I am stressed because of my thesis and just gave in. Just surfed the web mindlessly and it just happened. Now, everything that I see on the internet triggers me. Feels like I am heading back to the dark days. I just relapsed for the second time a couple of minutes ago. And the sad part is, that I don't feel sad or ashamed. Just nothing. Earlier today, after I PMO'ed for the first time after 33 days, I met a friend outside and was barely able to hold the conversation. It felt so awkward. Shit..What happened? No need to post it here of course, but for me the question is, why did it happen, and what can I do differently to prevent this from happening again.
Staying honest is key, so good on you, and much strength on your new streak!
Man .. second relapse .. I act like a different person. It's surreal. Feels like I am losing control.Doing great Tay, don't be too harsh on yourself. It's been 47 days since you started this fight and I think that you're doing great.
I've started this almost around 45 days and I've also relapsed on the 30th day. When I did it I just came back stronger, had a better vision of what's going on and a better overview of myself.
I'm sure that you can do it, and that you will do it!
What might help now is re-reading your journal so far.
The only positive thing about this fiasco is that I was rightfully punished for consuming porn again. I was stupid. Great questions though. I haven't archieved anything since I started. Spend most of my time with video games. Hiding from the real world. Now that I am starting again I have to be active, dammit. Man up. Talk to people. Be kind and interested in the world apart from games which are great, no question, but in moderation and in a balanced life.If anything, can I ask you to think about all the positive things about yourself? Where you are now, what things you're satisfied with that you have done, your achievements.
Do not focus on the negativity that you might have in your mind. Focus on the positives.
You got this Tay.
Big winBut right before, I close the laptop