downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Thank you. Yes, I know it's not too late for me, somehow through all this I still retain that feeling that everything's going to be fine. I'm connecting so much more to people, and that has to result in a romantic connection sooner or later.
Thank you for the comment, I know I'm not the first to be in this situation but it helps to hear this.I can really relate to this entry. Realizing how meaningless the distractions that we've submerged ourselves in for so long are, compared to the fulfillment of forming a family of our own; that's a pretty intense feeling. As for how to handle it in a healthy way, use it to empower yourself rather than as ammunition for self-hatred. You're not fundamentally flawed, and you're not too old to revolutionize your life.
Developing feelings for a woman that are among the strongest that you've felt in your lifetime, doing so during a period of awakening (in our case rebooting), doing so with a woman who has a regular presence in your life and is already with someone else, and thinking about her frequently, I feel you on all of those things. It feels amazing and reassuring to have regained the ability to love someone in such a way, but the reality of their relationship status stings.
I have good news for you: That stinging can become less painful, if you actively change your viewpoint of things.
If the relationship that she's in is healthy, being in it is a blessing for her, allowing you to be happy for her. While you're doing so, you can reassure yourself, "There are single women out there that I'm capable of falling in love with". And this in turn inspires you to progress your recovery further and get out into the world. [This is easier to do when she lives far away from you; not applicable to your case obviously but worth mentioning]
Porn can make us selfish, especially in regards to feeling entitled to women. It's totally natural to be upset that you can't be with someone romantically, but don't let this influence of porn twist things. I suspect that it's not very effective on you though, considering your maturity and rebooting progress thus far
I'm trying not to get down, to not be frustrated with her or with myself. I still feel like getting to know her better, just because I really like her. I really admire her, and it goes far beyond anything physical about her. I'm going to see her pretty much every day going ahead, and I just need to deal with that in the best way possible. What I have to watch out for is not to feel sorry for myself and try to get her pity somehow, I have had a tendency to do that and it leads nowhere good for anyone.
What you're saying about being happy for her rings very true to me. That should always be a priority when you care for someone, of course I want her to be happy. Of course I want their daughter to grow up with both parents still together. And I would never deliberately get in the way of something like that. With that said, part of the reason I fell so hard for her is just the way she looks at me sometimes. I got the feeling there's something there, but I'm aware that my interpretation of social cues might not be 100% yet. This whole rebooting and recovery process might be messing with me and getting me to think something is more substantial than it really is.
And yes, I'm already feeling a huge boost to better myself. It's probably subconsciously a way for me to be more attractive to her or any potential partner, but hey... it is what it is. Bottom line for me is just to play this cool. Be a friend to her the best I can, and if there's anything to this at all then time will tell.
Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad you were able to do this. It sounds like a helpful thing for me to do right now, so I'll give it a go. Already have a few things in mind.The day after I found out that she has a boyfriend, I wrote down a list of positive aspects regarding the existence of the relationship and my discovery of it existing. Doing so was helpful, and as strange and personalized as some of my strategies for other things have been, this list idea might be effective for you and/or other people in this sort of situation. I wish you well with all of this, and I hope that you're able to healthily develop some sort of friendship with your coworker, at one point or another. I was able to immediately continue strengthening my friendship with my crush (so well that her hunch about me having feelings for her weakened), and doing so has been incredibly rewarding. The feelings never entirely went away of course, but I've proven to myself that I can develop feelings for other women that are reassuringly stronger than the ones that I have for her nowadays, women who I can actually be with.
