Interesting time I had these last few days.
First of all a bit of a depression comeback because of the break up. As I told you we were set for a trip that was my (and then ours) lifelong dream. We booked the tickets and when she ended things, she said she'd rebook hers for a different date. Her offer, it's important for the next part.
My brother asked her about it and if, maybe, she'd like to rebook her ticket for him. She did not want to, which is understandable. She said she'd go with the tickets SHE (we in fact) bought, found and paid for. Well, she did because we used her laptop. Also the text (to my brother) included a lovely message which I'm going to quote: "Well, I'm already a bitch, I can as well be a bitch till the end."
Tadaaa, the love of my life
I thought about going on my own or booking new tickets for my brother. But to be honest I don't feel like beginning and ending my dream trip with the sight of my ex, my love, laughing and smiling when I'm not by her side.
It was my dream, than it was ours. Now it isn't even mine anymore. I feel robbed of a dream :/
I try to see positive, that it was not my time for this dream and I will fulfill it someday
I thought that maybe I could use the money for a motorcycle driving license and go t Ireland for a bike trip, as I hoped one day. I just don't know what to do with all of this.
I try to stay positive. But it's hard.
On the other hand my third date with the subway girl went... interesting. We watched a movie in a summer cinema, pretty interesting, but quite a lot of sex on screen. I was not amused by it in any way, that alone is interesting and a good sign. We cuddled a bit.
Then we walked along the river shore, watched the stars and I felt the urge to kiss her. I did it, despite my doubts. I went pretty wild from there, we kissed and caressed for an hour and a ahalf and we even got to second base.
I am pretty worried, when we kissed I didn't have a boner more than 40-50% and I was not max hard then she gave me a handy. But it was pretty nice feeling
I worry about it and I feel like I need to express some things to her. Like the recent break up and the fact that I don't see myself in a relationship for quite a while now. I don't want her to misunderstand things, which she already may have done.