. Very stressed with work and studies, though somehow I managed to stay safe for the first two weeks. I opened a few tabs today but closed them after 4 minutes. Didn't watch any of the videos. Might not be perfect, but this is progress!
I noticed I'm crying a lot lately, and I'm not sure anymore why that is: life crisis, stress, or just dealing with things for the first time in years. It feels overwhelming! It's like the activities I used to like don't produce anything anymore. Even my work is meh...
I'm starting to really feel the withdrawal, I think. I need to remember P is NOT an option anymore.
Will keep everyone posted.
Cheers,
Viking
 

viking1234

Member
Bad news... relapsed yesterday evening, so today is day 1.
Stress level is up to the roof, even though it's not an excuse.
Need to calm myself down and think of all the progress I've done so far. Biggest streak yet, 15 days! :)
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Nice job on that 15 day streak Viking, or should I call you Maverick? :cool:

Need to calm myself down and think of all the progress I've done so far. Biggest streak yet
It's so easy to get caught up on how many days of each streak but forget the most important fact; all the days porn-free you've had when you add them up all together. You're making great progress.

One day at a time brother

Best
 

viking1234

Member
Thanks as asual, Blondie.

Day 6 today.
Everything's going good so far, only today I'm getting lusty. Trying not to turn on my smartphone and have it tucked away in a drawer.
I'll keep you posted.
Going strong!
Cheers
 

viking1234

Member
Unfortunately not good news today.
Just relapsed after 7 days.
Damn... I have no words.
I guess I'll keep trying. I don't know what I'm doing wrong... do I not want it bad enough? I feel like I'm bored at home and I don't know what to do, so I PMO...
 

viking1234

Member
Another 8 day streak, relapsed earlier today.
I have so much to do that I forget that I NEED to make time for this, to meditate, focus and remember how much I hate porn.
The good thing would be that the amount of porn this time was a lot less. Baby steps, I guess?
I realised today that 99% of my bad mood actually comes from either a) being in a bad mood because I'm horny for P b) being in a bad mood because I just relapsed. I then get angry at my GF for the smallest thing :(
I need to change. The change is IN me, for F sake!!
 

viking1234

Member
Alrighty...
Relapsed again a few days ago, after some edging. I managed to hold for one and a half days (which before wouldn't have happened) but ended up relapsing in the end. Today is day 2. Got a couple of very busy days incoming this two weeks, but I really need to post more regularly here.

BTW, wasn't worth it. At all.
Viking
 

viking1234

Member
It's been almost a month since the last time I posted here.
Been through a lot. There always seems to be something more important than this somehow...
Relapsed yesterday and hating life.
Hope I can get back again and start taking this s´+t seriously!
Viking
 
Try posting each day and browse around the forum to find some useful tips to deal with the urges. Your addiction is using different strategies, calling you at weak moments when you feel stress or when you are alone. You can fight back, with your own strategies, but it starts with you posting each day.
 

viking1234

Member
Thanks strongfuture89! Yeah, I agree.
So even if nothing much happening today, here we go :)
Day 2.
Did some work/studying this morning, now a bit with IT (started learning programming some months ago) before my evening work today.
No thoughts about PMO at all, just still regretting the relapse and thinking what it'd be like if I had like a 100 day streak :)

Viking
 

viking1234

Member
Hi...
Need to really learn posting here more often.
Day 7 today. So far so good. Was a bit angry at my GF yesterday because we have different libidos and we never seem to coincide...
That might have been cause for PMO before (anger, then resignation, then...) but not yesterday!
Still going
Cheera
Viking
 

viking1234

Member
Day 8. Lust is growing... trying to stay clear.
Otherwise not much to tell, went for a long walk in the mountain, study, etc.
Days are getting veeeeery short, almost no sun left in the arctic. Very curious to how I'll respond to the darkness. Will I get down? Will it be OK? :O
Viking
 
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