Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

Victory report: Tonight I got off of hard mode and the desire and craving to look at porn didn't come to me at all. I had no desire at all. Some of you know, especially those that follow my thread know that when I fail on hard mode I always end up with a relapse or 2. Well tonight, that didn't happen at all. Also, I was able to get an E without any fantasy at all. I can't even explain how truly happy I am right now. My mind is clear and I'm just full of honest and pure joy. I USED to be a porn user, but I feel like tonight is a major major step in healing, growth and yes, freedom. Also, not counting days has helped tremendously. I've been in flatline from day 1 to this evening when I began to feel better. Music also sounds better. Best version of myself here I come. Thank you all so much for your support. Porn will always lose in the end. I cannot wait to find someone that will love me back, because a screen never will. Love you all.
 

IamTrying

Member
congratulations!
Victory report: Tonight I got off of hard mode and the desire and craving to look at porn didn't come to me at all. I had no desire at all. Some of you know, especially those that follow my thread know that when I fail on hard mode I always end up with a relapse or 2. Well tonight, that didn't happen at all. Also, I was able to get an E without any fantasy at all. I can't even explain how truly happy I am right now. My mind is clear and I'm just full of honest and pure joy. I USED to be a porn user, but I feel like tonight is a major major step in healing, growth and yes, freedom. Also, not counting days has helped tremendously. I've been in flatline from day 1 to this evening when I began to feel better. Music also sounds better. Best version of myself here I come. Thank you all so much for your support. Porn will always lose in the end. I cannot wait to find someone that will love me back, because a screen never will. Love you all.
 
Woke up with so much energy today. Yesterday was one of the most productive days I've had in months. It's amazing how much porn takes your energy away. More motivated today as well. Quitting porn is always a step in the right direction. Not sure what day I'm on, and that's totally fine because I have more important things to worry about. 😂
 
Taking the pressure off of myself and allowing myself permission to mess up, has been a game changer in this specific reboot. Not sure what day I'm on, but I'd say I'm at about the 2 week mark of being porn free. Looking back now, I see how unkind I was to myself. One slip and I'd just let myself relapse without a thought. Understanding that, and getting on my purpose, have been the difference so far. Plus the energy boost helps too, as well as the boost in confidence. It's amazing how removing just one bad thing from your life can bring in so much light.
 
Being away from porn is so freeing. It's invigorating. Like I said last week, it makes the small things fun again. I don't have that weight on me anymore. I no longer wake up feeling exhausted because I gave into a screen at 2am. I'm just at the beginning, and already I see so much light.
 
I had a relapse late last night. Didn't beat myself up. Didn't binge afterwards. I prayed and when to sleep. I handled it so much better than I have in the past. This morning I woke up tired and with a headache. Going to work out hard today and I'm going to fill my day up with things that make me the happiest. Not counting days, and I won't be thinking about pmo or worrying about it. I think that helped a lot this last time. I appreciate everyone's continued support. I'm proud of how I'm handling it this time. I feel that it shows growth and maturity that I didn't have when I first began. That shame cycle is no longer a factor. One day I'll get to the top of the mountain. One day we all will.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Don't give up freedom, one bad day doesn't mean that your whole life sucks. What is important is you learned from what happened and you got back up.
Failure isn't to fall down but it's to stay down.
Onwards champ 🏆...
 
This morning I was watching bar rescue, and all of a sudden a girl wearing suggestive clothing came on the screen. Lol. I put my head down and was like "no no no" and turned the channel. If I'm gonna commit, I can't take any chances. I wrote something on here a couple months ago about "What if". Basically, it was a long post about what if I finally just surrender to the reboot and let whatever happen, happen. Well I'm back to that now. I'm either going to end up with a wife that doesn't trust me and feel like she's not enough. I'll end up with pied and other problems. Or worst of all, I'll have all of that and kids that are gonna see me indulging in pmo instead of loving whomever their mother is the way that I should. Right now when I'm single is the best time to reboot and avoid these issues in the future. I keep starting and stopping. Starting and stopping, over and over again. Going 2 weeks and 3 weeks and then relapsing. At this point, it's either stop and reboot. Or allow this to turn me into someone I don't want to be. I choose option A. I'll do whatever I have to do at this point to be successful at this. I've talked about it so much in this forum. Now it's time to do it.
 
Yesterday was a very eye opening day for me. I spent a lot of Yesterday reading stories on here of women who have been hurt by their husband or boyfriend watching porn. I learned how it affected them, hurt them and made them feel awful. I also want to think @Beautiful1973 for posting her story. Because I went back and read it twice. I have 2 very close friends, who have both been hurt by porn in the past. You'd think their pain at the expense of porn would have made me quit by now. But it didn't. It made me very angry at their boyfriend's, but I also realized that if I got angry with them then I'd be a hypocrite because I contribute to the same industry they do. I just haven't hurt anyone yet. One of my friends told me how she felt less than who her boyfriend watches and how she felt ugly, unattractive and worthless. The other one couldn't talk to her boyfriend that night, so he told her he would just go watch porn unless she called him. It really hurt her. The friend part of me wanted to beat them both up. Lol. But the selfish part of me, still didn't quit pmo. Even after 2 people that I care for deeply had been emotionally hurt by it. Then the other day, it all hit me randomly while texting a friend about my struggle. One day, if I don't stop I'll have a situation like that where I hurt someone I deeply love. Could be a wife or a girlfriend. It could be the girl of my dreams, and I could ruin it all because of a stupid screen. Then yesterday everything finally clicked for me. That will not happen, because I refuse to let it. Pmo is not an option anymore.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
I also want to think @Beautiful1973 for posting her story.
Thank you @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
I’m pleased my story touched you.
I am a wonderful, sexy woman, a once in a lifetime kind of woman, and I wanted to share my heartache as a warning to all.
Be proud of yourself for being able to acknowledge my pain and the pain you see your female friends going through.
Take care fella 😊
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Nice job @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11.

Yes it's not very easy reading over there, but it's very necessary. Sometimes we need a slap in the face, and a jolt of reality, and the truth will often do that to you.

It's wise as you said to fix yourself now, because you definitely don't want to bring any of this nonsense into your relationships.

Keep fighting the fight brother!
 
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Nice job @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11.

Yes it's not very easy reading over there, but it's very necessary. Sometimes we need a slap in the face, and jolt of reality, and the truth will often do that to you.

It's wise as you said to fix yourself now, because you definitely don't want to bring any of this nonsense into your relationships.

Keep fighting the fight brother!
Thank you pal. For sure was a slap right in the face. Just wish I could have felt the same when my friends had the same situation. The selfish part of my addicted self just wouldn't let it hit me hard enough.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Just wish I could have felt the same when my friends had the same situation. The selfish part of my addicted self just wouldn't let it hit me hard enough.
Well, don't beat yourself up about it too much. I've been there, probably still am in some regards. The fact of the matter is, you can't shame yourself out of this habit. You can't do it for a woman (or a future woman!) nor for God (I tried!) or for how bad the industry treats women and men. At the end of the day, you can only do it for yourself. I've tried all those things, which are all good by the way, but it never worked, because I wasn't doing it for myself.

Women can leave or breakup (luckily God doesn't! ;)) and the world will always be what it always was, but YOU have to live with yourself everyday for the rest of your days. Shame might have the power to make your cry, but it has not the power to make you quit. That power lies within yourself brother, if only you're willing to see it.

Best

Blondie
 
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