my journey, 25, male, PMO since ~11, 100% ED, done with this shit forever, it did enough harm

swimmer97

swimmer97

Well-Known Member
Day 141

Dont lose yourself in a toxic thought.

Toxic taughts or triggers are like a door that shortly opens up. It may look very promising but it is important to remember that you always know deep down that it is toxic. In the end this door will always give you pain. If you have this in mind, you can somewhat learn to ignore these thoughts from the first second on becasue you know "its toxic, it will only get me down a spiral and hurt me in the end". With time this gets easier and easier. The doors that open up will get less and you will have an easy time ignoring these.
 
swimmer97

swimmer97

Well-Known Member
Day 144

The girl that i have been dating for the last months is very cute. I opened up to her and told her about my PIED and flatline. She is very nice and intelligent and could understand it very well and is supportive. When cuddling i sometimes get an erection with her. But recently when we tried having sex and were naked in bed i wasnt feeling anything. No arousal. No pumping heart. Felt completely alien to me.

I dont know if it is because i am in a strong flatline or if i actually killed my sexuality with real women. Real encounters are not arousing so far for me.

I will not give up tho. And i will 100% never go back to porn. Gabe Deems story is motivating me right now. He needed 9months and had a girlfriend so lets see.
 
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Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
swimmer97 said:
Day 144

The girl that i have been dating for the last months is very cute. I opened up to her and told her about my PIED and flatline. She is very nice and intelligent and could understand it very well and is supportive. When cuddling i sometimes get an erection with her. But recently when we tried having sex and were naked in bed i wasnt feeling anything. No arousal. No pumping heart. Felt completely alien to me.

I dont know if it is because i am in a strong flatline or if i actually killed my sexuality with real women. Real encounters are not arousing so far for me.

I will not give up tho. And i will 100% never go back to porn. Gabe Deems story is motivating me right now. He needed 9months and had a girlfriend so lets see.
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This may sound strange coming from me, but sometimes after months of rebooting, a single masturbation session without porn or porn fantasy or death grip, and lots of lube, actually helps kickstart libido. It’s a way of using the “chaser effect” for a beneficial purpose.

I’m not saying you should do this, but it’s something you can try when you feel ready.
 
swimmer97

swimmer97

Well-Known Member
Androg said:
This may sound strange coming from me, but sometimes after months of rebooting, a single masturbation session without porn or porn fantasy or death grip, and lots of lube, actually helps kickstart libido. It’s a way of using the “chaser effect” for a beneficial purpose.

I’m not saying you should do this, but it’s something you can try when you feel ready.
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thx for the advice androg. I appreciate the advice. I actually also read about this kickstart that may be needed. I just dont want to risk kickstarting too early. i will think about it
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @swimmer97, sorry to hear about this. but I can promise you, it will get better.

I agree with @Androg that that could help you, having an orgasm really can jumpstart your recovery; however, if you've never done masturbation without porn before, that could lead you down the wrong road. I know personally for myself, If I didn't have a relationship currently, I would be very very cautions of touching myself, because for me, porn and masturbation have always gone hand and hand, doing one without the other would take a lot of getting use to, although it could be done with no problem, but only you know that. Another possibility, and I think a healthier one, would be having her get you off, and seeing what happens. That way, you get your possible jumpstart, you're not touching your dick, AND you're with a real beautiful woman, all these things are positives and are the very reasons we're all here. When I first started this, I know this method often worked for me, with my Lady doing that and getting me off in whatever way she wanted to. Obviously, there shouldn't be any pressure to do this, but it could help. My general rule of thumb is I don't touch my man, period. On the flip side however, if she was touching it and it still was pretty limp, trying to "make it" hard is probably also not a good idea, but if it's somewhere in between, I would give it a shot.

Either way, this WILL get better, it just takes time, that's all.

Best
 
swimmer97

swimmer97

Well-Known Member
Blondie said:
Another possibility, and I think a healthier one, would be having her get you off, and seeing what happens. That way, you get your possible jumpstart, you're not touching your dick, AND you're with a real beautiful woman, all these things are positives and are the very reasons we're all here. When I first started this, I know this method often worked for me, with my Lady doing that and getting me off in whatever way she wanted to. Obviously, there shouldn't be any pressure to do this, but it could help. My general rule of thumb is I don't touch my man, period. On the flip side however, if she was touching it and it still was pretty limp, trying to "make it" hard is probably also not a good idea, but if it's somewhere in between, I would give it a shot.
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Thanks brother, love this advice. It didnt come to my mind but this is actually a really good way to get the best out of both worlds. Indeed i sometimes have an erection when cuddling. These erection are not really from pure "horniness". But still i could try things with her in these moments. Thankfully she is very nice and supportive. I will not force anything but when the moment is there ill try something on a relaxed and chill basis. What i know for sure is that the "chaser effect" is a real thing, also for me.
 
Androg

Androg

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This sounds good to me too. I had assumed she was finding you unresponsive to her - and that that had you concerned.

If you follow Blondie's advice, make it clear to her that you intend to be patient, and that if you're not responding to something she tries, you will not try to force yourself...even though you think she's very hot, very loving, and a good lover. <-- Always make sure she knows this. And that your issue has nothing to do with her. This is your issue. And it's simply your understanding that your body has its own mysterious timing for full recovery. Let her know that you love your time with her and you appreciate her patience.
 
swimmer97

swimmer97

Well-Known Member
Androg said:
This sounds good to me too. I had assumed she was finding you unresponsive to her - and that that had you concerned.

If you follow Blondie's advice, make it clear to her that you intend to be patient, and that if you're not responding to something she tries, you will not try to force yourself...even though you think she's very hot, very loving, and a good lover. <-- Always make sure she knows this. And that your issue has nothing to do with her. This is your issue. And it's simply your understanding that your body has its own mysterious timing for full recovery. Let her know that you love your time with her and you appreciate her patience.
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Thx Androg. You are absolutely right here. Very important point. At first it was hard for her to not blame herself or projecting it on her. Took me many times to convince her. I still do it every time we get closer. It is necessary.
 
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