I don't want to lose you hun...

[Shaft]

I'm glad you keep going strong. I do agree, yoga and relaxation exercises, breathing exercises are very useful thing which I have never been able to get until now. Especially when you practise some of them just after a good 30-40 minutes of jogging. I've been lifting weigts since probably 16, but this is not really the best way to discharging all the negative energy that you have. Not to say you shoud't to weights, you should, but cardio exercises are poverfull and physically much more demanding than weightlifting routines.

Absolutely agree, there's no way we should be back on PMOing even if we did't have ED. I'm not religious person, but do think of myself as a spiritual one. Nothing good comes out of watching some videos which all the world is crazy about and craving for it. It's just as bad as drugs. And putting aside ED, porn totally messes up your mind and replaces love and other feelings with dumb agressive lust which can lead to a disaster.

Hopefully your GF will support you.

Best of luck

 

[noises1990]

Thank you Shaft! Will deff start some yoga exercises in the near future! Yeah, I totally agree on Porn... It's such a waste of our young years...

The four days at the mountain side were awesome... Although had quite a few drinks and some blunts it didn't make me PMO or MO. Guess I'm in the flatline nowadays... Sometimes I get MW but it's like 40-60%, don't feel pretty confident about this but I'm carrying on!
Seems to me that the flatline is kinda more physical... Cause I would hump almost any fair looking girl right now... But down there... All quiet. Don't know if I should feel scared or confident about this, meaning that the reboot is actually working.

Stay in the trenches guys! We'll get there!

 

[SETI]

Just give it more time, I'd say! Also, wanting to hump all the girls is kinda cool? You could enjoy that while it lasts
The time and effort you put in now will serve you all your life, and your dick will thank you. (not literally)

 

[jkkk]

I guess it's not that easy to feel confident during the withdrawal - the consequences are pretty nasty. It's not a state of mind/body to feel good about. I mean the purpose, the aim is good and so it does wonders for ones soul: being able to build yourself a small land of freedom and then expand it. But the physicals/pains/anxieties... well, they hurt.

Flatline is a fact and the best thing is to accept it. Let your body tune back to its natural state.

I hope for myself that there is a point somewhere in recovery where the soul/mind meets body and that is just pure joy. It cannot be that far away I wish us all that! so keep it up and it's better not to focus on feeling scared/confident about your reactions - they will be just fine when the time comes

 

[noises1990]

Hey guys! It's been a few days without posting any updates to my journal... The no PMO is going ok so far... No temptation to watch P or M although sometimes I fantasies about having sex with women I meet in day-to-day places. I don't know if it's good or bad for the reboot but I'm trying to keep them away.
It's a pretty rough time, might break-up with the missus in the near future, not PMO related but due to the distance between us. Mostly I don't want her to miss on the best years of her life due to a relationship at a distance... She might not come back to our home country and start working there after finishing classes. I really am glad for her and hope she finds what she needs to be happy! Somehow this saddens me a whole frickin lot but again I really want the best for her.

Anyways, no back pains, had a random pretty nice boner the other day while showering after cardio/weights. Raised my confidence a bit! Guess I'm heading in the right direction, baby steps, but I'll get there! We'll all get there! Stay strong brothers!

 

[SETI]

Hey guys! It's been a few days without posting any updates to my journal... The no PMO is going ok so far... No temptation to watch P or M although sometimes I fantasies about having sex with women I meet in day-to-day places. I don't know if it's good or bad for the reboot but I'm trying to keep them away.
It's a pretty rough time, might break-up with the missus in the near future, not PMO related but due to the distance between us. Mostly I don't want her to miss on the best years of her life due to a relationship at a distance... She might not come back to our home country and start working there after finishing classes. I really am glad for her and hope she finds what she needs to be happy! Somehow this saddens me a whole frickin lot but again I really want the best for her.

Anyways, no back pains, had a random pretty nice boner the other day while showering after cardio/weights. Raised my confidence a bit! Guess I'm heading in the right direction, baby steps, but I'll get there! We'll all get there! Stay strong brothers!

I've never seen any long-distance relationship last very long. I guess its hard. Seems you have a mature look on it and its also okay to be sad. Good going on the no-PMO!

 

[noises1990]

Thanks a lot man! The situation worked itself out with the missus. It really seems that she wants this relationship to work, and as long as she's happy, fck it, I'm happy too!

Regarding the no PMO, had some urges today to MO even to see some P. My brain was like " Come, on, just to see if you're okay, you can do it" but haven't done it. The real problem now is fantasy stuff. I seem to have sex fantasies involving sometimes my girlfriend and sometimes other girls I meet or see at work/on the street.

Facebook use has increased a bit, guess it's my brain trying to mess with me and my progress so far, gotta reduce facebook use. Also, I've been using stumbleupon a lot lately, no sexy/sex/pr0n and a good inspiration for design/web-design but I think I'm getting a little paranoid that my brain is looking for novelty and that could mess with my reboot progress.

Other than that I guess I'm okay. Some days I get some MW but I haven't been getting enough sleep the past few days, also waking up to an alarm clock might mess with that.

Also, no more random boners throughout the day (might be a good sign - at least that's what I hope). Some anxiety attacks on which I haven't found the triggers to yet.

Mr. D doesn't look small, actually sometimes seems bigger + no blue balls/ back pains so far.

Libido comes and goes. I have moments when I'd hump even the ugliest woman alive, but after some time BAM, wouldn't even do the hottest female on earth.

Had a funny one at work too while reading the SPAM folder in outlook, usually mails sent from team/unit members  saw a very beautiful and hot picture of a naked lady but it didn't move me at all and clicked away.

Been reading some stories of guys goin through the reboot and after 9 months still nothing downstairs and scared the shit out of me today.

What do you guys think? Is this normal? Is it ok?  :-\

 

[Shaft]

Glad your GF still supports you, love and feelings are the most important thing anyway.

As for the fantasies, as sb has said, 'let them pop in and pop out ' naturally, but don't develop any of them on purpose. It can lead to relapse..

Facebook is a bad energy source. Looking at all them different people somehow tricks your mind into thinking 'everybody is way happier than I am'.  Well, at least that's my case.

Morning wood is an interesting thing, but don't completely rely on it. During the first 5 days after my MO, I would wake up because of the morning wood very early, yet, haven't had MW for the past 10 or so. Despite that, I can get solid erection just by few touches, and get very horny, especially in the mornings. As the day progresses- libido goes down sometimes to a zero, but by the next morning, I have the same level of hornyness.

It's hard to say wether or not no random boners is a positive sign, but I think it's rather natural, when you abstain from any sexual content for a while.  Another thing: should you get aroused just by looking at real females, even the sexy ones on a daily basis? For the most part fantasies about their body parts might give that boner. I might be totally wrong, but just a thought.

Ha, your lucky, when that back pain isn't the case for you. If I were you, I could go on without MO forever.   have terrible pain from time to time in that lower back area.

I believe your libido is only partially like that because of PMO sessions in the past. The same goes for me. When you're in a process of deleting all porn related and artificial stimulation material from your brain, and your GF is abroad (if i'm not msitaken) you're body kinda doesn't know how to respond to those past habits and is adjusting to not ejeculating.

Time of reboot depends on the level of damage porn has done to you. Don't worry, consider the case, that after a month of no PMO/MO your level of hornyness might be unbearable again!

Good luck

 

[noises1990]

Holy mother of God! Something awesome happened... So I wanted to take a hot bath and meditate a bit. Got some candles, some incense and Enigma-Sadness on my laptop. No PMO or MO intention or any kind of lust/libido spike.

Got in the bathtub and thought about testing a bit to see if I have progressed at least a little by now. So, I started touching myself without fantasizing or using porn images, concentrating on what I was feeling (touching various body parts). Ofcourse, when I touched my hotdog some random images with a few ex-es and my current girlfriend (actual sex we've had, not fantasizing crazy stuff) but tried to kick them out.

My God, I haven't seen an erection like that in years... I can't even remember the last time I had such a boner, but it's been almost 5 years I guess, and the sensation of the touch was incredible. Boy, if that thing fell over a balcony, it could've killed someone!! No temptation to O because the sensation from the touching was incredible... somehow makes me take up Tantra classes and never O again.

Anyways, after stopping the touch phase, it would decrease in hardness but still at a decent rate, but back again to FULL in a few touches!! Didn't want to over do it so I stopped.

THIS IS FRICKIN AMAZING! I'm gonna update my counter from 90 days to lifetime!!! Never wanna PMO again!!! EVEEER! Maybe sometime in the future will M one/two times a month but deff without O.

I love you guys! If it weren't for you, I would have never find out about this sick and twisted addiction! Will go on no matter what!!

 

[jkkk]

As for the fantasies, as sb has said, 'let them pop in and pop out ' naturally, but don't develop any of them on purpose. It can lead to relapse..

Facebook is a bad energy source. Looking at all them different people somehow tricks your mind into thinking 'everybody is way happier than I am'.  Well, at least that's my case.

Two points spot on. I totally agree.

This aspect of Facebook is also coupled with the fact that it's really not that difficult to come across bad pixels at Fb + it's a place where novelty search frenzy might switch on: both very bad in reboot. This is my experience at least.

Fantasizing - well, that's the department where I'm also having issues: all the problems I have with staring at women is also connected to fantasizing. It's impossible not to notice beautiful women around but it's wholly different story what you do after you noticed. To me, as a married guy, this is really relevant.

I love you guys! If it weren't for you, I would have never find out about this sick and twisted addiction! Will go on no matter what!!

I really like you infectious optimism, Adrian!

As regards you gf and you - I am wishing you guys all the best. I saw stories where people were apart for years, meeting from time to time. It's not easy, that's for sure. It really depends. If you want specifics write me on PM, I can tell you how some of them developed.

But I think you're a really cool guy and so it does not surprise me that your girlfriend does not want to give up on you easily.

As regards the boners - sounds great that you're enjoying a return of sensitivity. That's brilliant, just beware on touching so that it does not slip into some kind of touching that will impair your fight over here. I myself rationalized many times that I will just "check this and that". It didn't work, for me at least.

 

[noises1990]

Yeah, you re totally right. Anuways, this was spontaneous. Won't test again at least for another 20 days. Still have lots of anxiety regarding meeting women. Met a truely nice, cute and sweet girl tonight but can't really tell if my anxiety was from imagining sex eith her or the actual thought that I have a girlfriend and I love her.
It s fckin hard because I d love to test myself, and I know I can get any woman I want, but I have a girlfriend, I love her and she's far away.
Makes me think that life is full of tests... Will we all pass? Will we make it through?

 

[Dreieck]

sounds nice adrian...

can you tell me in a sentence what scares you the most when you think about meeting women?

 

[noises1990]

I guess it's about expectations... Had a very rough relationship with my mother as a child/teenager and then she moved to another country when I was about 12. So I guess I have expectations and abandonment issues upstairs due to this. And it most scares me that I think a woman will have expectations from me to fully satisfy her and I might not be up to the task... Don't really know how to treat this issue but I gotta find a cheap psycho-therapyst.

 

[Dreieck]

Do you overall enjoy to be the person you?ve become, even though you?r mother "left" you? (please not only a yes or no question on this one, tell me what you enjoy or not enjoy.)

 

[noises1990]

Well, yeah, I guess I do. I mean at a conscious level, ofcourse, I'm very positive/optimistic, I'm pretty smart and open minded, do believe I'm a kind hearted soul and somewhat spiritual. But I don't actually know why sometimes I can't seem to realize this around women. Maybe at a subconscious level I'm totally screwed

 

[Dreieck]

i?m gonna be a little pesky, if it?s too much let me know... 
take your time to reply

Do you only guess? How you perceive yourself affects the way you are perceived...

For the next questions, don?t think too long just tell me/us the first things that come to your mind.

With women, how do they perceive you normally when you?ve spend time with them. Do they see the aspects that you mentioned in the your post?
When you think about interacting the first time with a girl you like (could be a random stranger or a relationship kinda person), what is the first old experience that comes to your mind?
Did you ever talk with a person that you?ve met or are in a relationship with that you feel that they might have expectations you can?t fullfill? If yes what did they reply?

For this one it?s important to let reply as fast and clear as possible.
What image does appear when you think about yourself?

If you think about yourself as a person which is over this anxiety (future you), what is this person like? (describe it?s character)
And what are the steps that need to be take? name measurable goals.

 

[noises1990]

At first, they see me a little cocky and arrogant but usually, in time yes, they see the aspects mentioned aboved. What knocked me over was my girlfriend when she told me that I always seem very confident and always know what to say, what to do. I guess I was kinda confident until the PIED/ED happened.... I mean why not? Lost almost 30 kilos, workin out, a ok to nice job, very smart.... But the ED hit like  a mother-effin truck.

When I interact the first time with a girl, guess now, I remember the ED and panic, because due to the porn, immediately as I meet a girl I imagine her naked and me doin her in all possible ways -> POW anxiety!

Well, my girlfriend was extremely OK with the PIED and reboot thing and she seemed very ok with it. I know that the problem is in my head, and she really wants this to work out, but I guess that when I feel there's expectations, I suddenly fuck up. This might relate to my mother issues since my mother was very demanding and usually when I did not met her expectations (like... never in anything I would have ever done) she made me feel like crap and usually told me I'm good for nothing, useless and I'll never get anything right in my life.... How do I frickin fix this? Consciously I know I should be over this shit since I really don't care about what my mother frickin wants. But I guess that at a subconscious level it fcks me up real good.

I guess that the image is of me kinda sad.... I don't know why but I seem to always get the focus on my face and I look kinda sad.

Hahahaha, well, without the anxiety I guess I'd be me, but a lot more confident in any direction (not just interacting with girls or something). The thing is, that the anxiety seems to kick in due to some underlaying triggers, since sometimes I'm just sitting in my bed and POW! stomach knots, and a lot of nasty thoughts that get me scared.
Might also be due to the extended use of ganja over the years, that got me a little panicky. Had some really nasty trips a few times...

Anyways, regarding the steps, I have no idea what the steps would be ... Because I don't really know what's the problem... Anxiety right now might be due to withdrawal from PMO, withdrawal from marijuana, mother issues, the ED with my girlfriend... Could you give me some hints on pin-pointing a few steps?

Btw... Don't think I got to thank you properly for your help... Thanks a lot!! And thank ALL OF YOU for being supportive! I wish us all the best and a speedy recovery from all the issues that trouble and affect us, but mostly from PMO!

Keep it rough guys!

 

[Shaft]

Stay strong man. Remember, we're the warriors in this field when it comes to porn, since probably vast majority of  people fap to porn on a daily basis and don't see any problem of it. It's not about ED only. When you lack motivation, think how different you are from the others. Porn has been doing hell of alot damage to society when it comes to morality too. Not to mention the fact, that I've just seen number of people, females included who claim that porn is ok, masturbation is cool and furthermore, even healthy and etc.  (meaning on a daily, again).

Regarding your 'testing', glad to hear about your improvements. I said earlier not to worry to much about your libido thing. And it's been only a month to you so far. Again, I wouldn't recomend testing. During this process of testing I actually orgasmed, because it ran out of control. That might happen to you as well, so I think it's a bit better to abstain from orgasming during your reboot. I think it's mainly psychological- you feel better about not doing what you're used. On the other hand, while keeping that 'vital energy' inside gives you some sort of confidence and helps to maintain the level of libido.

 

[noises1990]

Hey Shaft! Yeah, you're totally right! I tested myself, I know I can get big erections by sensation only, but won't test again anymore.

Now I just hate that sometimes (almost all the time) i get some anxiety symptoms, like butterflies in the stomach and it's not a sensation that hurts or something, but it's just there and I hate it.

Also, kinda scared about sex I guess, but it's okay since the gf is not here in the country, might keep me away from trying to cheat on her when I get huge urges.

Other than that, I guess it's all ok! Sometimes I do get urges... Hardcore... And I don't really like that sometimes I find myself looking after women and analyzing their body parts like a savage/construction worker.

Hope that things will get better and better as time goes by. Still not so much morning wood but some awkward boners through the day have appeared. It's hard to keep fantasies away (with real women, not porn) when the sudden boner happens but I'm trying to keep fantasy away from my mind.

I really don't want to mess with this reboot, even if the withdrawal symptoms might get tougher and shittier as time passes.

 

[noises1990]

Hey guys! What do you know about Performance Anxiety? Will it go away with the reboot? Or there's another way to address this issue?